[A/N: Hey guys! I felt the call and followed it! Here I am, starting yet another story. Hey, when inspiration hits, you follow it, right? XD I have a lot of ideas for this fic and I hope you enjoy where it goes! Let me know what you think!
D/C: I don't own Hey Arnold!]
Friday, May 30th
"I.D. please?" Arnold asked his patron as he put the burly man's six pack into a plain black plastic bag.
"Is that really necessary?" The man, who was obviously well over 21, gestured to himself and gave Arnold an 'Are you serious?' look.
"I'm sorry," Arnold said with a shrug. "I'm supposed to ask everyone,"
The man muttered curses as he reached into his back pocket to retrieve his wallet.
Arnold had been working at a liquor store a couple blocks away from home for the past three weeks to help pay the bills. At 22 he never expected he'd still be living in his grandparents' boarding house but here he was, checking the identification of an ornery middle-aged man as the smell of cardboard boxes and cigarette smoke from the people outside tickled his nose.
"Have a great day," Arnold offered as he finished up the transaction and the man grabbed his beer from the countertop, squinting at Arnold as he turned to the door.
Arnold sighed and pulled a stool up underneath him to sit by the register. There were a few other customers wandering around the store and one of his co-workers was over by the refrigerated section stocking cases of beer and wine coolers. Arnold looked at the clock on the wall to his right. It was reflective with a transparent brand logo over it.
8 pm. Two more hours to go.
Arnold kind of hated it here. Ernie had talked to a friend of his and got Arnold the job when Arnold's dozens of part-time job applications had gone unanswered. The economy was sucking and pimply-faced teenagers seemed to have better luck at getting the minimum wage jobs. The best Arnold could hope for was minimum wage but when Ernie told him about this place and their willingness to pay him slightly more, he was in no position to turn it down.
Things had been rough at the boarding house. Grandma's dementia had taken a downward turn over the past few years and as Grandpa aged, he had increasing trouble keeping up with the demands of running the place. The electric bill was through the roof, considering the old wiring, and many of the tenants had moved out, looking for apartments and condos in better condition. To say the boarding house had become dilapidated was an understatement. Grandpa used to do most of the renovations and repairs on his own but keeping up with Grandma and a dwindling source of income from renters made any significant projects on the building difficult.
Arnold had intended to go to college at an upstate university the fall after he graduated from high school but it was over that summer that Grandma's condition started its decline. They'd taken her to a neurologist who'd confirmed her Alzheimer's and recommended a course of medication to help manage the symptoms but they couldn't stop the progression and they only helped a little bit. One night Grandma had disappeared only to reappear back at the boarding house escorted by a police officer. Apparently a group of twenty-somethings had spotted her wandering around downtown while they were out bar-hopping. She'd been carrying around an alley cat in her arms with a dazed look on her face, obviously confused and unaware of her surroundings. After that it became apparent that things were never going to be "normal" again. Whatever Arnold's sense of "normal" was, anyway.
Lost in his thoughts, Arnold was startled back into reality when someone placed a large bottle of red wine on the counter next to him.
"This, and one of the scratch-offs," A slender woman with thick blonde hair said as she dug through the purple purse on her shoulder for her wallet. She had her hair pulled back in a messy bun and wore a light pink tee that gently alluded to her form and a pair of dark grey sweatpants with some university's name running down the side of one leg. She looked up and her thick, dark eyebrows shot up, her eyes widened. "Holy shit, Arnold?" She jumped, almost dropping her wallet on the floor.
"Helga, hey!" Arnold smiled, recognizing her. Wow, she looks… different. "How are you?" He asked enthusiastically.
"I'm-I'm good," Helga shook her head in wonder, still reeling over seeing Arnold here. It'd been so long… "Um… what about you?"
Arnold shrugged. "I'm doing alright,"
Helga raised an eyebrow and squinted at him. "Very convincing…"
"What?" Arnold asked defensively.
"Nothing," Helga put her hands up, then looked over at the plastic case housing all of the scratch-off cards. "You gonna get me my scratch-off or what?"
