Huh… Riot changed Caitlyn's splash art. Odd.
In any case, this one's for GrimGrave: a double serving of humour with a bit of romance sprinkled here and there. Enjoy~
-Peel for me… Baby?-
Vi sneezed mightily as she reached out to push open the glass doors leading into the Piltover Police Department precinct, the recoil from the action nearly causing her to fall backwards, down the steps and onto her ass. As she took a moment to regain her bearings, the pink-haired brawler was besieged by three more sneezes and she groaned as she rested her forehead against the cool glass surface, her shoulders slumping.
Was she getting sick? She was never sick.
Shaking off the trickle of doubt, the young woman continued into the building, nodding in greeting to her fellow officers as she passed their cubicles on the way to her own. The Enforcer's office was slightly larger than your standard officer's and she had made a few upgrades of her own on those days when her superior officer had her confined behind the desk with an ass-ton of paperwork, including a sweet little mini bar that emerged from the side of a metal file cabinet and a cyber-reality node that allowed her to run combat situations.
No sense in letting herself get rusty while she was away from the Fields of Justice.
There were a collection of posters for action-packed movies and assorted photographs of friends and weaponry tacked to every available inch of arms-proofed gray wall and the swiveling chair she had picked out was worthy of being a throne for the gods themselves—
'Crash!'
As rump met hard tiled, ground, the chair having slipped right from beneath her as she lowered herself into a seated position, the Champion released a string of profanity that would have made even Bilgewater pirates blush.
"You okay, Vi?" a concerned individual questioned one cubicle over.
"Yeah… Great." Rubbing her bruised bottom, Vi got to her feet, giving her seat a suspicious look as she tried the rather simple action a second time.
Success!
Her computer hummed to life, a net of blue-white energy shooting out to capture a snapshot of her retinas and the identification information stored on the communicator built into her high collar, and the fighter was soon presented with a stream of text referring to her objectives for the day.
Paperwork—blah. She didn't really see the point considering how little crime there was thanks to the combined efforts of yours truly and the unofficially titled "sheriff"—a too-serious woman with a sharp mind and an even sharper tongue by the name of Caitlyn.
Her dear Cupcake.
She chuckled, reaching out to enter data onto the holographic keyboard that unfurled before her, only to find the peripheral device unresponsive. In fact, the computer's fan made a sound that almost sounded like a sigh as the screen went black.
Okay, now she was beginning to suspect that something was amiss.
'What else could go wrong?'
The answer to that question came in the form of a cheerful electronic chime from her collar and a miniature, holographic version of a tall, well-dressed woman appeared on her desk, her legs dangling over the edge and crossed primly at the knee. "Good morning."
"The verdict's still out on that one. What've you got for me, Em?"
"News from the Fields of Justice. It would appear you're to be Summoned soon."
"Who's on my side?"
Emma tilted her head, processing the request for a split second before waving her hand and procuring a holographic document upon which ten names where written—five in blue and five in purple.
She frowned as she recognized the first name scrawled in purple… the colour her name currently wasn't.
And the name just under hers—
Life was so unfair sometimes.
Sure enough, her partner in solving crime (and on more than one occasion, in bed), came storming into her cubicle, her signature frown of disapproval firmly in place. If looks could kill, the blue-haired beauty would have been locked up a long time ago because the razor sharp intensity behind ice blue orbs was almost palpable.
Though her first instinct was to escape via the little trap door—not to mention one of the best investments ever—that she had had installed beneath her desk as she usually would have given the little red warning flags going off at the back of her head, Vi chose instead to face the other woman's ire like a champ.
Mistake.
"What is this bullocks?" Her copy of the roster was on paper clenched tightly between slender fingers.
"It's just bad luck, Cait."
"I don't believe in luck, I believe in science." Just like any given resident of Piltover, the City of Progress. "You're going to her again."
She groaned, scrubbing her hand over her face. "You make it sound like I'm doing this on purpose. Like suddenly the Summoners give a shit about what I want and, for some crazy ass reason, what I want is to be paired with a complete psycho who thinks 'shoot first, ask questions if they're still breathing' is a great way to say 'hello'."
"This happens far more often than I'd like." That level of often-ness being never.
The Enforcer activated her hextech gauntlets, the machinery that powered them purring as metal plates spread out over her fists, and checked the bios to make sure everything was in tip top shape. Better safe than sorry and with the way her luck was going… "She's a popular ADC. It only makes sense that she gets auto-locked so often. And I'm a badass, so…"
"I guess I'm not quite as popular as you two, huh?" She crossed her arms over her chest, huffing indignantly and Vi resisted the urge to facepalm lest she take her own head off.
