Please Don't
As we drove to the bar for tonight's distraction, Ranger was giving me the run down on the FTA and the step-up for the night.
"Ian McEwen skipped on 3 counts of assault and attempted rape, not a guy you want to mess with, Babe. So, if anything looks off or he tries to lead you anywhere other than out the front door, you call in the troops." Ranger said. "Lester is inside covering you from the pool tables and Hal is behind the bar. Tank, Bobby and I will be on the street outside."
Wow, a whole paragraph from Ranger, what's going on tonight?
We pulled to a stop half a block down from the bar/restaurant called Tony's Top and Bottom. I had never been there before but I knew that the upstairs was a pretty nice Italian restaurant and the downstairs was a bar. The bar catered to the after-work happy hour crowd, which usually ended up upstairs for dinner.
Ranger looked up the street and nodded. About half a block up from the bar, Tank and Bobby were stepping out of the standard issue black shiny Rangeman SUV. Ranger turned in his seat to face me and placed his hand on the side of my neck. Warm fingers inched their way into the edges of my hair and started a slow massage. Without even thinking, I pressed my head firmly into to his hand. Oh my God, I couldn't control myself, all I could think about was the heat creeping through my scalp and running south in a hurry. I closed my eyes and moaned, rolling my head against his warm palm. Warm soft lips were pressed to mine and by pure reflex I parted my lips. I leaned into Ranger's kiss as his other hand was skimming up my rib cage. The heat of his hand through my shirt was sending chills down my spine while the heat from his lips was setting me on fire under my skirt. Too bad I don't have a change of underwear with me, because I just ruined the ones I'm wearing.
His hand was moving up to the opening of my fitted buttoned down shirt; which had several buttons undone to aid in the view of my wonder bra enhanced cleavage. His hand cupped my breast through my bra and he rubbed his thumb back and forth across my nipple. I took his head in both of my hands and pulled him deeper into the kiss. All of a sudden I was kissing air. I was barely breathing and groping his chest to remain upright in the seat, when I breathlessly moaned "Ranger, please".
"Wire's live, Babe." Ranger said.
My eyes snapped open. I tried to suck in air. Before I could say anything, he had opened his door and was out of the truck walking around the front to get my door. I looked down at my shirt; I was unbuttoned to the waist. I quickly took a deep breath and with shaking fingers attempted to right my clothes. I ran my hand through my hair in an effort to stop my head from spinning. My door was opened and Ranger offered me his hand. I guess he knew I couldn't trust my legs to hold me after my obvious stupor from his kiss. I took another deep breath and took his hand. The second I had cleared the door, I looked to my right and there was Tank and Bobby leaning against the side of the truck in the standard Rangeman pose, arms crossed over the chest. When I look at them, Bobby dropped his head and coughed to cover the smile playing at his lips.
I was immediately confused. Were they laughing at me, at the way Ranger's kiss had affected me? I saw something flash in Tank's eyes, but I'm not sure what, then he said "The bar is downstairs, the restaurant is upstairs. Lester has already IDed the skip in the bar.
I turned to head in. Ranger said "Go get 'em, Tiger" and I heard Bobby snicker. They were laughing at me! My spine instantly snapped ramrod straight, my hands fist at my side, I marched into the front door of Tony's with out acknowledging Ranger or a word to the guys. I did not even give them my trademark finger wave as I walk away from them and entered the door to Tony's.
The door closed behind me and in front of me was two staircases. One up, one down. I could look up and see red and white tablecloths and candles in wine bottles through the windows on both sides of the door to the restaurant. I stepped down the stairs to the bar. At the bottom of the stairs was a big oak panel door. To the left was a hallway, a hall table with a mirror and two candlestick lamps sat in the center of the hall wall. Further down the hallway were the restrooms. I stepped in front of the mirror to check and make sure I had gotten all of my buttons back to their right position. I had chosen to wear the white fitted button down shirt with a red skirt that stopped a couple of inches above my knee. I had on red strappy FM sandals; I was going for the hot receptionist type.