Arnold frowned a little and walked over to the case to pick out the card. "Which one do you want?" She still had that same blustery way about her but despite that, he couldn't help but feel drawn to her. God, he hadn't seen her in years and… there was something about her. There was always something about her.
"I don't care, just pick one!" Helga said in a more light-hearted tone and Arnold eased.
They'd always had a complicated relationship growing up. She'd had a major crush on him when they were kids but after she finally told him about it when they were 10, she never spoke of it again. They went through middle and high school together, still generally part of the same group of friends but it was different. Eventually she stopped picking on him the way she had in elementary school and he began to see less and less of her. Until the end of senior year, that is. Still, she managed to linger in his thoughts throughout the years since.
"So…" Helga said awkwardly. "I didn't expect to see you working in here,"
"Me either," Arnold shrugged and gave a half-hearted laugh. "What have you been up to?"
"I'm on break until the fall. I just graduated from HSU," Helga said, eyeing the scratch-off Arnold had handed to her.
"That's amazing! Congratulations, Helga," Arnold exclaimed. "What did you study?"
"Psychology," Helga replied. "Got a penny?"
Arnold handed her a penny from a little container by the register marked 'TAKE A PENNY, LEAVE A PENNY'. "So… are you back for good or-"
"I'm back in Hillwood for Phoebe and Geraldo's wedding next month," Helga said, now paying more attention to Arnold than to the scratch-off in front of her. She had known she was going to end up seeing him eventually while she was in town but she definitely didn't expect it to be tonight. Or in the liquor store, no less. "But I'm staying for the summer until I go back to school in the fall,"
"Oh, right," Of course she would be here for that. She's the maid of honor. "That makes sense. Are you back at your parents' house?" Arnold asked as he leaned against the counter, caught up in the enigmatic presence that was Helga.
"Oh god, no," Helga practically spat.
"Oh," Arnold paused as he was struck with an idea. "Umm… well, there are extra rooms at the boarding house right now, if you need a place,"
Helga eyed him carefully and smirked. "I'll think about it… but that might not be so bad… I can't afford much though,"
Arnold shook his head. "Don't worry about that. I'm happy to help,"
"You haven't changed at all, have you?" Helga said with a laugh.
Arnold smiled and shrugged, neither confirming nor denying her assessment. After a short pause, he gave a small smile. "It's good to see you again, Helga,"
This seemingly caught Helga off-guard. "Oh, uh… it's… good to see you, too… Arnold,"
There was an awkward pause and a curious tension in the air. Rather than succumb to it, Helga busied herself rubbing away at her scratch-off with the penny in her hand.
"Hell yes! You owe me fifty bucks," Helga triumphantly handed the scratch-off back to Arnold.
"No way, really?" Arnold asked excitedly. Sure enough, Helga had won an instant-win prize of $50. "Looks like it's your lucky night," He said as he went into the register to pull out her cash.
"They come along once in a while," Helga said cryptically.
As Arnold counted out her bills, he couldn't help himself from sneaking glances at his former classmate. She'd really matured over the years. Man, how long had it been? He couldn't remember seeing her at all since their high school graduation. She seemed so at ease and comfortable with herself. She was still fiery but she wasn't mean and of course he couldn't help but take notice of her physically. It wouldn't be the first time. He felt like he might be blushing but he tried to play it off by wiping the back of his hand against his forehead. Maybe she'll just think I'm hot cuz it's summer… that makes sense right? Gah, but the air vent is right above us… well, it's not blowing out much cold air so maybe she'll-
"Thanks," Helga said, taking her winnings from Arnold's hand and snapping him out of his thoughts.
An older woman had come up behind Helga carrying two six-packs of wine coolers. Her brow was furrowed and she was eyeing Helga and Arnold with disdain.
Arnold looked past Helga and at the woman, causing Helga to take notice and step aside. "Sorry," She muttered under her breath.
As Arnold began to ring up the woman's purchases, Helga called over her shoulder on her way out. "See ya around, Football-head,"
Arnold waved at her but his attention was quickly pulled away by his customer's irritable huffing.
. . . . . . . .
