Dearthair
When England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland get together for a family reunion and a rememberance.
Friday.
He was reluctant to get out fo the car.
He was really reluctant to get out of the car.
Staring at the welsh cottage he was parked in front of him still lit by the rising sun of a summer midday, England sighed heavily. It was quite a tiring journey from Wesminster, London to Dogelleau in Wales. A four hour car journey with a stop off at a small cafe for a cup of yorkshire tea and a full english breakfast.
' Stop being so bloody stupid!' England thought to himself gripping the steering wheel of his Aston Martin Vanquish tightly. ' 'Just get in there!'
He was already late in getting to the cottage. He was supposed to arrive over two hours ago. He at first didnt want to come but with a bit of encouragement from Spain, he managed to make his way.
Opening the car door slamming it, opening the boot, taking out his suitcase and slamming the boot he made his way up the garden path and knocked on the door.
Every single year Wales would arrange small get together that lasted for the weekend with all the Kirkland brothers. Since Wales was the eldest brother, he was trying to keep the family at peace but England hated it each time because it always ended up in disaster somehow.
A creak of an opening door and England was looking into the pale green eyes of a strawberry blonde.
"Ah! Bore Da (good morning), England!" said Wales with a grin on his face
"H...H...Hello Wales" muttered England. As he made his way in he could hear Scotland and Ireland in the kitchen roaring with laughter because Ireland had just told him a dirty joke . Wales closed the door behind him. England dropped his suitcase in the hallway and made his way to the kitchen with Wales.
It was what England expected of his brothers sitting at the kitchen table, Scotland smoking like a chimney with a tobacco cloud surrounding him and Ireland already drinking, reeking of Irish Whiskey.
Both Ireland and Scotland stopped their laughing as soon as they saw England enter into the kitchen, staring at him
"Aye, your here then are ye?" called out Scotland
"Well I'm standing here in front of you aren't I?" England said with sarcasm.
"Your hilarious England" said Ireland with a sarcatsic tone, rasing from his seat.
Wales jumped in between Ireland and England to prevent a fight from breaking out between the two of them.
"Come on now guys, behave youself" said Wales in a calm manner.
Ireland and England stared at their brother, then sat down at the table awaiting the lunch that Wales had prepared. Freshly made oggies with mashed potato and cabbage with butter and black pepper. Wales served up the dish to each of his brothers.
" Ta ocras orm ! (I am Hungry)" cried out Ireland looking at the dish with delight. Wales smiled and sat next to his younger brother England at they all sat their eating quietly until Ireland let out a huge belch, then him and Scotland laughing loudly.
England sighed loudly, and continued with his dinner along with Wales who was amused by Irelands continous belching.
'This is going to be a very long weekend' Thought England.
Saturday Morning
It was a peacful night sleep but not a good morning for England. He was awoken at the crack of dawn with Scotland bursting into his room wearing just pajama bottoms, scruffy red hair and crashing about which scared the hell out of him.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING SCOTLAND?!" yelled England sitting up in his bed in just his boxer shorts staring at the red headed nation who seemed to have a cigarette hanging out his mouth and searching through his suitcase.
Scotland turned around looking at a very red faced, messy haired England.
"I need a pair of socks. I can't find any of mine" he said in a monotone.
"MY SOCKS WOULDNT FIT YOUR FAT FEET!" yelled England.
"MY FEET ARE NOT FAT!"
"YES THEY ARE! THEY ARE BIGGER THAT BIGFOOTS! I KNOW! I'VE SEEN HIM WHILE I WAS AT AMERICA'S HOUSE!"
"CALLING ME A HAIRY APE ARE YA!?"
"YES I AM! YOU SMEGHEADED GIT!"
And that was it. Scotland launched himself at England, landing on the bed.
All the commotion had woken up Wales who went to investigate what the noise was. Ireland did't wake up. He was still asleep. It didn't matter what sound you made to try and wake him up it was absolutley impossible. Ireland could still sleep even if a dump truck drove through a nitro-gliserine plant.
Wales came closer to the room where England was staying. He opened the door to a sight his sleepy brain wasn't prepared for.
