Disclaimer: Only the plot of this story is mine. Characters are not mine.
They belong to Disney, who I hope are working things out with Hilary!
Author's Note: This new story is dedicated to all the people that gave me such positive reviews on my first story. Thanks you guys! I'll try and respond to people this time. This story is different from that one. This first chapter is long and it's almost a story within itself, but as you will see, the story has only just begun!
Another Way - Chapter One By: Taygeta
David Gordon looked at his reflection in his bathroom mirror. He gave himself a satisfactory grin at what he saw.
Far be it to say, he was hot.
It wasn't often that he gave himself props for his looks. He wasn't one for Narcissistic moments at all, but he had to admit that he looked good this evening. The woman at the store had been right. Dark blue was his color. He was wearing the suit she had shown him: a double-breasted dark blue suit with faint gray stripes, white collared shirt, and a blue-gray patterned tie.
He had other new suits in his closet; his new boss had decided that he didn't like his wardrobe. Mr. Essler, President of Essler Films, was a wealthy man who liked to dress in clothes that reflected the part. This consisted of Armani suits and the like. After working for the past year with Essler Films, David got paid well nowadays. At the age of twenty- seven, he was Mr. Essler's right-hand man, and on top of that steady job, he had written a few movie scripts that had gone on to film and generate some critical buzz. So he was sporting a few Armani suits of his own.
However, he was still a relatively simple man when it came to cost and clothing. Any other night he would have been in jeans and a shirt watching television or working on a movie script or just hanging out with friends from work.
Tonight was different from just a regular night.
Tonight David Gordon had date.
Gretchen Reese was beautiful. She had long dark curly hair and dark eyes that looked violet in certain lighting. Her smile made David want to smile. She wasn't very tall, but that was perfect because David himself wasn't very tall. He had grown since his days as one of the shortest kids in junior high, but his height had reached but average lengths and not that many inches more.
David had met Gretchen a few months ago. She was an actress that he had met while his friend Henry filmed one of his movies. She had auditioned for the lead role, but the movie called for a woman with plain features...and though talented, Gretchen wasn't a woman of plain features. She did however manage to give David her phone number that day, and he taken the initiative to call and ask her out. It was an offer that met a rather warm response.
They had been dating ever since.
He was beginning to think he had found the perfect woman. She was beautiful, talented, and smart. They got along well and understood each other perfectly. They had an understanding of the demands of their career field and supported each other constantly. It was a match made in heaven.
But most importantly, Gretchen Reese was not Lizzie McGuire.
~ * ~ * ~
"Lizzie, when are you flying in?" asked Miranda over the phone.
In the background, the blonde heard the sound of a screaming child. She heard Miranda continue, "Larry, can you please get Michelle out of the crib?"
"Ah, I knew there was a reason why I wasn't settled down yet," sighed Lizzie.
Lizzie could almost see her friend roll her eyes, "We'll get you settled down yet, Ms.McGuire, but you didn't answer my question."
"I'll be flying in tomorrow, just in time for your anniversary party next week. Five years as Mrs. Larry Tudgeman, Miranda...congratulations we all lost the bet."
"Oh, hush you! Anyways, you'll be just in time to help out with everything," Miranda replied smugly. .
Lizzie sighed and echoed, "Just in time to help out with everything. I knew Maid of Honor's duties weren't as simple as they seemed. Be in pictures, walk down the aisle ahead of the bride, stand next to the bride, make a speech, and five years later come back to help out with the anniversary."
"Lizzie!"
"I'm just kidding!"
After a few hesitated moments, the mother and wife said, "Are you sure you're okay with coming?"
"Miranda..." she replied with a sigh. "I wouldn't miss it for the world, especially about something that happened a long time ago."
"Hi Lizzie," said Larry leaning over to the phone as he carried his two- year-old daughter.
"Hi Larry," she smiled.
"She says 'hi'," said Miranda. "Do you want to talk to Michelle?"
