Prelude to a Dance War

This is my response to Nytd's fanfic challenge; all conditions are listed at the end of this little story

Disclaimer: All recognised characters belong to J.K.Rowling and those who have copyright. I am not making any money from this.

Rated: PG-13 for a drug reference, mild swearing, sexual innuendo and adult concepts.

'Snape, I never would have thought you were the type.' Black walked into the dungeons and allowed the bittersweet grassy smell to filter lazily through his nose to his olfactory bulbs, stirring up boyhood memories. Sirius grinned goofily.

Severus didn't bother to look up at this…being trespassing in his domain. 'Yet it does not surprise me in the least Black that you are familiar with the smell and completely oblivious to its purpose in potions. What exactly is it that you require?' Severus stirred the potion deosil four times then rounded on his nemesis staring around the dungeons, distaste evident on his features.

'Professor Dumbeldore requires our presences in his office. What exactly is this potion used for Snape?'

Severus' ebony eyes glinted dangerously momentarily before seeming to become even darker. A sneer painted his thin, pale lips. 'Thinking never was your strong point was it Black? This stuff has many medical uses. This particular potion is for appetite increasing. Cannabis Sativa is an appetite stimulator, if it hadn't destroyed your short-term memory you may know that. A series of other ingredients are added to enhance the effect and to counteract the negative side effects of cannabis consumption.' His eyes had changed, passion and distance clearly evident in the dark irises. 'This is my creation Black, used for my thesis and perfected over time. The wizarding community may be immune to many maladies of the muggle world, but eating disorders are not one of them. This is for a Hufflepuff third year, stupid boy.' Suddenly he looked up, eyes clear. :'Do you know what it is that Dumbeldore requires?' Snape walked toward the dungeon door, Black following behind at a distance.

'No.' Sirius smirked 'Except maybe to see how fast we can revert to form and attempt to kill each other not using the unforgivables. Then again, that probably wouldn't be a problem for you Snape.'

Severus' head snapped up, eyes shining like a cobra watching its prey, judging the perfect time for the attack. 'That was below the robes Black. Sometimes I wonder if the world would have been a better place had the Dementors been permitted to give you one last kiss.'

They were walking quickly through the hallways, completely disregarding the few students scuttling out of the way like soldier crabs avoiding a wave.

It was now Black's eyes that glinted dangerously. 'That would have pleased you, wouldn't it you slimy git? Too see an innocent man have his essence ebbed away from him by those creatures,' He unsuccessfully tried to hide a tremor. 'or would it only please you that it was me, your enemy from an era many would wish to forget large parts of?' Black stopped himself from barrelling over a 7th year Ravenclaw by standing on the tips of his toes, an awkward ballerina with a 5 o'clock shadow.

One side of Snape's lip curled upward momentarily before Black's biting words penetrated the skin and mind. 'Everlasting Gobstopper.' Snape barked at the Gargoyle which cowered as it moved out of the way. 'You forget Black that you attempted to have me killed by the werewolf. One doesn't forget nor forgive an action like that easily. Even if you are not a murderer I know you have the ability to do it. Or have someone else do it for you.' Severus smirked; satisfied that would shut the great fool up.

'So do we disregard your actions as a Death Eater? We refuse to speak of your darkness, it has to be disregarded because you became a supposed good guy.'

They fought in the doorway of the office like schoolboys attempting supremacy by being the first to enter. Albus Dumbeldore looked up at the scene, the light in his eyes dim and the lines on his face prominent. Even his beard appeared droopy. 'I'm too old for this shit.' He muttered at the scene of immaturity before him. He stood slowly, one knee cricking in protest. 'Severus, Sirius please.' With a flick of Albus' wand the doorway expanded and the two fell through it, sprawling and entangled in front of Dumbeldore's desk.

'Slimy git'

'Mangy mutt.'

'Hello Professor Dumbeldore.' Remus walked in virtually unnoticed, transfigured a pillow into a chair and sat down, his grey eyes glimmering good-naturedly at the two dark figures on the floor, hurling insults at one another.

'Silencio.' Dumbeldore consecutively bound Severus and Sirius' mouths shut. An unfamiliar shadow rested upon Albus' timeless face. 'Are you two going to shut up and allow this meeting to unravel or do I have to start issuing detentions?' The mischief returned the twinkle to his bright eyes.

Remus smothered a laugh, Severus and Sirius nodded.

'Good.' Albus lifted the spell and smiled, stepping back into his usual persona. 'Mintie anyone?'

'Professor Dumbeldore, what is this all about? I cannot stay long as I have that potion you require of me to complete.' Severus regarded the Headmaster with a look that appeared to be a challenge. A challenge that Albus ignored.

'All in good time Severus, all in good time. I wish for you three to partake in an assignment together…'

Severus gaped at Albus like a hungry groper, Sirius' eyes glowered and Remus looked neutral, but appeared to be compulsively fiddling with one of Albus' foreign contraptions.

'But, but Albus.' Severus stuttered, all composure lost. 'You know that I prefer to work alone and would virtually be more willing to work with Harry Potter than the werewolf and…him.' Severus sharply nodded toward Sirius.

Sirius went to retaliate, but Albus hushed him simply by raising his hand. 'I understand that this group has its differences, but this is a task that needs doing by multiple people and with Minister Fudge's continual denial of Voldemort's existence there is no one else.'

