By Rumples-Leather-Emporium
For: Bythedagger RSS Prompt : His hands in her hair
A/N: I was so happy to get to know you. This story took a mind of its own but I hope you will like it. I had fun writing it and letting it lead me to the ending. This is a bit of a twist on the "5 times" type of story..
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Sight
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Rumple watched Belle from his spinning wheel. This maid, Belle was her name, was not what he expected. She cried, she was unsure, possibly even frightened. Well she should be frightened, I am the Dark One. But somehow she intrigued him, as much as she cried, hesitated, or was fearful, there were no pleads, no scurrying away from him. She continued cleaning, stayed in the same room and watched him. Wait! She's watching me watch her and she smiled? She is not what I expected. She was feisty, headstrong, stubborn and standing too close. No longer was Belle the woman that feared of his reaction when she chipped the cup, but he instead feared the look on her face when he would eventually disappoint her. You are a Dark One, and Dark One's have no care of the feelings of others.
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Months ago she had fallen off the ladder and he had caught her. He looked into her eyes and he didn't see fear in them but what he did see made him want to run. Now she was at the window with a book but not reading. Her look confused him; she was smiling almost as if she had a puzzle and finally discovered how to solve it. Why? Why would she be happy? He couldn't fathom why this beautiful bird seemed happy to be caged with a beast. A beast that could easily sink his claws in her and take all the light she radiated. She was a mystery to him, a great mystery and he looked at her confused. He poured himself tea and walked around the great table. She's following me. Months…yes months since he caught her and now she was sitting next to him talking. Asking about his son, his life as a man, a life he barely remembers. I'm no man. Not anymore. No you are a Dark One. No man, but part of us. He watches her as she talks about love, how she beams at him while talking of adventures, she won't have, about love and its many layers, you have taken that from her as well, and he sees that he is in love. He had been in love with her for some time, and it burns. Watching her makes him smile, seeing her come alive, he's happy, he's in love and he really really sees her. He loves her, he sees now that he must let her go.
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It's an illusion. You're fooling yourself. Don't do this. Rumple walked out of his shop and saw her in the group. Destruction was going to lay waste and destroy his family, his Belle, his son, everyone and they were unable to prevent it. He saw her and watched as he walked up behind the man that pretended, the liar, the cheat, the coward; his father. Earlier she had waited, given him her love and he couldn't fathom why she was there at the docks when they arrived. I'm no man, only a monster, and a villain. And now here they were. Yes it was an illusion. An illusion he created in hopes that somehow the monster, the villain would have a happy ending. I never deserved you. I never deserved us. He saw her and he was strong, he could fight the darkness urging him to stop what he was doing. He would die for her, and she would live, love and go on.
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The town line, nothing good ever happens at the town line. Why didn't he see it? Why didn't he see what he was doing to her, what he was becoming? He saw the failure written on her face, she was trembling, unable to see the man but only the beast. You tell yourself something long enough eventually you convince yourself and it will become true. But he loved her, and he could see that it didn't matter anymore. He took a woman full of life, love, kindness, and hallowed her out. Stripped her of everything and here she was at the town line a broken shell. Monsters do that. Monsters cannot hope for happiness. Monsters don't deserve love. They don't know what to do with it except to destroy it. And then she vanished. She couldn't even watch has she forced him across the line. He saw the empty road become his reality as Belle faded from his view, crying pleading that he could still see her if only for a moment.
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The shop, his shop, or was it hers now? Would she be there? He wanted to see her, maybe try and talk to her. Tell her why he returned to town. Tell her that he needed his dagger. Not out of desire, but fear. Fear of not being in control. We are always in control not you. Zelena blackmailed him, not that it would change what he had done. But he had to return, as much as it was for himself, Zelena gave him no choice. He couldn't bear the thought of Belle not knowing the truth, thinking that his love for her was not the strongest part of him. That it wasn't true. Everything he felt for her was authentic, and when he could see her again he'd tell her. He watched her from the shadows, seeing her again brought him to the light. She could save him if he could have the chance. He missed her smile, that expression she would give him. Her warmth radiated when she smiled as she was doing right now from the window. Watching her give that delighted look to another and he broke. He saw her more beautiful, more lovely, and in the arms of another. The face he remembered the last time he saw her, crushed, broken because of him now replaced with happiness, and affection for another. How could she love you? A devil and an angel can never love. She moved on, as she should have so long ago.
