To Fear A Heichou

by DarkWings97

A drabble on Eren and fear, particularly when it comes to one short, raven haired captain. *Note- Written as a companion one shot to my other story, hence the similar title, but can be read independently. Rated K for a couple hints at violence, nothing major

Author's Note: Hello my Lovelies, this is just a little one shot about Eren and fear and whatnot. This is sorta a companion to To Cure A Heichou, but it can be read independently, seeing as one reference is not canon and will be later added to either that story or the sequel, I am not sure, but either way right now it won't make sense until later. I just wanted to explore Eren's personality and mindset a little more, this time focusing on fear. If you guys like this I may do a couple more, maybe having to do with a couple other characters, since right now I'm just playing around with it a bit, nothing concrete due to the others things I'm working on, but if you guys want a couple more I can focus and save a little time to work on them. So just let me know what you think or if you want more character exploration and if so, who? Yeah, so I'll stop talking and get on with it, as always let me know what you think, your thoughts are greatly welcome appreciated as well as any criticism.

Warnings: Nothing, I don't think. Hints at violence, nothing too major or graphic though, yaoi (boyxboy)really only if you squint, AU- non-canon compliant (like I said, just that one little reference that won't make sense probably)

Disclaimer: I hate this thing so much, like it physically pains me to type this every time, my hand actually begins to cramp it's not even funny, I don't own Attack on Titan, nor do I won the characters.

Eren never quite understood the concept of fear, much less the experience of such a contradicting instinct, and so was never able to recognize when it was occurring. Fear was a strange thing, not in the fact that he didn't know what it was since he is the son of a doctor, but rather that the same base instinct could either cripple and paralyze the individual or provide him/her/them with an adrenaline rush so powerful that the person could perform feats that seemed to defy logic. Not only could fear provide multiple outcomes as a result of its occurrence, but it could also be influenced circumstance and one's own personality. Arguably other instincts and needs behaved in a similar manner but to the extent of fear. For instance, everyone felt hunger, and perhaps if food was not readily available the stomach may shrink so that the body did not require so much food, but eventually the lack of nutrients would take its toll. Hunger could not overcome by sheer willpower as fear could, despite both being necessary for survival.

That confused Eren as well. Fear was meant to tell the person something is wrong or that danger was present, so how could it not be a constant presence in a world that had danger lurking around every corner, in every space that was not illuminated in some manner, whether it be in the physical world or the deepest recesses of the mind. Furthermore, how could something meant to protect humans be influenced by them so easily? A child would fear monsters hiding in the dark if told a scary story. Someone could fear men or women if attacked by one. A person could fear riding a horse if they had once been thrown off. Fear can be influenced by the imagination, by pain, by memories, anything really, but oddly enough,by will as well. Individuals, given enough strength and effort, could overcome these same fears that were created to protect them, and in doing so, conquer a great hindrance or perhaps create the reason for death. Perhaps that child will create maps out of the very things that only appear in the darkness, or the one that feared riding will once more mount a horse, only to fall and be trampled.

Then, there were the people like Eren, who went against all current knowledge of fear, and that caused him to be the most conflicted. He knew he should fear going outside the walls, fear titans, fear dying, but he truly doesn't. Anyone else would have hesitated to stay by their mother's side with certain death fast approaching, reluctant to join the branch of the military known for its high number of casualties and risks, and most certainly not have jumped head first into the mouth of a titan to save a friend, but not Eren. If he felt fear, he was unable to recognize it because it never changed him as it did others- whether that be paralysis or adrenaline or some combination of the two- never caused him to stray from his natural hot blooded, hard headed self. His need to protect always outweighed everything else, even when he was young, fighting off Armin's bulles and facing Mikasa's kidnappers alone. He simply didn't hesitate, and so he never quite understood fear, because if he felt it, it was always shoved elsewhere within his mind, his will and love for others too great to even be affected by the thing that tried to keep him alive. There was no real place for it anyway, it was doomed, just as so many others who attempted to keep him from danger as well-his mother, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, other comrades who tried to keep him from titans- it was bound to fail.

And so, even after being beaten so thoroughly and painfully, humiliated and treated like nothing more than an animal in front of a large crowd, Eren felt no fear when approached by Captain could see the surprise in those silver orbs, truly in Hanji and even Erwin's as well at his response but in truth, the boy had never feared the man, even when there was plenty of reason to do so. Not when the raven showed up covered in blood and being carried by his cousin and a blonde man, nor when he learned of their current "occupation". Not when he watched his hero ride through Shinganshina hearing rumors of his deadly deeds and cold heart or when he returned from the mission with his eyes lacking their usual defiance, as well as the presence of the two that normally accompanied him. Not when seeing him take down the titan with ease, not when confronted in his cell, and especially not when being forced to swallow the man's boot, even though any normal person should. Eren simply did not fear Levi, and it was apparent that was not something the shorter male was used to.

It was obvious in the first few days Eren was placed under his care. Others may not have noticed, but Eren did, the way Levi would speak softly to him, though not before making eye contact or how the captain would move a tad slower than normal around him, so as to not startle the brunette. Levi was less harsh in his insults compared to the others, though whether that was because he did not want to scare Eren or because he knew the older members of the squad would not take it so personally and see it for what it was- either a compliment or advice under the guise of a cold hearted snide remark- the younger wasn't certain. But with the man's behavior, even after Eren had firmly denied being afraid of him, it was apparent that most often people were scared of him- mostly due to rumors , often his more stoic appearance or occasionally something else entirely- others were uncomfortable around him, hesitant to open up . And so Eren was once again confused by the concept of fear. Why on earth would an instinct meant to aid survival, cause tension between those individuals and a man as kind, sincere, and brave as Levi, who would protect as many as he could by any means necessary? To that he had no answer, but finding one would have to wait, for now he was content with showing his Heichou that at least someone did not fear him. Besides, what need did a stubborn, brash, hothead like Eren have for the delicate, complex, and contradictory thing that was fear anyway, it would only hold him back, and he refused to have anything clip his wings.