This story takes place 1 year after Miracle Day, hope you enjoy!

Ianto

It started with the darkness.

The tears were still fresh on my face, promises still bright in my mind

I was screaming into the dark, it was endless and terrifying and oh god something was moving in it.

I had never been so scared in all my life. Or death, I suppose. I sat in the endless dark, and waited. I waited for so long. I twitched and whined and begged for something that was real, all the while watching that thing slither around, shrieking inhumanly, just out of my eyesight, waiting to swallow my soul.

No time existed. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think. I wanted my Jack. I wanted him to tell me it was okay, to make it all better. I wanted him, I wanted life, I wanted to see.

And then suddenly, there was a way out. No door or tunnel with a light at the end. I just knew I could leave now, so I closed my eyes, eager to live, to be with Jack, to see the sun.
I didn't know that I'd be begging to come back.

*TORCHWOOD*

He was 5 years old, Mam had bought him a bike for his birthday, but Tad broke it on the way home from the pub. He was so sad, it was the only thing he'd had for his birthday, and he'd never get another one they couldn't afford it-

Oh god what's happening, no, I don't want to-

Tad had just got home from work and he was screaming at Mam, and she wasn't screaming back, he was curled up with Rhi in their room while she played the piano Mam had bought her for last Christmas. He asked her "Rhi, why do you play so loud" and she'd replied "To make sure the monsters stay away. Remember Yan, whenever you're sad, or scared, just come in here and play the piano. The lovely music keeps the bad things away. Promise me?" Ianto had promised, until Tad broke the piano and told him to be a real boy, not some sissy piano playing poofter-

Stop! I don't want to remember, I locked it all away, for so long, I can't, I can't-

Tad dragging Mam to his room, Ianto listened to her screaming all night, and asked her why she was so scared the next day. She said she'd been watching scary films with Daddy, and that it was a just a silly thing. The bruises on her neck made it so even little Ianto knew she was lying-

She was so afraid, I wanted her to be safe, but I didn't know how-

Coming home from school, Tad trying to drag Rhi to his room by her hair, Ianto got angry, punched and kicked Tad, screaming he was a monster, until Tad grabbed him by the arm, leaving his sister, then Ianto was screaming for Mam, screaming for help, anyone, he was so scared-

Rhi was okay, that was all that mattered, and she was okay-

Tad being taken away by the nice policemen, one of the coppers asking him if he was okay, but Ianto hadn't spoken in weeks, wasn't going to now-

Being bullied at school, because he couldn't remember how to talk, the nice lady in the orange room out back saying it was all just trauma, he had to get better, but Ianto didn't know how, he came home with bruises, and got laughed at for crying-

Ianto's 15 years old, he can only say a few words even now and he's got a knife to his wrist and the blood is everywhere, so much blood, but it's okay he's going to be okay now, never going to be sad again-

I wanted to go so much, Rhi couldn't look at me, Mam blamed me for Tad going to prison, she still loved that bastard, and I couldn't-

Waking up in hospital, crying when the doctors said he'd be fine, going home, his Mam saying he was worthless, couldn't even kill himself properly, Rhi standing up for him, he spent the entire night sobbing while Rhi hugged him close-

Therapy. Years and years of therapy. They taught him to lock it all away, and by the time he was 17, he could talk and laugh and had good grades, but not the best because he couldn't focus on studies and get better at the same time, but know he could pretend it never happened, that it was all okay again-

It was a lie, all of it lie, I couldn't really forget, it was always in the back of my mind-

Being told his Tad had died in prison, Ianto just said "Good" and put the phone down-

Looking for his Lisa amidst the broken Cybermen, he needs her, she was his rock, and he's dragging himself through the blood, so much blood, he's 15 all over again, he can't deal with it, not now, he tries to block it out, but then he turns the corner, and she's there, but she's not her, she's one of them and he doesn't care, and she's in his arms and he's screaming-

Oh my Lisa, Lisa, she was beautiful, and then they broke her, they broke the only thing I had left to love apart from Rhi-

Joining Torchwood 3-

He's so thin, he can't eat-

The never ending guilt, he loves the team, but he has to do this, for Lisa, he needed her-

They found her, oh god, his Lisa-

Jack putting the barrel of his Webley to Ianto's head, just pull the trigger you American bastard, I'm already broken-

4 weeks of hell in suspension-

Learning to trust the team again-

Learning to love-

Love-

Jack-

Jack…

Jack.

I need to wake up.

I need him. I need to be Ianto. Let me wake up, NOW.