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Smell
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As he led her from her father's castle the faint smell of burning corpses filled his nostrils. Something inside him felt the need to shield her from that. She paid the price, willingly. He promised to rid them of the ogres and save them all. Her friends, her family, they would be saved. But the smell of fire, flesh, death wouldn't give much assurance and that should be the last thing this brave girl should recall. Let her smell death. Let her know fear and remember that you hold the power to give both life and death to her and her village. Let her remember and make her tremble every time she sits at your hearth and places wood in the fireplace. He marched her through the castle before they left. Showcase your prize. Let them know who they owed their lives too…you; the Dark One. The fighting died down with each step, the smell of fire, death, replaced by the scent of a Spring rain. Rain to wash away the unpleasantness of war, rain to bring renewal.
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Of course he'd find her here. Asleep on the chaise with a book in hand, a book ready to fall on the floor. He picked up the book and placed it carefully down, making certain to mark where she had left off. The library smelled of her. Or perhaps she smelled of the library, its books, and pages filled with love, adventure, heroics. All he knew as he conjured a throw to place over her is that somehow he wanted to have this always. This knowledge that even as he went the rest of his days in darkness he'd pick up a book and think of her. She will die, you will live. You are the Dark One. Nothing else matters.
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The smells of soap and books have been replaced by booze, sex, and a pool table. The Rabbit Hole had all of these in spades. A place Belle would never go or at least not in the capacity Lacey has. Yet there was where he had found her, drinking, gambling, flirting, and having fun. She agreed to go out with him, the smell of sex, and danger emanating more from her than him. He wanted her to see the best in him, the man Belle would want. Yet Lacey wanted the bad guy, the man the town was afraid of. The power made him sexy to her. This imposter in Belle's body who wanted wine and danger instead of hope and goodness. It's easy to give into your natural base desire and harm others when you have the approval of a woman who could be as dark as you. Rip out his tongue, he deserved it long ago, let him know the wrath of the monster. Let this woman stay and let go of Belle. This one is more attune to the Dark One, to us. Stop fighting for what you can't have.
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Surrounded by bars, the smell of straw, piss, vomit and uneaten meat pies were everywhere. And darkness, complete darkness in this dank place was all he could hope for. He dreaded when the light came on or the doors above opened. They knew he was here now. They won't come. You are nothing to them, why would they care except to keep the dagger from being used against them. The doors opened, but he kept his back to it. He needed to adjust to the light, and prepare himself for whatever punishment she was going to put him through. As she descended the stairs the breeze carried her scent to him, the scent of citrus, mixed with her own intoxicating smell; love, hope and books. He turned and saw her, her complete faith in them and their love urging him to try and fight the dagger that compelled him. I'm not worth the risk. "Run" was all he could say as the air grew thick and the stench of meat pies, piss, vomit, and straw were replaced by the remembrance of trauma, molestation, forced feedings, and groveling.
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He hated himself. He hated that he was tricking her. He was desperate, and knew she wouldn't believe or trust him. So he pretended to be that vile pirate to get the dagger. She's over you, handing what could control you…kill you over to the man that has hated and wanted you dead for centuries. She wants you dead. This is why you should stop this foolish notion and let us take over. You'll be rid of the pesky emotions of love and hope. Love isn't for Dark Ones. There's no hope in the darkness. He spoke to her earlier about that boy she was seeing, Will was his name. He made her happy and it was simple, she said. I destroyed the woman that once believed in layers. As she walked away to the car where the smell of dirt and rain brought back memories of another night ages ago when he became adrift by the lure of the dagger and lost Baelfire. The night following he had returned to the spot where his son went through the portal, digging as the rain poured, crying and pleading to join his son, irrational thoughts frightening him as to what his son could be going through. You'll weep for her as well.