"Why didn't you tell me Arnold was working at the liquor store?!" Helga asked when Phoebe opened the door to her parents' house. The two of them were staying there for the next couple weeks until Phoebe moved into her new apartment with Gerald. Helga still hadn't decided exactly what she was going to do then but she couldn't help but feel intrigued by Arnold's offer to stay at the boarding house. The thought of living under the same roof as him brought an involuntary heat to her cheeks.
"Oh yes, I forgot he started working there," Phoebe said thoughtfully as she led Helga into the kitchen. "Did something happen?"
"Well… no, not really," Helga relaxed against the counter and set the wine bottle up on top. Phoebe pulled two wine glasses out of the cabinet and set them in front of Helga. "But you know I don't like surprises,"
"Sorry, Helga," Phoebe shrugged and smiled. "You would be seeing him soon anyway, at the wedding, you know,"
Helga poured Phoebe's glass and handed it to her before pouring her own. "Yeah, obviously," She swirled the wine in her glass before taking a sip and adding sarcastically, "Big surprise that Arnold would be the best man, right?"
Phoebe only let out a small giggle. "Come on into the living room. The food's already here and I have the seating chart mapped out on the coffee table - I still need to make some adjustments, I think…"
Helga followed her best friend into the other room and sat down next to her on the couch where a few take-out cartons of Chinese food sat waiting on the table in front of them. She'd always known Phoebe and Gerald would end up together and though she usually expressed her emotions through a strict filter, she was deeply happy that her best friend was marrying the guy she'd always loved. Though, it did remind her of her own situation and brought a bittersweet longing that she always quickly suppressed. She'd been in a couple relationships since Arnold, both of which had been relatively short-lived, and she felt pathetic that in the quiet of the night, as she lay in that tender moment between wakefulness and sleep, he crept into her thoughts time and time again.
Phoebe studied the seating chart in front of her as she opened one of the cartons of food. "Do you think Aunt Linda and Caroline would get along?" Caroline was Phoebe's supervisor at the lab she was interning at for the past year. She was also a close family friend of her father's.
"Is Aunt Linda the one with all the cats?" Helga asked, dishing lo mein onto a styrofoam plate.
"No," Phoebe shook her head. "That's Aunt Carol,"
"Good grief, why does your mom have so many siblings?" Helga set the carton back down on the table and slouched back into the couch, twirling lo mein noodles with her fork.
Phoebe shrugged, squinting in deep thought as she pondered the chart and the people it represented. Helga ate, adding her own input when asked, as Phoebe rearranged names on the big cardboard chart.
"So," Phoebe sat back on the couch, temporarily satisfied with the configuration she'd just designed. "How do you feel about… well, you know, seeing Arnold?"
Helga scoffed but Phoebe knew better. "I knew I was going to see him eventually. It just caught me off-guard seeing him so soon," She took a swig from her glass.
"Mmhmm," Phoebe nodded, eyeing Helga with a smirk.
"Oh," Helga turned to her. "Is there something you want to say?" She challenged.
Phoebe giggled. "No…" She paused. "But I'm definitely looking forward to reception when the bridesmaids and groomsmen dance together," Her lips turned up at the corners with a mischievous smile.
"If you play a tango, so help me-" Helga warned.
Phoebe guffawed. "Oh gosh, I didn't even think about that!"
"Oh criminy," Helga slapped a hand to her forehead.
. . . . . . . .
Flashback
"Arnold!" Lila squealed in a hushed tone. "You aren't supposed to be back here!" She scolded him with a smile on her face as she hurried over to the door he was peeking his head through. The second act would be starting soon.
"I know, I know," Arnold smiled. "I just wanted to say you're doing great!" He looked past his girlfriend at the rest of the cast and crew members - his classmates - as they touched up their stage make-up and changed wardrobes, dug through boxes and closets and checked one another's appearance. "You're all doing great!"
"Thanks Arnold," Came a chorus of people, mostly girls.
"Man, get your ass outta here before you get busted," Gerald, dressed in 19th century policeman attire, laughed at his best friend.