He saw England and Scotland both on the bed, Scotland on top of England with his hands around Englands neck and Englands hands around Scotlands neck each yelling and swearing at each other.
"CALL ME AN APE, YOU CLATTY LITTLE RUNT?!"
"YOU STUPID BERK!"
"TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK! I WONT BE CALLED AN APE!"
"NEVER! YOU GIT! YOU NEED TO BE STUDIED BY CHARLES DARWIN!"
Wales sighed. The fighting had already begun.
Scotland and England were so furious with each other that they had forgotten one thing. That Scotland had dropped his cigarette onto the bed which was starting to smoke. It was only until the bed caught fire, they stopped fighting.
"BLOODY HELL!" they both screamed. Leaping off the bed towards the door falling over each other.
Quick thinking Wales grabbed the flower pot on the beside table which had water in it and doused the fire with it. When the fire was extinguished he turned to his brothers who were both red faced and still full of rage.
"First thing in the goddamn morning?! Seriously?!" yelled Wales
Ireland then came into the room half asleep.
Looking at his half naked brothers and the charred spot on the bed he smiled.
"What happened here then?"
England, Scotland and Wales just looked at Ireland for a few seconds, then Scotland stormed out of the room and yelling a few seconds later "Oh wait! I found them! They were in a bin bag for some reason!"
Wales turned to England with a scowl and scowled at Scotland when he entered into the room with one sock on his foot and hopping around to put the other sock on.
"Well, You two are gonna have to share the bunkbed room till I tidy up this llanast (mess) " said Wales.
...
After getting dressed and a not so good, full English breakfast, cooked by England (which Scotland refused to eat and stuck to coffee because he said that he didn' t want to get food poisoning again) The brothers made their way out of the cottage for an outing that Wales had planned to Snowden.
Wales didn't like flashy cars (unlike his brothers who loved them), so he just stuck with a simple black ford feista which had a large red welsh dragon on the hood of the car. Wales was always the desginated driver in the family, so, with Scotland in the front and England in the back with Ireland. As they all scarmbled into the car with England calling Ireland and impatient git for barging in front of him, Wales plugged his IPod into his car's stero system and played one of his favourite songs just to lighten the mood after the morning he had.
Disclosure .feat. London Grammar - Help Me Loose My Mind
As he was driving, Wales observed his younger brothers. Scotland was looking pretty relaxed with a cigarette with his arm out of the window while England was having to put up with Ireland teasing him about being caught by Italy in one of his own traps during the war and slowly getting drunk.
Another song came on the Ipod's shuffle list. This time is was Irelands favourite.
Ellie Goulding - Burn.
Not taking into concideration that other people were in the car, Ireland started singing aloud. Even though he was rude and blunt at times he did have a beautiful singing voice. (Wales had the best out of all of them while England's singing voice was more suited towards punk) Scotland and England both smiled slightly then started to laugh at Irelands crazy dance moves.
When the arrived at their desitantion and got out the car Wales streched, and sighed. Snowdon was so beautiful no matter what the season.
"Hey England, could you get the picnic basket ready? The others will be coming soon" Wales called out.
"Others?" asked England.
"Yep! I invited Japan, America and both the Italy brothers to a picnic today" said Wales
"Yay! I like Japan!" called out Ireland.
While his other brothers went in search of the other guests England was left to set up the picnic. When it was finally set up he lay on the grass next to the picinic staring up at the bright blue sky. He was enjoying a moment of isolation when that was shattered by an American accent.
"YO IGGY! AHAHAHAHA!"
England sighed heavily and looked up from where he was lying to see America hovering over him grinning like an idiot.
"How many times do i have to tell you?! My name is not Iggy! Its ENGLAND!" yelled England.
"Awwww come on ..." whined America
England sighed again. How he wanted to throttle America but he restrained himself. America had already seen the picnic and began drooling. He noticed that Wales and Scotland had come back with their guests.
"Hey Wales!, I hope you put in hamburgers dude!" he said.
Wales just nodded and smiled politely. While Japan and the Italy brothers sat beside the picnic basket.
"Hello Britain" said Japan, bowing politely.
"Hello Britain" sang out, Italy Veniciano. Romano just nodded at the brit.
