This story is meant to be for any couple you want!

I don't own The Big Bang Theory or any quotes used in this story.

There was a glimpse of me in your eyes, that split second we had it all. It was in that moment I knew it crippled you with fear to know I could be the one. And so you run, run into the cold arms of anyone who holds you for the night and leaves you the next day. Because at least that's what you know, what you're used to. But there's no denying the familiarity and home you found in me, you saw your own reflection in that split second.

And I know you want me to hold your hand while we grocery shop. You know I want you to play with my hair while we watch our favorite TV shows. I know you want to kiss me in the middle of my sentence because you want to taste my words. I want you to draw small circles in my chest as we fall asleep. I want us to do those things without having to think about them. I want us to do that because we love each other.

But you prefer to be with people that will leave you for someone else. You prefer to be with someone that you don't need to talk to about what's wrong or someone that will simply ask how you're doing. You don't commitment, because you are afraid to fall.

The problem is, you already fell. I can see it in your eyes, in the way you talk to me. It's in your special way, it's not in that 'Just friends' way. And I fell too. Hard. And it hurts, you know? To fall without having a place to hold on to, a place to secure myself in. Because you're my life saver. You were my air, you were the one that was supposed to save me from myself.

But I can't ask you to do that. I can't ask you to change, change so that we can be together. Truth be told, I don't know if I'm ready, but baby I promise I will love you forever. But I can't promise you that there won't be any dark clouds that hover over our lives or that the future will bring us many rainbows. I can't promise you that tomorrow will be perfect or that life will be easy. I can only promise you my everlasting devotion, my loyalty, my respect, and my unconditional love for a lifetime. I can't promise you I'll always be there for you, to listen and to hold your hand, or that I'll always make you happy. But I'll try. I can promise I will be your advisor, counselor, your friend, and your family, your everything. I promise.

And I know it's two am, and I should be asleep, but I can't. Because when I close my eyes, all I see is you. I see us, in a week, in a month, in a year. I see us getting married, I see our kids. I see us when we're eighty around our grandchildren telling them stories about the past. But then I open my eyes.

And you're not there.

The bed is empty, and your place, the one you should be lying at, its cold.

And I remember a time where that wasn't true, where the bed had your sleeping form. I remember a moment where your scent was imprinted in the room, that room where I was happy at.

But, right now, the only scent that there's in this room it's mine. It is not as good as yours, and I don't think any scent will ever be as good.

I know I need to move on, to stop thinking about you. But how can I, if all my friends ask me about you, if I'm constantly reminded that you are not there?

And I know you are not mine. I don't think you ever were. And I don't think you could ever be anyone's. And that's one of the things I love the most about you. You're free. But I'm not.

And it's now three am, and I'm missing you. I always miss you, all the time. But it's worse at night, especially when it's this late because the world is still and the streets are silent but my mind is loud, full of moments I spent with you and moments I wish I could spend with you. And I wonder, from time to time, if you ever think of me, especially at this time, when you go to bed until you get up. Do you think of what could've been? Do you ever wonder if we could change things, make things better?

But when I think of this, I realize I'm being selfish. Maybe you're better now, with this new guy, than you were with me.

After all, I have seen you laughing at one of his jokes, I've seen the two of you holding hands as you walked the street.

But it's not with me.

And as the clock hits the seven thirty mark, I get up so that the new day can begin. I go to work, not being in the mood to do anything. I get called and find out I'm being laid off. I don't know why and that makes it worse. 'Need to reduce the costs' was what they told me. 'You don't matter' is what I think.

I thought I mattered. I thought someone cared. But I look around, and I am alone. Completely and utterly alone.

I don't like this feeling. I have felt it ever since you left. Or did I leave you? I should have tried harder. I should have tried to make you stay. If only I said something else, something that would make you turn around and look at my eyes. They were watery, with tears threatning to leave. Soon enough, my eyes were red, I was suffocating. I collapsed in the floor when my knees gave up. I wanted to scream, to scream your name, to make you come back. But no words came out, and I kept suffocating. I thought I wasn't worthy of your love, I wasn't good enough.

I leave everything behind the moment I realize I lost everything. Lost my job, lost you. God!, I lost you. I have lost you months ago, or did I lose you before that? When did you realize you didn't want me anymore? Was it the day you left me crumbling apart in the middle of the ground, feeling like I wasn't enough? Or was it before, when we were walking the streets with our hands clutched together, and you thought if that was the best you would get?

I don't think I want to know the answer, as if that would make me feel worst. I don't know what to do, honestly.

I went to my 'home'. It certaintly doesn't feel like one anymore. I pack everything in a bag, and I write a note. It's a simple one, to just inform anyone that cares that I'm no longer there. I don't know if anyone will care, but I'm certain you won't. You probably won't even find out about it.