'What has Voldemort done?'

'I have not heard of anything.'

'You would be lucky to hear any bloody thing with those greasy lumps hanging around your ears.'

'At least my ears don't whirl like some muggle radar every time a noise is made within a five kilometre radius.'

At least it can be unequivocally said that I have ears.'

Remus swished his wand and once again Sirius and Severus were rendered mute. 'I believe I asked the headmaster a question.' Remus looked at his friend and then at the Potions Master darkly.

Albus' eyes twinkled at the gaping forms.

'Voldemort has not done anything yet Remus, however a couple of my sources have informed me that Death Eater activity has increased substantially recently and Harry Potter has another dream recently which has left me no choice but to call this meeting.'

'Harry's had another dream? Is he alright? What was it about?'

'Remus my dear friend relax. Harry is a little shaken but fine. The dream involved the capture and torture of several members of the Ministry of Magic. Harry was fairly sure that this hadn't happened yet and I have been reassured by owl that all employees at the Ministry are fine and in attendance at work. What I need all of you to do is gain information on why the Death Eaters have been so restless and the why and where they intend to interact with the Ministry members.'

Severus evidently wanted to speak so Remus held off just long enough to be considered annoying, then freed Snape of the spell.

'What you have spoken of I can complete alone Albus. It bears little difference to several other missions you have required me to participate in.'

'This has several differences Severus. Firstly this mission will not be handled in the traditional manner, I do not wish to compromise your safety. Several sources have told me that Death Eaters frequent a club called 'Platform' and often hold meetings there. The owner and I go along way back and I have told him I believe I have three dancers who can work for him on a week's probation for free…'

Severus' onyx eyes widened in horror. 'Albus do you have any sort of idea what sort of club Platform is? All the dancers there are in drag!'

Sirius and Remus' heads flew up. Sirius was desperately trying to say something, or a lot of somethings, but Remus still had him bound to the spell. Sirius grabbed at Remus, his eyes a dog-like plead for forgiveness. Remus lifted the spell with a warning look.

'Albus I can't dance and I'm guessing that Platform is a shoe reference and I shall be lucky to be able to walk in those bloody things. Besides can you imagine me in a dress?'

Remus laughed, Severus smirked and Albus' eyes took on a whole new level of sparkle.

Albus regarded Remus. 'I do not hear any protests escaping your mouth, Mr Lupin.'

Remus wanted to protest. He wanted to scream to the heavens that just because he often came across as a SNAG it not automatically mean he was gay, or secretly in love with Sirius. He hated the idea as much as the next heterosexual, non-cross-dressing man, but he supposed that Albus knew best and he figured that protesting wouldn't be productive.

'I am not fond of the idea Albus, however if it is what you feel we must do than I will go along with it. I trust you know what you are doing and besides if Harry Potter dreamt it, it's bound to happen if we don't so something about it.

'Thankyou Remus.' Albus smiled warmly. He then got out what appeared to be three micro-recorders and set them before his audience. 'These you will wear at all times whilst among the crowd at the club. Arthur has tinkered with them so once these tapes come back here we will be able to siphon out different layers of sound. This is where the need for three of you comes through. Part of the requirements for Platform is that the performers interact with the audience after sets. I want each of you in different areas of the club whenever possible. Hopefully you can encompass a large section of the club this way.'

Snape and Black looked absolutely incredulously at the Headmaster. It seemed nothing more than an evil, evil plot, some sort of twisted revenge for past wrongs. Remus' eyes were an elixir of shock and nerves and the aforementioned contraption looked ready to burst in his hands.

'Albus I realise that us three in drag will certainly look…different…'

'Yeah it will be the first time your face has ever has any colour."

'Unlike yours Black which has had the transfer of makeup from your various sluts over the years that you seem to attract like flies to warm manure.'

Remus shook his head and looked at the sorting hat. 'Who would have thought that they were sworn enemies hmmm?'

The old rag of a magical hat appeared to grimace.

"I realise that there is the whole Slytherin versus Gryffindor crap and their bad history, but this is positively juvenile.'

The sorting hat continued to grimace.

'See, I don't mind talking to you, you don't retaliate, or make smart-arsed comments, or sneer. You just sit there, ever listening.' Remus then noticed that the room was dead quiet. He looked up to find Sirius grinning at him, Snape sneering and Dumbeldore's eyes twinkling to the point just before supernova.

'Are you quite finished Remus?' Sirius smiled.

Remus sheepishly grinned back. 'Yeah.'

TBC…..

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I really wanted to post this so here it is… I will hopefully have the next part up in the next week or so, it has taken me long enough to get this part done. Hope it gave y'all a giggle

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Conditions of Nytd's fanfic Challenge:

*Should be one or two chapters

*Rating whatever- no slash.

*Year 5 or beyond

*A man kisses Sirius Black

*Remus must discover a very important piece of information about Snape's past, good or bad.

*Someone in the story must say "I'm getting too old for this shit'

*At least one person must get substantially drunk

*Remus must demonstrate/use his knowledge of defence somehow.

*Severus must make/use a unique potion.

*Sirius must save someone's life

*Every character must say "Harry Potter' once.

*Remus, Sirius and Severus get sent on a mission for Dumbeldore together to gain intelligence about Death eater activity and whereabouts.