Fucking—women!
"Caitlyn."
"What?"
"Look, you were chosen for the enemy team. I can't do anything about that and you know it." She deactivated her gauntlets, cupping the sniper's cheek and smoothing away those frown lines with a sweet kiss. "She won't get between us, Cupcake. Promise."
The Sheriff of Piltover sighed, smiling faintly despite herself. "Okay… I trust you."
"Good." She gave her partner a squeeze, taking in the rich jasmine scent the older woman always wore and finding strength in the familiarity of it. "Now put your game face on. We should get out of here so no one sees us leave."
As the AD Carry turned to exit the room, she copped a feel, purring playfully as she got a nice handful of firm, round ass.
"Vi!"
Vi appeared on the fountain pad in the purple team base with a flash of light, rolling her shoulders and striding towards the furry little old yordle who sold all of the battle equipment for her and her allied Champions. She made it about half way there when a slender, feather light form jumped onto her back and skinny arms looped around her neck.
"Hiya, Fathands! You and your girl fighting again?"
"Fuck off, Jinx." The bruiser bucked, tossing the blue-haired nuisance off of her and scowling. "What makes you say that?"
The Loose Cannon flipped through the air and landed easily, grinning. "You came crawling back to me."
"Oh, ha ha." She brushed off her shoulders—as though the demolitionist had somehow sullied her shiny metal spaulders. "Leave me the fuck alone and this match will go by just fine, got it?"
Whatever snappy response the bluette made was lost in the feminine voice that called from every direction—
"Welcome to Summoner's Rift!"
—and she sauntered towards bottom lane, blowing a kiss to Vi as she hefted her shark-headed death launcher, Fishbones, onto her shoulder.
How the hell did that girl get under her skin like that? Vi's temper was explosive at the best of times, but Jinx's proximity made it as volatile as a nuclear reactor.
With a frustrated snort, the pinkette bought her starting items and headed into the jungle towards Blue Buff. Seeing as the enemy jungler was the blind martial artist, Lee Sin, she didn't feel like fighting over her buff when she could just as easily take his. As she entered the brush around the Elder Lizard's camp, gesturing impatiently so that a loud 'ping!' indicated that her teammates should assist her, the jungler mentally prepared herself for the match ahead.
The League of Legends wasn't for the faint of heart.
…
Why was there no friendly fire?
Moments before…
Vi grunted, squashing the little lizard babies on either side of Red Buff before turning on the head honcho himself and delivering a powerful blow to the monster's plump underbelly.
It felt good to hit things.
After claiming this buff, she could open the jungle up to her team and really focus on ganking the shit out of their unexpected enemies.
As she drew her arm back to deliver the finishing blow, the bruiser's sharp ears picked up the low whistle of an approaching projectile and she whirled to come face-to-obscured, sure to be sinister face with a midget in brilliant purple mage's robes. He looked very much like the minions that marched along the enemy lanes, though his intelligence was much greater than that of the cannon fodder units—Veigar, the Tiny Master of Evil.
He cackled, lifting his staff, but one swift punch sent him flying into a tree where he slumped, groaning. "Sit tight. I'll deal with you after I take Re—"
Suddenly, the sound from before was much, much louder and an enormous explosion of flame and explosive force encircled them in a whirlwind of heat and noise. Over the roar, Vi could hear Veigar shrieking, his voice like nails on a chalkboard, and she screwed her eyes shut, retreating into the vision-obscuring cover of the bushes.
When the smoke cleared, the omniscient voice informed all of her teammates,
"An enemy has been slain!"
Vi brushed herself off, shaking her head disapprovingly in the general direction the Super Mega Death Rocket had hurtled from, and turned back to her quarry before the timer reset and it started regaining health…
Only to find that Red Buff was gone.
Currently…
"Hey, hey! I said I was sorry!" A red ring of ancient runes encircled the demolitionist's feet, though they weren't currently on the ground—a reminder of what the jungler had lost.
"No, you didn't?!"
"Well then consider that an apology."
"That's the worst fucking excuse for an apology I've ever heard!" Jinx made calming motions with her hands until, finally, Vi exhaled sharply and unclenched her fists, dropping the older girl unceremoniously to the earth. "Don't let it happen again."
"Scouts' honour." For a moment—a record-breaking hundredth of a second—she looked chastened. Then, that shit eating grin returned with a vengeance. "Red Buff looks better on me, anyway."
"I'm going to kill you. I don't know how, but I'm going to kill you."
