Hello, I'm back again! With another story new readers can click on and find out that-"oh God, do I have to read 4 other stories before I can read this one?" Kind of. There will be a lot of references to some of my other stories, especially 'Munich 1923' and 'Amestris 1917.'
I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, the characters or the movie. Hiromu Arakawa has beaten us all into the mud with all that, but hell aren't we all glad she did.
Enjoy!
The Wrong World 1924: Soul of Gold
CHAPTER 1: ATONEMENT
"You have to let me go. Don't try to get me back."
Alfons couldn't move. The only thing his ears could catch through all of the noise was the pleading voice inside him.
Alfons opened his eyes, staring straight into deep gold. "But..." he whispered.
"Go. Take him somewhere safe. I know you'll be alright without me."
No, he wouldn't. How the hell would he?
"I'm counting on you." That soft smile. "Take care of him for me, Alfons." The voice was pure sadness and pain forcefully hidden behind weakening golden eyes, and the twinge in them struck Alfons' heart just as much.
Alfons reached to clutch him, to hold him back, but his hands caught another person. Someone smaller, covered in red and bronze.
"Edward!" Alfons cried, and kept clutching the smaller form to his chest. "Edward! Don't go!"
Don't leave me.
"EDWARD!"
But the black hands took Edward away, and Edward just stood there, letting it happen with his eyes closing. Then nothing.
Alfons abruptly awoke, bathing in cold sweat and reaching frantically out in the air with both hands to grab after Edward's ghost.
But he was gone.
Gasping after his breath and clutching the covers to his chest where he was now sitting, he unwillingly let his brain catch up to the present. Somehow his eyes had started to sting of warm, running salt water. Still now, almost an entire month later he was still crying in his sleep. Like his tears could wash all the dreams away.
He stared around the bedroom from corner to corner. It was unfamiliar. Not home. Where was home, really? He didn't even know anymore.
"Yes, that's still what happened," he mumbled to himself. "It's a real nightmare. Will always be..." He jerked as someone knocked carefully on his door.
"Heiderich," a voice said drowsily. "Is something wrong?"
Alfons had stifled, and then sighed in realization of who it was. "It's nothing."
The door opened, and in the doorway stood a smaller person in the dim light from the hall, staring puzzled at him. "You screamed… in your sleep."
"I'm sorry I woke you," Alfons apologized. "You should get back to sleep." It had been a long day and a long night, this New Year's Eve.
"I was already awake," Al said, his gaze averting his. "I can't sleep."
Alfons sat up in a more comfortable position and gave the other a weak smile. "I see."
Al made no motion to leave. "Can I… sleep here next to you?"
Alfons stared surprised at him. "Here?"
The other nodded slowly, the loose and long bronze locks of hair draping over his small shoulders. He looked fragile and lost. Like Alfons had been. Like Alfons was.
"Sure, Al. Of course."
Al's copper eyes danced back at him again, somewhat lit up. "Thank you." He stepped over to Alfons' bed and climbed in. Alfons scooted a bit and lifted up his cover for him so he could crawl into the warmth.
Alfons hadn't expected this. It wasn't very much like Al. He had calmed down for now, but the tension between them had been uncomfortable for him and riled on Al's part. Al was probably still just enduring everything for now. Nothing was over yet, it had barely even begun.
Al had hated him ever since the day they left Munich. Or, maybe even since the night they came to this world.
-Three weeks earlier-
"Your brother is gone."
It simply kept on snowing. The flakes of white were neither big nor falling heavily, they just never ended. Alfons had so many thoughts waiting to let his mind consider that he didn't even know where to start. Nothing made any sense, but yet he knew exactly what had happened. It just didn't make sense that it had actually happened like this.
The cold was almost unbearable. It was practically making his shirt freeze to his skin. What should they do? Where should they go? And how would they get anywhere? They were basically in the middle of nowhere without any form of shelter. The building that had used to be Thule Society's headquarters was gone. The transmutation circle Edward had made long ago was gone. The Gate was gone...
And Edward was gone.
Al's red coat wasn't made for winters. He was trembling from the cold as well, albeit ignoring it for the time being as he simply stared up at the wide, grey sky of the new world.