The conversation ended with Lizzie talking with Michelle. Or rather, Lizzie talking and Michelle spitting out a few words that sounded like "aunie lizard" and intermingled with gurgling noises. She talked briefly with Larry after that and confirmed the time he was supposed to pick her up at the airport tomorrow evening, and as she was three hours ahead in New York, Lizzie soon said her good-byes to get some rest.
But when she hung up the phone and got ready for bed, she found herself lying on her pillows and unable to sleep. Truth be told, she wasn't okay with going home. She hadn't been home for a long time. Her parents took frequent trips to the East to visit her and the last time she had been in LA was when Matt had gotten married a few years back. It had been a small wedding and at the last-minute. Matt was going to get shipped off to Panama with his Marine Corps, and he and his girlfriend had decided at the spur of the moment to get hitched. So Lizzie had about 24 hours to fly to LA and 12 hours after landing to get back to work the next day.
In other words, Gordo hadn't been there.
She smiled to herself. He probably didn't even go by that childhood nickname anymore. Everyone in his life probably called him David.
But he'd always be Gordo to her. At least, that's the name she had last called him by before they went their separate ways in college.
They had attended USC together, he at film school and she working with business. Miranda had decided to attend CalArts and work on her performance arts. They had all been the best of friends throughout most of college, her and Gordo especially since they had attended the same university. They didn't always see each other. They had their own activities and their own friends, but each was always around for the other when needed.
But at the end of those undergraduate years, Lizzie did something she had never meant to do.
She had broken Gordo's heart.
Lizzie had guessed a few times that there was a possibility that her best guy friend had seen her as more than just a friend. Even Miranda had put in her sly commentary throughout the years, but nothing had ever happened that reflected more than hints and possibilities. He never said anything to her, and she was unsure enough to have never brought it up.
It certainly didn't result in either of them not dating other people. Gordo had various girlfriends throughout college and Lizzie had her various boyfriends, but it was one boyfriend in particular that changed everything.
He had been Gordo's rival in the film classes. His name was Gary Lasco and he had been very charming. Gordo had said he hadn't minded Lizzie going out with him when she asked him about it, but he had lied it seemed. At first, she had thought that it would just be a few dates, but things with Gary became really serious and by the time they were seniors, she had been dating him for over a year. Lizzie very well thought that she loved Gary and that if things continued, she and him would possibly get married in the near future.
The entire time, Gordo had been very cordial to Gary, but somewhere in the midst of everything, she realized that she didn't see her best friend as much as she had before. She realized that she hadn't seen much of him at all and that was why it seemed that Gordo accepted her boyfriend. Reality was that he accepted them by avoiding them.
So she went to his apartment and confronted him, but she had confronted more than she had bargained for.
She could almost hear their conversation echoing in her ears in the dark room. It had run through her head so many times throughout the years...
~ * ~ * ~
"I haven't been avoiding you because Gary's my so-called rival or whatever, Lizzie. He and I might not be the best of friends and we might be competitive in our classes, but I know he's a nice guy. Outside of class, there's none of that rivalry stuff."
"Then Gordo, what's the problem? Why have I barely seen you in a year? You haven't even asked me constantly to help you with your movies. No inquiries about how to get money for the project, what to substitute something expensive for something less expensive..."
"I just didn't want to bother you with that kind of stuff."
"Gordo...I might complain, but I like it when you bother me with that kind of stuff. Remember? It makes me think that you're going to put me in your credits one day?"
He chuckled. He hadn't put her name in the credits since she had actually been in his student films in high school, but ever since college and the discovery of free actors from the theatre school, he hadn't needed her acting abilities. So she answered questions for him off-camera, helped with some financing of the projects, but never anything to give a title.
"Lizzie, I'm sorry I haven't been around much. Really, I am. I've been really busy. It's senior year. I've got projects. You know how it goes."
"I do know how it goes, but I know something's wrong, Gordo. Why won't you tell me?"
