I do not own KH or anything related to it.
By the way, if you're an Axel, Demyx, Zexion, Marluxia, or Roxas fangirl, your feelings will be hurt very very badly.
The Scalding Hot Emo
"So Axel how ya doing"
"Shutup Xigbar my life sucks everyday and you know it"
Mansex had finally finished his five-hour rant about how he should get a tan and Marluxia finally got him to stop by pretending to molest Axel. Yeah. I warned you.
"How can your life suck?" Xigbar asked, "Even every time you step outside you're bombarded by fangirls."
"And you call that a good thing?"
"…"
"My point exactly. Now I shall rant about how my life sucks."
"Oh god spare us…"
"HEY EVERYBODY!!" Demyx shouted as he entered the room, "I found Axel's candy!...and Larxene's crack,"
"What was the hell that?" Xigbar asked for the im-too-lazy-too-counth-time.
"I stole Axel's candy!...and Larxene's crack"
Lets just say the conversation continues for about 20 more minutes until Xigbar and Axel finally realized that Demyx is on crack.
"omfg…you stole Larxene's crack…" Xigbar commented.
"But Larxene doesn't have crack," Axel argued, "The only thing slightly satisfying thing she has is a ps2 and some Poke'mon games,"
"YUP!" Demyx shouted, "THAT'S THE STUFF!!!"
"DEMYX!!!!!!" Larxene screamed, "YOU BROKE MY VIDEOGAMES!!!"
"PIKACHU!!!! I CHOOOOOOOOOSE YOOOOU!"
"DEMYX! GET YOUR SCRAWNY LITTLE ASS OVER HERE SO I CAN KICK IT!!!!"
"NO PIKACHU!!!! ZAP CHARMELEON!!!" Demyx pleaded as he pointed at Axel.
"You know what," Larxene said after a moment of thought, "That doesn't sound too bad…"
Sorry to interrupt but if I post how much blood is going to be in this scene its gonna be rated M. So Ill just give you the main picture. Larxene zaps Axel numerous times while Axel is burning Demyx for angering Larxene. For some odd reason Zexion is pissed and attacks Xigbar while at the same time off in the distance Xaldin is beating Marluxia up for making him go to a tea party. And Lexeaus is falling off Memories Skyscraper because Sai'x pushed him. Only God knows why.
By the way. I wont tell you why Zexion is angry until the very last chapter or else it'll ruin what Xemnas is doing.
"uhhh craaaap…."Axel moaned., "Larxene IM GONNA BEAT THE JEW OUTTA YOU!!!!"
"IM NOT JEWISH!!!!" Larxene shouted.
"YES YOU ARE!!!!!! YOU"RE FROM GERMANY!!!!"
"NO! IM FROM MY MOM!!!!!"
"THAT'S WRONG"
Hitler walks into the room and pats Larxene on the back. "80w's my f4v0r173 d4ug873r d01ng?"
"Arent you supposed to be killing Jews?" asked Larxene.
"SHES JEWISH!"
"Oh my ing god!" shoputed Demyx.
"OMG!" Axel cried, "Hittler speaks in leet and Demyx doesn't shout. He shoputs!!!!"
"And Sai'x is gay!" Xigbar added.
Everyone stares at Xigbar.
"I just thought I'd add it…"
"ENOUGH!" Mansex screamed, "Stop this arguing! We have a new mission. ORGY XIII UNITE!!!!"
Everyone gathers.
"Now we must have partners for the mission," Mansex continued, "Team 1 will be Me, Vexen, and Sai'x. Team 2 shall be Xigbar, Xaldin, and Luxord. I would usually say Lexeaus but…. Sai'x killed him. Team 3 is Axel, Demyx, and Larxene. Team 4 is Zexion, Roxas, and Namine'. Team 5 is Marluxia. I don't think anyone would like to be in a car with him for more then two hours. Team 4 shall leave first."
"Mansex," Zexion did something with his mouth but his voice never changes so I cant tell, "What exactly is the mission,"
"Well," Mansex said, "I thought that we shall go CAMPING. In RVs!"
Everyone is silent. Crikets chirp.
"Mansex," Zexion continued, "Don't you remember what happened last time we went camping?"
Flash back. "Oooooohhh," Demyx whined, "I wanna press this button, that clearly says do not touch unless you want your idiotic camping partners to become stupid environmental community service superheroes that like earth and I will press it anyway although I clearly know the consequences of pressing this button. "
Lexeaus: Earth!
Axel: Fire!
Xaldin: Wind!
Demyx: Water!
Roxas: Heart?
Everyone: GO PLANTET!
Mansex: With your powers combinded, I am…CAPTIN PLANET!!!!!!
Everyone: Hes Captin Planet, hes are hero, gonna take pollution, down to zero.
Mansex: THE POWER IS YOURS!
End Flashback
"Come on," Zexion said as Roxas and Namine' went into their RV, "Lets get this over with,"
Two hours later.
"heyZexion, hey Zexion, hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion hey Zexion,"
"WHAT?!?"
"nevermind…"
"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP BEFORE I POUR SCALDIN HOT EMO ON YOU!"
""NO!"
"alright….thats….it"
End of Chapter 1
Yeah I know. Stupid jokes. I don't care. Flame all you want. In later chapters Sai'x finds out hes related to an organization member and Axel finds out what the true definition of having a sucky life is all about.