Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Titanic.
Author's Note: I worte this out of no reason. Inspiration struck when I was at a pharmacy today. I hope this is at least a bit humorous. It is quite random. Reviews are loved. Enjoy.
The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and little children skipped merrily down the street. Ah, a perfect day it was. Wrong.
The sun was too bright, the birds were too noisy and the little children were trespassing on his property. How many times did he need to yell at those kids to get off his front lawn? In short, Sasuke was pissed at the world (no more than usual).
"Good morning Sasuke-kun," greeted Sakura, "Would you –"
"Go away," he automatically responded.
"You can't treat Sakura-chan that way," Naruto reiterated.
"Don't wrong Sasuke-kun, Naruto," Sakura berated.
"But –"
Sasuke watched the useless banter as he waited for their tardy sensei. He tried to incinerate a nearby flower by glaring at it (he saw it on TV once). It didn't work. He scrunched his face up and tried again.
His teammates looked at him with worry. At that moment, Kakashi chose to arrive. He surveyed Sasuke's face and sighed.
"I can get you some chocolate laxatives if you'd like," the jounin said nonchalantly.
Naruto stifled a giggle (WTF? Giggle?). Sasuke looked at his teacher reproachfully. Now, one might think that he was offended by the comment; but in reality he envied Kakashi's sleek silver hair. Nah, it was because the comment greatly offended the young Uchiha.
"On with the mission," Kakashi drawled.
"O-M-G," cried Sakura, "It's a movie theater! They said such a thing didn't exist, they said I was crazy, but I knew, I KNEW!"
And she went into her own little world (in which Sasuke is a hamster).
Aside from Sakura, Team Seven was pretty efficient in handing out the pamphlets advertising the movie theater's features. As a reward they were admitted to the viewing of Titanic.
At the part when the male lead and female lead got separated, Sasuke was extremely pissed (more so than usual). How can this movie be so dull? Where's the evil older brother who's getting stabbed to death by his younger (and sexier) brother? He glared at the screen with his sharingan activated.
In the dim light, the lady next to Sasuke took a look at his eyes and thought he was crying. She took out a white handkerchief and handed it to the Uchiha boy.
"Here" she offered, "Wipe away those tears, dear. I cried when I first saw it too."
Once again, Naruto heard the offending comment and burst out laughing. Around him people hissed for him to stay quiet. Sasuke strengthened his glare.
The lady looked confused for a moment before smiling again. She slid the handkerchief back into her bag. She pulled out a pen and a notepad. She scribbled something on it and handed it to Sasuke. The boy regarded the paper strangely.
"It's the address of the local pharmacy," she explained, "I heard they sell chocolate laxatives there. It'll help you relief the pain."
With a flushed face, he stomped out of the theater.
"It's nothing to be ashamed about –"
"Mission report," the Hokage demanded.
Kakashi handed the old man a stack of paper and turned to leave. The Hokage scanned the report and cleared his throat. Team Seven turned around to regard their superior.
"Sasuke-san," he asked, "Have you gone to pick up those chocolate laxatives yet?"
Author's Notes: I don't know if I had pulled it off (the comedy factor, that is). Please let me know what ou think. Reviews are very much appreciated.