The Hatake clan is one of the oldest and most respected clans in Konoha history. Over The years the clan has dwindled until only one family remained. Sakumo Hatake, the clan head, is the patriarch of the Hatake household. His first wife died tragically in childbirth leaving him to raise his eldest son, Kakashi, alone. However, 3 years later found him happily married to the brilliant bio-chemist Orochimaru who brought with him a daughter named Nure. Now, 23 years later, the couple is thriving in the business world with no sign of stopping anytime soon. The couple now has 9 children in all, each just as brilliant as their famous parents, but every family has some wild antics. Join us as we go inside the lives of one of Konoha's elite families. This is Keeping up with the Hatakes.

A pale slender person with their dark hair tied up in a perfect round bun was shuffling around the kitchen in a violet silk robe. Their skilled hand chopping a large amount of vegetables and herbs on a cutting board. 2 Alaskan Malamutes sat near their feet eyeing the bacon and sausage cooking on the stove. They were so focused on their work that they didn't notice an equally pale figure with the same long black hair come into the spacious kitchen and lean on the center island counter.

"Oro, do you need any help?" A husky female voice asked causing the other figure to turn around.

Orochimaru was beautiful for his age. His soft androgynous face was more narrow compared to his daughter's rounded cheeks, but if you didn't know they were parent and child you would assume they were twins. He smiled at his child setting the knife in his hand on the counter.

"I suppose." He said smoothly as he washed off his hands. "I'll go wake the horde if you finish up the quiches."

Orochimaru dried his hands before leaving the kitchen in the hands of his eldest daughter.

*Confessional*

"My name is Orochimaru Hatake, I am the husband of Sakumo Hatake." The pale male smirked crossing his arms across his chest. "We have 9 kids. They are Kakashi, Nure, Rogu, Kabuto, Kimimaro, Sakon, Ukon, Kin, and our baby Mitsuki. Fortunately 4 of the kids managed to have similar temperaments to me. Unfortunately the rest of them act like Sakumo."

Orochimaru made his way upstairs and stopped at the landing before taking a deep breath. This was the most irritating thing he had to do almost every day. He made his way to the first of several doors. A large Halloween wreath made with pastel colored plastic bones and skulls decorated its surface. He sighed opening the door.

*Confessional*

"I don't envy my parent for going to wake up everyone." Nure said with a sigh. "The first and last time I did it I had to get a haircut because the twins burned off my hair with sparklers."

Nure glanced down in irritation as she grit her teeth.

"Please, don't ask."

Orochimaru entered the dimly lit room quietly making his way over to the curtained window. He drew the fabric aside, allowing the bright sunshine to stream in and hit his middle child directly in his peacefully sleeping face. The teen groans in protest brushing his shoulder length silvery grey hair out of his face and cracking open a single eye.

"Morning Oro." He mumbled sitting up slowly.

Orochimaru smiled down at his son running fingers through his soft tresses. Kimimaro is the easiest of the younger kids to wake and never puts up a fuss. The only thing he had ever gotten angry about was his older brother picking on his boyfriend Juugo. The 15 year old groggily got to his feet rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Get dressed you sister is finishing up the food." Orochimaru cooed making his way to the door. "You don't want your younger siblings to get there first."

*confessional*

Kimimaro glared at the camera with a icy demeanor.

"Last Sunday brunch the idiots ate all the pastries before I could make it to the table."

A wicked grin started to stretch across his angelic face.

"In retaliation I left Shiro and Kaze's poop in their beds…..for a month."

Orochimaru sighed walking across the hall and opening the door to his 4th child's room. Kabuto, similar to Kimimaro, was relatively easy to wake. He didn't fuss, but he did trip over everything within 3 feet of him if he wasn't fully awake. Orochimaru handed the tired teen his glasses and received a nod of thanks. He came home from college every weekend for Sunday brunch. He claims he does it for Oro, but his siblings know it's for the poolboy who comes on Saturdays.

The next room the parent enters is his youngest daughter's. Kin was a martial arts enthusiast and a musician. Her room was an eclectic mix of Bruce Lee posters and sheet music. A large harp sat in one corner with a theremin beside it. His 12 year old had a loose grasp on a copper colored lyre as she slept. Orochimaru smirked before pulling his phone out of his robe pocket. He scrolled through his sound library until he found exactly what he was looking for. He turned the volume up and placed it next to her head before pressing play.

"ORO, KIN BROKE THE TV WITH HER NUNCHUCKS!" The shrill scream of the twins sounded through the room.

Kin snapped awake startled and angry.

"I DID NOT YOU JOJO's BIZARRE REJECTS!"

*Confessional*

"Never said I was gentle about waking the hellions." Orochimaru smirked viciously. "I know how to play these kids to their faults."