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Sound
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He had her back at his home. Those witches will never threaten you again. They had returned and were safe in his castle, but now things were awkward. She asked why he cared so much. Don't care for her, she will never love you. Who could love you? He didn't care, he couldn't afford to care. His heart couldn't take losing out again. Loneliness suits you. But his heart sang when she looked at him and spoke to him with affection. It is affection isn't it? But why, perhaps because I saved her and that was all? Maybe she will try and use her wiles to get on your good side. She was telling him she made tea. She sat by the fire while he worked, reading out loud. He didn't concentrate on what he was doing instead he pretended to work while he listened to her voice. She was safe and sound, Belle was here, and he would protect her always. I'm glad you're back safe, here in our home.
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Rumplestiltskin heard the door open and shut, but he was in a hurry and had no time for anyone. The air was knocked from him as he turned to the voice that just asked if he was Mr. Gold. A voice he heard in his dreams every night for years. It was her, and she was alive. She was locked away, all this time here… alive. Used as a pawn because of him. Yes, you will remember me, and hopefully forgive me. Her voice seemed tinier than he remembered. She was smaller, underfed and pale. Regina did this to you? All the more reason I need to get to the well. I can't let you be harmed by her again. I won't lose you. He felt the atmosphere change as they stumbled through the woods. Wait she said, Rumplestiltskin wait, she remembers his name and the most beautiful words his heart has ever heard were spoken by his Belle. "I remember… and I love you."
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He was dying for certain. Baelfire at his side squeezing his hand, his son loved him even though he was still angry. He was full of love he told his son, and that love will be gone and most likely spent into the atmosphere along with the power of the dagger. Cora couldn't have it. However it was out of his hands and he needed to help Belle. She didn't remember, and he couldn't die knowing that he didn't help her. He knew he had frightened her when true love's kiss failed, he still had to try. It failed because you cannot have true love. Dark Ones don't have true love. Don't fool yourself to believe that it failed because she doesn't remember. She needed to listen, to hear what he had to say. If he died he needed to know that Belle would remember who she was. The essence of who she was, which was a hero who saved her people, a woman that paid the price for loving him, loving an ugly man. Darkness makes us all ugly. He needed to call her. He'll never have them both in his life, but he would die knowing that she heard what he said and that his son was found. "When you look in the mirror and wonder who you are…that's who you are." Thank you, Belle. I'm so very sorry.
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She was standing across from him and he still couldn't believe it. A beautiful smile, her eyes glimmered with tears of happiness that could only mirror his unshed tears. She had told him yes earlier. He had lost his son, was free from Zelena, and he was lost. But he saw her and he knew he had to capture life and happiness while he could. I've lost so much and I am afraid to wait for life to settle and be right. It may never be the right time or right moment and I love you too much to lose you. So he asked her to marry him, a quiet ceremony by the place that had so much meaning. I'm broken; I'm lost, unloving, and unlovable. An enemy of love, because all it ever brought was pain. Darkness is so much easier when hope fades. But she spoke and answered him, reassuring and pulling him from his doubts. Flawed yes, but we all are. The best of us are chipped; the best of us are worn and dusty. You brought light and chased away all the darkness. She saw past the mask, past the monster and the darkness to the man beneath. How long before she realizes the lie? The monster will always win over the man. Darkness will always shut out the light.
