AN: I love Naruto, and I like all of the characters featured here. Remember: this is just a bit of fun.
Oh yeah, and Kankuro loves the Vengaboys. Anyone who has watched True Naruto Style knows this only too well...
Enjoy!
"MAN, THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST PARTY EVER, DATTEBAYO!" Naruto yelled, punching the air with his customary manic enthusiasm and almost toppling off the step ladder he was using to put up the streamers. He was dressed as Superman and had a bright red cape on and was sporting equally lurid underpants over his blue, form-fitting bodysuit - but because he couldn't find shoes to go with the outfit, he was wearing a brand new pair of Nike trainers, instead.
It had taken them hours to decorate, rather than minutes, because they were using Sasuke's old room, which was huge compared to Naruto's and Sakura's cupboards. The guests were due to arrive at any moment and Naruto and Shikamaru were putting up the finishing touches. They were lucky that Sakura and Ino had offered to make the food, otherwise they would have been screwed.
"Watch it, Naruto! Jeez... Remind me why I'm helping you out again?" Shikamaru said, grabbing at the streamers Naruto dropped, rolling his eyes. His specially made fake beard for his Silent Bob costume had almost slipped off again. He needed to find some superglue or something.
"Because you screwed up on your last mission and you feel like you need to make up for not getting Sasuke back by helping Naruto decorate for his Halloween bash," Neji said casually, flipping the page of his book over as he took a sip from his Long Island Iced Tea.
Shikamaru's eyes narrowed as he surveyed Neji Hyuga and Choji Akimichi, who had come as Einstein and a Sumo Wrestler, respectively. "You screwed up, too, Hater," he said. "Remind me again why you're just sitting on your ass while I'm doing all the work?"
"Duh. Because we've only just got out of hospital," Choji said exasperatedly, as though explaining two plus two equals four to a difficult child. "And you can't talk to me like that," he added proudly. "I'm a Yokozuna. Have some respect, underling!"
"Heh heh. Right, on, Akimichi!" Neji said, high-fiving Choji as they both snickered. "And that's Professor Hater, to you, Silent Pot-Head!"
"Oh, yeah, sure," Shikamaru said through gritted teeth as he and Superman Naruto hung the last of the streamers. "So you're going to get better by getting blind drunk, falling over and pissing yourselves, eh? Sounds like a great plan."
Choji stared at his team mate as if he'd just dropped his pants. "What the hell are you talking about, dude? It's a great plan. Best plan ever, right, Neji?"
"Totally," Neji said, as he refilled his glass with more Long Island Iced Tea.
Shikamaru sighed and climbed down the ladder. Naruto did a backflip off it because he was so pumped up about the impending party.
"MAN THIS IS GONNA ROCK, DATTEBAYO!" Naruto shouted, as he performed his trademark, "Nice Guy" pose. "I'M GOING TO PUT OUT THE KEGS!"
The three other shinobi blinked and shook their heads, as Naruto sprinted into the kitchen, wondering when the ringing in their ears would stop.
"Man, I really wish he would stop shouting," Choji muttered, twisting his finger in his ear and worrying whether or not he had actually gone deaf.
"Yeah, he needs to chill the fuck out," Neji agreed. "But speaking of chilling out, did you bring some weed, Shikamaru?"
Shikamaru snorted in disbelief and sat down, pouring himself a pint of the Long Island Iced Tea. "Did I bring some weed? What do you think, Professor Hater?"
Neji and Choji looked at each other and grinned.
"Awesome..." they breathed as both of them fell into fits of evil giggles. "Where d'you get it?"
"Jiraiya. He sold it to me. And I hid it in Uchiha's old room," Shikamaru added conspiratorially. I stuffed it under the mattress. I'll whip it out when everything hots up."
"Man, this really is going to be the best party ever," Choji said, his eyes glittering with the happy hope of a giant forty-eight skin in his very near future. But his blissful vision of stoner-dom was shattered as Sakura's voice came shrieking from the kitchen.