He was silent for a moment before he said, "Okay, Lizzie... but this isn't going to make you feel good and you can't change anything about it, but I'm telling you because at this point in time, I guess you deserve to know."
She nodded, "Okay."
His eyes averted hers as he spoke, "You're right. I am avoiding you. I have been avoiding you this entire time you've been with Gary. It's - It's because it hurts."
"What?" she asked, not believing her ears.
He paced around his apartment and looked her, "Lizzie, it hurts to see you around him and know that you're really happy. That for all intents and purposes, one day you might even marry the man."
"Gordo, are you telling me what I think you're telling me?"
"Why not say it?" he said to some invisible audience in the apartment. He walked closer to her and looked at her. Lizzie saw something familiar in his eyes, but at the same time, she encountered something all together new about that indefinable expression. After a moment he said, "I love you. I always have. I always will. I wasn't lying when I said that outside of class, Gary and I didn't have any rivalry. It's the truth because I see the way you look at him. There's no competition. You're never going to look at me like that. I know that what I just told you has no bearings because when you look at him, I hurt, and I can't make that stop. I thought I'd get used to it after awhile, but I haven't yet. I try. I see you guys around...and I think I can muster the courage to go up and act just like it was old times again, but the pain doesn't go away. That's why I avoid you, not because I hate Gary. It's because...I love you."
"I - I don't know what to say," she replied haltingly.
He shook his head and sighed, "There's nothing to say. There's nothing you can say that - "
So she didn't say anything.
She kissed him instead.
It wasn't just any kiss. It was a hot, heady, knee-weakening, every-Gordo- fantasy-come-true kind of kiss.
After awhile - a long while - the two pulled apart slowly and stared into each other's eyes as they breathed heavily.
Lizzie tried to think of something to say, but her head was still somewhere in the clouds from the earlier moment, and before she could come down from those clouds, he kissed her.
It was a sweet kiss, gentle and loving.
They both stood in an oddly comfortable silence that was broken in a not so comforting way.
"I can't do this, Gordo," she whispered.
He looked at her, "What do you mean?"
"I can't just throw away what I have with Gary."
Gordo backed away from, "Then why did you kiss me? What...did you feel sorry for me?"
Lizzie winced slightly at the edge in his tone, "No, Gordo. No. I didn't kiss you because I felt sorry for you. Far from it. You deserve someone else better than me."
"Then why did you kiss me?"
"I don't know. It felt right."
"Maybe that's telling you something, Lizzie. Maybe you should go with that feeling?"
She thought for a moment about what he said, but in her mind she saw Gary's face...she imagined his expression if she knew she had kissed Gordo. She imagined how hurt and sad he'd be...much like Gordo had been, but she'd been dating Gary for over a year. They had a relationship together. It was built on trust...and love, and she loved him. They could work out.
She and Gordo? That was a different direction entirely, and she felt such guilt for kissing Gordo. It might have felt right, but it had been wrong to do so. She hadn't been thinking.
Lizzie stepped away from Gordo, "I can't do this to Gary."
"So you're going to throw me aside? Throw *me* away?" he said harshly, but beneath the sting of his tone, she knew he was hurting.
"I'm not throwing you away, Gordo. You're my best friend. How could you even think that?" she asked. Her eyes watered. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't. She knew that the moment she started, she wouldn't be able to stop.
"Because..." he said as he walked over to the door to his apartment and opened it. He let the door swing open and held it there with his foot. "I rather wish you would because I want you to leave."
"But, Gordo, I - "
He shook his head, "Just go." She grabbed her bag and walked out the door. Before she walked down the hall, she heard him continue, "And Lizzie?"
"Yea, Gordo?"
Not looking at her eyes he said, "Since we never see each other anyway. Maybe it'll be a good idea if we just don't."
"But, Gordo..." Lizzie began.
The door closed behind him.
She turned around and walked slowly down the hall. She expected to hear the door open again, but no matter how slow she walked. It didn't. By the time she got to the stairs, the tears that she had kept inside wouldn't heed her control.