"Hello fellows" replied England, smiling gentley.
So Scotland, Engalnd, Wales, America and the Italy brothers, sat around the picnic basket while Wales handed out the food one by one.
"Hey where is Ireland?" asked Wales
"He said he had to go" replied Scotland already tucking into his haggis.
All the nations that were there were enjoying their food. Wales had an a spare oggie from yesterdays lunch, England just had a tuna and sweetcorn sandwich, America had his hamburgers, the Italy brothers had pasta with olive oil and black pepper and Japan just had a small bento box filled with rice and salmon.
All were enjoying a lesurely chat when they could hear Ireland coming towards them laughing loudly and he sat beside Scotland, he was still laughing loudly while Wales passed him a potato salad.
"Er... Ireland dude? Why are you laughing?" asked America looking a little puzzled.
"Yer really wanna know lad?" said Ireland still laughing.
"Yeah, we all want to know" said Romano.
"Well i was looking for somewhere to throw up, and this english guy pulled up in his car got out and he left his car window open to get something, and i was desperate so ..." Ireland tried to continue but he was laughing too much. Scotland had kind of guessed what he was about to say and started to laugh as well and America joined in.
"Oh no you didn't?! Did you?!" cried out England
Scotland, America and Ireland were in complete fits of laughter with Japan looking on on the Italy brothers looking on in shock.
"I threw up on his front seat!" said Ireland trying to hold back the tears because of laughing so much. Scotland was rollling around laughing hard an America nearly choked on his burger for laughing. Even Wales couldn't help laughing and the Italy brothers started to laugh as well. The only two not laughing were England and Japan.
"An english guy with a vomity arse!" cried out Ireland, still laughing.
England raised his palm to his face and shook his head. Ireland had to be one of the few people he knew that would do something like this. He was forever playing pranks on them when they were younger, and unfotunatly America had picked up a few of his bad habits.
Ireland certainly knew how to be the life of a party. Yeah he was crazy but he was caring and loyal at times. And extremely brave in battle.
"Hey you guys want to hear a joke?" called out Ireland.
Everyone nodded and Ireland began
"A Scotsman, and Englishman and and Irishman meet a wizard on top of a cliff. The wizard tells them to jump off the cliff but says that anything they say while falling will be at the bottom of the cliff in large quantity. So the Scotsman jumps off the cliff and shouts 'pillows!' and he lands on some pillows. The Englishman jumps off next and yells 'hay!' and he lands in hay. The last one the Irishman runs to jump off the cliff, trips on a rock and shouts 'CRAP!'"
Everyone began laughing loudly drawing attention to themselves from other people who were around. Scotland could be heard a mile away, because his laughing was that loud.
"Are we still going for that Kareoke night at your local bar Wales?" asked Italy Veniciano.
"We sure are!" replied Wales still slightly laughing.
The day in all was good. Playing frisbee, football (which England kept on loosing to Wales) and Ireland's constant practical jokes on England and the Italy brothers.
Saturday Evening
It was evening, and the stars were out shining brightly., and the local bar was bustling with life. Kareoke night was the best night at this place.
Wales started off the Kareoke compertition by singing I See Fire by Ed Sheeran. His singing completely blew everyone away and a few of the girls in the pub fell for him.
The second to go was England. He sang Jumpin' Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones. He also had a few girls fall for him as well and a guy who slipped his number underneath Englands ale.
Ireland and the Italy brothers was next singing Chasing The Sun by The Wanted, then Scotland and Japan who sang Shoot The Runner by Kasabian and finally America who really couldnt hold a note to save his life sang Believe by Cher, and while he was singing people in the bar clamped their ears shut (and the pub owners dog outside started howling).
After a couple of drinks some of them (not Wales because he had to drive) was completely drunk.
England in his drunken haze noticed that Scotland was glaring at an empty chair in front of him.
"Hey Schotland, what ya doing?" slurred England.
"That chair better watch it!" slurred Scotland
"How come?" asked England hiccuping.
"Its giving me funny looks" replied Scotland swaying back and forth pointing to the empty chair in front of him. America gave him a funny look and Ireland started to laugh.
