IOE: Hey, everyone! Ugh, I wrote this over Christmas break and left it until now for muuuch revising. Which I have done. This is just gonna be a one-shot of Duskshipping because I find FelixKarst a sexy pairing. Even the word is sexy: 'Dusk'. Don't worry; I hate things that are over-the-top, so there will be no use of the l-word, no…well, no fluff in general. You'll also notice I took some liberties with Felix's 3-year absence from Vale. Oh, and I feel like I have to say this because I'm still an amateur and therefore readers don't trust me: THIS IS NOT A KARST-SUE. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Golden Sun.

The soil had been frozen beneath the snow. And in that soil, they'd dug a hole. The ground did not want to be disturbed, but they'd disturbed it anyhow. A gaping, six feet deep depression was forced in the earth. And now the whole village was gathered around to put something precious inside it, then repair the hole.
It was snowing heavily. It was a little hard to make out the coffin. He could tell that it was made of dark wood from the trees that grew in this climate. Something was carved on it. He squinted. A phoenix. It was almost cliché for the Fire Clan to put images of phoenixes on the coffins of the departed. The fiery bird's wings were outspread, and its beak, attached to an austere, eagle-like head, opened to release an unheard cry The carving was meant to make death seem glorious. Felix did not agree with the Proxian view of death.
Murmurs from the Proxians near him enveloped his ears. His ears perked. He was certain he heard his name. He heard it again, a little louder this time, and turned to see Puelle behind. He was wearing a hood to protect his red hair from the snow and to warm his pointed ears. His expression was even stonier than usual, but that was not strange, considering the village was having a burial.
"It was good of you to come," Puelle's low voice rumbled.
How could he not? He very much hadn't wanted to, but all the same….
The Proxian's red eyes searched around Felix, but they both knew no one else from Felix's group had come.
"Is it just you?" Puelle asked quietly, politely.
"I asked them not to come," Felix replied. He knew the only reason they'd wanted to come was because he was going. Why else would they attend the funeral of an enemy?
Puelle gave him that look people usually gave Felix whenever they suspected him of being, as Jenna put it, a "Drama Queen". Felix did not care. They waited for each other to say something, but neither one spoke, so Puelle nodded to Felix and made his way over to the elder, who stood nearby.
Felix's eyes wandered to the coffin. Inside that dark, wooden box were some belongings to represent the deceased. It felt so wrong to use that word for her, deceased. What would you call it then, he wondered.

Originally, he had decided that he was not going to come. In the first place, Felix had never wanted to come back to Prox ever again. Yet here he was.

Cold reality was pressing on his brain. She would never open her eyes again. He would never hear her voice say his name ever again. What was left lingered in that coffin and in his memories. He felt bitter. Usually, they say someone's not really gone as long as you remember. To Felix, that was just as delusional as the Proxians' glorious portrayal of death. He didn't want someone to tell him lies to ease the pain he was feeling. Suddenly, Felix wanted very much to leave the funeral, to leave Prox, to go anywhere else. He took a breath, and started walking away. He felt some people's eyes on him. He did not care.
He hated himself. This was all wrong. He was filled with anger at the Wise One. It must've been because he'd put Karst and Agatio through all of that Psynergetic alteration. His parents would have shared the same fate if Mars Lighthouse had not been lit so soon after their defeat. Felix knew he'd already beaten himself up enough about not knowing it was Karst he'd been fighting, about not lighting the lighthouse sooner, and it was no use after everything had become part of the past. But all the same…. She'd promised she'd live. She'd promised, and why did she have to die when everyone else came back?
"It's bullshit," he muttered more ferociously than he'd meant to. His feet were making tracks in the snow towards the house on the hill where he'd lived years ago. He kept his eyes fixed on it. The flurries of snow kept trying to hide it.

