(A.N. These are all different things that I learned while hangin' with the Cullens…. So yah.) Review flames welcome.
I want to die peacefully like my grandfather did in his sleep------ Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Behind every successful man ----- is a very surprised woman.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Energizer Bunny arrested….. Charged with Battery.
The greatest pleasure in life is doing something that people say you should not do….
A computer once be me at chess….But it was no match to me at kick boxing.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Its just…Yours is stupid.
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
GUYS: NO SHIRTS, NO SERVICE. GALS: NO SHIRTS, NO CHARGE!!!
He who laughs last…Apparently didn't get the joke.
If you die on an elevator, just be sure to push the up button.
Yo momma so fat, when she sings, ITS OVER!!! (Idk)
I remember the time I was kidnapped. They sent a piece of my finger to my father for ransom. Well, he said he needed more proof.
Blonde QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS FOR Rosalie:
Q: How do you change Rosalie's mind? A: Blow in her ear.
Q: Why did Rose look up and smile at the lightning? A: Because she thought someone was taking her picture.
Q: What would you call it if Rosalie dyed her hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: Why did Rose wear s condom in her ear? A: So she wouldn't get hearing aides.
Q: Why did Rose still Charlie's cruiser? A: She saw '911' on the back and thought it was a Porsche
Q: How did Emmett make Rosalie's eyes light up? A: Stuck a flashlight in her mouth.
Q: Why do all blondes drive BMWs? A: Because it's the only thing they can spell.