She cried all the way home and for a long time after that.
~ * ~ * ~
Lizzie's heart ached at the memory.
In hindsight, she knew it had been the biggest mistake of her life. She had taken the safe route where things had fallen into place so easily. She loved Gary, but she loved what he meant even more. She had love Gordo, but that was a love that she had never been able to comprehend. It just seemed unreal that he could have loved her so long and so much. It had to have been false...or so she let herself conclude. It was a conclusion that made reality a little less harsh...that she wasn't alone because she let someone slip away onto another way - far from her. She was alone because it hadn't been. It only existed in her imagination.
Lizzie drowned herself in her thoughts. She was all alone. She lived in a large, upscale apartment in New York and she shared it with no one. Miranda had been married for five years. Yes, to Larry Tudgeman who was still as nerdy as ever, but he was wonderful man and he loved her best friend like no other person on earth. It was no wonder that her best friend loved him back and they were going to celebrate their fifth anniversary together in a week. She envied Miranda and Larry. She envied her parents who were still happily married. And even Matt had his band of Marine brothers and his family - including his wife - waiting for him at home.
She obviously never married Gary. They were still good friends, but he had broken things off with her because he wanted to dedicate himself to his career. Lizzie had been headed to New York to work as it was and it just made sense. When it came down to it, the other reasons were just excuses. They loved each other, but it took them the excuses to admit that it was a love that was never meant to lead them to any road of being together forever. Gary made Lizzie see this clearly when she attended his wedding a few years ago. She had joked with him that he hadn't really wanted to work on his career since he obviously had been working his way in finding himself the woman of his dreams. Gary had moved to the East and was still working on films, but he hadn't been very successful yet, and he was working at a media web development firm on the side.
And though things didn't work out between her and Gary, she never blamed herself for making Gary the reason why she broke things off with Gordo. She hadn't made him the reason. The one thing that never changed in hindsight was that she never would have wanted to hurt Gary that way. In that way, she knew she hadn't really made a mistake. She couldn't regret doing something that she could never have done to begin with. They were still good friends. Gary's wife, Pamela, was actually one of her best friends. That all would have never have been.
Try as she might all these years, she never regretted kissing Gordo either. She knew it meant something, but while she knew her friendship with Gary at the time wouldn't have survived those circumstances, she had foolishly thought that her and Gordo - all their years together - would have meant something...could have kept on being something.
She had been wrong. The only time she saw him was when she was with Gary at his graduation ceremony with the film school. Gordo, of course, was there. He had shook Gary's hand and wished him luck. He had stood right beside her and didn't even say a word to her.
She would have seen him at Miranda's wedding, but circumstances proved otherwise. Larry had wanted Gordo to be his best man at his wedding. They had become good friends throughout high school. It was Gordo that had brought Larry and Miranda together. For all the circumstances, Lizzie knew Gordo would have put all differences aside and would have done so for Larry. Even if it meant being around her all the time. Gordo, however, was called away to work in another state that month. He had been doing work with a film company that traveled for much of the year to film and he couldn't get out of it. So he missed the wedding, but he had promised to give them something in five years when he was sure he'd be successful to make up for his lack of presence.
So, of course, Gordo would be at the anniversary party. He was footing the bill for the entire thing.
She supposed Gordo might have found someone by now. She could imagine how he'd be at the anniversary party. He would probably have some beautiful woman beside him. Miranda had told her that he was doing well and was working for a film company. Of course, in addition to that monetary success, he would have some beautiful woman who would hang on his arm all night, who would never be so willing to walk out of his life, who would kiss him and love him and know every single day that he was with the most wonderful person she could ever find.
Some woman who would laugh at the woman who walked away.
Some woman who would think it deserving that this same woman would be living in a huge apartment all alone.
Some woman who would see her crying herself to sleep tonight and think she deserved it.
No.
Gordo would have found himself a better woman than that.
Better than Lizzie McGuire.