"What do you mean, my brother is gone?" he asked a bit sharply. There was no way Edward could just disappear like that. He would never let his brother do that to him again! Or... was it Al who had disappeared this time? As the stranger didn't reply momentarily, Alphonse directed his eyes at him again and swallowed thickly. "Is this... Munich?" he whispered. "The other world?"
"Yes," Alfons confirmed quietly.
"Was there a Gate here? Did we come through it?"
"Yes."
Al looked around, at the ruins of something that looked to have been a huge building not long ago. What had happened to it? So much of the building had just vanished, like it had been sucked right into another dimension. Had the Gate done this? Where was the Gate now?
"Are we the only ones here?"
"Yes," the stranger replied again.
Al fixed his eyes at him again, a sudden gush of anger flushing through him. "Stop simply saying that! Where is my brother? He was together with us, right?" If his brother wasn't here with them, then where was he now? Was he still in Amestris, or was he... inside the Gate?
The other seemed like an idiot. He simply stood there, gazing emptily back at him without responding. But he had been awake longer than Al, and Al didn't remember anything that had happened after he had gone into the Gate with his brother. He didn't even remember why they had gone into the Gate in the first place. This person had to know something and Al was starting to grow uncharacteristically impatient. "Please, tell me where my brother is," he tried again, his voice shaking and teeth chattering.
Alfons hardly managed to answer at all, and he hated himself for it. His chest was tightening uncomfortably and he didn't know how long he would be able to even strand upright. He lifted his hands to his temples, closing his eyes, not even managing to hold back another flow of tears. They froze on his cheeks. Al deserved to know. But yet Alfons couldn't... He didn't know! What did he know? Edward had told him to go and forget about him! Edward had told him that they could never even try to bring him back. Was Edward gone forever?
Alfons took a deep breath of icy air and held back quiet sobs. This was too much. Why didn't Al remember him anymore? Why had the Gate done this to him? He hadn't wanted any of this to happen!
Al stared at the stranger in disbelief. Who in the world was this person? What gave him the right to stand there and cry and be more upset than he was? His own brother was not here, and he had just ended up in anotherworld.
"Who the hell are you?" Al demanded. "Why isn't my brother here too?" He gnashed his teeth, feeling annoyed that he had to ask this person for answers he clearly wasn't going to get. He wished he could remember by himself, but his frustrated mind was a chaos of images merging with his old memories. He hardly knew which from which, even less the chronological order of them. What had happened to him?
"Edward..." Alfons said, his voice weak but finally starting to work again. "Edward stayed behind to save us, and now he's gone. He said... all three of us wouldn't make it through alive."
Al took some deep breaths. That couldn't be true! He had just been reunited with his brother after two years of searching. His brother would never waste that away... He had promised...
"I'm sorry Al... I can't keep my promise."
Al clasped his palms to his own temples, his head suddenly felt like he was being pounded on, and sank to his knees in the snow. "No... Brother... BROTHEEEEER!" he screamed. He hardly recognized his own voice. Was he speaking a different language? His palms tightened and his fists went slamming down into the ground. His hands felt like two blocks of ice attached to his wrists.
Suddenly the other person stood right by his side, clutching one of his arms tightly and stared at him in concern. "Al, I'm so sorry. I don't know what we should do..."
"He will come!" Al said rigorously and made an unsuccessful attempt to pull his arm out of the stranger's grasp. "I'll wait right here! He will be here soon."
Alfons stared hopelessly at him. "We can't just stay here, we'll both freeze to d—"
"Get away from me!" Al yelled and abruptly pushed him away, making the other stagger backwards but at least he had let go of him. "You know nothing!" Al refused to accept this. Still, he didn't understand. He didn't even know this person, and why did he look so hurt?
Images flashed before his eyes again. Memories. They were short and fragile. He was on a roof, fighting Amestrian soldiers and someone was with him on his side, but he didn't remember who. Another image showed a man, his name was vague but Al believed it was something like Peterson, and he pointed a gun at him. In the same moment a person moved in front of him to protect him, but again, he couldn't see his face, didn't know his name. The next image was very new, someone pulled his arm back in place after it was dislocated, and even if he was sitting right next to him the whole time, his name and face was just a blur, just a shadow. Barely even that.
Al's breath came out short and ragged, his head turning dizzy of all the holes in his memory. He reeled further back, just as the person called his name and moved to grip after his arm again. His eyes rolled back into his skull and everything blackened before his eyes.