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He had lost the battle hadn't he? Rumplestiltskin faded into nothingness and now only the Dark One was at home. He couldn't hear the voices however, and he was Rumplestiltskin the man. There was no Dark One inside. After all I've done. Why am I still here? Drifting in and out of thoughts and time, every scream, cry, and repulsed gasp at the sight of him playing in his mind, reminding him of what he was and now what he never could be. Coward should have died long ago. Your son died because of you. You were nothing, and you still are. Belle lost so much because of you, she was damaged; hurt, all because she loved you… but she did love me. Belle spoke again. Urging him to live, to fight for himself, to be the man he truly could be now, and come back to her. I don't deserve you at my side, to hear your voice. Death is all I merit. She's been sitting at Rumplestiltskin's side, speaking to him…willing him to live. The Dark One didn't win; he no longer felt the pull of the curse. Maybe I have a chance now for forgiveness, maybe I can atone. Gods willing perhaps I'll have a chance to love you the way you deserve.
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Taste
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It was odd the difference a cup would make. He was certain that the cup somehow became enchanted when she chipped it. Every time he took his tea using that cup it made him happy, and content. All teas paled when served in any other cup then the one she chipped. She can never know how much the cup from its chip to the tea reminds me of her. That only her tea will ever be good enough to pass my lips. If Belle knew she would be repulsed, she would run. He stared at the cup; fingers tracing the chip and still wondering what magic took place that a damaged cup would become a keepsake, so meaningful, and as sentimental to such a beast as him.
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They made love for the first time in his home. No… our home if she will have it. He was gentle and more than a bit frightened. He loved this woman lying next to him. Every kiss was becoming more passionate and fervent. Pupils dilated, musk filled the air, bodies glided, but the taste of her was what intoxicated him. Her lips were always tender and rough, but her skin was different. It was honey and citrus, sweetness, with a bite, no it was Belle. Nothing could describe what his lips and tongue savored because it was Belle. From her lips, down her neck to her most sensitive core, his lips would worship her. This is just us; the voices are quiet when we are one. He would drown himself for her; he would die just so she would live. Someday you'll have your chance and it won't change what you are.
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She came with a picnic basket to the shop. Dressed in yellow, her hair cascaded down past her shoulders. He could never understand why she kept doing this, why she chooses him. She believes in me. That's because she doesn't know the real you. They sat at his counter and ate, it didn't matter what she made. The fact is she made it for them; for him. She loved him for whatever the reason he was blessed and he savored every bite. Knowing that every meal she chose to share with him could be the very last time she would offer her love, her hope and her belief in him. She'll find out soon enough the man you really are coward and all meals will taste like ash and hopelessness in your mouth.
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The place was strange. A home that he didn't really notice before, a place felt more mysterious than he was comfortable with. But she had found it and claimed it as their getaway. A place to celebrate their marriage and he could never deny her that. You are her downfall, she doesn't know what you've done and the disappointment when she finds out will break her. It was their honeymoon, they were married and that left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. He gave her the fairytale she deserved. A dance they shared, her tears of happiness, the elegance and romance all for her. But the guilt was eating him inside. It was rotten, and left a vile taste in his mouth. I'm afraid Belle and I deceived you because of that. I feel I am losing myself to the darkness. I am despair, wretchedness, malice, an abomination, my heart is in pain. The darkness likes how I taste.
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She was here at the well. She called for him and looked at him with love and disappointment. The voices cried out in anger when he kissed her. She tastes of another. She's been with him don't let this stand. Her words cut but the fact was there all the same. He was a dog, an unwanted dog kicked and still begging for love. You're rabid and you'll destroy her as you have destroyed yourself. As Belle left forgetting what transpired as Regina commanded the truth was still in front of him. I am always losing to win except I'll never win. The shadows grew around him as he walked away.
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Touch
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How dare she! How dare she go behind my back and set the thief free. What could she possibly be thinking of? Rumplestiltskin paced the main hall trying to fathom why this girl would go against his wishes. That she would be willing to risk her life to save some stranger was beyond him. She's trying to play the hero. She's not afraid of you. You must show her that you're to be feared. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts Rumple decided that she would accompany him as he hunted down the thief. However she argued with him the whole way. I am darker, and you'll see what type of monster I truly am. Belle pleaded with him as he held the bow at the couple. She's thinks you will listen to her now that you didn't whore her out to that sheriff. Punish that servant girl for her treachery and her distraction.