---- Please R/R! I would greatly appreciate the feedback. Thanks for reading! I know it's been a long chapter.
Author's Note: This new story is dedicated to all the people that gave me such positive reviews on my first story. Thanks you guys! I'll try and respond to people this time. This story is different from that one. This first chapter is long and it's almost a story within itself, but as you will see, the story has only just begun!
Another Way - Chapter One By: Taygeta
David Gordon looked at his reflection in his bathroom mirror. He gave himself a satisfactory grin at what he saw.
Far be it to say, he was hot.
It wasn't often that he gave himself props for his looks. He wasn't one for Narcissistic moments at all, but he had to admit that he looked good this evening. The woman at the store had been right. Dark blue was his color. He was wearing the suit she had shown him: a double-breasted dark blue suit with faint gray stripes, white collared shirt, and a blue-gray patterned tie.
He had other new suits in his closet; his new boss had decided that he didn't like his wardrobe. Mr. Essler, President of Essler Films, was a wealthy man who liked to dress in clothes that reflected the part. This consisted of Armani suits and the like. After working for the past year with Essler Films, David got paid well nowadays. At the age of twenty- seven, he was Mr. Essler's right-hand man, and on top of that steady job, he had written a few movie scripts that had gone on to film and generate some critical buzz. So he was sporting a few Armani suits of his own.
However, he was still a relatively simple man when it came to cost and clothing. Any other night he would have been in jeans and a shirt watching television or working on a movie script or just hanging out with friends from work.
Tonight was different from just a regular night.
Tonight David Gordon had date.
Gretchen Reese was beautiful. She had long dark curly hair and dark eyes that looked violet in certain lighting. Her smile made David want to smile. She wasn't very tall, but that was perfect because David himself wasn't very tall. He had grown since his days as one of the shortest kids in junior high, but his height had reached but average lengths and not that many inches more.
David had met Gretchen a few months ago. She was an actress that he had met while his friend Henry filmed one of his movies. She had auditioned for the lead role, but the movie called for a woman with plain features...and though talented, Gretchen wasn't a woman of plain features. She did however manage to give David her phone number that day, and he taken the initiative to call and ask her out. It was an offer that met a rather warm response.
They had been dating ever since.
He was beginning to think he had found the perfect woman. She was beautiful, talented, and smart. They got along well and understood each other perfectly. They had an understanding of the demands of their career field and supported each other constantly. It was a match made in heaven.
But most importantly, Gretchen Reese was not Lizzie McGuire.
~ * ~ * ~
"Lizzie, when are you flying in?" asked Miranda over the phone.
In the background, the blonde heard the sound of a screaming child. She heard Miranda continue, "Larry, can you please get Michelle out of the crib?"
"Ah, I knew there was a reason why I wasn't settled down yet," sighed Lizzie.
Lizzie could almost see her friend roll her eyes, "We'll get you settled down yet, Ms.McGuire, but you didn't answer my question."
"I'll be flying in tomorrow, just in time for your anniversary party next week. Five years as Mrs. Larry Tudgeman, Miranda...congratulations we all lost the bet."
"Oh, hush you! Anyways, you'll be just in time to help out with everything," Miranda replied smugly. .
Lizzie sighed and echoed, "Just in time to help out with everything. I knew Maid of Honor's duties weren't as simple as they seemed. Be in pictures, walk down the aisle ahead of the bride, stand next to the bride, make a speech, and five years later come back to help out with the anniversary."
"Lizzie!"
"I'm just kidding!"
After a few hesitated moments, the mother and wife said, "Are you sure you're okay with coming?"
"Miranda..." she replied with a sigh. "I wouldn't miss it for the world, especially about something that happened a long time ago."
"Hi Lizzie," said Larry leaning over to the phone as he carried his two- year-old daughter.
"Hi Larry," she smiled.
"She says 'hi'," said Miranda. "Do you want to talk to Michelle?"