"Al!" Alfons exhaled as Alphonse suddenly collapsed on his stomach in the snow. "Al, are you alright?" He curved over him and shook him. But the younger boy made no motion to get up again.
"Shit..." Alfons breathed. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Take one step at a time... You have to be rational. Get Al somewhere warm. Worry about other things later.
He opened his eyes to the night again, and somehow he managed to shove away the most of his apprehension. Do what Edward would've done.
He stood up and observed his surroundings as far as his eyes could make out in the fogged view, looking for any sign of people, houses, anything. Anyone or anything that could possibly help them.
He didn't see any people or houses in the distance, but he did see one thing that made his heart make a light jump inside his chest.
It was an old automobile. It was parked further down by the small road that had led to the Thule Society residence. It wasn't just any automobile either. It was the very same vehicle Edward had drove them to this place in the last time they had been there. The day they left this world. Alfons could hardly believe that it was still there, right where they had left it.
Quickly he curved down over Al again. "Come on," he whispered softly and hurled the smaller boy up from the ground. With some effort he managed to launch him over his shoulder and started to stumble his way through the light snow towards the road. It was fortunate that the snow hadn't gotten very deep yet, and it was still very loose. Hopefully the auto wouldn't get stuck. The ground was icy underneath the snow, and Alfons walked very carefully, avoiding a slip and losing his grip on Al.
At last he reached the automobile and struggled for a minute to get one of the doors open. They had been frozen stuck from sitting here, untouched, for so long in this cold temperature. Alfons had to put Al down on the ground in order to get one of them open. Finally he had luck with the passenger door and immediately leaned over the seat on his knee, finding the keys still sitting ready in the ignition switch and twisted them. The engine coughed a little, and seemed to hack away and refused to start properly. Alfons cursed under his breath and pulled himself out again. Then he picked Al up from the snow and lifted him into the car seat, deciding he'd better get him inside first. Even if it wouldn't be much warmer it would at least shelter them from the wind.
Al's head drooped to the side where he was placed laxly in the seat, and Alfons felt slightly scared of what would happen when he woke up. Al didn't remember who Alfons was, and he hadn't seemed to be very indulgent concerning their situation. Not that he blamed Al for that. Alfons could perfectly understand, he wasn't pleased at all either. He was scared. But there was nothing else he could do! He wondered exactly how much Al remembered.
He climbed into the car on Al's side, crawling over him and turned to shut the door, closing out the sour wind and the falling snowflakes.
With a deep breath, he sat down in the front seat behind the cold wheel and hugged around himself for a bit to gather some warmth, his breathing misting in the cold air as he let out his breath again. He had driven an automobile once, very recently, without having a driver's licence. He trusted that he could do it again.
If he could get the auto to start.
He gripped around the wheel with one hand and twisted the key around with the other, holding it in place as the engine started coughing and struggling again.
"Please start," he murmured. The auto had belonged to Van Hohenheim before Edward had inherited it after Hohenheim's death, along with a hundred books and some money. Van Hohenheim had died in this place, when there was a building there, a little more than one month ago. Alfons wondered how much time it had actually been. The time in the two worlds confused him and he didn't really know exactly what day or date it was in this world now. When he had left Amestris it had been May. Here it had to be December or at least sometime during winter.
He let the engine rest for a couple of seconds before he tried again, and finally it started to sound livelier. The engine droned into a low simmer and Alfons sighed in relief. He turned up everything he could find which related to heat, and put the car into gear before leaning his head back for a bit.
The heat felt good against his icy cold hands and warmed up the air in the car after just a few minutes. He turned the heat in another direction to blow warm air against Al, and stretched over him to put on his seatbelt.
Then he pulled back with a sigh and sank back in his seat. The windshield wipers brushed away the snow from his view, making it possible to see the road in front of him. It was first then Alfons realized, he had really no idea where to drive.
As he had told Edward inside the Gate, he had really no home to return to in this world. He hadn't wanted to come here. He still didn't want to be here. He would have rather gone back into the Gate to stay there than having to face this truth.
He leaned over the wheel with a sad smile. Still, it wasn't like he didn't know anyone. But could he simply show up at either of their doorstep? He used to live above Gracia's apartment with Edward. But she had been low on money just as everyone else in most of Germany during these times. For all he knew, she might have already rented out their room to someone else.