Helga was silent, sitting at one of the desks with a mirror on top of it. She clenched her fists to hold herself together. It'd only been a few months that Arnold and Lila had been dating yet every time she saw them together, she felt a burning in the pit of her stomach. She had to hold back a wave of nausea that passed over her the first time she saw them kiss each other good-bye in the hallway. Her days of scheming were over. She didn't have any elaborate plans for keeping them away from one another. She'd already failed. She failed the day she took back her confession up on that stormy rooftop. For so long Lila hadn't returned Arnold's affections. For so long, Arnold had given up on a relationship with her. Yet now here they were. She wasn't quite sure how they got together but she didn't want to think about it for very long anyway.
Helga eyed her reflection. Her hair was long with a bit of a wave and it was slightly damp from a spray bottle Sheena had filled up for her during the intermission. Her make-up was dramatic - stage make-up usually was - and her hair was tousled and parted haphazardly, splaying wildly over her shoulders.
Every January the theatre department organized a school musical and this year Mrs. Dahlquist, the department chair and director, had decided to put on a student production of Les Miserables. Helga had gotten interested in theatre early on after her successful portrayal of Juliet in the fourth grade production of Romeo and Juliet. She'd played an evil stepsister in Cinderella two years ago and figured it would be fun to do one more show before she finished high school in the spring. She ended up with the role of Eponine, who, ironically, was in love with a man who loved someone else. And as luck would have it, Lila had also auditioned this year and received the role of adult Cosette. She refused, however, to let Lila take away anything else that she valued (whether Lila was aware of it or not). Her only consolation had been the fact that Arnold never auditioned. If he had gotten the role of Marius, the object of Eponine's affections, and had to watch Arnold and Lila swoon over one another as Marius and Cosette on stage, she probably would have lost it.
The second act began without a hitch and the time finally came for Helga to sing her solo - a song that she unwillingly personally connected with and had been dreading since she first got her script.
On stage, the spotlights felt hot on her skin and she knew that every eye in the audience was on her. Most of the faces in the crowd were a blur but through bleary eyes, she saw the outline of a football-shaped head and as her eyes struggled to focus, she could barely make out Arnold's smiling face. She swallowed hard and waited for her cue, a gentle musical interlude as her guide.
"On my own," Helga began to sing, her voice soft and vulnerable as she gazed indiscriminately into the crowd before looking away. "Pretending he's beside me,"
She'd practiced this song over and over in the bathroom mirror at home but never could manage to finish it. It hit too close to home. Damn this song.
"All alone, I walk with him 'til morning. Without him, I feel his arms around me and when I lose my way, I close my eyes… and he has found me,"
Arnold was still smiling. Damn his smile.
"In the rain, the pavement shines like silver," Helga took a few steps across the stage, her brow furrowed and her eyes contemplative. "All the lights are misty in the river… In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight and all I see is him and me for ever and forever…"
Visions of Arnold - always there for her, always trying to help her - flashed across her mind. Damn his kindness.
"And, I know… it's only in my mind…" Helga's hands trembled with dread. "That I'm talking to myself… and not to him…" 'No, you can't cry yet. Shit!' she scolded herself as she felt something welling up in her chest. "And although, I know that he is blind… still I say… there's a way for us…" Her voice broke.
He was only there to support Lila. Why would he come to see her play? He didn't come to Cinderella… hell, she hadn't even talked to him but maybe a few times this whole year!
"I love him," Helga's voice was shaking but she stayed on key for the most part. "But when the night is over… he is gone. The river's just a river… Without him, the world around me changes," Her voice elevated and she fought to maintain control. "The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers,"
Oh god, here came the ending. Damn this song.
"I love him" Helga felt tears, scalding hot and bubbling at the corners of the eyes. "But every day I'm learning," Her voice shook as she rose in pitch. "All my life, I've only been pretending," She felt her voice break again but she recovered. "Without me, his world will go on turning," Helga turned her gaze to Arnold, but he wasn't smiling anymore. "A world that's full of happiness, that I have never known!" She managed to hold her vibrato, the last note coming out forcefully but thankfully, with some measure of control.
