A/N: The part of this story that includes Thor's hatred of sparkly vampires is based off a chapter from Frosted Fangirl7413's story "That Happens Sometimes", the garlic chapter. I just watched The Avengers, like two days ago. The scene where Thor falls out of the Heli-carrier in the holding cell jogged the plot bunnies. They thought that it would be funny if, when Thor was walking through the meadow, he came across Bella and Edward lying on the ground staring at each other. They then thought that it would be funny if Thor beat Ed to a pulp with Mjolnir. So if you think this is all OOC, blame the plot bunnies. Here it goes.
"The humans think us immortal. Shall we test that?" Loki said smugly. He moved to push some buttons to the holding cell. Then Agent Coulson came in with that huge gun. As Coulson was about to shoot him, Loki teleported and stabbed him in the back with the Glow Stick of Destiny. Loki walked back to the control panel, and pushed a few buttons, which sent Thor hurtling to the ground thirty thousand feet below. Thor was dropping like a rock. A really floppy rock. The cell was spinning, which made it hard to stay still and smash a hole in the wall. Finally, Thor got a foothold, and jumped through the other side of the cell. The cell was smashed into a million pieces, but Thor flew into a nearby clearing, a meadow filled with wild flowers. After three epic dirt-splosions, and a pencil roll or two, Thor picked up Mjolnir and started walking. Suddenly he came upon two people. They were lying on the ground, staring at each other. Then Thor noticed the sappy music. Thor ran over to them. "Are you all right, strange Midgardians?" The sappy music screeched to a halt. The girl propped herself up on her elbow to see who had dared interrupt her staring contest with Edward. "We're fine. Your ruining our scene. Now go away." With that, Bella flopped back down in the grass to continue staring at the man/vampire thing next to her. Thor's attention was also directed to the guy. The first thing he noticed was his hair. It was sticking up all over the place. It looked like he had never heard of a comb. Like he had just woken up and walked out the door without looking in the mirror. The next thing Thor noticed was his skin. It sparkled. Not unlike friend Darcy talked about being in a book that she had read. This man wasn't actually a man at all. He was a vampire! As soon as Thor came to this realization, he lifted his hammer to swing it at Edward. He landed the blow, and Bella jumped up, screaming. Three swings later, and Ed was a pile of rubble. Thor held Mjolnir up in the air, and charged it with the lightning. He pointed it at the pile of rubble that was Edward Cullen, and zapped it, which effectively provided the fire needed to kill the Twilight vampires. Bella collapsed into a sobbing heap. Thor took this as tears of thanks and joy, since she was finally freed from that monster. "You're welcome, helpless mortal. I bid thee farewell." With that, Thor took off to get back to the ship.
Fin.
A/N: the plot bunnies were sorely disappointed. They thought it should have been funnier. *GO THINK OF SOMETHING BETTER, FUZZIES!*