Kin stared at her parent in shock trying to shake off the rude awakening. Her long dark hair and vicious scowl proving exactly how she was related to her parent.

"ORO HOW COULD YOU!" She shrieked after the male's amused retreating form.

"Get downstairs child." Orochimaru snickered.

He left the room only to collide with a smirking Rogu. The tall 21 year old was Sakumo and Orochimaru's first child together. The biochemist went through the in vitro fertilization process with every child they had together. He oversaw their test tube stage and Sakumo picked the surrogates. Rogu had Orochimaru's eyes and his calculating demeanor, but as soon as his mouth opened it was all Sakumo Hatake. He was flirtatious and sassy, but loyal above all else. He and his girlfriend Guren had been together for a little over a year.

"I can get dad up for you if you like Oro. I already woke Kakashi, Obito is here by the way, and the twins are on their computers." Rogu grinned.

Orochimaru clicked his tongue in dissatisfaction.

"Were they up all night again?" He asked testily.

Rogu just grinned making his way downstairs.

Orochimaru huffed opening the door at the end of the hall to the sound of shouted insults and laughter from the speaker system. The twins room was a mess of visual kei memorabilia and anime merch. The twins and their computers were set side by side and rigged up with the best streaming equipment they could buy. Their parent scowled walking over to them.

"Alright chat who's ready to see Uchiha lose?" Sakon smirked.

A snort came through the speakers along with 2 separate sets of laughter.

"As if, you're gonna be my bitch Hatake." The distinctive voice of Sasuke Uchiha drawled.

"You wish asshole, you have yet to put any of us on a hook." Ukon mumbled.

"They got you there sassy!" A brash voice laughed.

"GENERATOR UP GUYS!" Another voice called causing cheers to ring out and Sasuke to groan.

"Don't get mad Sassy, you were the one who wanted to be the slow ass nurse." Sakon grinned glancing up a second only to scream falling out of his chair. Ukon confused looked as well a quickly repeated his twins actions.

"Guys. You ok? What happened?" one of the voices asked.

"Yeah." The other unknown snickered. "You guys just freaked out, live may I add, and fell out of your chairs. What scared you so bad?"

Orochimaru smirked and took that as his cue to duck into the camera's sight.

"I'm sorry but the twins are coming down for brunch, I'm sure you can use this opportunity to take your win Sasuke-chan."

"I'll send some of my mom's tea blends as a thank you." Sasuke replied in obvious amusement.

"WAIT! ORO YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" The twins yelled in unison as they watched their parent leave the room.

"You can play after brunch is over." He called over his shoulder.

*Confessional*

"I can't believe Oro would do that!" Sakon growled.

"10 win streak out the window." Ukon sighed.

"Now Uchiha's bitch ass is gonna rub it in our faces." Sakon huffed.

"Suigetsu and Naruto will laugh." Ukon said softly.

"And our chat thinks our parent is hot and won't stop asking about him." Sakon growled.

"Fuck my life." Ukon mumbled causing Sakon to nod in agreement.

By the time Orochimaru made it to the night time forest themed nursery Mitsuki was up and shrieking happily as he played with a large stuffed python and wolf. He looked up with large gold eyes and grinned upon seeing his parent. Mitsuki looked eerily similar to his brother Rogu and Orochimaru took that as a sign for this child to be their last.

"Oro up!" Mitsuki cheered raising his pale hands in the air making grabbing motions.

Orochimaru smiled at his youngest, carefully lifting the small light blue haired child from his crib. He place a light kiss to the boys forehead as he settled Mitsuki on his hip. He made his way back downstairs and into the loud Sun lit dining room. Nure and Kimimaro were setting trays of bacon, sausage, and potatoes down as Kakashi sauntered in with 2 large pitchers. Sakumo approached his husband with a grin and reached for Mitsuki.

"No, my Oro!" Mitsuki called snuggling into his parent's shoulder as he stuck his tongue out at his father.

Sakumo's face fell dramatically as he tried to coax his youngest into a hug.

"Suki-chan don't you want to give papa a hug?" He asked hopefully.

"No, Oro." Mitsuki said clinging to Orochimaru harder.

Parent and baby smirked seeing Sakumo's crestfallen face.

*Confessional*

"I take it back." Orochimaru chucked. "It seems 5 of the children took after my genius."

After setting Mitsuki in his high chair Orochimaru took a seat beside Sakumo's sulking form. Kakashi grinned pushing one pitcher toward him.

"Mimosa Oro?" He asked mischievously.

Orochimaru snached the pitcher up and poured himself a large glass. As soon as he took his first sip Kakashi said something truly irritating.

"So Minato-sensei and his family want to join us for dinner." He says. "And then Mikoto-senpai found out and invited herself and her kids over as well, so we are going to have a full house tonight."

Orochimaru felt his eye twitch in annoyance.