His old team mates were probably at home, sleeping or being with their families. He knew of only one person he could possibly turn to. He lived alone after all, and had known his father very well. He had almost been like a father figure to Alfons for many years. If anyone, he knew he would always be welcome there.
Yes. Vato Falman was his only option right now.
He stepped on the gas and the auto moved forward. He kept the windscreen wipers going as he drove, leaving the ruins of Thule Society's headquarters behind.
Leaving behind Edward...
He shut his eyes tightly for a second, before staring determinedly up ahead again. It was too late, wasn't it?
Edward was really gone.
He knew Al had wanted to stay behind and wait. He sent the younger unconscious boy a short glance. Of course Alfons wanted to stay behind too, to have hope and wait, but one of them had to be rational. There were no traces left of the Gate. It had been destroyed. Which meant, Edward had no chance in getting out now. And someone who had sacrificed oneself could never return, right? The Gate had robbed them of everything. It had even nearly robbed him of his own memories of Edward and the other world.
At least he still had that.
He felt his doppelganger stir and shift beside him and his palms automatically tightened a bit around the steering wheel.
Al frowned as his vision came back into focus. He shivered a bit, but a comfortable heat was blowing gently at him from the dashboard. Alphonse lifted his head and stared at the person driving the automobile. He had no idea how he had ended up in this auto or where they were heading, but he didn't care. Who was this stranger? Was he just going to leave the only place Edward might show up in when he came back?
"Before you start yelling at me," the stranger said, "just listen. Try to understand if you can. I'm just as upset as you are. I really care a lot about your brother and I understand that you're confused and probably scared. I am too. But right now there is nothing we can do. This used to be my world, you probably know there's commonly no such thing as alchemy here... I don't know how long it has been since I left this world with your brother, but I assume it has been a little over a month. I know of a place where we'll probably be welcome, but you have to keep a low profile. We can't tell anyone that you're from another world, maybe expect the one we're going to visit."
The words had just flowed out of him. He hadn't really given them much thought, but he agreed with himself that he was right, and he hoped his words made sense to Al too. If someone heard that he was from another world, there could be some problems. It had only caused problems with Edward whenever that information had either accidentally or on purpose slipped from his lips. The reason why he thought of Vato Falman as an exception was because if he was going to ask the man for help, he would need to explain a lot of things. Falman had already known about the large Gate in the ceiling at Thule Society. He had been there when Dietlinde Eckart had escaped and left this world.
He had to explain where he and Edward had disappeared off to for so long. He trusted that Falman would keep it a secret.
To his light surprise, Al didn't reply to what he had said. He kept completely silent and averted his eyes entirely. Alfons swallowed. He hadn't expected this. Al wouldn't usually just keep silent. He wondered what Al was really thinking.
Alfons took a new deep inhale. "We're going into town. I used to work with someone called Vato Falman there, you probably recognize his name from your world. He is the Warrant Officer's parallel person, just like we are since we look alike for the most part."
Al didn't reply to that either. Neither did he seem new to the information. His eyes widened a little, but then he turned to stare idly out of the window.
Alfons was usually never very talkative. At least not when he didn't get a single word in response from the person he tried to converse with. It worried him slightly that Al wasn't talking. But he guessed the younger needed some time to adjust. Maybe to think. Maybe to find a way to atone...
Was that even possible?
Alfons realized he had just let out a deep sigh, but Al seemed to ignore it.
At last they were driving closer to the city and Alfons tensed behind the wheel. Since he didn't have much driving experience and the roads were icy, he slowed down and kept his foot very carefully on the gas pedal. He had in fact never driven an automobile on a real road before. But on the other hand, there weren't many other people outside in this weather and this late at night which made everything a bit easier.
Not a single word was said between them before Alfons finally drove into one of the German suburbs outside the centre of the city. It was a quiet neighbourhood, and he stopped the auto outside the right house. Everything seemed dark and silent in the house.
"Here it is," he said in a low voice. He turned to look at Al and was about to say something, but he stopped as he noticed that Al was holding a piece of chalk in his hands and his attention was fully attached to the white stone rather than anything else. Alfons let it be for now, and stopped the engine. "Let's go."
He stepped out of the automobile, and wasn't very surprised when Al made no motion to come with him. With a deep sigh he shut the car door and headed for the porch of the small house. One thing at a time, he reminded himself. There was no point urging Al out of the warm car when there wasn't even a certainty that Falman was actually home. Besides, he could use a private minute with the man first.