"Aww, but—"
"You have five seconds."
"You're being—"
"Four…"
"C'mon—!"
"Three…"
"I heart you?"
A vein stood out in her temple as she clenched her jaw. "Two…"
"Bye bye!" Jinx chirped, hopping aboard a rocket and returning swiftly to base.
The Excessive Force behind her blow sent out a conic blast of electric blue energy and Vi laughed triumphantly, feinting around the larger siege minion and striking a second time, managing to wipe out an entire wave of mindless little purple guys without hitting her boss/fuck buddy/opponent.
Caitlyn wasn't firing at her either, though she didn't seem particularly impressed by the light show as she leaned up against her turret, arms folded.
"Why the hell is she still alive?" Jinx demanded, entering the lane from the river with her support, a pretty mute bearing a magical instrument called an etwahl, in tow. The young woman glowered at Caitlyn as she continued, "Let me help you out with that, Fathands."
She pulled her minigun, Pow Pow, from the holster on her thigh and fired off a dozen rounds of neon-coloured bullets but, just before they made contact with the Sheriff, a protective bubble of chi formed around her and a muscular, blindfolded man came soaring out of the brush near the river, placing his body directly between his ADC and the enemy team.
"Lee Sin," Vi grunted. "What brings you here?" And so close to her… Whatever Cait was.
"I cannot allow a teammate of mine to fight when the odds are not in her favor."
The pinkette quirked an eyebrow. "Last I checked, three is more than two… Even if Sona's only a support." The blue-haired musician's instrument released a string of indignant notes, but she waved off the cacophony. "But you're blind, so I forgive your inability to count properly. Enough chit chat. Prepare to get your ass beat."
Jinx took a menacing step forward and there was an explosion that sent chunks of mushroom and clouds of poisonous vapor into the air. As she coughed, gagging, a tiny yordle wearing a scout's cap appeared out of thin air, raising his dart gun into the air and announcing, "Captain Teemo—on duty!" as a giant armored polar bear came charging out of the jungle; he slowed, rising up on his hind legs and squaring broad shoulders and baring his teeth.
Oh fuck—an ambush!
"I believe now we are four against three."
Lee Sin smirked, throwing an orb of chi that struck Sona, marking her, and following after the projectile, foot first. As she hit the ground, Volibear roared and made a beeline for Jinx, who swiftly threw down a handful of Flame Chompers—ovular shark-headed traps that snapped shut to stop pursuers dead in their tracks—and unhooked Fishbones from her back holster, pointing its deadly, fiery maw towards the ursine attacker.
There were several huge explosions, but Vi lost track of the duo as she dove for Teemo, grabbing him by the scruff of his neck and pummeling him until he had stopped moving.
Or that had been the plan, anyway. One Blinding Dart made it impossible for her to hit him and she growled in frustration as she swiped futilely at the giggling scout, her blows missing their mark each time. Clenching her gauntleted hand into a fist, she charged up Excessive Force, barrel rolling out of the way of a poison-coated dart and smashing his smug little face in.
Her vision wavered, becoming clear once more before going entirely dark again, and she scrubbed at her eyes with her wrist, swearing profusely.
How the hell was she going to murder him if she couldn't fucking see anything?
"Heads up, Fathands!"
Instinctively, the pinkette hit the floor and, for the second time this match, a Super Mega Death Rocket soared across the field. A second later, there was another maelstrom of light and deafening sound and Teemo was reduced to an ash outline in the grass.
Jinx came running over the rise closest to the enemy base; she was breathing hard and there was a giant sooty paw print in the center of her chest, but that shit eating grin was firmly in place as she holstered a still-smoking death launcher. "I got your back, girl."
'Tch.'
Without bothering to thank the other Champion, the Enforcer headed down the river where she had glimpsed the Maven of the Strings fleeing from her blind opponent, hoping dearly that their missing teammates were actually fucking pushing since they had next to no opposition at this point.
Caitlyn was nowhere to be seen, though that didn't necessarily mean she wasn't around. The sniper didn't like being close to the action—she preferred to pick off targets one by one without getting her hands dirty. Volibear was a heap of smoldering fur and Teemo was… Heh. No problems there.
Wait, what about—
Lee Sin was… dancing, caught in Sona's Crescendo, and she quickly dispatched him with a combo of punches, the last of which sent him smashing into the ground, his health bar emptied. Warm, healing energy soothed her aches and she pulled herself together, nodding her thanks to the beautiful musician and turning her attention to the one enemy that remained alive.
Just her fucking luck.
