Faster and faster she runs, trying to escape from the images that haunt her mind. Ari joking with her at twelve. Ari holding her as she wept at Tali's funeral. Ari dead.
Today is the one year anniversary of his death. The one year anniversary of when she betrayed everything, killing her brother.
Choking back tears, she runs.
Hours later, Ziva enters NCIS to see Tony hanging decorations. He is the only one here so far. Music is playing. There are streamers and balloons and such. The balloons have pictures of Ari, dead. A game is on the huge computer screen. You shoot Ari to win.
Furious and hurt, Ziva begins tearing down the decorations. "How DARE you?! How dare you disrespect the dead like this?!"
Incredulous, Tony stares at Ziva, mouth agape, before regaining his wits. "What are you talking about?! Do you not remember what he did? He MURDERED KATE! Why wouldn't I celebrate his death? He deserved it! I was thrilled when I heard the news of his death! THANK YOU GIBBS FOR RIDDING US OF ONE MORE MONSTER!"
"How do you know that he was only a monster? Perhaps he was loved. Perhaps he is mourned today. Yet, all you do is mock those who mourn him."
"Hell yeah I do! Anyone who mourns him deserves to be mocked! They deserve more than that, they deserve to be shot, just like him. They can join him with my blessing."
At this, Ziva slaps him and runs off, just as Gibbs walks in. "What the hell is going on in here! DiNozzo!" Glancing around the room, Gibbs sees the crumpled streamers and popped balloons.
"She's defending the man who murdered Kate, boss. She-"
"Shut up, DiNozzo."
"But-"
"No. I don't want to hear it. You are going to find her, and you are going to apologize."
"But, boss, she-"
"Now DiNozzo!"
Hours later, after giving up on finding Ziva at NCIS, Tony decides to try her apartment. He knocks at her door unsuccessfully before using his spare key to enter.
He stumbles upon her in the living room. She is curled up on her couch, sobbing into her knees.
"Ziva?" he questions, shocked.
"Go away," is her muffled reply.
Awkwardly, he approaches the couch, sitting on the opposite end of it. "Ziva? What's wrong?"
She snorts, "why would you care?"
"I … care," Tony fumbles.
"Well, you wouldn't if you knew. If you knew, you would wish me dead as well."
"Ziva?"
"He was my brother, Tony. My brother."
"Who was?"
He waits but doesn't get an answer.
"Ziva?"
"Ari. Ari was my brother."
Shocked, Tony leaps up from the couch. "WHAT?! Your brother? Ari? No. No, that's not- no."
"It's true." Ziva finally looks up at him, eyes red and bloodshot, voice trembling, "Ari was my brother."
"Does Gibbs know? He couldn't know, if he knew, he would never have let you on the team," Tony rambles as he paces. "Does he know?" he finally makes eye contact with her.
"Gibbs knows," Ziva replies, resigned.
"But- then why? Why would he trust you to be on the team?" he questions.
"Because, he was not the one to kill Ari."
"What? But, then, who was?" Tony asks, confused.
"I was."
Tony sits down abruptly, overwhelmed.
"You? You killed Ari?"
"Yes."
"But... You said he was your brother."
"He was. I killed my brother," at this point, Ziva is no longer calm, no longer collected. She is fraying at the edges once more.
"I killed my brother," she whispers, tears in her eyes. "God, how could I have done that? How could I have killed my brother?"
Uncertain, Tony scootches closer to her, "well, I'm not certain here, but I would guess it was because, it was what was necessary. I mean, if you hadn't, he would have killed Gibbs."
Ziva meets his eyes, searching desperately for acceptance. Whatever she sees, it breaks her. Sobbing uncontrollably now, she reaches for him. He pulls her closer, into his lap, whispering words of comfort and stroking her arm.
When she finally calms down, he moves to leave and her grip on him tightens. "Don't go. Please, don't leave me," she begs him.
"Shh," he soothes, "it's okay. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay. Shh."
He stays with her for hours, stroking her hair as she clings to him, lost. Eventually, Ziva falls into a dreamless sleep, peaceful, for tonight at least.