Alfons stopped in front of the door and hesitated for a moment before ringing the door bell. His nerves nearly got a hold of him. What was he supposed to say? Though, he rang nonetheless, figuring that he had to deal with one second at a time. He waited several minutes before he rang the second time. Falman was either sleeping or not at home. Just when he was about to give up and walk away, he heard steps on the other side and he froze in the middle of a step down from the porch.
The door opened slowly, and there stood old Vato Falman, a much more corpulent version of him than the military officer in the other world. His eyes grew into double size of the sight of Alfons.
"Holy mother of..." the man exhaled. "I can hardly believe my eyes." He stretched his arms out slowly to touch his shoulders. "Alfons Heiderich... in his own person."
"Mr. Falman, I'm sorry for..." Alfons started, but interrupted himself as Falman stepped forward and pulled him into a warm embrace.
"Thank God you're alive," Falman said softly. "Where have you been all this time? You and Edward just disappeared. The whole town has been talking about it."
Alfons felt something press in his throat again. He hadn't even realized that people would probably think he was dead. He was practically rising back from the grave! Neither had he expected such a warm welcome of this sort. Falman looked so... happy to see him. It made the pressure behind his eyes even harder to hold back.
"It's a long story," Alfons said tranquilly as the older man let go of him.
"Hughes and I have had a theory of course, with the Gate and the car standing outside Thule Society. But we decided that no one else should find out about the Gate and made a cover story."
Alfons was surprised. "You did?"
Falman smiled and waved him off. "I'll tell you everything, and you have a lot to tell me as well. Let's go inside rather than freeze out here."
Alfons nodded. "I just need to go pick up someone from the auto. He's... a bit reluctant."
"Oh, that's right," Falman smiled. "Edward must be with you. Is he alright as well? I'll prepare some tea for both of you."
Alfons almost let out a sob after hearing Edward's name, and quickly dried off the moisture in the corner of his eyes. "No. It's not Edward... It's... I'll tell you when we get inside."
Falman stared a little unsurely at him before he nodded. "Alright. Come back inside quickly so you won't freeze."
Alfons returned a meek smile. "Thanks." He stepped down from the porch and jogged back to the automobile. He noticed that Alphonse hadn't even moved since he left a while ago. Alfons bit his lip as he stepped to the passenger side and opened the car door.
Al sunk deeper down in his seat and his hold tightened around the round piece of chalk.
"Hey Al..." Alfons said. "Don't you want to come inside? He's a very nice man."
Al didn't make a sound.
Alfons started to lose some of his patience. He understood why Al was upset, of course he was upset, but his stubborn method of shutting him out didn't actually make things much better! "Please, just come inside for now," he said shakily. "You're allowed to be upset, but you're only making it worse right now."
Al's eyes narrowed and he made a short snort from his small nose. Alfons had never seen him act so cold before.
He was about to start rising his voice when another automobile showed up on the street and stopped a couple of houses away. It was the only other movement in the neighbourhood right now, since it was in fact very late. Alfons' eyes made a wary notion of it and figured the one driving would be in hearing distance if he started talking any louder. A man dressed in a long white coat and a bowler hat stepped out of the car. Alfons didn't pay him any further mind and turned his attention back to Al.
"Stop being like this! Either you're coming with me, or I will leave you right here and you won't even get any sort of explanations that can restore your missing memories. Be my guest." He turned away to leave, and for a moment he thought Al was still going to act stubborn and stay where he was, but then he heard the boy shift slowly and remove his seat belt. Alfons sighed quietly in relief, and turned back as Al stepped out of the auto and quietly shut the door.
This was at least a start.
While Alfons waited for Al to catch up, he got an odd feeling that he only felt whenever he knew someone was staring at him. He lifted his gaze and discovered the man with the bowler hat still standing by the automobile that had arrived a short while ago. The man stood beside his auto, standing still and smoking a cigarette, his eyes directed straight at him.
Alfons stiffened and shuddered a bit. A nervous feeling was spreading in his mind. Why was he staring at them like that? Alfons was pretty sure he didn't know him.
Al stopped beside him and gave him a short and questioning look. Then his eyes directed at the man as well.
