Alternate ending to Season 4.
Duty.
How can this be happening? How can they let this happen? I can't let this happen… too much is at stake.
Time seemed to stand still. The phone was held to his ear but he couldn't comprehend what the voice was saying. He pulled it away as he gasped and realisation hit him. This was it, it was his turn to stand up and take responsibility for the good of the country. His head began to spin with ideas and solutions as his breath caught in his throat. He had to be careful, had to be smart and he had to win this; too much was at stake for him to lose.
Jack looked down at his hands, they seemed to shake as time started to move again, Palmer was speaking now, apologising. Yeah, he was sorry too, he felt like saying. But he didn't. This was his own fault, he would not allow himself to think anything else. He wasn't a coward. He would solve this problem without losing his dignity or patriotism.
He hung up the phone as he slowly picked himself up from the floor, having slid down the wall upon hearing the news. His legs were shaky but he had to move. He had a lot to do if this was going to go down soon. He didn't have the time to settle things before he left; but he had to try.
He ran to the gents and washed his face roughly with the cold tap water. He needed to be alert if he was going to think his way through this. In his head images of Tony and Bill and Heller sprung to his mind, even David; he knew they would all help him if given the chance. But there was nothing anybody could do now, Logan had sealed his fate.
He held on to the basin as his feet tried to give out beneath him again. He gripped it tightly as he tried to channel his anger to give himself more strength, he couldn't be weak now, he had to be fast. He straightened up a second time without help and clenched his fists. He was scared as hell but he wouldn't admit it. He wouldn't give Logan the satisfaction, or the men from China who were on their way to collect him. If Logan and Cunnings had their way he'd be in a Chinese jail this time tomorrow.
He literally ran through the corridors of CTU, not slowing until he came to the centre of the building. He calmly crossed the big CTU logo painted onto the floor as he headed towards the door. Tony could be herd in the background calling to him, Jack ignored it and pushed on; he had to get out of there.
Tony caught up with him in the parking lot, grabbing his arm and spinning him round, quickly pinning him to the car to prevent his escape.
"What are you going to do?" Tony blurted, worried sick with anxiety.
"What are you talking about?" Nobody knew about this yet, Palmer had told him, at least he had to play it that way, just in case.
"I spoke to Heller." He knows what they are going to do to me, Jack said to himself thinking fast.
"Is there an active protocol on me?"
Tony's head bowed with defeat. "No. Its supposed to be a sneak attack from the Chinese. They just assumed you wouldn't run."
Jack smirked slightly, they both knew he wouldn't run.
"I have to deal with a few things. I have until tomorrow right?"
With a heavy sigh Tony nodded. "You can't let them take you Jack."
Holding his hand up Jack stopped him. "What happens next, Tony, can't involve you. For your sake. Okay?"
Another sigh and a nod of the head. At least Jack wasn't going to give up and hand himself over. Jack smiled in relief as Tony moved away before unlocking the car. No goodbyes would be said; they both understood that. Jack was thankful Tony had allowed himself to be dealt with so easily, the last thing he wanted was for him to be guilty after he had gone. He hoped somehow he had prevented that from happening, during their short conversation.
Tony watched as the car moved away slowly, Jacks head was visible with his cell glued to his ear. He smiled as he turned to walk back into CTU. He knew that may have been the last time he saw Jack, it wasn't such a bad image to have of him.
Answering machine. Damn it! Jack dialled Kim's house number instead, it rang out. He cursed before calling Chase, his friend answered, he was away on business trip and had left his cell at the office. He was unreachable, and Kim was clearly busy. He cursed again as he sped back to the hotel he and Audrey had booked into with Heller, just day ago. It seemed like a different lifetime, when he looked back to the morning they had shared there.