I looked in the mirror; everything was in its proper place. I didn't know what was going on outside, but I had the feeling I was being entertainment again and I didn't like the kind of entertainment I thought I was providing. "Lets get this over with." I said to the mirror and I guess to the guys outside via the mic in my bra. I really have got to remember I'm wired for sound. I squared my shoulders and went to the door of the bar.
Once inside, the room was dark and smoky. I looked to my right, spotted Lester standing over a lean tall blond near the pool tables. He nodded his head towards the bar. I looked and spotted McEwen sitting about three stools down the bar. The two stools to his right were empty.
I walked over and took a seat on the stool beside McEwen. Hal came over to take my order.
"Tequila shot" I said.
Hal had a stunned look like "What? Are you kidding?" I just raise my eyebrow and said "Tequila now. Please." Hal had learned a long time ago that I could mean business when I wanted to; the guys at Rangeman had the video to prove it. I can only image what was being said to Hal in his ear piece. The guys all know I'm not much of a drinker and they usually water down or substitute something for my drinks when they are tending bar on these distractions. There was no way he could fake the shot, so he had no choice but to deliver. Humph! How's that for entertaining!
I slammed the shot back, picked up the lime wedge, twisted on the stool to face McEwen. I crossed my legs and put the lime wedge to my lips and flicked my tongue slowly to taste it. McEwen' eyes went to my lips and watched as I circled the wedge with my tongue, then I bit down on the lime. McEwen' eyes never left my lips.
"Look" I said to him, "I'm really pissed at my boyfriend right now and I'm looking to get even. Would you be interested in helping me get even?" I purred.
I thought he would fall off of the stool. This guy was supposed to be charged with assault and attempted rape? Guess he never met up with such an "entertaining woman" before. I stood up; I put money on the bar for my drink and gave Hal a little finger wave, then took McEwen by the hand and headed for the door.
McEwen followed along behind me towards the door of the bar. I looked across the bar to the pool tables and saw Lester. He looked a little surprised that I was leaving so soon. I was thinking this was so easy, maybe I should do the pissed off girlfriend more often. As soon as we were through the door and at the foot of the stairs, McEwen yanked back on my hand, spinning me towards him, into his chest. He backed me into the wall hard enough for me to smack my head and his hands ran up my arms. He moved his hand to the collar of my shirt. I was about to say that we should head to my place, when he ripped open my collar,popping buttons as he did. First I gasped, then I was pissed. He stepped in to me to kiss me and I rammed my knee into to his crotch. As he bent forward gasping for air, I used both hands to grab the back of his head and slammed his face into my knee. I heard the crunch of his nose against my knee. He crumpled to the floor just as Lester came through the door. His eyes went first to my exposed white lace wonder bra, then to McEwen on the floor in front of me. His face split into a huge grin. His hand when to his earpiece and he spoke to someone, saying something that I could not hear. I had already turned up the stairs, one hand holding my now shredded shirt in place, and headed out the door. I marched straight to Ranger's truck, passed Tank and Bobby who were heading into the door. Ranger was leaning against the back of the truck, arms over his chest watching me approach. I never said a word, never met his gaze, opened the door and got in.
I sat there in silence while Ranger and the Merry Men took care of whatever they had to do to get Ian McEwen ready to go to the pokey. I sat there thinking of what had happened with Ranger before I went in. It wasn't as if he hadn't kissed me and touched me practically every time we did a distraction. If I was honest, I looked forward to those few minutes of intimacy when he would slide his warm callous hands over my skin and secure the mic. What was different this timeā¦the Merry Men knew what we were doing. And they were amused.