"Come, Al," Alfons said, and urged the younger boy further in front of him. To his relief Al moved this time and stepped fast towards the door to get in shelter from the sharp wind misted with grains of snow.
Al held discreetly around himself, but didn't seem to want to show how cold he really was. Alfons knew how humble he could be, so he said: "I'll make sure Falman finds some dry clothes for you."
Al averted his eyes and removed his shoes in a hurry and then stood awkwardly still on his spot in the hall, too shy to move further inside alone. He kept his coat on.
Alfons didn't even have a jacket. He had left it behind somewhere in the other world. Probably in their house or at the office. He didn't remember. Sometimes his memories of Amestris had started to fade, but he held onto what he had now that the Gate couldn't alter him anymore. He removed his shoes as well, finding that his socks were soaked and his toes numb. Al's were probably too.
"Just come in!" Falman's voice called from the kitchen. "Sit by the fireplace so you'll get warm."
Alfons stepped past Al, figuring he would follow after him to the living room. He headed for the kitchen which was connected by an open doorway innermost in the living room and let Falman know he was there.
"So, isn't Edward here with you?" Falman asked as he filled three cups with hot water.
"No," Alfons said tightly.
Falman immediately looked alarmed. "You didn't come back alone, did you?"
Alfons shook his head. "No. Someone came with me." He turned to Al, who had stepped slowly into the living room and stopped by the doorway to the hall, seeming to stay as close to the exit as possible so he'd have the opportunity to escape if he found it necessary.
Falman stepped out of the kitchen, curious of who Alfons was talking about. As Al turned towards the man, his eyes widened and tensed in a familiar expression Alfons had seen Edward do so many times before, whenever he had seen someone he recognized from the other world. Alfons had become quite used to it, even experienced the same in Amestris so he knew how it felt now compared to last time he was in Munich.
Falman looked slightly troubled as well, seeing the obvious resemblance Al had to Alfons. "Hello," he said, a friendly smile on his face.
"Al, this is Falman," Alfons said. "Falman, this is Alphonse Elric... He's Edward's little brother."
"Edward's brother, you say?" Falman acknowledged merrily. "What a surprise." He reached his hand to the younger boy and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you, Alphonse."
Al parted his lips, as to reply, but he seemed unable to make any form of vocal response out of mere perplexity.
"Your hands are cold," Falman noted. "I'll bring you a cup of tea right away. And you'll need some fresh clothes too."
"That would be nice, thank you," Alfons said.
"No problem at all," Falman said, and ushered Al towards the comfortable fireplace.
"You look a little scrawny. I have some soup if you want some?"
Al shook his head fast and looked away. He sat down on a chair by the fire, blinking at the sharp flames and then down at the received tea cup that had miraculously ended up in his hands. Alfons received one as well.
Falman led Alfons further away, looking a little worried. "He isn't a mute, is he?"
Alfons shook his head. "No. But... he has some sort of amnesia."
"Oh, that doesn't sound too good. We should probably bring you both to see a doctor tomorrow, to be sure you're alright."
"Well, I don't know if—" Alfons started.
"Let's discuss that later. I'll go get you some clothes, and then we'll talk," Falman said with a warm smile before he headed for the stairs without a question.
"Thanks," Alfons replied hollowly. All of this was almost too much... Still Falman was so nice to them. When the man was gone, he turned and stepped back to Al and stared wearily at him for some seconds. "How long are you going to keep quiet like this?"
Al's expression darkened as he bowed his head so his dark-gold bangs cast a long shadow over his eyes. His lips parted again. But he still didn't respond. Instead he sipped carefully at his tea and kept his attention mainly on the flames licking over the dry wood in the fireplace.
Alfons tiredly rubbed his forehead and stared indolently down into his own tea. The colour was gold.
A short while later, both Al and Alfons had slipped into drier clothes which were of course too big for Al, and Alfons almost missed his discreet attempt of clapping to adjust their size with alchemy. When that didn't work, Alphonse remained seated and looked more lost than ever.
"Now," Falman said, and sat down by the small coffee table by the fire. "You've been gone for over a month, and here you suddenly show up in the middle of the night. What happened?"
Alfons stared idly down in his untouched teacup. "I'm not sure where to start..."
Falman hesitated slightly. "Start by answering this question... Why did you two leave? We searched everywhere for you, we looked for notes or clues in your old apartment, everything."
