Disclaimer: I do not own Across The Universe.

Sweet Misery

We are animals deep down. Uncontrollable. Wild. Driven by our desires. And there's nothing we can do to stop it. We are powerless against ourselves.

But my heart doesn't beat quicker. Love is everywhere for everyone but me it seems. It is the Season. Why do I not feel the need to love?

I run my hands along the sheets, tracing the patterns. I do not know how the Season is supposed to work. I only know that I should feel something more than this lonely emptiness.

Shouldn't I be in love?

In a way, I'm glad I'm different, unaffected. I don't want the Season to take Kayleigh away from me. Kayleigh, the only girl I would ever love.

Even Luthor was driven mad with desire. Just yesterday, he attacked Amy. I could still remember her body limp under his tight grip. I had never been more scared in my life as I watched him smiling in sick pleasure. The only thing I could think of was my Kayleigh. I was just glad I go to Amy before Luthor could do any real damage.

What if she was alive? I would be blinded by my emotions, and we would be like the others. That was love, right? That was all.

I need to clear my head. I need to get away from the hospital walls that remind me I am crazy. Abnormal. Nothing more. I walk as quickly as I can, leaving it all behind.

The bodies of lovers surround me. I try to block them but, but I can't. Kayleigh. Oh, I miss her more than ever. I miss her so much it hurts. There is a pain in my chest, and I want to cry, but I can't because I'm empty.

Is this love? I ask myself. It is intense, greed-driven desire, but I can't help but question it. Of course it's love. All my life, that's what I had been told. This is love, and I will never find it.

But Kayleigh and I had something different. I loved her. I did know love, and this wasn't it. Desire could never be love. I loved Kayleigh. I wanted to scream at them and bring them back to reality, but I was the one out of it. Kayleigh was gone, and my reality had gone with her.

I make my way back to the hospital. Luthor grins at me from across the room. I glare back. Even if it was the Season's fault, he hurt Amy, and I wasn't in a hurry to forgive him.

I was miserable, surrounded by so many happy people. Even if it was only fake happiness, wasn't that better than nothing? Was ignorance bliss? No. I would happily choose Kayleigh and knowledge over the half-life of all the normal folk.

No matter how much it hurt.