"THATS IT, CHAIR!" bellowed Scotland, making Engalnd and Wales jump, leaping foward to attack the chair only to fall flat on his face. Everyone started laughing loudly and Wales picked up his younger brother off the floor who was asleep and snoring.
"I guess the chair won that fight!" called out Ireland. Everyone laughed.
Wales managed to get Scotland to wake up and sit back on his seat and thrust a bottle of water into his hand to sober him up.
The Italy brothers started to chat up all the pretty welsh women in the bar leaving the other nations to do what they wanted to do. All the others got up to dance. Just to annoy England, Ireland danced really close to him, kissed him on the lips then ran away laughing loudly leaving England swearing at Ireland across the dancefloor.
"YOU BASTARD! I WILL GET YOU FOR THAT!" yelled England over the loud music
" AND YOU CAN KISS MY AWESOME IRISH ARSE IGGY!" replied Ireland.
England just saw red. He flew across the dancefloor and started to chase Ireland around, then becoming exhausted to the point where America who was laughing so much had to drag him off the dancefloor.
"Awwww did Iggy get tired?" teased Scotland when America sat him down.
"Shut it, bollock brains!" hissed England.
Scotland laughed loudly.
"Your hair looks like you have been dragged through and entire forest by a dragon England haha!" said Wales
"At least last year i didn't try to marry that sheep you keep out the back!" said England.
"Hey! I was drunk! Ireland spiked my drink!" cried out Wales
"Yeah right!" answered England with an evil grin.
Wales went to smack England upside he head but missed him as England ducked and hit Scotland instead, who in turn spat out his drink all over the floor.
"What the hell Wales?!" yelled Scotland rubbing the back of his sore head.
"I was gonna hit England, not you!" said Wales.
"Ya big jessie?! You call that a slap?! This is a slap!" Scotland turned around an slapped England so hard he fell to the floor. Japan got out of his seat to help England but he was pushed aside.
England in response kicked Scotland in the crotch causing the Scotsman to cower like a frightened dog.
"YOU LITTLE SCAFFBAG!" yelled Scotland flooring England trying to strangle him once again. It took 2 minutes for all the other nations to pull Scotland and England apart and calm them down. Wales then decided that it was time for them all to go home.
So the Kirklands parted ways with America, Japan (who was stopping Italy Veniciano from getting in the drivers seat) and the Italy brothers and they went their separate ways.
Ireland helped Wales get England and Scotland into the car. And as they got into the car and drove away both the nations began to laugh hard.
"We haven't been a family like that for a long time now." said Ireland
"Yea, Its been a long time" said Wales smiling.
They managed to get home in one piece. As they entered into the house Wales who was carrying England took England up to the bunkbed room and Ireland who was carrying Scotland. Wales placed England on the top bunk while Ireland placed Scotland on the bottom bunk. Both Wales and Ireland left the room thinking that both the nations were asleep.
As soon as they left the room one of Scotlands eyes opened and he slowly moved out of bed smiling with an evil intention in mind. With the tie that had been left on the floor by Ireland, Scotland tied Englands leg to the top bunk bed post then returned to sleep dreaming of the loch ness monster.
Sunday Morning
The bright light shone through the small window glaring into the room piercing into Englands eyes. England slowly lifted himself up, his head throbbing like a thousand cows had run through his mind. Then was about to get out of the bed when he felt himself hurtling towards the ground. As his head hit the ground England looked up and noticed that his leg was tied to the top bunk bedpost with a tie that Scotland was wearing last evening night.
Enfuriated by this England grabbed a slipper that was on the floor and repeatedly hit the sleeping Scotsman with it, waking Scotland up whose head was in a worse condition looking around he noticed his younger brother on the floor with his leg tied to the bed post.
This made him burst out laughing.
"WHAT IN GODS NAME MADE YOU THINK THIS WAS FUNNY?!" cried out England.
Scotland was in too much hysterics to answer him.
"I COULD HAVE BROKEN MY LEG YOU GIMBOID!" yelled England. Scotland had never seen his brother so red faced before and it was hilarious to look at.
"Alrite Iggy, Lemmie just get yer down and we can go down and have some breakfast" said Scotland still smirking, while untying England leg.