I just need to finish this freaking song. Helga felt exposed and couldn't believe she was actually doing this. The fear of screwing up publicly being the only thing giving her the will to go on. No one knew how hard this was for her. Damn them all.
"I love him" Helga's voice broke again, but this time it was okay. She blinked and tears streamed down her face.
"I love him…" Her voice was punctuated by periodic breathlessness and sniffling.
"I love him," She sang more softly, allowing her eyes to find Arnold once more before looking down at the 'ground' in front of her. "But only on… my own…"
Before Helga had finished the note, the audience was clapping for her performance. She blinked away her tears and took a deep breath, willing herself to go on with the rest of the show.
. . . . . . . .
"That was so great!"
"Oh my gosh, yaaaaay!"
"Nailed it!"
Everyone was bustling about backstage after the show, changing out of their costumes in the closet and congratulating one another on their performances as they collected their belongings. Helga just wanted to go home.
Arnold and Phoebe came in through the door he'd peeked through earlier.
"You were a wonderful Javert," Phoebe crooned as she felt into Gerald's embrace.
Arnold was handing Lila a small bouquet of pink and yellow flowers. "You sang beautifully," Helga heard him say and without looking, she knew he was giving her that smile.
"Thank you!" Lila beamed as she admired the flowers and hugged Arnold tightly. "Oh, these are just ever so lovely,"
Helga had already changed back into her normal clothes, a pair of jeans with a hole in one knee and a dark purple sweater. She threw her hair up into a ponytail and was pulling on her coat when Phoebe approached her.
"Oh Helga," She immediately embraced Helga in a hug but quickly let go, knowing Helga wasn't really one for public displays of affection. "You were amazing! That song! And then Eponine's death… you would have made Victor Hugo proud,"
"Who?"
"He wrote the novel this play was based on…"
"Oh," Helga laughed. "Right… Thanks Pheebs," She offered a half-smile.
"So…" Phoebe looked back at Gerald who was talking to Arnold, Lila, and a few other classmates. "We're all going to go to Tony's for pizza to celebrate how well everyone performed… will you come?"
Helga pursed her lips and finished sliding her coat on. "Nah… I've gotta head home…"
"Are you sure?" Phoebe asked, her eyes pleading.
Helga looked from her to Arnold, and back again, then sighed. "Yeah, I'm sure,"
Phoebe got the hint. She knew the conflicted and tormented feelings that Helga was struggling with, especially now knowing that Arnold was in a relationship. "Okay, I understand. Call me tonight?"
"Sure," Helga said quietly. "See ya,"
Outside, the air was cold. Hillwood was expecting a snow storm in the next few days. Helga huffed and puffed, trying to stay warm as she walked briskly down the sidewalk toward home.
She felt open and anxious, like she'd genuinely confessed her broken heart in front of a hundred people. She reminded herself that no one knew it was real. The pain was real. The tears were real. Damn those tears.
How pathetic could she get? Pining over a guy for so many years and for what? She felt foolish but she couldn't get him out of her head. So, as she'd done for all these years, she bottled those feelings. Hoping that by concealing the depths of her emotions, she wouldn't be able to feel the pain and longing they brought when she realized they were in vain.
As she approached her brownstone, she noted Big Bob's car parked outside. Of course her parents hadn't come. They never came. Damn her parents.
She climbed up the steps leading to her house and turned to lean against the front door. Somewhere a few blocks away, her friends were eating pizza and talking, laughing… enjoying one another's company and celebrating a successful show. Somewhere a few blocks away, Lila was leaning her head against Arnold's shoulder. He probably paid for her food. Maybe he was holding her hand or kissing the top of her ginger-haired head.
Her street was quiet aside from the whistle of a blustery winter wind. Helga felt heat in her chest and tears threatening behind her eyes once again. A melody haunted her.
"I love him," Her voice was barely a whisper. "But only on my own…"
[A/N: Well, there you have it! Chapter 1 and it's a long one! Yay! XD As always, I have a lot more drama and anguish to put these characters through lol. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter :) Toodles!
(BTW: The song at the end was 'On My Own' from Les Miserables.]