Loosely set after S5 EP9. Never written my own fic before (usually just read other peoples work religiously) so I'm not sure how well this is going to turn out! I was tired of the writers depriving us of Darvey scenes so this just happened. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 1
Drained and vulnerable with mental exhaustion, Donna sat slouched on her sofa completely zoned out of conversation next to her oblivious boyfriend. The events of the day, of the week, and essentially, of the past few months weighing so heavy on her Harvey deprived mind. How had everything spiralled so fast beyond control? She was always able to control everything to protect him and right now, as she sits here with this stranger where she once sat with him, he's never been so vulnerable. Hardmans' return today hit her hard being such a touchy subject regarding her and Harvey's relationship, they were stronger than ever after he left last and now look at them. "Donna. Donna so what do you think?" Mitchell interrupted her maze of thoughts. "Oh erm, sorry Mitch. Ive. I'm just so tired after everything today, totally zoned out, what were you saying?" faking a soft smile on her flushed lips. He plonks down next to her on the sofa and props her up so she's curled into his chest, her fiery copper hair spread over his shoulder with her forehead resting on the inside of his neck. "I was just saying about the promotion I went for the other week remember? Donna nods. "Well. My CEO has told me it's mine which is amazing. But, well there's a slight change of plan that I, we need to talk to about" She can tell he's nervous about what he's about to say by his left eyebrow twitch, of course she notices; she's Donna and that much hasn't changed. "Oh okay what is it? Doesn't sound like it's gunna be good? ..." she raises her eyebrows and turns her head slightly towards him more. "Well the location of the job has changed slightly. Well not slightly, quite a lot actually." He nervously adjusts himself and clears his throat which fills the awkward tension that had suddenly formed in the apartment. "The jobs in our Washington office Donna. And before I say anything else, I know we've only been going out a couple of months but I've never met anyone I click with like you, or anybody like you, period. And I don't want to lose you,I can't be me without you." Why those words? Of everything he could have said about how he feels about her, he just had to say that. Life really is a bitch. Stinging prickly pain waves over Donna's tired out brain as she tries to gather all of this information and respond to her now nervously silent boyfriend. Could she leave New York? Could she leave the firm? Her friends, her family? Her…Harvey? "Wow. Erm, I don't really know Mitch. It's a lot to deal with, especially with the week I've had. I don't. I don't know." Her speech as fragmented as her state of mind. "I get that Donna. I just think with regards to everything that's happening at your work and how much it's effecting you, you might have seen this as a chance to escape from the stress? I don't know. I'm not forcing you into anything, all I ask is that you think about it for me, yeah?" he kisses her forehead and starts to get up from the sofa. She watches him check his phone and put on his coat as he heads for the door of the apartment. Just as the door swings open he hears a slightly husky, tired out voice from behind him "I'll think about it Mitchell." he offers her a satisfied soft smile and quietly shuts the door on his way out of 206.
Chapter 2
The Saturday morning sun teased through the curtains in Donna's bedroom. Back to reality. Fuck. She rolled over with her face crushed down on her white pillow, her crimson hair clashing violently against her crisp white duvet. She flicks her eyes open and close a few times as she focuses on a small green light flashing from her nightstand. It's her phone flashing. Which means it's a message. Which means it's Mitchell. It takes her a couple of minutes to fight her fatigue and motivate herself to pick it up of the night stand. She looks at the screen to the text message waiting for her attention. She feels the hot fire in the pit of her stomach as the name on the screen isn't the one she was expecting, but was the only name she wanted to see on there when she wakes up every morning. Harvey.
"I need ur advice if ur not busy. It's fine if u are, I get it. –H"
She wonders if she has any more space in her overflowing brain to listen to whatever shit storm Hardman has thrown at him this time, never mind dish out some class A advice for him to follow. And in the same day tell Mitchell her decision. Christ, no rest for the wicked and all that. Donna lies on her back staring into the ceiling her head so heavy on her thin milky shoulders. Should she tell Harvey about Mitchells preposition for her? And so what if she did? He would just pretend like it didn't bother him which would hurt her more than keeping it to herself. She thinks to herself, all of these burning questions infecting her brilliant brain. Or would he? Thinking about Harvey confess his panic attacks to Louis and how genuine and sincere he sounded about sorting his shit out, what if he's ready to acknowledge his feelings for her? If she told him 6 months ago she was thinking about relocating with a new boyfriend he would never have the courage to tell her because of how damaged he was, but now? Yeah, maybe he isn't completely perfect, he still has flaws, but they're his flaws and she's grown to love them.