Ranger came around the front of the truck and jumped in, started the engine and pulled away from the curb. Ranger dropped into his zone as we drove to my apartment. I kept running through the events before I got out of the truck. Was Ranger kissing me and placing the mic for his own amusement or someone else's? Was I a joke to him and the Merry Men? I mean, I know some of the things I do and the situations I end up in are very amusing to other people, never to me, but very often to the people watching. I never thought that Ranger thought of me as a joke. Ranger always says that I "never disappoint", but I always thought that was that I never disappoint him, not that I never fail to entertain him. Entertainment. I mentally thunked my head against the dashboard. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm a line item in his budget, I'm entertainment, he said so himself. My heart constricted at the thought. I might cry.
"Babe, I smell something burning." Ranger said. I ignored his comment. I was not ready to tell him what I was thinking. I better change my mental subject before his ESP catches up with me. I kept my eyes straight ahead, not responding.
"Babe, what was up with the tequila? You're not much of a drinker." He said.
And he was right. I'm not much of a drinker. I had ordered the drink because I was angry. Angry, right, no can't say I was angry to Ranger, that will require an explanation. So instead deny.
"Thought Hal would find it entertaining." I said.
Whoa! I just smarted off to Ranger, I must really be angry. Or was that the tequila talking? Was I really angry? That didn't feel quiet right. Embarrassed, yeah that was really it; that fit better, definitely embarrassed. I didn't look at him and he didn't say anything else.
We had pulled into my parking lot and Ranger had cut the engine. He was already out and opening my door before I realized we had stopped. I stepped out of the truck and headed to the door of my building. We took the stairs in silence and as we reached my door, Ranger reached out for my keys. He unlocked my door and did his usual search of my apartment, made sure no killer dust bunnies had moved in while we were gone. I had closed the door while he was checking out the other rooms. When he returned; he closed the space between us. I backed up until I was backed into the wall. Rangers hand went to my neck and his lips went to my ear. Lightly kissing the shell of my ear, I felt my knees go weak. Again I asked myself was it the kiss or the tequila? I grabbed two fists full of his shirt to keep from sliding to the floor and my shirt fell open. His other hand went around my waist to pull me to him, his warm hand heat through my spine. My hands were crushed into his chest, and my hips arched forward on their own. Suddenly, I remembered the truck.
"Ranger, please." I moaned.
"Please what, Babe?" He asked, breathlessly against my ear.
"Ranger. Please. Don't." I said quietly.
His head snapped up. He looked in my eyes, and I saw uncertainty in his. Only for a second, then he stepped back and his hand fell from my waist to his side. I had never told him no before. Not to anything. Well except for going to a safe house and keeping my nose out of stuff that would get me hurt, but other than that, I never said no to Ranger.
"I think you should go." I said.
Now I know that was the tequila talking, no woman in her right mind would ask Ranger to leave, much less take his hands off of her. Without another word he turned and left.
I locked my door and walked to the bathroom to drown my sorrows in the shower. Of course, I started to cry as soon as I was under the spray, it started with a lip tremble as I dropped my clothes to the floor, then to racking sobs. I was proud that I held it together in front of Ranger. What the hell? Pushing Ranger away, what was I thinking? Keeping him close was all that I wanted. But he hurt my feelings. I didn't want to be his entertainment. I want to be his, his what? Shit, I don't know just his something. The water was turning cold, so I climbed out of the shower, went into the bedroom and threw on a tank top and panties.
I came out of the bedroom with the plan to grab some Ben and Jerry's out of the fridge and veg on the couch until I felt better. But instead I found Ranger leaning against my kitchen counter with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Babe, we need to talk."
Shit, just what I want to do. I don't want to talk, I want to wallow. I want to deny. I don't want to accuse Ranger of using me? Embarrassing me? I don't want to find out its true and then lose what I think is friendship. Stop thinking before his damn ESP hears me.
I grabbed the ice cream from the freezer and went to sit on the couch. Ranger came in behind me and sat down on the coffee table in front of me.
"What happened tonight, Babe?"
