A Few Days
Riley Scott
"So, you're leaving again?"
"It's just for a few days"
When she had gotten home she had immediately stripped down and gotten into the shower, sat on the bottom of the tub and she cried until the steam made her feel woozy. This was her own little bathroom therapy for the past few weeks. She really only allowed herself to break behind the curtain. Once she emerged from the shower she, as always was determined to erase all signs of her breakdown. She took special care to blow dry and style her hair after the shower, her eyes staring back at her, dead in the mirror. She went through her nightly routine: brush teeth, apply face cream. She then walked into her room and pulled on an oversized t-shirt and crawled into bed to stare at the ceiling.
He was leaving. Again.
She tried to pull forth some sort of emotion at the thought and realized that she couldn't. He was leaving and would be gone for 'a few days'. The last time he had left on a mission that would take 'a few days' he had died, and regardless of him being back in Starling, as far as she was concerned he was still dead. The Arrow came back from the climb up that mountain, but Oliver sure as hell didn't and Felicity had very little doubt that he would come back from the island.
If he would ever really come back.
She was almost happy that he was leaving. That would mean she could stop dreading going into the Foundry for the time being. She had started considering it her second home a long time ago, but ever since Oliver told her he loved her and then walked away...again, she had been miserable every second she was there. Even more so since he returned. Now she might be able to breathe there again.
She felt suffocated by his presence lately. His judgment and sourness hung in the air and made it stale. He had always carried around an enormous load of guilt, but this was different. Since the night of the Uprising he had been cold and snappish. His tone full of judgment and disappointment. It was almost like he resented them for making it without him. For finding a way to survive when he had abandoned them.
Tonight was the first time he had looked at her since the night he returned. She resented the fact that she had to use her loud voice to even get a glance from him.
She wanted to place the blame on Malcolm, and she had been since the night that he came to tell them of Oliver's death. He was the reason Oliver had to go against the League in the first place. He killed Sarah to cause this, and he had used Thea as the weapon. And now he was coaching Oliver to be a killer once again.
She wanted to hate him, to fault him for what had changed in Oliver, but she knew she couldn't. At least not completely. Malcolm was now using Oliver as his weapon, and Oliver was letting it happen. He knew what kind of man Malcolm was better than anyone, and yet he was siding with him. He was choosing Malcolm over Diggle, Roy and even Thea.
Over her.
Oliver had once found an excuse to stop killing, and now he found an excuse to start again. She has come into this family knowing that it could and likely would happen again. She had come aboard with the understanding that his mission was his priority and that once his mission conflicted with her ethics that she would leave.
She would leave.
She could, and probably should.
But it wasn't just about Oliver anymore. It wasn't just about her. It wasn't about what they had done to each other. It was bigger than either of them and walking away now would be even more selfish than staying. This new 'movement' had started with Roy and now Laurel was strapped in leather every night and soon half the Glades would be patrolling alongside them.
Oliver had come into this with selfish motives and in all honesty, so had she. Oliver was using this mission as a way to exorcise his demons and atone for his Fathers. She had used it as a way to be more than just an 'IT girl' and to make herself feel important.
Diggle was the first one to see that this could be more and Roy was the first one to make it more. It was growing and no matter whether she stayed or not it was only going to get bigger. She would never really escape this and she wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to. The only choice she had in this matter was when it came to Oliver. Could she do this work, be the voice in his ear, the hand that pieced him back together and then look the other way when the body count rose?
Could she stay and watch as his love for her slowly faded from his eyes? As hers for him turned into self loathing? He wasn't the type of man to change for someone else, and she wasn't sure that she was the type of woman to wait for a change that wouldn't come.
She wasn't really sure what type of woman she was.
She supposed that she has 'a few days' to figure that out.