Flashback:
Felix was fifteen. He was sitting in the snow, leaning his back on the house. This was what he did most days. He would rest behind the house and think for hours.
He would think about how hard it had been raining on that day, so long ago. He would remember his parents leaning as far over the water as they dared, desperately reaching for his outstretched hand. He'd hated his arms for being so short. He would think about the sudden rumbling that, as it turned out, had not been thunder, but worse. He would remember everything going black, before a wild, inhuman scream in his head could leave his lips. Felix would feel his chest squeezing itself too tight as the image of the looming rock appeared in his mind, the rock which closed in on everything, crushing the world as he had known it. He would remember waking up and discovering that, despite having died (or so he'd thought) he was not in heaven or hell, and then wondering if they even existed. Felix would then recall, bitterly, a very long walk across Angara as a prisoner. At these recollections, he would surrender to his urges to damage something, usually by punching a tree or the frozen ground until he grew weary of the catharsis.
He would remember the feeling of powerlessness you have when your parents, the people you see as the most powerful in the world, are kidnapped, just like you. This feeling was much, much worse. The words 'it'll be okay' eventually came to mean absolutely nothing to Felix.

He'd been in Prox a week and already he took a liking to the climate. It was as cold as he felt inside. He felt a hot anger towards everyone; his parents, those Proxian bastards, and, deep down, himself. The numbing cold winds and ice gave him a savage pleasure. These elements gave him the feeling that he could feel this way forever, if he wanted to.
"So!" a voice rang out. He was so startled that he'd jumped and hit the back of his head on the cold stone behind him. Rubbing his head, he looked to see one of them. It was a girl. She was about his age. She was probably his height, too. She was dressed in fur. Her features were fine, with a little mouth and two little rose-colored eyes. Her skin was very pale, with a slight pink tinge to it. The girl snickered at his startled reaction. Pointed ears poked out from her long, magenta hair. He hated her on sight.
"You're the boy, then? They said there was a boy. Must be you," she said. The girl spoke with the same accent that Saturos and Menardi had. For some reason, she never said her 'th's quite right. Her voice was low, and a little husky. He hated the way she looked at him. It was a sort of condescending curiosity.
She walked closer. He hated the smooth strides she took to walk; they immediately gave her the appearance of arrogance. She stood over him. He immediately felt reviled by her presence. He prepared himself to hear some manner of taunts akin to Menardi's.
"What are you doing?" she asked, starting to lower herself.
"Please don't sit down," Felix said bluntly. She blinked at him, and it reminded him of the occasional times when stray kittens would try to come into the house after a little food or petting. They would promptly sit in place once the door was closed, and blink at you, hoping that you weren't rejecting them.
"OK, then," she said, shrugging. She leaned against the wall of the house. Felix was irritated that she didn't leave. The girl wasn't getting the message. Or perhaps she didn't care.
"I don't want to tell you. Kindly piss off," Felix said blandly. The girl raised an eyebrow. She seemed to be wondering if he was joking, and if not, considering what to do in response. She certainly didn't seem afraid of him enough to do as he asked, anyway. The girl then sat down next to him. Her pointy-eared presence filled him with so much fury that he got up and walked away without a word, leaving her alone in the snow. He could feel nothing but anger at the bastards who'd captured him and his family. As he continued, he dared not look back at her, but listened for the snow crunching behind him. He was pleased that he heard none; she wasn't following him.

Present:

This is stupid he thought. He was about halfway across the bridge and felt like an idiot. He paused. Then he heard Puelle call his name. He turned to see that the Mars Adept had followed him.
"What are you doing?" Puelle asked. Felix was starting to ask himself the same question. Why was he being so emotional now? Karst had been dead for weeks; he knew that. Did it make that much of a difference burying a box that just contained some of her belongings? He remembered people listing some of the things that were in there. Dolls from her childhood, some armor, her first staff, some jewelry. How much of that actually represented Karst? None of the books about Alchemy she poured over. Her favorite weapon wasn't in that box. It was almost insulting that they had to bury a warrior with just her fur pads, some toys, a stick, and some beads.
"I'll be back in a moment, Puelle," said Felix, "I just need a minute to think alone."
Puelle looked as if he was about to say something, but seemed to think better of it for some reason and walked back to the funeral. Felix had to clench his hands into fists to keep them from shaking. He hated the way he was feeling inside. He hated that he was here. He hated that she hadn't done as she'd promised.