Now how do I answer that? I took a big scoop of ice cream into my mouth as a delay tactic to give me a minute to think. Which what happened is he talking about? The you embarrassed the hell out of me in the truck, by all of your men knowing you can put your hand up my shirt and I forget where I am; ready to give myself to you? The ordering tequila so Hal couldn't hide the alcohol? The not acting responsible and being impulsive when I drank on a job? The beating the shit out of the skip? Which what happened? Hey, this was working, denying what he wanted to know even when I knew he wanted to know; the why I sent him away what happened.
I may as well tell him, I'm sure he has ways of making me talk, I thought with a big sigh. But more important, I've never lied to Ranger, and until tonight, I would have never thought that he had lied to me.
"Why do you kiss me and feel me up whenever you place my mic before distractions?" I said. How's that for direct!
Ranger just looked at me for a minute.
"Because I enjoy kissing and touching you, Babe, I believed that you enjoy it, too. Don't you?" he said. Crap, ball back in my court.
"I love you, um, kissing me and touching me." Oops, I almost slipped up there, but I quickly recovered and kept going. "But tonight I felt like something else was going on." I said. Who says I can't have an adult conversation.
"You stopped so abruptly, which is nothing new, I mean, a lot of times I end up kissing air, in fact most of the time, poof your just gone, but then when I got out of the truck I saw the amusement on Bobby's face. I don't want to be amusement for you and your men, Ranger. I know I'm amusement or entertainment for the Merry Men and the Trenton PD and most of the gossip mongers of the Burg. I just never thought, I thought that it meant something else. The kisses I mean. Maybe I just wanted it to mean something else. I have no right to want that, you've already told me you don't."
So much for adult conversation. I'd resorted to babbling. Big sigh, oh no now I feel tears sting the back of my eyes. I refuse to cry in front of him. I sucked in a deep breath and squared my shoulders.
Ranger watched my carefully. He was slowly shaking his head. Great he thinks I've lost my mind. He reached out both of his hands and place one on each side of my head.
"Babe."
The tears spilled over my lashes and down my cheeks. Now I felt like he thought I was foolish. I tried to turn my head away, but he held me facing him and used his thumbs to wipe the tears away that had spilled down my cheeks. I drew in a ragged breath to calm my nerves and try to get my emotions in check. I stared into his eyes, looking, no I was searching to see if he was amused with me.
His lips were slightly tipped up, but I couldn't tell if it was the reassuring tipped up or the I'm amused tipped up.
Babe, Tank and Bobby were laughing a me, not you. They find it amusing that I can't resist you. I know I shouldn't let you distract me before a job, but I can't help myself, and it is obvious to them that I can't control it. I don't have to distract you to place the wire. I love to distract you while I place the wire. I love the way you react to my kisses and touches. I wish I had never told you your entertainment. It was a joke, I didn't mean it literally."
"But I am a line item in your budget, aren't I? You bleed money every time you help me or protect me, don't you?"
God I was scared of his answer. I had stopped breathing waiting for his response. Some day he would wake up and decide the cost was too high. Some day he would decide that I was too much trouble.
He was watching me intently, I'm sure he was reading my mind, the fear had to be obvious on my face.
"Yes, you are a line item in my budget and yes I lose money when I protect you. But, Babe, no price is too great to keep you safe. I would give up everything I have to keep you with me. I love you."
And he leaned into kiss me. A gentle butterfly kiss. His warm lips were like electricity running through my mouth and I reached up to grab him on both sides of his face. I pulled him into my kiss, trying to communicate all the relief I was feeling. His lips moved from my lips to my neck and I turned my head to allow him better access.
I moaned, "Ranger, please don't."
He stilled his lips on my neck and his body tensed. "Don't what, Babe" he asked.
"Ranger, please don't stop." I whispered. Or may be it was a prayer. "Just please don't stop, ever."
" I won't, Babe. Ever." He said as his hands crushed me closer to him.