And now here he was; confusion over why he let the thief go, and why Belle's words affected him so. You're weak, she's making you feeble. You're the Dark One; you must correct her for mistaking you as anything other than an abomination. He had not felt affection is years, just the bitter cold of loneliness and isolation. He was feared, unloved, and unkind and no one would ever see it differently. But then she touched him. Just as Belle hugged him earlier, placed her hand on his and he ignored the screams in his head and felt a heat go through him. It was temporary but the illumination was enough to clear the heavy gloom that weighed him down. He gave her a library so she wouldn't feel the same loneliness as he did. A show of his developing admiration for this woman who saw something more in him. Rumplestiltskin was alarmed when she didn't hesitate to touch his hand again. Don't fall for her craftiness, she will never care. Belle smiled, held onto him and told him she was glad. Glad that he was not who he presented himself as, that there was more. Rumple felt something he had not felt in ages…hope.
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He crashed to the floor knees cut and bleeding as the broken glass went through the leather. Pain was nothing compared to the ache and emptiness in his heart. She could never love you. It was a trick. Throwing her in the dungeon was more than she deserves. He hoped as he never did before that she'd come back and when he saw Belle walking up to the castle he was happier than he had ever remembered being. Then she got close to him wanting to hear his story. His story of Baelfire but that was too painful. I lost him there's nothing more to tell really. She slowly brought her lips to his and kissed him and the mist cleared. It was true love and he was frightened by that. Centuries he has gone without companionship and love or affection of any kind and now he had true love. Belle is deceiving you. Monsters can never have true love. You must kill her for trying to take away your power. Tears ran down his face, anger, pain, confusion, and fear. He would not heed those voices but he could not deny them either. In the morning I will make her leave. I will not look at her, I cannot take that chance.
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The fingers were worse than the voices. So many hands on him and their fingers touching, rubbing, and stretching; it was never ending. He could feel them pulling on his arms, tearing at his scalp, petting his legs, and caressing his cheeks. The ceaseless fingers crawling on him were far worse than the voices. There was a new voice also, a voice that didn't have fingers grabbing at him. Papa, remember where you are. Please fight to remember; fight to get out of this prison. The cell was too small to really move, not that it much mattered for Rumplestiltskin. He would never be able to get far enough away from the touching. All he could do was spin, spin to remember, and spin to forget. There were times Rumplestiltskin could remember. I did this for you and I'm still going to lose you eventually. I'm not ready. I can never be ready. Most times there were too many hands, too many voices and remembering was washed away in the ocean. Rumple bumple isn't here; Rumple bumple gone…my dear. Light… Light touched him and he felt his mind clear for a moment. It was rich and bright and cleansed the grave shadow that borrowed inside. Its illumination pulled him beyond the reach of the fingers and the sound of the voices. He looked at her, a beautiful face full of love and tears, her hand still on his. Light.
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His heart was breaking as he hesitantly walked over to Belle. I deserve this for all the pain I put you through. Belle was standing next to a man that made her happy. A man that was worthy to protect her heart. I love you still. He watched her, saw the emotion in her eyes as he took her heart out of the box to place back with her. Hate, anger, mistrust, no love was in her eyes as he regarded them. For all I have done I can at least give you your heart back my sweetheart…my love. As he let go of her heart and walked away Rumplestiltskin knew he couldn't change the past. Of all the regrets he had in his life this burden of knowing how he lost her was the heaviest.