"Steady…" Caitlyn murmured, one eye shut tight as she hefted her rifle onto her shoulder. Though she couldn't see where the sniper's sights were, she had a pretty good idea what the jealous, unforgiving woman had in mind. The Sheriff never missed a shot. Ever. And if her Ace in the Hole went uninterrupted, Jinx would die. Not permanently, mind you, but the bruiser knew the damned Ult hurt like a bitch.
Vi shouldn't have cared, but… The psychopath was a teammate. Yeah, that was it. Team loyalty and such.
On the other hand, Cait would be furious if she saved the demolitionist's skinny hide for what had to be the millionth time—as though having compassion was now a crime. Not that she usually showed any sort of compassion, but still!
Which poison to pick: sharp-tongued sharpshooter with a stick up her (rather nice) ass and a tendency towards vindictiveness or deranged gun-wielding demolitionist bent on reducing the world as they knew it to rubble?
Difficult decision.
While she was waffling, Volibear respawned just in time to rush the Loose Cannon as she tried to sneak into the base to take out the unguarded Inhibitor, murder in his eyes as he closed the distance between them.
"Vi!"
There was none of the smug sarcasm that was usually present in the Loose Cannon's voice—only alarm. Crimson eyes were wide, scared, and Vi swore under her breath, her heart thudding uncomfortably beneath her breast. Her Blast Shield flickered as her gauntlets hummed with energy, Vault Breaker carrying her forward and through the ivory white wall around the base; a thin beam of red connected her and her target—the vicious polar bear beast—and she smashed a fist into his throat just as he attempted to flip the bluette, interrupting the action and hoisting the big white bear into the air as though he was weightless before pounding him into the ground a moment later.
"Get dunked!" the warrior called as her opponent's bulky form slumped.
Before she could celebrate the small victory, she heard the familiar whine of Caitlyn's sniper rifle locking onto its next target and she swore, whirling and pulling the low health gunner into her arms, placing herself firmly between her ally and the projectile meant to end her life. The bolt flew right through the wall to strike the Enforcer directly between the shoulder blades and she winced as pain shot from the point of impact to the end of her tailbone.
Peeling like a boss.
She heard the Sheriff swear—colourful, accented language that normally would have made her smile—and groaned inwardly, realizing that she had played guard dog without actually meaning to.
Or so she told herself.
The look that Jinx gave her made her cheeks heat and she grunted, "What?" as she crossed her arms over her chest—as though the defensive gesture would hide the feelings she had (against her better judgment) for the skinny, hyperactive twerp.
Because, against all odds, she really did like Jinx. Which meant there was probably a masochist lurking within her because the troublemaking little twitch was a pain in her ass and a pox on the entirety of Piltover.
"Aww… You do care!"
'Shit.'
"Don't read too far into it, kid," she grunted, turning away to mask that irritating red hue. She had to get out of here before the Loose Cannon could poke more holes through the mask of indifference and irritation she wore to keep the younger woman at bay.
It wouldn't do if the villainess knew how much she actually cared. Caring was weakness and Jinx was a master of exploitation.
Before she could, however, the vagabond threw her arms around the pinkette's neck and planted one on her with a loud, unnecessary, "MUAH!"
She'd be lying if she said her heart didn't give a happy little double beat.
"V-Vi!" Caitlyn gasped, actually dropping her sniper rifle as she came around the edge of the wall. The firing mechanism went off, unleashing a custom-made steel projectile known as a Piltover Peacemaker that somehow managed to fly right into Jinx with a crit high enough to empty her remaining hit points.
As the bluette groaned and fell to the ground, her inert form fading slowly from view, the bruiser fought the urge to /ff out of sheer disbelief.
"Victory!"
Oh… Too late. Apparently her teammates had been less useless than she had first suspected.
Soon the spell that bound them to this realm would dissipate entirely and they would return to their own individual worlds. Jinx would run amok, destroying the City of Progress, and the dynamic duo would have to use all of their strength and cunning to take her down—at least for a little while.
And of course she would have to face up to that little incident from before…
Cue annoying red hue.
The world around them dissolved, fading into darkness before brightening to reveal the familiar shininess of Piltover's mechanical streets. Vi blinked a few times, her eyes adjusting to the sudden change in lighting, and was greeted by the icy cold glare of icy blue orbs.
She grinned nervously, her hextech gauntlets shrinking to allow her to scratch the gear tattooed on the side of her neck nervously. "Now Cupcake, it wasn't what it looked li—"
"My office. Now."
She was never ever going to hear the end of this...
Shit.
-Fin-