"NARUTO! GET THOSE DAMN KEGS OFF YOUR HEAD! YOU ARE NOT FREAKING SUPERMAN! IF YOU DROP THAT, I'LL PUNCH YOU SO HARD IT'LL MAKE YOUR KYUUBI HIT THE DECK!"
True to form, Naruto just wasn't listening, and he came careering into the main room with twelve kegs balanced on his head, singing the Superman theme at the top of his lungs.
"Doo doo doo doo dooooo, doo doo dooooo! Doo doo doo doo doooooo... DOO DOO DOO, DATTEBAYO!"
The three guys looked at each other and shrugged as Ino and Sakura emerged from the kitchen looking frazzled. Ino was dressed as Pamela Anderson and Sakura had come as Jessica Rabbit. And they were both arguing. Again.
"Ino, why the hell did you have to give Naruto speed? You know what he's like!" Sakura said angrily.
"Well, he offered to pay me for it!" Ino retorted. "He said he's been saving up for this party for ages and that he wanted to have a good time, so..."
Sakura shook her head and sat down hard on the sofa, frowning. There was no seat left for Ino, so she picked up Neji and threw him across the room.
Shikamaru and Choji looked at one another with fear in their eyes. Getting involved in an argument between the two bitch queens of Konoha, they knew, could only end badly. Thankfully, however, the bell rang, and for the first time in his life, Shikamaru shot up and practically ran to answer the door. He threw it open and screamed like a girl as he was confronted by the most sinister looking teddy bear he had ever clapped eyes on.
"I see you like my costume, then," Gaara said, smirking, as he pushed past Shikamaru, not even waiting to be invited inside. Kankuro and Temari followed behind, carrying two crates of wine each. Shikamaru shuddered as he saw that Kankuro had come as John Travolta, complete with carefully coiffed wig, sparkling platforms and skin-tight flares that didn't leave much to the imagination. Temari, on the other hand, had come as Christina Aguilera, which wasn't too bad at all...
When the Sand squad had dumped their stuff, Kankuro clapped his hands and strutted over to the stereo. Grinning, he whipped out a CD and shoved it in. The Vengaboys began to blare from the huge speakers.
The Vengabus is coming... And everybody's jumping...
"Alriiiiiiiiight!" Kankuro howled with glee while busting some serious moves. "Now that's what I'm talking about!"
"YEAAAAH, DATTEBAYO!" Naruto yelled, punching the air. He was so overjoyed that the party was finally getting started that he grabbed Neji - who had only just come round from being thrown, Mr T style, by Sakura - and dragged him up to dance.
For a moment, Neji stood there and winced at Naruto doing the funky chicken, but then he shrugged his shoulders, thinking 'ah... what the hell', and joined in because he was already half-drunk, anyway.
Gaara and Temari went over to the sitting area to knock back a few bottles of wine each with Ino and Sakura. Choji was already in the kitchen, scoping out anything potentially munchable. So when the doorbell rang again, Shikamaru sighed as he realised that because he answered it once - just once! - he was doomed to be on door duty for the rest of the night. Scowling, he trudged over to door and opened it. It was Lee and Hinata, holding hands and dressed as Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. Kiba was there too in a dog costume looking pissed off, with Akamaru dressed as the Kyuubi. Jiraiya and Kakashi (both dressed as pimps) were standing behind them carrying a keg each. Hinata giggled and dragged Lee into a corner where they promptly started making out. Shikamaru stared at them in disbelief, his jaw hanging open.
"Errrr... ahem."
"Oh yeah, sorry," he said, snapping out of his horror-induced trance. "Come in, guys."
Jiraiya and Kakashi sauntered in, looking suave, but Shikamaru grabbed Kiba by the fur. "Kiba, man, when the hell did that happen?" he whispered, trying not to look at Lee and Hinata, who were all over each other like a rash.
