o.O.o

The date is March 15.

And Lily is crying.

Tomorrow, she knows, she'll smile at everyone and laugh at her friend's antics and act like nothing's wrong. She'll dance around and crack jokes and hide her pain, and to be honest, tomorrow- or any day that isn't today- it's not really so bad. But for today- just for today- she'll lock herself up in her dorm, ignore her friends, and cry her bitter, bleeding, blackened, broken heart out.

It is the anniversary of The Event. Lily wipes her tears and sits up on her bed, still trembling from the exertion of the day. Careless sobs fall sporadically as she thinks back. One year. One entire year, since she last spoke to her ex-best friend, Severus Snape. No one else had understood why she hung out with him- but then, no one understood her, either. In her life, he was the only one who had ever truly understood her- and yes, she sighed to herself, she knows how overdramatic that sounds. But it can't help being that way. It's true. She had gone through life comparing herself to others, not understanding why she was different, why she couldn't connect, why there was no one her equal. And then- then she met Severus. She smiles tremblingly, fully immersed in the memory by now. She remembers everything- his deep eyes, intense and wary; his hair, a little unkempt, but thick and full and a startling blue-black; his scrawny limbs, sticking out every which way. She had noticed him on the playground, standing back from the slide; his body language said that he couldn't care less about the slide, but Lily saw his longing glances. She had grabbed his hand and run to the line, not giving him a chance to argue. They had slid down together, her in front. And, from then on, that was just the way it was. She fondly recalls sneaking out and spending nights out, under the stars, whispering secrets, giggling softly, pouring out their young hearts to each other. Summers of sticky ice cream, blistering sunlight, cold sprinklers, and Severus, always Severus, flashed through her mind. And, when she had to go to school, Severus was always waiting outside after, ready for some new adventure. No one knew her like Severus; she didn't want anyone to. Severus was her equal, her companion, her comfort, her soulmate. Severus was, in short, all she needed. She had been so excited to go to Hogwarts with him- an entire year spent entirely with him, no breaks for school! She chuckles bitterly. Yes, because that went so well, she scoffs. Her mind unwillingly returns to that day- the day of The Event, the day she fell apart, the day she pushed to the furthest corners of her memory until today.

o.O.o

"Lily!" In her mind, Severus runs behind her, long cloak flapping. "Lily, I didn't mean it, you know I-"

She whirls around. "Yes, Severus," she snaps, tears streaming down her face. "Yes, you did."

He colors. "How do you know?" he mutters.

"How do I know anything that goes on in your head anymore, Severus?" she rages. "What happened to you? Why did you start hanging around with them?"

"With who?"

"You know exactly who! Nott and Goyle and Crabbe and Rookwood? You know Avery got detention for torturing animals the other day?" She stops abruptly and faces him. "I don't know who you are anymore, Severus. You're just like them."

"It was a slip-up, Lily! I didn't mean to! It just-"

"Slipped out?" Lily finished, with a scornful laugh. "But, Severus, you've been calling all my friends "mudblood" all year. Why am I different?"

Severus stares at her, bristling.

She doesn't give him a chance to reply, but smiles bitterly. "I thought so, Sev." She glances down at her hands. "I can't take it anymore. You're different, and I don't know who you are. You're cruel and loathsome and foul, and- and I have to leave now," She turns to go. "It's over, Sev." She calls over her shoulder. "Have a nice life."

"Lily!" he calls out, but she doesn't turn around. The pain building up in her chest is incredible, and before he can chase after her, she runs into the castle, hands grasping at her mouth to hide the sobs threatening to escape.

o.O.o

She leans back, the pain threatening to crush her once again. What he did to her was unforgivable- but, in the same way, what she did to him was unforgiveable, too. And now- now, she sighs, she's thinking of James Potter, who, she knows, is sitting outside, just in case she needs anything. She wishes- for her sake and his- that she could feel something for him. That she could find her equal, her companion, her heart, her soulmate in him. It'd be so much easier for him and her. It'd be so much easier than this- this never-ending pain. He's perfect, really- witty, intelligent, handsome, caring, romantic, care-free, always laughing and optimistic and happy- just what her broken heart needs. And, with him, maybe she could learn to live and love and laugh again. But, alas, the position of soulmate is already taken. She's knows that she is never going to find another equal. Her life is going to be spent alone. And Lily Evans, no matter how much she pretends otherwise, is terrified of living life alone.

o.O.o

A/N: Just in case you couldn't tell, this is a deviation from my typical light, if not humorous, tone. I wanted to include Severus somewhere in my stories, but wasn't sure how would be the right way. They always seemed more than friends to me- more than friends, but not romantically involved at all. I actually had a friend I lost- we had a bond very similar to what I imagine Lily and Severus had, so I drew a lot on that for this story. So, yeah! Hope you enjoyed the angst. It'll get better- the theme of drama will continue, but hopefully it won't be so... eh. Sometimes you just gotta get the angst out, ya know? As always, Potterverse is JKR's, not mine. All I own is the angst. Geez. JKR, if you ever want to trade, the offer's there. Reviews are loverly!