First things first she thinks. Replying to his text would be a good start. "Im free all afternoon just pop over whenever" throwing in the "whenever" in a desperate attempt to sound nonchalant and calm, when she really feels like pulling a 2007 Britney meltdown. Donna loosely rehearsed what she might say if she did tell Harvey about Washington while she showered; forever an actress. She's just about ready for the day putting on her snowy sheen of foundation when she hears the familiar knock of Harvey Specter at her door. On her way to the door she kicks away Mitchell's shoes out of sight behind the sofa, she doesn't know why, but she doesn't want a trace of him here when it's just them two alone. Uninterrupted. She tightens her grip on the door knob and pulls open the door of 206 and there she is face to face with those warm brown eyes she misses so much.
Chapter 3
They're eyes lock for a few seconds longer than "just friends" probably should do, and it only takes half of one of these seconds for Donna to analyse Harvey's face to work out he's only had 3 hours sleep, not enough coffee and hasn't shaved since Thursday morning. Old habits never die. Old feelings never die.
Harvey clears his throat as he's gestured to come in from Donna and he makes his way through into the living room with familiarity from they're 12 years together. Slight butterflies emerge in the pit of his stomach replaying the last time he was here. How things have changed for them both, his mind drifts off as he ponders what he would do, or what he would say if he could go back to that night but he snaps out of it as Donna's soft voice breaks through his trance as she offers him a coffee.
They sit on opposite sides of the sofa both with their feet planted firmly on the floor, turning to face each other slightly. So juxtaposed to last time they were here in the exact same spot; close enough to lean in for a tender kiss or the caress of a cheek, basking in the aftermath of Donna's freedom. "So what's that little bastard done now then? I assume my advice is needed to help kick his tiny ass out the door for what? The third time now? Jeez he can't get enough can he" Donna kick starts the conversation, adding their natural banter to try and diffuse the awkwardness between them. Harvey lets a little smile smoulder over his lips, she always makes him smile with her wit even when he would never think it to be possible. "Erm sort of, It's him and Charles Forstman. He is Hardman's backer, I went to see him yesterday to try get to the bottom of all this shit" Harvey rubs his tired eyes just thinking about the day he had yesterday. "Wait isn't he in jail? But why him. Why is he involved? I don't-"Donna's eyebrows crumpled and lip arches with confusion. "He wants me to quit. He's after me, and he's not gunna stop burning us all down to the ground until I'm down on my knees quitting" After the words fell out of his mouth she saw the true desperation and fear in his usually self-assured eyes, his mouth fell slightly open and dry, his energy was flat, his vitality was gone. He needed her. I need you. Need? Need. Donna shuffled closer to the broken man and put her hand on top of his, they both felt a sharp vault of electricity spread like wild fire from the small touch of contact, but after years of practice they ignore it-as usual. "Harvey if you're here to ask me whether you should quit or not then you're not thinking straight" Harvey looks confused at Donna's words. "The Harvey Specter I know doesn't roll over and take shit from the likes of Charles Forstman, you put him in jail for Christ sake. Harvey I know you're not feeling you're strongest at this moment of time but you've got to be true to yourself. What do you always say when someone holds a gun to your head?" She asks him rhetorically but he answers anyways "You take the gun, or you pull out a bigger one, or you call their bluff, or you do any one of 146 other things" they both giggle slightly at this famous Harvey Specter quote and suddenly the weight on his shoulders feels a little lighter. God he thinks she's amazing. "You know what Donna, your right. I'm not letting these two assholes get the better of me. Do they know who they're dealing with for god sake?" That signature Specter grin spreads of across his face with arrogance and Donna rolls her eyes with a sneaky smirk at the monster she has just risen from the dead. "Welllll, I was thinking we tackle them more as a team. Me you, Mike, Rach, Jess and Lewis. 6 against 2 aint bad odds, and you're a gambling man." She said alongside a flirty wink that she swore just slipped out without her brain even realising. A soft smile spread like fire across Harvey's face "that sounds even better. Thanks Donna. You. You've got no idea how much I needed this." They're eyes locked in unison once again, his mouth falls open to say something but nothing comes out. He blinks and tries again. "Needed you. I guess." As they're eyes still bore into each other's souls. Donna feels the prick of a tear form in the corner of her right eye so she breaks the contact and her focus falls to her hand still perched softly on top of his. She panics and removes her hand. Like two deer's caught in the headlights they both snap out of their love drawn daze. Harvey stands up and grabs his suit jacket that was thrown over the sofa cushion. Donna realises he's about to leave without her telling him about Mitchell's Washington plan. She suddenly can't remember any of her lines she rehearsed in the shower about how to bring it up. She croaks. "H-Harvey. I erm." She tucks her hair behind her left ear which he knows means she's anxious. "Donna it's okay I shouldn't have made you feel uncomfortable by saying that, especially after you helped me. You've moved on and I am genuinely happy for you. I'm just gunna go. Thank you again. I'll. I'll see you Monday." Before she could even break through the lump in her throat to respond all she could she was the back of the apartment door, once again he had left so fast with so much yet to say.
