Disclaimer: I do not own the WWE (I wish), and I am not making money off of this story. So, please do not sue me.
Randy Orton was standing in the middle of the ring as he glared at Micheal Cole. Cole was standing behind his podium looking oh-so-smug. God, that bastard pissed him off. Just because he was the "voice" of the anonymous GM didn't make him king. He looked down at the list he was to read to the entire crowd gathered in the arena. This had to be a joke.
And what was the rest of the locker room doing standing on the entrance ramp? Someone was going to pay for this crap, and it would most likely be Cena. "That asshole thinks he's such a hero," he thought bitterly."
"You've got to be kidding me," he growled out loud in a menacing voice.
"This is what the GM wants you to do, Orton. In order for you to be part of the six pack challenge, you have to clear up a few things and agree to stop behavior that is damaging to the company." Cole was enjoying this way too much. "Furthermore, if you refuse to read the list in its entirety, you will be suspended for two weeks.
Randy should have seen this coming. Ever since he "introduced himself" to that new brat that was now unofficially part of the roster,(What was his name? He had merely referred to him as "Miz's bitch.) he knew the GM didn't take to kindly to him. But, really, it wasn't like the kid was seriously injured. After all, they did get him unchained from the toilet eventually. Yet, here he was forced to read from this stupid list. Anything to be the champion, right?
"Fine, I'll do this. But I had better be guaranteed a place in this six pack challenge...or else."
He took a breath and started reading:
This is a list of things that I, Randal Orton, agree to never do again:
1. I will stop calling calling rookies "fresh meat"(at least when they are standing next to me).
2. I will stop scaring stage techs by randomly staring at them making snake noises.
3. I will stop with my Hannibal Lector impression. It gets old after three straight weeks.
4. I will stop referring to Alex Riley as the Miz's bitch.
5. I will no longer suggest that Micheal Cole and the Miz get a room and "get it over with".
6. I will stop making fun of Cole for his obvious man crush on the Miz. Everyone knows about it, and it's not funny anymore. (Cole: Hey, wait a minute!)
7. I will stop locking feuding wrestlers in the same room and taking bets on which one gets out alive.
8. I will not make stage techs piss themselves by coming on to them.
9. I will stop trying to get Ted DiBiase to go on Dr. Phil to deal with his "daddy issues".
10. I will quit leaving tanning lotion in Sheamus' locker room (Sheamus: So, that was you!)
11. I will quit making fun of Cody Rhode's new found "meterosexual tendencies". He just likes to look good.
12. I will stop yelling "Yes, we can see you, you idiot!" every time John Cena waves his hand in front of his face. It's not funny anymore.
Furthermore:
13. The Nexus is not secretly an all male brothel, and I am therefore not their pimp.
14. Randomly sending slash fiction to other wrestlers where they are sleeping with their worst enemies just to see the looks on their faces is wrong.
15. It is never acceptable to knock out other wrestlers and dress them up as Ken.
16. I am not too sexy for my trunks.
17. My name is Randy Orton. I will therefore stop calling myself Rick James.
18. Most ring officials frown on the use of a live snake to scare opponents.
19. They also normally object to stripping opponents to make them run out of the ring screaming.
20. No one wants to see me naked. (Most of the chicks and some guys in the audience: We disagree!)
21. No one wants to hear about my sex life.
22. It is wrong to tell children that I RKO'd Santa Clause and that he is not visiting them this Christmas.
23. Rookies are not acceptable replacements for punching bags.
24. The WWE does not have cheerleaders, so I will stop telling Evan Bourne he should become one of them.
The other wrestlers were now laughing hysterically. Randy glared at all of them, but then suddenly he heard that damn bleeping sound, that only meant one thing: another email from the general manager.
"And I quote," said Cole. "This isn't over just yet. You see, there are five other men in this six pack challenge. And they all have done things to get on my nerves. So, Jericho," Chris' head shot up, and he suddenly looked frightened. "You're next."
A/N: Reviews lead to speedier updates and are important for quality purposes. All flames will be used to roast marshmallows.