England managed to compose himself and just as Scotland was about to go out the door England ran up behind him and tripped Scotland over, jumped over him and ran all the way down the stairs with a furious Scotsman on his tail running down the stairs like a tyrannosaurus rex after its prey.
They had both entered into the kitchen both of them wearing nothing but their boxer shorts. Scotland was about to punch England in the face but then restrained himself when he saw Wales and Ireland sitting at the table staring at them.
"You better get your swimming trunks on we are going to the fairie pool today" said Wales smiling walking by them with a cup of tea in his hand.
The morning hadn't turned out so good to start with for England and Scotland but they soon forgot what they were arguing about when they realised that they were all going to the fairie pool.
Wales had drove them all to the remote site. As thery arrived at the place, England looked around him. It had never changed ever since he was a small country. Their mother Ancient Britain had taken them there every summer.
"It hasn't changed a bit" said England smiling.
Wales and Ireland nodded. With Scotland too speechless with amazement and happiness.
Wales parked the car next to a giant oak and all of the four brothers got out of the car in their swimming trunks carrying towels. England was wearing a pair of union jack trunks which annoyed Scotland a little bit but he ignored it. Scotland was wearing a pair of blue trunks with a loch ness monster stiched into the corner, Ireland had a pair of Guiness trunks and Wales had a white pair with a little red welsh dragon in the corner.
Putting their towels down they came up to a hig ledge and at the bottom of it a large pool.
Wales was the first to jump off the ledge, curling himself up in a ball screaming out "For the glory of Wales!". He made a large splash at the bottom of the pool.
Ireland folllowed him with a belly flop screaming out "For the glory of Ireland!" making an even bigger splash at the bottom.
What happened next England was totally unprepared for.
Scotland yelled out in a loud voice "FOR THE GLORY OF SCOTLAND!" and pushed England off the ledge with England yelling the whole way down, hitting the water sideays and Scotland joining in with a dive.
Wales and Ireland were in complete hysterics with England chasing Scotland around in the pool.
The fairie pool was a beautiful place to those who did know it. Anyone who wanted to get away form the hassle of city life, this place was a place of peace, tranquility and unity.
The large trees and ferns that gently swayed in the wind, the water so clear you could see the bottom, the serene waterfall that flowed, the sunlight that pierced its rays though the trees flooding the pool in golden light and the coolness of the water which was soothing.
Wales looked around him and noticed a peaceful air around him. Apart from Scotland and England play fighting with Ireland diving bombing onto England everything else was at peace.
All of the brothers loved this place so much. It reminded them of their days when their mother was alive. And at night they would camp out and she would tell them stories of the great warroir Cuchillain, about Boann the river goddess who tried to steal the salmon of knowledge and of course the stories with the great battles of dragons and gods.
All of a sudden Ireland had a smirk on his face.
"Hey Wales is the Enchanted pool still here?" asked the Irishman smiling.
Wales had forgotten about that.
"Of course! Lets go!"
All of the brothers scrambled out of the pool and made their way towards the mouth of a cave. It was still there!. The smooth stone that you could slide down that lead into a cave with a pool in it which was flooded with light by a crack in the cave wall. But, this was a specail pool because the wisher had to yell out something they wanted to land into and the water would turn into the desired wish.
And on the other side was small craggy rocks down another tunnel which provided a way out from the pool.
Wales went down the tunnel first crying out "Mead!" and he came up out of the other tunnel grinning and smiling smelling really sweet and alcoholic.
Scotland went down and shouted "Johnny Walkers Whiskey!" he too came back up again smelling like a distillery which England detested a lot.
England was the third to go down. He shouted " Strongbow Beer!" and he came back up smelling like a brewery or when he usually smelt after his pub crawls which landed him in prision.
Ireland was too excited by all of the commotion barged past his younger brother England and went down the slide yelling "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" laughing really loudly. It wasnt until moments later when he came up out of the magic pool.
As Ireland came up the strench of urine was overpowering causing Scotland, Wales and England to gag.
He emerged from the tunnel with an experssion of pure shock on his face.
"Feck! I only just realised what I bloody yelled down that tunnel!" yelled Ireland his voice echoing throughout the cave waking a few bats.