Chapter 4
Monday morning rolled around fast; the pathetic fallacy in the heavy rain drops were crashing down on Donna's umbrella as she walked to the entrance of Pearson Specter Litt. She had yet to give Mitchell her answer after dodging the subject with him all of Sunday but she knew time was wearing thin. Maybe he was right about her getting away from all the drama at work, maybe distance from her life in New York would do her good. She thought moving away from Harvey to Louis was enough to heal her heart, but she was wrong, she still wanted him as much as she did before so maybe a new life in a new city would ultimately give her to relief she needed to move on from him.
She felt the change of atmosphere within the firm as soon as she stepped out the elevator; the tension was gone, the bloodshot eyes of employees have vanished and to top it off as she reached her desk a pool of bright, buttery yellow sunflowers caught her eye. "You saved the day, once again. H-'' so he must have got rid of Hardman then she thinks, that certainly explains the rise of energy buzzing around the office. The rest of the day went by smoothly, nothing major to report on compared to the chaos of the past week. It was getting on 7 o'clock, people were packing up and calling Monday a day when she saw Harvey stroll into his office down the bottom of the hall. Now Donna. Go and talk to him about Washington, she tells herself. It's now or never. She straightens out the hem of her Dior dress, stands up tall and her perfect frame floats down to her old home, his corner office.
He sees a glow of copper out of the corner of his eye, he doesn't even need to look up to feel her warm presence get closer towards him. He feels instantly more comfortable with her around; it feels like nothings ever changed when he has her right where she belongs, not with Louis. "Hey" he practically whispers to her. She just smiles tenderly back at him and takes a seat on the leather couch. "Thanks for the flowers, they were a nice surprise" as she folds her long milky leg over her knee. "Not as nice of a surprise as mine. I got my mojo back and kicked ass. Now that was a surprise. And it was down to you, so you know. You earned em'' he winked and offered a subtle smirk as he looked at her with nothing but beaming pride. "We'll call it even then" she mirrored his smirk looking at the ground, her nerves growing as she felt the Mitchell topic bubbling to the surface of her mind. "Harvey I was supposed to talk to you about something the other night but. Well. I guess you left and I. I. couldn't tell you about It." – "Oh, ah okay, whats up? Your ok aren't you?" her heart melting like snow in spring at his constant concern and care for her. "Yeah I'm good, it's just. I've got a major decision to make and well, I need you. Its about Mitchell." He couldn't stop the curl of his lip just at the mention of that guy's name. God he hates him; sure he's only heard her mention him once, and he knows nothing about him, but he's Donna's boyfriend and that's enough for him to despise him. He croaks out a monosyllabic "k" and gestures for her to continue. "Ok well he's been offered this amazing job offer, he's really earned it and I'm really happy for him. The job is perfect and everything but. The jobs in Washington. And. He. He wants me to go with him" they just started at each other in silence as they both tried to think of words to say, but neither of their suffocating brains could function past the hurt that was drowning their bodies.
Harvey's heart was beating fast. Too fast. Shit. He could feel a panic attack rising from the pit of his stomach. He could not let Donna see him like this, he couldn't embarrass himself in the sweaty vulnerable mess her absence has made him become. He could feel the panic sweep over his body like crashing waves, his vision was becoming blurry; her beauty had turned to a crimson smudge on the canvas of his vision. He could barely make out the sound of her voice as she called his name waiting for a response. "Donna. You. Should go. I. I'll see you tomorrow." He chocked, pulling on his tie to relief his tightening throat. He turns around to face to the glow of the city with his back to her as Donna shot up out of the couch unable to keep back the tears overflowing her hazel eyes. "You know what Harvey. I came in here to try one last fucking time. I had one last glimmer of hope." The tears now scorching like hot ash down her soft skin. "I'm done. You've just made my decision so much easier so thank you so fucking much, your lack of emotions even after 12 years- God. I can't believe I thought we could actually have THIS conversation. She throws her hands up in the air "I'm such a fucking idiot. You know. I'm so done. I can't even-"her shaky legs tremble out of his office what she imagines is the last time ever. A stone cold tear leaves his eye as he stares blankly out the window as he hears her heels fade off into the distance once again. But this time it feels different. Worse. He's royally fucked up this time and he god damn knows it.
