Hi dear reader! I am so happy that you are willing to read my story! I was just studying and suddenly this chapter hit me and I had to write it down. I'm new at this, so it would be nice if you could review! If you have any questions just pm me! I have no idea where this story is actually going, but I assure you there will be plenty of tension. I really hope you enjoy! Thanks!

Note: sadly, I do not own Castle nor any of the characters. They just tend to give me a lot of inspiration! Thank you Marlowe!

CHAPTER I: Ka-boem!

Kate Beckett sat down looking around in her apartment. That place that used to feel like home, the safe harbor she could always return to, now felt cold an abandoned. She hadn't heard from him in the past three days and the feelings started to take control over her. She was not used to this. This was the kind of shit that happened in movies, not in her life. Well, actually… it did.

"Guess I wasn't born for luck after all…" She whispered to herself.

And, argh…Work didn't feel the same. She could have thought he wouldn't come. But she was still hoping. Well, false hope. When she checked in at the precinct on Wednesday morning, she was hoping to smell that familiar coffee scent. Ryan and Esposito asked her where he was, and she didn't know what to say. She told them he had the flu and he'll probably be back in a few days. How could they know? How could they know that question felt like a thousand knives through her chest, like she was being shot all over again. Just to make it worse, there was only paperwork to do. God, she hated paperwork. She needed a murder, something to take her thoughts to another place. Because lately she could use that some escape. She immediately felt guilty for that thought… It was actually a good thing that people weren't dying. But still… She was brutally taken from her thoughtful daydreaming when the phone started to jingle. Her heart skipped a beat. Who the hell would call her up at eight in the morning on a Saturday? It could only be… her father. For just a second she played with the idea of just letting it ring, but she had to pick up. She hadn't heard from him in weeks. Well, actually it was the other way around.

"Hi dad."

"Ooh, Katie! I've been trying to reach you for weeks now! I know you're busy but sometimes your old man likes to hear the sound of your voice! How are you?"

"Yes, I know, I'm sorry but it has been busy here lately. Work is killing me! I'm fine, I'm fine, how are you?" hearing the voice of her father almost made her cry. She was this close to telling him the whole story, but she just didn't feel like it. Not now, not today. Maybe next time.

"You don't sound fine, Katie. What's up?"

"No, nothing, nothing. I'm just very tired with all of the stuff going on lately I don't really know where my head is anymore. But I'm fine, I'll figure it out. And you ignored my question, how are you, dad?"

"I'm okay, enjoying the days. Except from the snow. I hate snow, but overall I'm good. Especially now I hear you are still alive." She heard him laughing awkwardly trough the phone. Since the accident, he used to make jokes about life and death a lot more. She was fine with it, because humor was just his way of coping with things.

"Don't worry, dad, I'm doing great. And I'm still alive", she said with a little smile on her face, thinking of the irony of that sentence right now, "alive and kicking. I was just about to make myself some breakfast, actually."

"Well then, I will not longer disturb you. Hope you have a fine weekend, dear. Call me next week, we need to see each other. Over lunchtime maybe? It has been a very long time since I saw your face."

"I will do that. I promise! Next week! Bye, dad!"

"Bye, Kate. Take care!"

"Maybe I should eat something…" She thought. But she wasn't feeling like eating something. She was thinking about that one time when he came and made her pancakes for breakfast. She pretended she didn't like it, but she was a foolish girl back then. "Anyway", she said to herself, "maybe it's time to come back to life a, even just a little." She got up and went to the kitchen. She looked at her phone… Should she call him? That feeling was biting on her ever since the fight. Countless times she had her phone in her hand, his number dialed, all she needed to do was push that green button. But it was too much to ask. After all, he was the guy, wasn't he? She decided to take a shower; maybe it would wash the worries away.