He punched the passenger seat as he slowly manoeuvred through the traffic, his frustration mounted with each red light. He had to speak to her, he had to say goodbye. He knew if his departure had been abrupt he could cope with not speaking to her before. But not this way, he couldn't go without saying goodbye. Not only for himself, but it would be cruel to put her through such trauma. If he didn't speak to her she'd be hurt even more, which was the last thing he wanted. He knew it would be hard enough for her anyway.
He climbed out of the car and paced for a few minutes, thinking of what to do before heading up into the hotel. He couldn't drive up to see her. The drive itself would take more time than he had, if they were coming for him tomorrow. If he got on a plane they would think he was running, and that would cause even more problems. He guessed that his plan was technically running, but the two things were different when in this context. He wasn't running away. He closed his eyes as he rode the lift up. No, he decided, what he was doing was preventing something, something which could not be allowed to happen. Even if the President of the United States of America had ordered it to be done.
He clamoured out of the lift and tried Kim again in desperation, he just couldn't leave without saying goodbye. He herd the voicemail and held his breath, he would have to leave a message. He knew he had to be careful, he had to make sure she understood his not being able to get a hold of him had anything to do with this, that it would have happened anyway.
"Hi Kim its me your dad… um listen," he croaked, unsure of what to say, "something's going to happen real soon, and I don't want you to be mad or upset, I just want you to know, I had no choice. I'm sorry it has to end this way between us, but there really is no other option. I just wanted you to know how much I love you before I leave. Goodbye sweetheart."
He ended the call and rubbed at his eyes, wondering if he had said the right things as his exhaustion made itself more apparent. He told himself it would be okay, there was a letter for her in Washington which Heller would make sure she got. He had brought it along with him in the move, always cautious. A desk job didn't mean he was immune from death.
He walked down the hallways thinking of sleep. His side was still throbbing from the stab wound he had given himself earlier and his head still ached from Marwan's kick. He just wasn't sure if sleeping was the right thing to do in his remaining hours.
He tried to get his head together as he unlocked the room, he still had a lot to do and a little time to do it in. He stumbled into the room and looked around blindly as he locked it behind him again. He automatically thought of Audrey and where she was now as he dropped his briefcase on the ground, before he realised she was stood in the room staring right at him, a sad but soft smile on her face.
She looked as tired as he felt, with red puffed up eyes. He instinctively looked away knowing he was the source of that pain. Maybe she would be pleased when she was told what he had done, a day or two from now. He looked back up at her and jumped when he realised she had moved closer to him.
"Oh Jack," she mumbled as she threw her arms around him in need and desperation.
They laid in the luxury bed together just holding each other. Audrey's heart ached, this man had killed Paul. But she still loved him. Only she was going to lose him too. She knew it. She had spoken to her father on the phone, he had told her of Logan's order. They were going to take him away from here and she couldn't do anything about it. She was going to lose the two men she loved in such a short space of time. How could life do this to them, and to her? Why was it such a cruel world, she wondered as she gripped Jacks hand more tightly before joining him in sleep.
Morning came far too quickly, both of them getting only a few hours rest. Although the sleep was needed the mind had more important matters to deal with. They laid in bed together, neither wanting to speak as they both knew it was the end. Audrey spoke first, knowing Jack would allow them to stew until there was no time to talk.
"You're leaving aren't you?"
"Sort of… yes," he added as he looked away, guilt already chewing him out. Was he doing the right thing here? Yes, there was no other option he told himself sternly.
"I don't want you to," she replied weakly, not bringing herself to look at him, the wounds were too raw.
"Neither do I," he said with a slight chuckle, "but its out of my hands."
He grimaced slightly, he was making the decision. Yes, being taken was out of his hands. But he was the person in control of making sure he wouldn't be taken, the drastic actions were his. His guilt shifted again and he left the bed, getting dressed in the clothes from the day before. Audrey didn't move, she knew this was the last time she would see him. His actions had finally caught up with him, it was only now she realised he didn't deserve to suffer for them.
"I'm sorry," he stammered, as he reached out and gently brushed her bare arm.
"Jack," she called as he turned to leave, "please don't go, don't leave me."
