- All '...' denotes flash backs, etc.
TrainI'm sitting here, in the bullet train, whizzing to another part of the country. The rows and rows of houses speed pass me as I stare at my own reflection uncomprehendingly. What is this unfamiliar face that is looking back at me? Since when had it changed without my own notice or accord?
"Next stop..." I ignore the train operator's voice, allowing myself to drown in the noise that surrounds me. I can not miss my stop, I knew, for I have none.
I picked up this habit of riding the train to the end of the station and back from young. It used to be because I loved the hustle and bustle of human activity, soaking in every nuance and emotion of theirs. Now,... now, I wish I knew.
Glancing out of the window once more, I stare into the horizon, hoping to see a visible future out there waiting for me. Snorting non-too-gently, I dismiss that notion immediately. I have the grades, the records, the recommendations to guarantee me any university in the city that I want, but the one thing I lack the most, is the one I need the greatest – a dream.
Not that I never knew how to dream, but...
Vaguely, I can remember a dream in the past. A dream of chivalry, adventure, bravery and passion. A dream that surpasses all other dreams. One that is so real it is almost true. In fact, I believe that if I stretch deep and hard enough into the recesses of my memory, I can bring forth that memory to light. Yet somehow, it has remained stuck there, stubbornly refusing to leave its safe haven in the Unknown.
Exhaling lightly on the cold pane glass, I leave my breath condensed on it and write my name – Chihiro. Exhaling once more, I write another name – Kohaku.
'Haku... Haku!!!'
That name resounds in my head every night. I begin my dreams and end them with it resonating in my mind every morning. Snitches of broken images and conversations mixed and matched on a broken canvas of my memory. Words I have heard before, situations I have experienced before in another world, another dimension, another time plague me just as my reality plagues me everyday.
Forcefully rubbing the glass, I erase both names as though trying to remove the doubts that were piling up in me.
The train jerk to a stop, the people alighting, leaving me and my thoughts solely to myself. I knew that it was time to alight as well, before the images crowded my mind and granted me a permanent migraine as they have done before, but this time, I refuse to leave it.
Somewhere in me, I stubbornly believe that I am imagining things, that I was not merely dreaming, that all these images mean something much more than just a illusion that vaporises in the morning light.
'You never really forget, you only cannot remember...'
Yes, these must be a memory of mine, something that I was not allowed to remember until now.
Sitting down, I resumed my indifferent observation of the scenery whilst the thoughts starts crowding my mind once more.
Frowning, I notice that the scenery outside had changed from that of buildings and houses, to that of just a wide span of water. Looking out of every window, I realize that they reveal the same image – the train submerged in water. It was as though the tracks was built atop a lake and it has flooded the night before.
Our legs swung as we ate the morsels that Lin had salvaged. Turning slightly to me, she mused, 'The rain would surely make a lake tomorrow...'
Jerking out of my reverie, I realize that I had imagined that 'lake'. Isn't that a building that the train had passed? Isn't that the same shopping complex that I had visited with my mother a few weeks ago? Curiosity bit me hard and made me wonder: Where had I been before? Which memory was I reliving this time?
"Next stop..."
I have reached yet another stop...
'The sixth stop... I must get off at the sixth stop.'
I can remember the anxiety, the frustration, all that built-up tension that I had brought up on the train along with the friends that I had made. It was as though the train had reminded me of those special memories that I should never forget. Those are the ones that would teach me how to dream once more.
A myriad of colors flashed before me, an entire array of characters, mythical ones whom I would have imagined coming from the fairy tales that I have read as child. Yet, somehow, I knew that they were real. As real as the near fading of myself when I had entered that strange world. Anyone could scoff at me, discrediting everything that I knew and experienced, but I could not. If I had done so, I might as well say that I had not been born, or I had never been Chihiro. Because those were the events that marked a turning point in my life. Those were the events that made me who I was, am, and will be.
Reaching deeper, I recall the strange lamp that would jump around and led me to the old sorceress' house. I was afraid, very afraid of what she could do to me, but I also remember the determination that had sustained me, that strong feeling that was reminding me of the importance of my journey – to save the one I love.
- The one I love?
- Who is he?
He was... the boy, no, being that I had fallen in love with. The missing link in my life.
'Your name is Chihiro, never forget that...'
He taught me to believe in myself, in that latent strength I possessed deep inside of me, in my own determination to make things happen. And because of him, I -did- believe. I suppose in some way I still do. But I knew that I was still not whole yet. Not without him here, not without him next to me.
"Haku..."
That was his name. The symbol of who he was, and what he was to me. Like me, he had forgotten who he once was. He had lost his way and was left with only remnants of memories of the way things were. Though he had lost a semblance of himself, now, he has found it back tenfold. Maybe one day, I too could once more find myself.
"We are now approaching the end of the JR line, thank you for using our services..."
The train was at its last stop, but somehow, I felt that something had just begun. Standing up for the first time, I brushed myself off, picked up the discarded backpack I had left on the floor and alighted the train.
As I reached the platform, someone tapped me on the shoulder and thrusted his hand forward.
"Miss, you dropped this."
Staring at his hand, I reach to my now unbound hair. Wasn't my hair tied a minute ago? Why is my purple rubberband lying in the palm of his hand now?
Looking up, I drowned in his emerald orbs. Was it...?
Behind us, the train whizzed back in the direction that I had come from, the wind it created whipping both our unruly hair and tugging at my skirt.
Staring dumbly at him, I am at a loss, I must be dreaming. It is only when his other hand reached up to gently wipe my cheeks that I realize I have been crying. Hastily wiping my own tears, I apologize for making such a spectacle of myself. I have not cried since I was ten, and here I am, bawling like a baby.
"Please do not apologize, I have missed you too."
My head jerked up as I registered his words. Emotions that I have dammed up for a long time welled up to the surface, waiting for release. Tugging lightly at the lapels of his collar, I whispered over and over again.
"Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi... you're back, you're back..."
Reaching up to me, he takes my hand in his, smiling down at me.
"A promise is a promise."
As I hold him in my arms, and he holds me in his embrace, the pieces finally fall into place. Dreams are really not as out of reach as we all make them to be. They just lie, dormant, waiting for us to call upon them. And when we do, miracles will happen.
"Ne, Haku?"
"Hmm?"
"Let's go and sit on the train again."
Chuckling, he hold my hand as we step into the carriage of the train, finding a comfortable spot.
Looking out of the window once more, whizzing to a another part of the country, I look at the reflection of him and I in the glass pane, and I realize.
This is the stop I have been waiting for all my life.
~Owari~
Author's Note:
This came out rather queer. I got the inspiration to write this from watching Sarah Connor's 'From Sarah with Love' MTV. To fully understand this story and it's motive, I highly recommend seeing it.
My primary motive is just to write something about SOMEONE going on a train, alone and disillusioned about life in general and then finding at the end of the road that life really ain't that bad. So I thought back about Chihiro and how the train ride she took there may seem insignificant, yet it really embodies some important lesson in life. Aren't we all travelling everyday from place to place, searching for something or someone? Maybe one day we'll finally find it. (BTW, I myself have this obsession of sitting on the train and riding to the end of it, it's so fun!.. must be a habit I picked up from Shinji in Neon Genesis Evangelion.)
Onto why this came out queer. I somehow feel that the story is a tad disjointed. What do you think? I just feel like everything is rather abrupt, but I've already tried to pull the points apart, spacing out each 'nuance and emotion' so that it can be better understood, please let me know if I should revise it. Thanks very much!
~Haruko