The conversation ended with Lizzie talking with Michelle. Or rather, Lizzie talking and Michelle spitting out a few words that sounded like "aunie lizard" and intermingled with gurgling noises. She talked briefly with Larry after that and confirmed the time he was supposed to pick her up at the airport tomorrow evening, and as she was three hours ahead in New York, Lizzie soon said her good-byes to get some rest.
But when she hung up the phone and got ready for bed, she found herself lying on her pillows and unable to sleep. Truth be told, she wasn't okay with going home. She hadn't been home for a long time. Her parents took frequent trips to the East to visit her and the last time she had been in LA was when Matt had gotten married a few years back. It had been a small wedding and at the last-minute. Matt was going to get shipped off to Panama with his Marine Corps, and he and his girlfriend had decided at the spur of the moment to get hitched. So Lizzie had about 24 hours to fly to LA and 12 hours after landing to get back to work the next day.
In other words, Gordo hadn't been there.
She smiled to herself. He probably didn't even go by that childhood nickname anymore. Everyone in his life probably called him David.
But he'd always be Gordo to her. At least, that's the name she had last called him by before they went their separate ways in college.
They had attended USC together, he at film school and she working with business. Miranda had decided to attend CalArts and work on her performance arts. They had all been the best of friends throughout most of college, her and Gordo especially since they had attended the same university. They didn't always see each other. They had their own activities and their own friends, but each was always around for the other when needed.
But at the end of those undergraduate years, Lizzie did something she had never meant to do.
She had broken Gordo's heart.
Lizzie had guessed a few times that there was a possibility that her best guy friend had seen her as more than just a friend. Even Miranda had put in her sly commentary throughout the years, but nothing had ever happened that reflected more than hints and possibilities. He never said anything to her, and she was unsure enough to have never brought it up.
It certainly didn't result in either of them not dating other people. Gordo had various girlfriends throughout college and Lizzie had her various boyfriends, but it was one boyfriend in particular that changed everything.
He had been Gordo's rival in the film classes. His name was Gary Lasco and he had been very charming. Gordo had said he hadn't minded Lizzie going out with him when she asked him about it, but he had lied it seemed. At first, she had thought that it would just be a few dates, but things with Gary became really serious and by the time they were seniors, she had been dating him for over a year. Lizzie very well thought that she loved Gary and that if things continued, she and him would possibly get married in the near future.
The entire time, Gordo had been very cordial to Gary, but somewhere in the midst of everything, she realized that she didn't see her best friend as much as she had before. She realized that she hadn't seen much of him at all and that was why it seemed that Gordo accepted her boyfriend. Reality was that he accepted them by avoiding them.
So she went to his apartment and confronted him, but she had confronted more than she had bargained for.
She could almost hear their conversation echoing in her ears in the dark room. It had run through her head so many times throughout the years...
~ * ~ * ~
"I haven't been avoiding you because Gary's my so-called rival or whatever, Lizzie. He and I might not be the best of friends and we might be competitive in our classes, but I know he's a nice guy. Outside of class, there's none of that rivalry stuff."
"Then Gordo, what's the problem? Why have I barely seen you in a year? You haven't even asked me constantly to help you with your movies. No inquiries about how to get money for the project, what to substitute something expensive for something less expensive..."
"I just didn't want to bother you with that kind of stuff."
"Gordo...I might complain, but I like it when you bother me with that kind of stuff. Remember? It makes me think that you're going to put me in your credits one day?"
He chuckled. He hadn't put her name in the credits since she had actually been in his student films in high school, but ever since college and the discovery of free actors from the theatre school, he hadn't needed her acting abilities. So she answered questions for him off-camera, helped with some financing of the projects, but never anything to give a title.
"Lizzie, I'm sorry I haven't been around much. Really, I am. I've been really busy. It's senior year. I've got projects. You know how it goes."
"I do know how it goes, but I know something's wrong, Gordo. Why won't you tell me?"
He was silent for a moment before he said, "Okay, Lizzie... but this isn't going to make you feel good and you can't change anything about it, but I'm telling you because at this point in time, I guess you deserve to know."
