TITLE: My Past
BY: Jedigrandmaster
SPOILERS: None
RATED: G
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Star Wars, and I'm not getting any money from this. George Lucas owns Star Wars, and he gets the money.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first fan fiction. English is not my native language, but if there are any mistakes in the story, blame my English teacher.
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My Past
I am a Jedi. Well, at least I am a Jedi Padawan. I have been a Padawan for as long as I can remember. Of course I must have had a family once, but I was taken away from them when I was four months old. That's standard for Jedi. None of us know where we come from; the Jedi Order is the only family we know.
I don't know if I am the only one who has ever thought about this. Other non-Jedi sometimes call the Jedi "baby-snatchers", and say that the Padawans should be allowed to stay with their families, or at least know about their heritage, but most Jedi don't want to change the tradition. The members of the Jedi Council think it would be dangerous to let the Padawans stay with their families. That would lead to emotional bonds to the parents, and Jedi are not allowed to love.
None of the other Padawans I have talked to think about their past or their family. They are happy with just being Padawans. I love to be a Jedi too, I would not change it for anything in the galaxy, but I also want to know where I come from, I want to have an identity of my own. I want to know about my past.
But I can't think more about this now. I am a Padawan, and I have got work to do.
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The training to become a Jedi is not easy; there is much to learn. We have to know how to use the Force, how to fence, and how to control our anger and hatred. It takes over twenty years to become a Jedi. I am only seventeen, so I have much practice left to do.
Today I will not meditate or go out on some mission together with my master. Today I will sit in the Jedi Archive Library here in the temple and search for information about a group of Jedi who solved the conflict between the two races on the planet Dilotian over 500 years ago. My master, Liena Neveet, thinks it is important to know about the past. "It is through the past you can understand the present, my young Padawan girl", she tells me at least once a week.
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It is silent in the library. There are not many Jedi here today. I sit down in front of a computer, to do a database search for files about the conflict on Dilotian. Actually, I am quite interested in history, and I enjoy doing research about the old Jedi. I think history, both my own and in general, is important.
Just when I am about to type in the search word, I realize that one file is already open. Whoever used this computer before me, must have forgotten to log out. Maybe I should shut the file down, but on the other hand I don't know what it contains. It might be something private, and the idea of snooping in someone's personal files is not a very Jedi-like thing to do. I decide to just leave it. The Jedi who left it might come back, or otherwise the Archivist, Jocasta Nu, will shut it down.
I start to type "Dilotian", but there is something that stops me. The file, I can't stop thinking about the file. There is something about that file … something important. All my Jedi senses tell me that, but they also tell me that I should not check it. There is something forbidden about that file, something dangerous. I hesitate, I don't know what to do. It is like there are two wills inside me, one that tells me to go away, leave the computer and not look at the file, and one that urges me to take just one brief look.
I stare at the small icon that marks the file. There is absolutely no clue to what the file is about. Slowly, very slowly I click on the icon. "I'm sure this leads to the Dark Side", I whisper to the silence in the library.
Rows and rows of names fill the screen. I scan through the document. They are all names of Padawans. I recognize most of them. There are just the names there, nothing else. But there are probably the names of every Padawan here on Coruscant.
I stop by the name "Eln-Jod Verr". I know Eln-Jod quite well. He is just a couple of years older than me, and we have been on many missions together. I hesitate for just a moment, before clicking on the name.
When the new text fills the screen I gasp. With my face just a few centimeters from the screen I read:
Name: Eln-Jod Verr
Planet of birth: Corellia
Parents' names: Seen and Kimea Jest
Comments: Found and adopted by the Jedi Order at the age of five months.
Now I realize what this file is all about. It contains the information about the Padawans' heritage. Where we come from, and who our parents are. Just the information I have wanted for so long, the information about my past.
I go back to the list of names and scroll through it, until I find what I am looking for. The name "Feya Geptik" stares back at me from the screen. It is my name, the only name I know about.
If I click on the name, I am going to change my life forever. I will learn where I come from, and who my parents are. I will learn about my past, everything I have dreamed about knowing.
I don't know why I hesitate. I have always wanted to know this, and now I finally have the chance to find out who I am. I reach out to click on the name, but then I withdraw. With that one small click, my life will change forever. The Jedi Order will no longer be my only family.
If I learn who my parents are, will I be able to stop myself from visiting them? And if I visit them, what will happen then? Will I be able to go back to the Order, and complete my Jedi training, or will I stay with my family? There are so many questions, to which I haven't got any answers.
Being a Jedi is the most glorious thing in the galaxy. If the Jedi Council finds out that I know who my parents are, I will be expelled from the Order.
I have always wanted to know about my heritage, but now, suddenly, I realize that there is one thing I want even more than that: I want to be a Jedi.
Slowly I shut down the file, and leave the computer. My legs are a little shaky when I walk out from the library, but I have made my decision. I will never again think about the file that contains the information about the Padawans' families.
The Jedi Order is my family, my life and my future.
And my past.