"I know, man," Kiba said, rolling his eyes. "How do you think I feel? I had to come over here with them. They just kept— you know— Doing Stuff..." Kiba whispered significantly with a shudder.
"Man, I'm all up for a bit of hot lovin', but that's just weird," Shikamaru said weakly, running a hand through his hair.
"Yeah, I'm totally with you, Shikamaru," Kiba said. He paused and looked Shikamaru up and down, before grinning and giving him the thumbs up. "Nice Silent Bob costume, dude."
"Heh, thanks," Shikamaru said. "Want to roll some skins to help us forget the horror we've just witnessed?"
Kiba paused for a moment and looked around. Naruto, Neji and Kankuro were busting some truly heinous moves to the Vengaboys; Lee looked like he was well on his way to second base; Gaara the Sinister Teddy Bear was already drunk and had started making obscene sand sculptures which Jiraiya and Kakashi were laughing hysterically at; Choji was stuffing his face; and the rest of the girls were looking over at Lee and Hinata and were power-gossiping.
"I thought you'd never ask..." he said, rolling his eyes.
Meanwhile, in Orochimaru's hidden lair...
The kage of the Hidden Village of Sound sat in his dark, underground throne, in his dark, underground room, in his giant, dark, underground house and laughed his creepy laugh for twenty three minutes exactly before he stopped and called for Kabuto.
"Kabuto," he announced, "I wish to put my next diabolical plan into action!"
Kabuto grinned with evil glee and rubbed his hands together. Executing a diabolical plan with Orochimaru-sama would be much better than staying in and playing World of Warcraft again for the three-hundred and fourth night in a row.
"What plan would that be, Orochimaru-sama?" he asked enthusiastically, hoping that it would involve Naruto's Halloween Party because he had prepared a special Britney Spears costume just in case he was able to go. "Is it diabolical? Is it reaaaaally diabolical?"
"It is truly diabolical, Kabuto," Orochimaru answered, smiling his creepy smile. "It is so diabolical that a little bit of pee will probably escape accidentally when I inform you what my most diabolical of plans is."
Kabuto couldn't contain himself any longer. It must be diabolical if Orochimaru-sama was sure pee would escape accidentally!
"Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto began respectfully, "I must know! What is your most diabolical of plans?"
Orochimaru laughed his creepy laugh. "My most diabolical of plans is for us to travel to Konoha, get absolutely wrecked... and to crash Uzumaki Naruto's Halloween Party!"
"Wow, that is truly diabolical, Orochimaru-sama..." Kabuto said, in awe of his master's supreme evilness. A little bit of pee did, indeed, escape accidentally.
Orochimaru smirked. "Of course it is, Kabuto," he said smugly. "It is my plan, after all."
Kabuto was just about to do a little dance of joy when he realised something was not quite right, and his face fell.
"But, Orochimaru-sama," he wailed, "you do not have a costume!"
Again, Orochimaru laughed his creepy laugh and patted Kabuto patronisingly on the head, before turning round and roaring, "SASUKE!"
The sullen-faced, emo teenager came skulking out from the shadows, scuffing his shoes across the floor.
"What?" he grunted.
"Don't 'What?' me, and lift your feet when you walk, you insufferable little bastard. Remember, I only put up with your crap because I'm having your little boy body in the very near future!" Orochimaru snarled, before he snapped his fingers imperially at his next container. "Now take these bandages off and show Kabuto my damn costume!"
"This is so unfair," Sasuke sighed, as he began unwinding the bandages that had been covering Orochimaru from head to foot for the past few days.
When the last of the bandages fell to the floor, Kabuto gasped in shock!
"B-But, Orochimaru-sama! That's—"
Orochimaru grinned his creepy grin and Kabuto fainted.
Next episode: Orochimaru's Most Diabolical Costume is revealed! Kabuto and Temari become arch-rivals! Hinata the Bunny-Boiler! And... gasp! The Weed Goes Missing!
If you liked it, leave a review. And remember, it's only a bit of fun!