She nodded, "Okay."
His eyes averted hers as he spoke, "You're right. I am avoiding you. I have been avoiding you this entire time you've been with Gary. It's - It's because it hurts."
"What?" she asked, not believing her ears.
He paced around his apartment and looked her, "Lizzie, it hurts to see you around him and know that you're really happy. That for all intents and purposes, one day you might even marry the man."
"Gordo, are you telling me what I think you're telling me?"
"Why not say it?" he said to some invisible audience in the apartment. He walked closer to her and looked at her. Lizzie saw something familiar in his eyes, but at the same time, she encountered something all together new about that indefinable expression. After a moment he said, "I love you. I always have. I always will. I wasn't lying when I said that outside of class, Gary and I didn't have any rivalry. It's the truth because I see the way you look at him. There's no competition. You're never going to look at me like that. I know that what I just told you has no bearings because when you look at him, I hurt, and I can't make that stop. I thought I'd get used to it after awhile, but I haven't yet. I try. I see you guys around...and I think I can muster the courage to go up and act just like it was old times again, but the pain doesn't go away. That's why I avoid you, not because I hate Gary. It's because...I love you."
"I - I don't know what to say," she replied haltingly.
He shook his head and sighed, "There's nothing to say. There's nothing you can say that - "
So she didn't say anything.
She kissed him instead.
It wasn't just any kiss. It was a hot, heady, knee-weakening, every-Gordo- fantasy-come-true kind of kiss.
After awhile - a long while - the two pulled apart slowly and stared into each other's eyes as they breathed heavily.
Lizzie tried to think of something to say, but her head was still somewhere in the clouds from the earlier moment, and before she could come down from those clouds, he kissed her.
It was a sweet kiss, gentle and loving.
They both stood in an oddly comfortable silence that was broken in a not so comforting way.
"I can't do this, Gordo," she whispered.
He looked at her, "What do you mean?"
"I can't just throw away what I have with Gary."
Gordo backed away from, "Then why did you kiss me? What...did you feel sorry for me?"
Lizzie winced slightly at the edge in his tone, "No, Gordo. No. I didn't kiss you because I felt sorry for you. Far from it. You deserve someone else better than me."
"Then why did you kiss me?"
"I don't know. It felt right."
"Maybe that's telling you something, Lizzie. Maybe you should go with that feeling?"
She thought for a moment about what he said, but in her mind she saw Gary's face...she imagined his expression if she knew she had kissed Gordo. She imagined how hurt and sad he'd be...much like Gordo had been, but she'd been dating Gary for over a year. They had a relationship together. It was built on trust...and love, and she loved him. They could work out.
She and Gordo? That was a different direction entirely, and she felt such guilt for kissing Gordo. It might have felt right, but it had been wrong to do so. She hadn't been thinking.
Lizzie stepped away from Gordo, "I can't do this to Gary."
"So you're going to throw me aside? Throw *me* away?" he said harshly, but beneath the sting of his tone, she knew he was hurting.
"I'm not throwing you away, Gordo. You're my best friend. How could you even think that?" she asked. Her eyes watered. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't. She knew that the moment she started, she wouldn't be able to stop.
"Because..." he said as he walked over to the door to his apartment and opened it. He let the door swing open and held it there with his foot. "I rather wish you would because I want you to leave."
"But, Gordo, I - "
He shook his head, "Just go." She grabbed her bag and walked out the door. Before she walked down the hall, she heard him continue, "And Lizzie?"
"Yea, Gordo?"
Not looking at her eyes he said, "Since we never see each other anyway. Maybe it'll be a good idea if we just don't."
"But, Gordo..." Lizzie began.
The door closed behind him.
She turned around and walked slowly down the hall. She expected to hear the door open again, but no matter how slow she walked. It didn't. By the time she got to the stairs, the tears that she had kept inside wouldn't heed her control.
She cried all the way home and for a long time after that.