He wanted to call her so badly but he just couldn't bring himself up to do it. Never had something scared him that much. Just the thought of her not picking up, or worse… Why couldn't things just work out for once? He took the phone and dialed the number. Preparing himself to push the button, he could almost hear her phone ringing in his head. He couldn't. He just couldn't. He tossed the machine of misery away and it smacked against the wall before it safely landed on the carpet. "Argh. At least one thing in my life that isn't broken." He mumbled. The second he said that he realized how cheesy that sounded. He was not one of those emotional people, he didn't understand. Never had he felt like this. Yes, he had been sad and hurt before. Even heartbroken, I mean, who hasn't. Of course he had problems, who didn't? But by never dealing with them, he never learned how to. It was always easier to deal with problems of someone else instead of looking into the mirror. There was a storm raging inside him, he felt something coming up. His respiration fastened and there it was. Hot and emotional tears. "What the hell am I doing?!" He thought to himself. There it was, Richard Castle, crying like a little baby. He couldn't even remember the last time he did this. Maybe in the end, everything was just too good to be true. Maybe what's meant to be, is just not always meant to be. He always thought that everything would be easy as long as there was love, and passion. But it's not always like that. He started to understand the meaning of that proverb he once thought silly. Sometimes, love is just not enough. He looked at his watch. 9 A.M. Alexis and Martha left yesterday evening to spend the weekend in the Hamptons. He promised he would follow today. He told them he had to take care of some stuff. Both his mother and daughter wisely didn't ask further questions, knowing he wouldn't answer anyway. He should get dressed, do something instead of lying in bed, staring at the phone waiting for it to ring every second. She wouldn't call, he knew. Maybe this time he went too far. But so did she, after all. He tried to remember all these words they said, but just couldn't stand the thought. "Anyway, get a grip Castle. She's just a woman, like any other. She'll get over it." He had been seeing that to himself the past three, wel almost four now, days like a mantra. Hoping it would help, but it didn't. He could hear the sound of her voice in his head. That one little sentence. Just some words. But it made him feel as if the world was still turning, but way too fast, and he was standing there, watching it happen but helpless to do anything about it. "How can I even think of being in a relationship with you if you can't tell me who you are, Castle? You need to tell me, I need to know. Why can't you trust me? Why don't you even try?!" He heard the despair in her voice. The sadness. Always the same argument, for months and months now. Why couldn't she just understand that for him, it has been hard enough to give it a place, to lock it up inside. He brought these things and feelings to a place where nobody could ever find them again, not even him. Talking about these things… they would just give him a depression. He tried to explain her countless times, but there was no talking possible with that woman. She was so stubborn. What was her problem anyway? They were happy, weren't they? So why does she need to know? They live in the present, not in the past. And maybe… just maybe… What if she was right? What if the only way of figuring these things out was talking about it? He should call her. It's enough. "Enough," He said to himself, "I'm done with this shit." He grabbed his phone from the carpet and dialed the number. He felt relieved to hear the sound of her voice, even more when he heard it sounded as sad as how he felt right now.

"Hi." Her heart was pounding in her chest like crazy. At this moment, her happiness couldn't be contained. He called! He actually called. That same moment she felt overwhelmed with fear. What if he just…

"We need to talk, Kate. We can't go on like this. I haven't slept or ate in days it's just that… I don't know what to do with myself, please tell me you feel the same way."

"I just… I… I don't know Castle. It's just that, maybe… I just…" Oh god just say it, woman. "I miss you so bad. I want to talk too. Just don't, well… you know…"

"I'm on my way."

The next thing Kate heard was the silence, the silence on the other end of the phone. He was coming. Oh god. Fear and happiness were just running through her body at the same time. But it was the fear that took over. Maybe she went to far this time. Yes, she had said things she didn't mean. Things that hurt him, she saw it on his face. That puppy-eyed look he always has when he's hurt. And now he was coming. She had to relax. Breath in, breath out. She turned the television on, in the hope it would distract her. All she could do now was wait. Wait, and hope.