I never thought that day would end the way it did. I should have known better. After all the time loving him, why would he give in so readily, so passionately, as I thought he did. Call it the ignorance of love, or youth. But the somber truth for me is, that I will never get that chance to do it over.
Ivan had sent me, out of the blue, an invitation, to a romantic dinner with him. It was Valentine's Day, after all. But I hadn't thought he would actually ask me to dinner with him. I figured I would spend it as any other; following him around and begging him to pay me attention.
But here I was, beginning my evening with him, sitting in my one and only little black dress with a rich shade a scarlet lipstick on, having a romantic evening alone, with Ivan; sweet, wonderful, gentle Ivan.
"Drink the wine, my darling..." Ivan said to me as he handed me a full glass of red wine. "...take your time. And consume all of it." He said smiling softly. His smile was so perfect, my heart was beating so hard as if to leave my chest as I took the glass in my hand. I had planned on throwing myself on him then, but his gentle actions and peculiar attitude that evening stopped me. I began to drink from the glass my beloved had given me.
Ivan then gave me a large bouquet of roses, which left my head reeling for a coherent thought to cling to. I had dreamed of this evening for so long, and it seemed so perfect. So unreal. My face burned red as he sat next to me whispering promises of us, that I would find were nothing but hollow words, meaning little, even before they left his lips. Ivan leaned in and pressed his body against mine in an embrace. I breathed in his scent and shuttered as it felt as though he were a drug, in my bloodstream. My eyes were beginning to feel very heavy.
I breathe you in again, just to feel you, underneath my skin,
Holding on to, the sweet escape...
While he was in the other room, taking care of some preparation of some sort, I thought about, seriously, my feelings for him. Deep inside I hated them. I wished him his own happiness. And I knew, somewhere inside, he wasn't the right one for me. But the young often yearn in denial of things they cannot have. Things they know, they shouldn't have. That is what makes it so much sweeter to chase. I wanted to fight my feelings sometimes, but my will was weak. And then it all went back to the thought that maybe I didn't want to be victorious against myself.
I breathe you in again, just to feel you, underneath my skin,
Holding on to, the sweet escape, is always laced with...
I sat at the table, awaiting him. I absently bit at my lower lip impatiently. I didn't want to be rid of my feelings for him. I didn't want to have him from my mind and my heart. I needed my thoughts of him. My dreams of him; my mind was falling and didn't want to wake up. Not this time...
But this taste was so...And then the room went dark to me for that last time...
I breath you in again, just to feel you, underneath my skin,
Holding on to, the sweet escape, is always laced with the...
Familiar Taste of Poison...
The police came. Ivan had called them. He told them I drowned myself in the fountain sometime during the night. I was still wearing the black dress and the black stiletto's from the night before. The lipstick was still rich and thick on my lips. As they pulled my soaking body from the water, one of the investigators was talking to Ivan, taking a statement. He had finished with him, taking note of Ivan's lack of sadness; his slight smirk. He turned to the men placing my on a stretcher and walked over looking at me with sadness in his eyes. He looked as though he wanted to touch my face. As though he couldn't believe I was truly gone.
It was Toris. The investigator was Toris. He was suspicious of Ivan. He knew he had something to do with this. It was the only thing he could do to keep from coming apart. Toris tore the old house apart looking for clues. The coroners had told him I had died from a poison.
He went through the food, the wine, everything.
Then he chanced to start searching in my room. He had thought if I were poisoned, the logical place was the food and drink, but they had come back clean. He gently went through all of my things. And then it hit him. The lipstick on my person, was almost perfect. He went through the box in front of my large vanity mirror. And there he found it. Ivan hadn't even bothered trying to hide it. He had poisoned my favorite shade. The one he knew I would use.
The Familiar Taste of Poison...
The police arrested Ivan later that week. After the test had confirmed the poison in the lipstick. Toris also later found a small wooden carving with a hollow body that was hiding the bottle of poison he had used. When they were taking him away, it was the only time he had showed any emotion. And it was anger. He didn't miss me. Chances are he never even really tolerated me. He put up with me because he had to.
Justice was given. But my life was still forfeit. It was the one thing that couldn't be fixed. The world is forever dark to me now. And the only thing I feel, or taste...
Is the Poison.
Whichever my poison was. My love, my youth, my hate, or the liquid death...
It is all I know now.
But I can rest easy at least. I know now how much you loved me. And I'm sorry. My savior; and in the bottom of my heart where I never dared go, I know I felt something the same. And I hate that you will never know.
There is is. My death, darkness, justice, and my final words to the world.
That no one will ever know.