Akira's Reason for Being Quiet

By: Pure Shikon

Hokay. First Hikaru fanfic.

It's sort of a collection of oneshots. Sort of. These chapters are gonna be short; just to warn you. Some other warnings. I can't spell and my computer's Microsoft Word doesn't have spell check installed. Sorry! This is supposed to be funny so if you don't find it so, please tell me and give any suggestions you can. They are very appreciated!

Disclaimer: Don't own. Can't draw. Can't write either. Least not well.

Chapter 1

Questions and Bud Light

Ogata-san has made the mistake of taking 4 year-old Akira-kun to the science museum. Dun, dun, dun!

"Ogata-san, what's solar energy?"

Sigh. "It's using the sun to fuel electricity." 9024

"Ogata-san, what's electricity?"

Sigh. "It's the stuff that runs the Go time clocks." 9025

"Ogata-san, what's geothermal energy?"

Sigh. "It's another form of fuel for electricity." 9026

"Ogata-san, why do you sigh so much?"

Sigh. 9027.

"You're doing it again. Why?"

9028, "Akira, have you had lunch yet?"

"Umm…," chibi Akira got a cute little confused look on his face, "No, but why?"

9029, "Let's go to The Sushi Place."

Akira got a cute little look on his face. "Okay!"

Ogata immediately seemed much relieved.

"Ogata-san, why did your face light up all of a sudden?"

Sigh. 9030.

"Let's just go, Akira."

"Sure, whatever you say, Ogata-san."

'Thank you, whatever gods blessed me with this silence!'

(At The Sushi Place)

"What may I get for you two boys?" a waiter named Shindaiku asked.

"Wow. You're a pretty lady…"

"Why thank you! Such a cute little boy. Your son?"

"You should date Ogata-san!"

Ogata, "No. No relation."

"Oh," Shindaiku was now feeling really awkward, "Umm… do you two have any idea of what you want?"

"Umm… Ogata-san, what do they have for sandwiches?"

Sigh. 9031.

"Well first off, you have to choose bread."

"Well, what type do they have?" 9032.

"There's French-"

"Are they really 'Silly Frenchmen' like they say in the movie Monty Python Search for the Holy Grail?" 9033.

"No. Who let you see that movie?"

"Ashiwara-san."

"Oh did he?"

"Uh…yes. Why is there a sudden evil glint in your eyes, Ogata-san?" 9034.

"Yes…well," Ogata cleared his throat, "anyway, there's French bread, Italian bread-"

"Was it really made in Italy?" asked chibi Akira. 9035.

"No."

"Then why is it called Italian bread?" 9036.

"Because…"

(20 minutes, and 342 questions later…)

"Okay!" Akira announced, "I know what I want to eat!"

Shindaiku rushed over to them, "Okay then, what would you like?"

"I want a PBJ sandwich!"

"O-okay," Shindaiku scribbled it down after recovering from her anime fall, "one peanut butter and jelly sandwich-"

"Is a "peanut butter and jelly sandwich" the same as a PBJ?" 9378.

"Er, y-yes. And what would you like, sir?"

"What do you have with the most alcohol in it?"

"E-excuse me?"

"I said," Ogata repeated, "what did you have with the most alcohol in it?"

"Umm…well we have Bud Light. Will that suffice?"

"Yes. May I have 4 glasses?"

"I g-guess. Um…did you drive here?"

"Yes. Why?" Ogata asked.

"Oh! Uh, no reason!" Shindaiku quickly skittered away, and said a prayer for Akira. She soon came back with their orders, "Would you like anything else?" 'Please say no!'

"I okay! How about you, Ogata-san?" 9379.

"Later." He quickly started downing the 4 Bud Lights in front of him.

(30 minutes later)

"Ogata-san, are you okay?" Akira asked concerned. 13024. In front of the poor little child, was Ogata, I can imagine you've got an idea on what he looked like by now. Ogata was swaying slightly, left and right. His jacket was off, tie barely tied, and shirt unbuttoned.

There were 16 empty Bud Light cans littered in front of him. His eyes were dull, and glasses off kilter. "Blus f-fl-fline," he fell off his chair, landing on his rear on the floor. He hiccupped, laughed, then proceeded in trying to get back onto his chair. Akira found it extremely entertaining. Had he truly known the gravity of the situation…he still would have been laughing, know that I think about it.

Shindaiku quickly came over to their table, and began cleaning up some of the cans. "Excuse me," she was talking to Akira.

"Yes?"13025.

"Do you know whether or not your father or mother is home?"

"Otosan should be back by now. Why?"13026.

"Would you like to call him to get a ride back home?"

"Okay! Why can't Ogata-san take me home, though?"13027.

"Well…" they both turned to see Ogata walk into a wall, "That's why," Shindaiku said while jabbing a thumb in Ogata's new direction.

"Oh."

Akira followed Shindaiku to the phone; then proceeded in trying to remember his home number. He called 8 wrong numbers, till he finally got the right one.

(//Blah// is Toya Mejin, "Blah" is Akira.)

//Hello?//

"Father?"13028.

//Hello Akira, I thought you were with Ogata. What's wrong?//

"I'm still with Ogata-san, but he's had…1…2…3…16 Dud Darks."

//I think you mean 16 Bud Lights.// (Silence) //16!?//

"Yes, I think so. Is that a bad thing?"13029.

//Where are you, Akira?//

"The Sushi Place."

//I'll be there in a minute.//

"Okay."

(2 minutes later.)

Akira turned to see his father walk into The Sushi Place. "Sorry I took so long. I got a ticket for speeding." --'

"So Akira, how many did you ask this time?"

"I think I made a personal best!"

"Ogata?" Toya Mejin turned to Ogata. For some strange reason, Ogata always seemed to keep a mental count of these things.

"13029," was Ogata's response in slumber.

"Wow! A personal best!" Akira began hopping around clapping his hands together.

Toya Mejin turned to Shindaiku, "Has he paid yet?" Shindaiku shook her head, no.

The Mejin began shifting through Ogata's pockets. "What are you-"

"Here." The Mejin held out Ogata's King Card, credit card.

Shindaiku ran off, then came back, and handed the credit card back. The Mejin then looked out the window and, because of the Mejin's magic ability, (NOT!) Ashiwara came in the door and helped the Mejin put Ogata into the van they had brought.

The next morning, Ogata woke up in Mejin's guest bedroom with a headache. He looked around to see Akira looking up at him. Behind Akira were Toya Mejin and Ashiwara, looking exhausted. Ogata looked at them and said, "I can't believe you two are so lazy, you're both setting a bad example!" Anime falls!

Yay! Chapter one FINALLY FINISHED!!!! I hope you enjoyed, and please review!