*Confessional*

"Our home at any given moment houses about…..15 children. Well not technically children but you get it. 9 of them are usually mine I don't know where the other 6 came from. God children I believe. I looked up one morning and glanced around the breakfast table and there were just children everywhere. So you know what I did? I sat back sipped my drink of choice that day and turned a blind eye. I was not going to deal with it. My husband obviously did not care and I was beyond giving any shit's. So we just accept mouths to feed with our own brand of petty passive aggressive flair." Orochimaru rants before downing a full glass of his champagne heavy Mimosa.

Sakumo put his head in his hands and groans.

"I also invited Zabuza and Haku." Nure smiled serenely as she poured herself a glass of orange juice.

Sakumo dropped his head to the table groaning even louder. He disliked the brash man with a passion like no other. No man would ever be good for his babies. Orochimaru side eyes his husband before rolling them and serving himself some bacon and quiche.

*Confessional*

"We Hatake kids have a game we play every Sunday brunch." Nure smirks. "We try to see who can get father to snap in anger first."

She giggled mischievously.

"The winner gets Oro to themselves for a day." She grins. "I've won the last 3 times."

Rogu smiled at his elder brother with a smile that meant nothing but humiliation for its target.

"So Kashi, how many admires did your boyfriend try to stab last week?" Rogu smirked stabbing into his potatoes.

Obito glared at the younger male.

"3 if your really that curious brat." He sneered.

Rogu snorted giving Kakashi a knowing look. Which was returned with a half-hearted shrug.

*Confessional*

One thing I can say with absolute certainty and joy, is that I never slept with my shit starting best friend. Unfortunately I cannot say the same for Kashi. I told him Uchihas are dramatic, instigating, and nosey. Now look at his situation. He tied himself to a batshit insane Uchiha that is no doubt going to set something of his on fire someday." Rogu sighs. "That whole family has a screw loose. Especially that brat Sasuke."

"Speaking of admirers." Kin smiled taking a sip of her juice. "How's your boyfriend Kimi?"

The 15 year old gave the girl a glare that could freeze hell twice over. Sakumo snapped his head in their direction with narrowed eyes.

"Yes, please tell us." The patriarch gritted out.

*Confessional*

"Father has the uncanny ability to know when his children are with another man. I didn't tell him about Juugo until we had already been dating for 6 months, but he stared me down that entire time." Kimimaro sighed slouching in his seat with a defeated expression. "Damn it! Why can't kin ever keep her big mouth shut?!"

"He's fine." Kimimaro glared turning back to his food with the intent to ignore the girl for the rest of the day.

"Drop it Kin, you don't see us pestering you over your little gang of hoodlum males." Kabuto sniffed primly causing his father to nearly choke on a piece of cantaloupe. "What were their names? Dosu and Zazu?"

"Zaku!" She snapped before her eyes widened and she covered her mouth in shock.

She slowly glanced over at her shocked father As snickering could be heard around the table.

*Confessional*

Rogu laughed before giving an amused smirk. "You may think that little 4 eyed freak is harmless, but you would be wrong. You should never forget Oro raised us. We all have tongues that could cut you down in a heartbeat."

"Oro!" Nure calls loudly over the tense room. " How are things going with the club?"

She had effectively cut her siblings off from another argument and was trying to prevent them from winning the bruch game. Orochimaru smirked at her obvious manipulations. He chuckled lightly before obliging her.

*Confessional*

I've been with the konoha housewife club for a little over 10 years. I was basically conned into being here because I had a mother-son relationship with my mentors wife. She strong-armed me into this and I had to accept or she would tell my mortal enemy where I live. She's an evil woman I love her so much I want to be her one day.

"We are planning a bake sale to raise money for the Konoha Orphans fund, Biwako has demanded I make my matcha meringues and anko mochi." He replied calmly taking a bite of his nearly finished quiche.

He waited as the silence settled in around the table. One by one the kids turned their heads and stared with wide eyes. It was a well known fact that their parent stress baked his ass off at least once a month. When it happened the Hatake house swarmed like a plague of locusts. His speciality just so happens to be desserts with traditional and subtle flavors. Orochimaru could already tell he would have another war on his hands.

"Good for you sweetheart." Sakumo grinned. "Are you going to save us any?"

"I'm afraid the order she gave me leaves little room for extras." Orochimaru smiled mischievous.

"Oro!" Kin called out in disbelief.

A few others groaned in dissatisfaction as well. Sakumo gave his partner a knowing look.

"Don't worry." Orochimaru smiled at his kids. "I made dango early this morning to tide you over."

Before his sentence could finish the table was vacated. Shouts and thumping could be heard from the kitchen as Orochimaru sat back with a smirk.

*Confessional*

"Did I forget to say I fed them all to Shiro and Kaze?" Orochimaru grinned with a sadistic glint in his eye. "Oops."