Flashback:
He worried that if he returned to his spot behind the house, the girl might find him again. He decided to take a walk and continue his thoughts, but where to go? He'd be damned if he had to walk through the village and take in the sight of any more Proxians. Also, he'd rather risk escaping than spend any more time with his parents or Kyle than he had to. He barely spoke to any of them. He took savage pleasure in the shocked and hurt looks in his parents' eyes at his coldness and hostility towards them.
Felix thought. He was pretty curious about the giant tower to the north. It looked rather like the one he'd seen in Angara before Saturos and Menardi had forced him onto their ship. Anyway, he was pretty sure that his house was the northernmost one of the village, so he wouldn't have to run into any more Proxians in order to reach the tower. Therefore, his idea seemed even better. Before leaving the house, he paused. Felix had no protection in case he ran into wild animals. He wished to Sol he knew which type of Adept he was, that way it would be much easier to protect himself. Yet Felix had yet to Cast, much to his own disappointment. Perhaps...perhaps if he could've Cast, he and his parents might've been able to escape... Felix pushed this thought out of his mind and searched the house, but in vain, for the most dangerous thing in the house that he could find was an old wooden staff behind a few crates in the basement. He wasn't sure if it was even a weapon; it might've been a broken broom once, but it was too old too tell. Felix took it anyway, though he had no idea how to use a staff, and grabbed the sharpest knife in the kitchen that he could find. With that, he was off.
On his way across the bridge, he heard a voice calling after him.
"Hey, hey!"
He knew it was the girl. Feigning deafness, he continued on across the bridge. The bitch ran after him, however, and yanked on the back of his collar.
"It's dangerous out there, you know. Not a good idea to go alone," she said. He shook her hand off him and told her to piss off again. She frowned in a rather bored fashion.
"All I'm doing is looking out for you, you stupid prick. Lighten up," she said.
He continued on his way on the northern path.
"You're going to check out the lighthouse, aren't you? You know you can't get in unless you're a member of the Fire Clan, right?" she called after him. He hoped she was lying. He was glad to hear that she wasn't following.
"…or if you have one with you? Like me, for instance?" her low voice almost crooned.
Felix said nothing, and left her. He assumed she watched him go, as he heard no footsteps behind him. He'd rather be ravaged by whatever monsters were out there than spend any more time than he had to with a Proxian, especially this one.
For the next few days, he would walk around the frozen plains, exploring and thinking, hiding from the biggest bugbears he'd ever seen, and then he would proceed to the exterior of the lighthouse, as the girl had called it, and try to find a way in. So far, no luck. The door would not budge for him, and it seemed to be the only way inside. The bitch had been right about needing a member of the Fire Clan.
Time seemed to pass slowly. Felix was sitting on one of the steps outside the lighthouse, brooding as usual.
I could be like this for months. Years, if I want to. I can be cold…forever. He could venture out into the ice and wind and think for hours. He could avoid all human contact; his parents, the Proxians, everyone. He wanted to hold on to his hatred forever. It would be better this way, being numb. Felix felt content. The cold made him sleepy. It was bitterly cold; he liked that. He was almost certain that if he fell asleep right here, he could sleep forever in a cold, wakeless sleep, happily isolated from the rest of the world. It was at that moment that Felix realized he actually wanted to die, and that he could, right now. Numbly, he curled up on the step, closed his eyes, and began to fall asleep. He would let the cold take him while he slept. It would be so nice this way….

"Felix…Felix…"
Someone was calling his name. Where was it coming from? He looked around, but it really was just him. And then, he realized he was not in Prox. He was in Vale. Felix, being in a dream, accepted this change in scenery and wandered around, listening. He was certain it was coming from far away…
"Felix. Felix. Felix!"
The growing urgency in the voice filled him with anxiety. He was coming! The person just had to let him find her. He was running now, up the hill. He was getting closer now. His heart was beginning to pound. Why was he running, and yet the hill seeming taller?
The voice was getting more and more panicked.
"Hold on! Hold on!" he hollered, "Where are you?" Why was his face suddenly wet? Why was this hill stretching and stretching? Suddenly, he realized somehow that this was the wrong way, and turned and saw a bridge, which he crossed. He followed the voice until he was standing before his grandparents' house, but it was not an old person's voice who was calling for him. It was a girl's voice. He knew this voice. He was panting. Where was she? He wanted to see her. He wanted more than anything to see her again.
"FELIX! "
The voice was getting hysterical, mad. Felix burst inside and ran up the stairs to find his sister, Jenna. She was in her bed, asleep. Had she only been calling for him in her sleep? He approached her sleeping form. It'd been so long since he'd seen his baby sister. He stood over her bed. She looked older than he remembered. It scared him. As he went to hug her, she woke and stared at him. He saw that she was crying and realized he was crying, too.
"Fe-Felix!" she sobbed and screamed.