~ * ~ * ~
Lizzie's heart ached at the memory.
In hindsight, she knew it had been the biggest mistake of her life. She had taken the safe route where things had fallen into place so easily. She loved Gary, but she loved what he meant even more. She had love Gordo, but that was a love that she had never been able to comprehend. It just seemed unreal that he could have loved her so long and so much. It had to have been false...or so she let herself conclude. It was a conclusion that made reality a little less harsh...that she wasn't alone because she let someone slip away onto another way - far from her. She was alone because it hadn't been. It only existed in her imagination.
Lizzie drowned herself in her thoughts. She was all alone. She lived in a large, upscale apartment in New York and she shared it with no one. Miranda had been married for five years. Yes, to Larry Tudgeman who was still as nerdy as ever, but he was wonderful man and he loved her best friend like no other person on earth. It was no wonder that her best friend loved him back and they were going to celebrate their fifth anniversary together in a week. She envied Miranda and Larry. She envied her parents who were still happily married. And even Matt had his band of Marine brothers and his family - including his wife - waiting for him at home.
She obviously never married Gary. They were still good friends, but he had broken things off with her because he wanted to dedicate himself to his career. Lizzie had been headed to New York to work as it was and it just made sense. When it came down to it, the other reasons were just excuses. They loved each other, but it took them the excuses to admit that it was a love that was never meant to lead them to any road of being together forever. Gary made Lizzie see this clearly when she attended his wedding a few years ago. She had joked with him that he hadn't really wanted to work on his career since he obviously had been working his way in finding himself the woman of his dreams. Gary had moved to the East and was still working on films, but he hadn't been very successful yet, and he was working at a media web development firm on the side.
And though things didn't work out between her and Gary, she never blamed herself for making Gary the reason why she broke things off with Gordo. She hadn't made him the reason. The one thing that never changed in hindsight was that she never would have wanted to hurt Gary that way. In that way, she knew she hadn't really made a mistake. She couldn't regret doing something that she could never have done to begin with. They were still good friends. Gary's wife, Pamela, was actually one of her best friends. That all would have never have been.
Try as she might all these years, she never regretted kissing Gordo either. She knew it meant something, but while she knew her friendship with Gary at the time wouldn't have survived those circumstances, she had foolishly thought that her and Gordo - all their years together - would have meant something...could have kept on being something.
She had been wrong. The only time she saw him was when she was with Gary at his graduation ceremony with the film school. Gordo, of course, was there. He had shook Gary's hand and wished him luck. He had stood right beside her and didn't even say a word to her.
She would have seen him at Miranda's wedding, but circumstances proved otherwise. Larry had wanted Gordo to be his best man at his wedding. They had become good friends throughout high school. It was Gordo that had brought Larry and Miranda together. For all the circumstances, Lizzie knew Gordo would have put all differences aside and would have done so for Larry. Even if it meant being around her all the time. Gordo, however, was called away to work in another state that month. He had been doing work with a film company that traveled for much of the year to film and he couldn't get out of it. So he missed the wedding, but he had promised to give them something in five years when he was sure he'd be successful to make up for his lack of presence.
So, of course, Gordo would be at the anniversary party. He was footing the bill for the entire thing.
She supposed Gordo might have found someone by now. She could imagine how he'd be at the anniversary party. He would probably have some beautiful woman beside him. Miranda had told her that he was doing well and was working for a film company. Of course, in addition to that monetary success, he would have some beautiful woman who would hang on his arm all night, who would never be so willing to walk out of his life, who would kiss him and love him and know every single day that he was with the most wonderful person she could ever find.
Some woman who would laugh at the woman who walked away.
Some woman who would think it deserving that this same woman would be living in a huge apartment all alone.
Some woman who would see her crying herself to sleep tonight and think she deserved it.
No.
Gordo would have found himself a better woman than that.
Better than Lizzie McGuire.
---- Please R/R! I would greatly appreciate the feedback. Thanks for reading! I know it's been a long chapter.