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She came back for him. No she didn't, she was here again for all the trouble he caused. Leave! You must leave Belle. If you stay I won't be able to protect you from the Dark One. There will be no more Rumplestiltskin. He wanted her to go with Will, go to live and love away from Storybrook and the monster. She refused; she would not let him die alone. You don't understand what will happen when I die that is why you must go. He could have had her, had happiness but the darkness had too much sway now. It was no longer in his control. Don't believe it. No one; not your son, not Belle could ever love you. She held his face and told him that she did. She truly loved him if only he had believed. Rumplestiltskin's last thought as he fell unconscious in Belle's arms; I do believe now.
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The Present
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"You did everything right this time Gold"
Rumple turned to look at David as the man placed a hand on his shoulder. "Did I?"
"Yes you did. Look at Belle; she's beautiful so full of love and life. All because you found your way back to her…and your family" David paused watching the way Rumple had turned to look at his bride. He had known Rumplestiltskin for ages but this is the first time he really saw the man and understood him. "Henry is proud to be your best man and soon; as is tradition he'll be giving a speech."
Rumple rolled his eyes dreading what could possibly be said by his grandson.
David just laughed at his expression giving Rumple another pat on the shoulder sounding as droll as possible. "Don't worry so much I heard that Regina was especially helpful in writing a big portion of the speech."
"Oh great, now all the more reason I should have made our renewal private."
As the evening wore on, the guests had settled to enjoy the food and wine as all other formalities were out of the way, the bride and groom in need of some privacy took at moment to walk the garden.
Sneaking behind a wall Rumple pulled Belle up to him and moved them against the wall.
Belle laughed at his boldness. "I love you Rumplestiltskin. I truly do."
Rumple grinned wide and leaned mischievously to kiss her lips only to move suddenly to her neck causing Belle to yelp at the pleasing sensation.
He looked straight at Belle, his eyes never leaving hers as he placed his hand along her head and brought their foreheads together. "There was a time in my life when darkness was so overpowering that all the light you brought to me couldn't rid it and the shadows would slowly creep back into my heart and my soul. But here I stand and for the first time in my life I see you. I see the woman through all the layers and I give myself openly so you can see who I am."
Pausing to kiss Belle full on the mouth Rumple felt free. "I wake up every morning with you next to me and I no longer fear what the day will bring. I no longer have the stench of fear, hate and misery washing over me. It's only you now."
He moved his one hand to Belle's heart placing it flat against her chest. "I no longer hear the voices convincing me of my unworthiness. I know now that I am worthy. All I hear is the love between us. In every heartbeat…in every breath. Each stroke of the minute hand is a reminder that the bond between us is stronger that moment than the one previous. Belle, my love for you deathless and when I breathe my last it will be to utter your name."
With one hand Belle wiped the tears falling down her cheeks, moving in to kiss the man before her she reached for his cheek with the other. "I love you."
Nodding Rumple slid his hand from its place to stroke her cheek; his thumb sliding over the fallen tears. "Belle…with you here by my side the taste of bitterness is gone from my mouth. I relish our kisses as they no longer are mixed with insecurity, and despair. The tears that fall from this day forward will be for healing and joy."
Taking both of Belle's hands in his, Rumple brought them up to his lips and kissed each knuckle, he slowly took each finger to unbend and kiss the tips leading to a kiss placed on Belle's wrists. "I have been thoughtless and foolish in my attempts to protect you from the misfortunes of the world. All my faults and the pains I have caused; you have forgiven. You have given me the greatest of gifts; the strength to forgive myself. You agreed to be my wife, to let love win. I am honored to be the man chosen and to have the chance to choose you again. With that, I promise to carry you when you need support, to catch you when you fall, to hold you when the world is at its coldest, even when it is at its brightest, to let you go if you need it, and to love you in a way I never could before…I am now and forever yours."
"You are the greatest man I have ever known Rumplestiltskin. I am honored that you agreed to be my husband." Belle tugged at his lapels and kissed him fervently. Wrapping her arms around him tightly she placed her head against his chest causing Rumple to place his hands in her hair she whispered. "I have and will always belong to you."