"We need you! We need you, you unbelievable asshole!" she roared, still crying. Felix opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. Jenna took a moment to calm down. She reached for his hand. He hesitated. Why was he hesitating? He felt stupid for not immediately grabbing his sister's hand, but as he did, it disappeared, and everything went black.
Felix felt suffocated in this shadow. He hated it here, he hated it here…
 He woke up yelling and crying. His face felt like it was frozen, he was so cold. He realized where we was, and wondered what the hell was wrong with him. He was shivering so bad, he thought he'd throw up. His teeth were chattering. He'd never felt this cold. Felix immediately rose, grabbed his staff and his knife, and ran pell-mell towards Prox and his house with the nice, warm fire. Or at least, he tried to. His limbs were numb, and not moving properly from the cold. It took him some attempts to get at a sort of dizzy walk. It seemed like an eternity before he made it back into Prox. During his journey, Felix felt unbelievably lucky that he wasn't mauled by bugbears. Finally, he was crossing the bridge when he saw the girl skating on the pond below. He paused. He watched her for some time. She made neat little circles with her feet, obviously well-practiced.

Felix still did not like her very much, nor her village. Yet, the loneliness of being in a strange village with no contact with the outside world was beginning to make itself known to him. He also considered the fact that this girl had tried twice to make friendly contact with him. He thought for a moment. What should he do? He considered shouting a greeting to her. Perhaps he should just watch and wait for her to notice? And then he decided that these were stupid, that he was very cold, and was in desperate need of a fire. This was true, as Felix had never had such a severe case of shivering in his life. And so, he began to finally make his way to his house again. After a few paces, he thought To hell with it, and began to make his way down the hill to the frozen river.

As luck would have it, just as he was at the ice and wondering whether or not he should get on the ice or call to her, the girl was making her way off the river. She saw him standing there, and stopped in mild surprise.

"...Hello," said Felix, feeling his face grow red. Things felt very awkward. The girl nodded in return, and watched him expectantly. Her eyes traveled to his old, battered staff and the kitchen knife he was holding.

"I, uh...was wondering... Well, I was going to ask you if...you would want to..." he couldn't spit it out, as he wasn't sure if it was too late to try and be friendly. The fact that Felix's teeth were chattering madly from the cold did not help at all. What if he was making a fool out of himself, and she was about to mock him? The girl was nodding each time he paused, urging him to finish at least one sentence.

"What are you trying to say?" she asked. Felix took a deep breath. The hair at the back of his head was starting to prickle, and he suddenly realized this seemed horrifyingly similar to asking a girl for a date. This made him feel even more awkward, and he prayed very fervently to Sol that she did not think this was what he was doing. Later, he would realize that was a stupid thought, and why would she ever think that? It then occurred to him that he had never asked a girl on a date. Felix then wanted to kill himself for embarrassing himself and thinking all of these irrelevant thoughts, which carried on a silence between him and the girl. He finally took a deep breath. Enough of this.
"Tomorrow, do you want to go to the lighthouse?" he asked, sounding much more normal and relaxed than he had a minute ago.
The girl seemed to consider him for a moment. Felix wondered if she had been wondering if he was mocking her. Finally, she nodded.

"Okay," said Felix, and he then nodded to her, a nod which she returned, and began sauntering to his house.
Felix spent the rest of the day thawing by the fire and awkwardly trying to communicate with his parents. Things started slowly, hesitantly at first, but soon they were on a steady conversation. His parents seemed so relieved that he was talking to him again that Felix felt a deep surge of guilt.

That night, as Felix lay awake at night in bed, he tried for the first time since he'd been captured not to remember all that he had been through and not to wonder what Jenna was doing now. He tried not to think at all.

IOE: Well, as is usually the case with projects, this did not turn out exactly as I'd planned. In fact, much editing did I do today on this. I didn't want it to be a multi-chapter thing, but I see now that it is my only option. I'm so glad I got most of Felix's adolescent angst out of the way. Angst is annoying, particularly teenaged, self-pitying angst. Every time I had to go over Felix's teen angst scenes, I wanted to throw something because it made me hate him. Anyway, I'd really appreciate it if you reviewed and kept reading!