It wasn't my fault. I loved him once, I loved him so much it hurt, and I tried to do as he asked me. I did not mind the demands he made of me- they all made sense, and I trusted him enough that even if I did not understand I would still obey him. Besides, he always explained to me why these tasks must be carried out. Like Marion, Robin's girl. Her overconfidence and rebelliousness infuriated me, her feminine poise and looks repulsed me; I despised her. Why must i pay court to her? Why not a girl I could befriend, as I could in no way love her, why must I marry at all? I put these questions to my Sheriff.
He beamed at me.
"Why, it is really quite simple. This way we kill two birds with one stone, my dear Guy- it wouldn't do for anyone to find out about our relationship, would it? It would, ah, put a slight dent in my reputation. And this way if you can steal Hood's catch from under his nose... He might become reckless. When the one thing you live for is sworn to love your mortal enemy for evermore, it makes one a little more careless. Wouldn't you agree?" He winked at me. When he spoke... everything made sense to me, I needed nothing else...
"Or we could use her to lure him into a trap!" I exclaimed. He smiled warmly.
"Good, good! You're understanding now!" I glowed with pride. "So do stop standing there like some sort of Greek statue. Come, sit."
And so I went to join him, seated on his four-poster bed. He looked so perfect at that moment, the soft evening light shining from his bright eyes and glittering on the diamon set in his tooth, his gentle smile just for me, he was all I wanted and all I could ever want. So I leant over and kissed him.
"I love you." I whispered, one hand raised to his cheek, and he turned to press his lips to my fingers but he did not say it in return.
When I close my eyes I can still feel his hands tangled in my hair, his warm breath against my skin, his touch, and I am consumed by overwhelming love for him and burning, burning guilt... but I'm not sorry. Not after all he's done to me. Not really.
Marion had angered me, and it seemed to be the easiest way at the time, I had not meant to do wrong. I am not ashamed of my deeds for I have killed before, and I thought Hood might give up on life should his beloved die. I returned to the castle feeling finally free of that dreadful burden. The sheriff had me called to him and when the guards were dismissed I felt my spirits soar; he must be pleased with me! I stood before him waiting for him to initiate our kiss, watching the candlelight flicker delightfully over the planes of his face.
He struck me.
I reeled back, bringing my fingertips to my face which was already beginning to bruise. I was shocked, stunned... how could he? I was speechless, which was just as well as he bellowed a tirade of insults at me. He does not like to be interrupted.
"I trusted you with this simple task and, once again, you ruin me! How hard is it not to kill the girl? Why do you always have to disobey my orders?" I flinched away.
"My Lord, I am truly sorry, I thought it wise-"
"You thought it wise? You thought it wise. Oh, that makes everything fine, doesn't it, Gisborne?" I hated it when he called me that, when he was loving me I was Guy to him, he called me Gisborne only when he was angry. I did not like him angry. I loved him.
"If Hood's reason to live is slaughtered... he might end his own life," I said in quiet desperation.
"Are you really that much of an idiot? Hood would never do that, he has his ridiculous obligation to Locksley. Your stupidity has ruined me!" He struck me again, a brutal uppercut to my lower jaw, and I fell to my knees before him in submission.