Alfons looked up to meet his eyes, suddenly feeling a rush of bad conscience. They had just disappeared without any explanation. There were so many things that hadn't even crossed his mind while being gone, and now that he was back, it was like he had been dead. "It's complicated," he started. "I hadn't actually planned on leaving..." (He hadn't planned on coming back either.) "Not even Edward had really planned to leave this world at that time. Though, I tried to make him go home. His home was on the other side of the Gate, so I wanted him to go..."
"The place Thule Society wished to go to by using the aircraft," Falman deduced.
Alfons nodded. "Edward's intention was to get rid of the Gate before anyone else could go through it. But someone called Envy showed up and made him take him through the Gate."
By those words Al gasped shortly and stared at him with huge eyes. It seemed like he acknowledged the information.
Alfons continued. "He brought me too. I was... sick."
Falman frowned, before his eyes grew in realization.
"We went to another world," Alfons said with a distant smile. "It was like a dream. I experienced a lot of things. We built an airplane. We stopped Thule Society from destroying the world. It was... unbelievable." He was almost certain Falman wouldn't believe him, but it actually seemed like he did. He had seen the Gate, which was unbelievable enough on its own, and Alfons was happy it didn't sound like he was mad. He almost felt like he was mad...
Al had brought his legs up on the chair and tucked them underneath him with one knee up, and let his arms and chin rest on top of his knee. Alfons made a small hand gesture towards him. "I met Al in the other world. We lived together... with Edward." He spoke slowly, searching Al's face to see if there was some sign that he might remember it.
Al scowled a bit, but remained silent.
"In the end, I was rejected by that world," Alfons said silently. "I know this will sound impossible. But the Gate wanted to erase me and leisurely started deleting me from people's memories. Although Edward refused to give up. When I was taken back to the Gate, both he and Alphonse came after me. But to make sure we would make it... Edward..." His jaw was shaking. "He stayed behind. He took my place."
It was then Al jumped up from his seat and the teacup shattered into a hundred sharp fragments on the floor by his feet. He stared at Alfons with hard, blaming eyes. His teeth gritted and fists tightened at his sides.
It's your fault, stood written all over his bronze eyes.
Alfons understood without hearing it out loud. He stood up as well. "Al..."
"Don't call me that," Al said coldly, finally deciding to speak at last. "I don't even know who you are. And neither do I want to have anything to do with you." His voice was somewhat hoarse. "You made my brother disappear. Hadn't it been for you, he wouldn't have made that choice. He's always putting other lives in front of his own. And after you came here, you just left him without even trying to figure out a way to get him back. Ityour fault that he's gone!"
Alfons stared at Alphonse in shock. He wanted to retort. He wanted to say something. But the words simply got stuck in his throat and suddenly he felt an unfamiliar pain in his stomach, like he had swallowed a handful of nails.
Falman stood up suddenly. "Please, son, calm yourself down," he soothed, addressing Alphonse. "I don't know how this is possible, but the best we can do now is to settle down and make the best out of things. I understand that this must be difficult for both of you, but from now on you two have to keep yourselves together and get along. For all we know, maybe Edward will come back too – the same way both of you did?"
Al turned shamefully back towards the fire.
"I'm sorry, Falman," Alfons managed. "I think I need to lie down for tonight."
You selfish bastard, how can you justlie down to rest when Edward is gone?
This time it wasn't Al's angry voice speaking inside his mind, but his own.
"You'll have to manage with one guestroom," Falman said carefully. "Follow me."
Upstairs he had a guest room with two single beds on each side of the long walls. The room was small, but neat and comfortable.
"I'm sorry for the trouble," Alfons muttered.
"Don't worry," Falman said, addressing both of them. "Rest up now, then we'll talk more about this tomorrow."
When he left, Al had already picked one of the beds and curled up with his nose facing the wall.
Alfons staggered towards the other bed and buried himself underneath the quilt, his mind storing a picture of Edward's soft smiling face inside his heart. It was there so clearly that it was almost like he was real.
He had never welcomed sleep so serenely in his life. He had never realized that coming back without Edward would be even possible. Neither had he been prepared to handle Alphonse. How he must hate him...
Even if everything that had happened hadn't really reached his heart yet, his mind was finally starting to realize the hard truth.
Edward wouldn't be back this time, would he?
No.
Was Edward... dead?