Chapter 5
Donna's red raw eyes peel open; its dark she scans the room in her sleepy daze. She fell asleep on the sofa curled into herself with her head bowed down into her chest, tears staining her porcelain skin. She hears something in her sleepy delirium. She hears it again, a knock, and not just any knock she knows fine well who is on the other side of that god damn door. She shoots up off the sofa filled with a hot rage. How fucking dare he crush her heart into a million pieces without having the guts to even look her in the eye? Then turn up to her front door in the middle of the night, that arrogant self-absorbed bastard. She tornados towards to the door wiping away the dried tears in a un-fruitless attempt to perk up her washed out appearance. The door swings open reliving a Harvey she had never seen before; he looked beaten and broken beyond even her repair. He staggered under the pain of the night into her apartment as she closed the door behind him. Donna was too emotionally unstable for this, it was late and she really was done. She couldn't hold the tears back and she physically wasn't strong enough to stop them tumbling down her face. He hated it when she cried, and the fact he'd made her cry twice in one day was excruciating far Harvey. He didn't think for a second before his body lunged into her sweeping her into a passionate bear like hug so tight all the 12 years of tension melted away within their entangled limbs. That was it for her, he body was shaking she was sobbing so hard. Tears of sheer exhaustion fell down both of their faces, after 12 years it had come to this; two adults so deprived each other's touch, warmth and love they have dissolved into a tangled mess of mourning for the years of love they had lost. They held each other for a few minutes in silence, Harvey was the first to break away from the embrace as he needed to tell Donna everything before the adrenaline wares off and he loses the strength to do so. "Donna. You know what I'm like. Me talking about my feelings. It's not easy, but you mean so much. To me. And. And I need to stop this communication barrier between us, so I need you to just listen and I'm gunna just word vomit it all out and I'm not gunna stop until you know everything" Donna just nods silently her sobbing calming with the sound of his voice. "When you told me about Mitchell tonight, I wasn't trying to be cold and not say anything back to you. There was so much I wanted to say and I was about to, but. I. I was getting a panic attack. I can't stop them once they start, and I couldn't let you see me like that." His gaze never left hers; he felt strong enough to bare his feelings before her as he thought that this time he really had lost her, he had to do everything in his power to salvage her. He knows her heart had been broken by him, but he also knows he can grow it back bigger. "What I was going to say was that. I can't let you go. And I know it's not right for me to say that, because you're not "mine" He gestures "but I can't go on living another day without telling you that the day you left my side was the day my life turned to shit. Not just at work, I need you. At work, at home, at night, on the weekends, when I'm sick, when I'm being an ass- so all of the time. He smirked then picked up where he left off "The past couple of months has been the hardest of my life, worse than when my mom left, because you mean more to me, you're my family; everything that I'm ever going to need. I know I've got a lot of shit going on but I'm working on it, for you, and I think its working.-Actually I know its working." He slowly walks towards her a swipes a lone tear from her cheek and as his thumb moves away from her face he sees the smile he loves so much, then he saw the happiness from her smile grow to her shiny hazel eyes. "Because I'm finally ready to tell you all of this so it must be working. And I tell you now I wish I had done it sooner because I feel ten tonnes lighter." They were silent for a few seconds just baring into each other's exposed souls. "Can I speak now" Donna smirks with a sultry little twinge in her left eyebrow. "You can. Or you could kiss me." Wiggling his eyebrows cockily with that signature grin of his. They both giggled at one and other followed by a deep stare filled with desire. There was only 3 little words Donna needed to say before they could give in to their hunger for each other. "I love you" not even blinking Harvey whispered "I love you Donna" They both lunged into each other, their hearts jumping in their chests simultaneously, pulses racing and the fire in their stomachs so hot for each other. They kissed passionately and fierce, hands gripping and tugging, so engrossed in their eventual release of love for each other. They pulled way gasping for air, noses and foreheads touching. "Sooo, I don't know if that monumental, life changing kiss changed your plans at all, but I was kinda hoping you'd stick around here with me? You know forever stuck with me? Only if you want to though" A big smirky grin plastered all over his beaming face, Donna kissed his lips tenderly "Forever sounds pretty good".