I give one last look at that place before I shut the door behind me. I ran, I left. I have done one of the hardest things in the world. But as I'm walking away, I feel a weight coming off of me. I smile, thinking it was probably the first second since that horrible afternoon that I have stopped thinking about you.

I slow down, knowing no one is following me. Only my demons, but they are keeping me company, and somehow making me feel less lonely.

I will find something to do. I will move on from you, the same way you did. It might take longer than it did to you, but I know – or hope – I can do this. I'll move on.

I will.

I miss him. It was one of the worst mistakes of my life, leaving him. I love him, for some reason. But love doesn't have a reason, at least that's what I think. I just know I was fascinated about him. I'm not fascinated about people that smile all the time. What I find captivating about him was the way he looked when he was lost in thought, when his face was angry or serious, when he would bite his lip, the way he glanced, the way he looked down when he walked, when he smirked or when he did his half smile – Damn that smile! – the way he tried to hold back tears – and I would hug him to the point where he fell asleep – the way his face said he wanted to say something but for some reason couldn't. I loved that part of him.

But now that that's gone, I don't know what to do. I need him, more ever. The other guy, he was just a way to move on, see what else was out there.

I don't think I deserve a second chance after what I did. Correction, I know I don't deserve a second chance. But he deserves a reason why I did that. He deserves to know. It wasn't his fault, it was mine. It's hard for me to trust people, for so many reasons.

And I just wish I could go back to the beginning. To change everything, to start over.

I want to be strangers again, so that we could meet again. I would introduce myself, we would laugh and talk. Relearn what we already know, come up with new inside jokes, create new memories. But I know I don't deserve a second chance, so, for this to be a reality, I need to go back. To the moment when there was a way to change things, to be a better person.

To let us be us. And not just you...and me.

Because I know you would give me another chance. I know you would open your heart to me again, even if I broke it again. You would do it, two, seven, twenty times if it meant you would get a moment with me.

But I don't want a moment. I want a lifetime.

But I'm scared. Scared to get hurt, scared to be let down like I was all those times before with other people. But you aren't like other people, are you? You're different, in your own way. You are sweet – when you want – and you have your weird side. I love weird people. I also love sensitive people – like you, even if other people don't see it all the time. And the reason for me to love sensitive people is because they are the most genuine and honest people I ever met. There is nothing sensitive people won't tell you about themselves if they trust your kindness.

And that was what I got it all wrong. You trusted me, you opened up. I broke that trust, when I left with all the parts of you that you gave me.

And here's what sensitive people do if you break their trust, when you reject them, or devalue them. They become the worst type of people, and in the long run, they hurt themselves. Because they don't like hurting others. It's against their own nature. They are tortured souls that are not able to live with hatred or being hated. This type of person needs the most love anyone can give them because their soul has been constantly bruised by others. However, despite the tragedy of what they had to go through in life, they remain the most compassionate people worth knowing, and the ones that often become forgotten and misunderstood.

They are angels with broken wings that only fly when loved.

And that was what was wrong with him. He would hurt himself when he was upset with me. Instead of hating me, of fighting, he would hide away in his own shell, he would try to hide the fact he was mad at me. He was my angel, but I couldn't give him love for him to fly.

Not until I realized what I lost.

And now I'm on my way to get him back. At least to talk to him and see if we can be friends. I don't want to lose him, and if friendship is something he won't mind having with me, then so be it. We will be friends.

But as I get to his place, I see there aren't as many things there as it usually are. I panick, and start looking around. I find a letter, not really a big one, it was more like a note. It says he left and he's not coming back.

I lost him.

Maybe I lost him today, or maybe it was already last week. No matter the moment it was, I lost him. For good.

And so, I'm losing myself.

I drop to my knees, with tears streaming down my face. I don't know where they came from, but I don't even care. I sit there, with his last words written in a piece of paper that broke my heart. I hold it, that being the last thing I have that belongs to him. I can't breathe. Suddenly, I feel someone touching me. I look up, and it's him. He came back for me? After everything? What about the paper?

I try to move, but I'm stranded. He starts to disappear, he starts to leave. I try to touch him, but he's not there. My crying gets worse, and the tears stream down my face fast. I don't even try to make them go away. They stay there, making me realize what I did to him.

But I wonder. Did he forget me?

As he moved on?

Because I haven't. And now he won't leave my mind.

As she was on that cold floor, with tears streaming down her face, while holding a tiny piece of paper, he was smiling, with all the pieces of his broken heart somehow glueing themselves together. As he moved on, she broke down.

The End

As I said before, no matter who you ship, I think this story is pretty cool. It works with anyone, right?

Some parts of this story are from quotes I found in Tumblr, so if you reconize any of them, they are not mine!

Until next time!

18-05-2018