All of the brothers were in complete fits of laughter.
"Ye smell like you've been up a cow's arse Ireland!" cried out Scotland, laughing really loudly.
"You would know wouldn't ya Scotland?" said Ireland smirking.
Scotland looked on at his brother in shock while England and Wales looked on confused at their brothers.
"DONT YOU DARE!" roared Scotland, trying to restrain Ireland.
But it was too late Irelands mind was made up. He was going to tell them.
"Well, I went to visit him a couple of months ago and we were walking past a feild when he got pissed on by a cow! The cow literally sparyed him! " said Ireland laughing really loudly.
Scotland had Ireland in a headlock struggling on the ground while England and Wales started to laugh out loud.
"Come on guys lets go back to the fairie pool and clean ourselves up" said Wales splitting the two fighting siblings up.
All the brothers, (After 15 minutes of fighting from Scotland and Ireland) made their way back to the beauty of the fairie pool.
Sunday Evening
The sun began to lower itself in the horizon leaving a golden red glow across the sky. Wales sighed heavily and breathed in the welsh air. He looked up at the sky to see the stars begining to shine through. 'Well Mother, I did my best. I will always keep your promise' thought Wales to himself.
It was the last night they would spend together before they all went onto their separate ways.
Turning back into the kitchen, Wales got out all of the booze he could from the cuboards (He had to hide the liquor from Ireland) and set out all the snacks he could in front of the TV.
Wales had never missed a night of Red Dwarf while it was on so his brothers decided that it would be really cool to watch the back to back episodes they were playing on Dave.
Wales loved all the characters on Red Dwarf. He often thought about which nations would be perfect as the diffrent characters on the program. Lister would obviously be America. Rimmer, definatly England. Cyrton, most definatly Canada. Cat obviously France no doubt about it and Holly would be played by Seychelles.
This made Wales laugh.
The evening was going well until the four brothers slowly began to get really drunk. England got up to go and get some more booze with a bottle of whiskey in his pocket, when he reached the kitchen he fell over and felt something wet running down his leg.
"Dear god, please let that be urine!" cried out England. Wales had noticed his little brother on the floor and picked him up.
"Unless you pee Talisker, im afraid yer broke yer bottle" said Wales. Ireland burst out laughing with Scotland loudly proclaiming that he needed to drain his loch ness monster.
During the break between the Red Dwarf episodes an advert came on about drink driving. The message was powerful but Ireland who was completely drunk called out "Why would you drink and drive at the same time? You might spill your beer or whatever". Scotland looked at is brother. "It doesnt mean that Ireland you twit" said Scotland.
England could bearly walk so he had to crawl his way back into the living room while Wales slowly walked in carrying a bowl of salted nuts carefully trying not to spill them all over the floor.
Wales had suddenly remembered that he had forgotten to to something.
What was it?
What could he have missed out?
It wasnt until Ireland went out into the garden to get some fresh air, he realised that he had left the manhole covering off. Leaving Ireland getting his foot stuck in the manhole. England and Scotland hadn't noticed Wales for 20 minutes trying to pull Irelands foot out of the manhloe before covering it again.
As he and Wales walked in England shouted out loudly "Where is that smell coming from?!"
Scotland looked around him "I dont know it smells like England's cooking wrapped up in a used nappy!" said Scotland. England glared at him. "My food is not that bad!" said England in a matter-of-factly voice.
Scotland gave him 'oh really' look. "Yer set 3 apartments on fire in the last 5 years cause of yer cooking" said Scotland. England scowled at his brother but couldnt fight back what was so true.
The night after all the fuss became much more soothing and relaxed.
Monday Morning
It was all now time to depart and leave for their desitnations.
Each of the brothers said a final fairwell to each other before hoping into their cars and leaving for their individual cities.
England had another 4 hour journey before he got home back to wesmister.
He was greeted by Spain as he entered into his house. "Ah Inglaterra!" said the Spainiard smiling and hugging England. England hugged Spain tightly back and the wonderful smell of paella was looming from the kitchen. "Did you have a good time?" asked Spain with a smile on his face.
"Where shall i begin?" said England.