Just the thought of it made his throat dry, his chest tighten and heart scatter like glass. Still, it was nothing compared to what he was supposed to be feeling right now. He didn't really know what he was supposed to feel, how he was supposed to react. There weren't any reasonable answers to that, although he wished that there were so he could move on with it.
It was too unbelievable to comprehend, and just as difficult to understand. Was he in shock? In denial? He really didn't understand it yet, albeit there would be plenty of time for mourning. It would come eventually, probably on the sly, as he'd heard these things always do, and there wouldn't be any getting off lightly either.
Anticipating sorrow to neutralize sorrow – that was indeed a paltry, cowardly way to atone, he told himself, knowing he was an ace practitioner of the craft. And what if it came fiercely? What if it came and wouldn't let go? Being a sorrow that had come to stay. He realized it was already over him, lurking inside his heart like a casting shadow. How could it not?
It wasn't fair. After all this time he and Edward had been together, fought together, loved together and survived together, it was not fair that they had been forced to separate from one another in the end.
The longing for Edward as he lied down to sleep that night felt like he was missing something so essential from his life that it might as well have been missing from his body. Without which he couldn't possibly be himself again.
At one point he had realized that he would eventually lose Edward, and accepted it with the decision to make Edward happy for as long as it lasted. But not like this. Eventually, it had happened and the Gate had created a new sense of fate. He had lost everything like he knew he would, and had even been prepared for it, but he had never considered the thought of having to live and deal with the loss. He wasn't supposed to be the one to return with Alphonse.
Edward had sacrificed himself to save him, and was now gone forever. Alfons found that hoping not to think of it, or even praying not to dream of it, hurt just as much. He had never been prepared to live with the loss, only to die for it…
Alfons had never been afraid of death. He had been used to the thought of death long ago. What he was afraid of was that he wouldn't be able to start anew.
Dying was of course also a paltry, cowardly way to atone. The easy way out. Without Edward, would he be willing to welcome death even sooner? Become suicidal? The thought of the prospect didn't even seem alien to him, which frightened him even more. Was he really nothing without Edward? Was he unable to function without him?
Was he just a useless, unworthy coward? Yes, maybe.
Edward had disappeared for his sake. Was the life he had died for that worthless?
Why did you come after me? Why didn't you just stay with your little brother? Why, why, why?You could've been happy. You would've managed without me because you'd have Alphonse.
Alfons pressed his nose tightly into his pillow. To stop the new flow.
"Take care of him for me, Alfons…"
Edward's last words again. They always seemed replay inside him, inside his heart, over and over again like a whisper, a requiem.
"But he doesn't remember me," Alfons whispered. "He doesn't even want to remember me." It wasn't easy to deal with someone who didn't want to be dealt with any way. Someone who wasn't even talking to him.
Inside his heart Edward's golden eyes looked slightly indignant at his miserable form, like being disbelieving of how fast Alfons had given up on everything, and Alfons felt ashamed. "I know, you must be disappointed in me," he muttered into the fabric. "I'm pathetic. I'm selfish." He sat up in bed and hugged around his knees, resting his forehead in his arms.
No matter how hopeless, no matter how much he wanted to pity himself, he couldn't. A soft groan escaped his lips. "I'll try. I'll try all I can."
Edward's last words had been directed to him and they meant too much to him for him to simply ignore them. Ignoring them was out of the question. No matter how grave this situation looked.
Those last words were the main reason why Alfons couldn't afford to take any more easy ways out of his own misery. He had to be here for Al, amnesia or not. He had to act strong, and help him start a new life here.
Alfons let out a deep sigh. How he missed Amestris. Munich was always so cold, sad and grey, and he didn't even want to get out of bed to meet it. He had missed Munich sometimes while being in Amestris, but now he missed the other world more. Especially when he looked at Al. Al reminded him of everything Amestris had been like, everything they had been fighting for, everything he had been through together with Edward. He would make damn sure all that hadn't been for nothing!
Yes, now they were both in the wrong world. But it was still a world, nonetheless.
In time, maybe they both would learn to atone, and help each other move on. Al just needed a small push in the right direction. Alfons figured, when he had helped Al doing that, maybe he could figure out his own way of atonement. Or maybe being Al's new substitute big brother was his penance?
So far he had failed miserably. He would start again first thing in the morning.
I promise.