He tried to smile but it didn't reach his lips, doubts began to creep into his mind. Was he really doing the right thing here? Yes. If he let them take him they would eventually break him - even Logan had to understand that. If he ran he was bringing disgrace to himself and his name, he would not run. This was the only option. He just couldn't tell her that, when she wasn't aware of him taking his fate into his own hands.
"I'm sorry," he repeated, he really was. Sorry for lying, sorry for taking Paul away, then removing himself from the picture.
"I'm sorry too," Audrey responded, a smirk coming to her face. She reached out and gave him a brief kiss, their lips barely touching. There was too much pain in it, the air was heavy between them and the mood intense.
He turned to leave again, tucking his gun in its holster. His hand lingered on the metal a moment longer than necessary as he sighed.
"Jack," she blurted, "I will be waiting for you. I mean… I'll always be waiting for you."
Fresh tears formed in her eyes and he nodded, unable to do anything else. How could he do this to her, he questioned himself as he rushed out of the building. He felt weak as his emotions rolled in his mind like marbles in a can. This was too much. Better to get it over with.
He started the car and drove away trying to get as far away as possible. His mind wandered as he drove, knowing he was making the right decision didn't make it any easier. He had been trained to do this if caught in combat - it was the same action for the same cause. He would be protecting the country, he thought as he pulled his phone out again, needing a distraction.
He checked the time, the plane carrying his captors would probably be landing. Maybe they were already in LA, conspiring with Logan for the big catch.
He smirked to himself defiantly, at least he had escaped Logan's absurdity. The car slowed to a stop as Jack reached wasteland. It was covered with brush, perfect.
Climbing out of the car was hard so he unloaded his gun, allowing a single bullet to stay locked in the chamber - nothing else.
His legs were weak, he stumbled over his on feet a few times before he dropped to his knees with a weak stomach. He had to do this.
He closed his eyes as he gripped the gun tightly in his hand. A sudden blast of noise almost caused him to drop it, somebody was calling him. His daughter. Shit. How could he do this to her? He answered the call, knowing he had to give her that at least; he had some common decency left.
"Dad," Kim called sounding panicked. "I got the message and I've been worried sick, what's going on?"
"I have to go away," he croaked as tears ran down his pale cheeks, he had to do this before he backed out.
"What? Why, where are you going?"
"Away Kim. I wont be returning…"
She was silent, trying to comprehend what he could possible mean. She could hear the upset in his voice.
"On a mission?"
"No. Look honey, I have to hang up - I have to go real soon. I am so sorry for leaving you this way," he added confusing Kim, "just remember that I love you, and I was protecting my country."
"I love you too," she replied quietly, still confused but upset with his quick departure and the lack of information she had about it.
"Goodbye," he whimpered as he hung up and tossed his cell into the brush in the distance.
He closed his eyes again, he was wavering back and forth on his knees. He felt the guilt eat him up more than the fear, he'd never see her again.
Crying he realised he still had a duty to protect his country, he couldn't be taken. He had to go, there was nothing left for him here anyway. Audrey may love him but the relationship would always be strained. Kim was fine without him. He couldn't be taken, and he couldn't make it as a fugitive.
"I have to do this," he whispered as he wiped his eyes, the tears had suddenly stopped.
This had to be done, he told himself a final time as he put his gun to use. The coldness of the steel against his head could only be felt for a second, he pulled the hammer back and concentrated on the dull 'click' the gun gave, telling him it was ready. He softly touched the trigger as he wondered if that was the last sound he ever herd, of would he hear the shot as well?
The blast was deafening but there was nobody there to hear it. The body collapsed to the ground in a heap, eyes wide open in a defiant posture, almost illustrating his displeasure in the action. His arms sagged to the side as though in relief, he had done his duty. The silver gun rested tightly in the victims hand, a mans last stand for his country. I didn't write this for a reaction I swear, although its always nice to hear what you lot think!
