Author's Note:
3/02/08: The story has been edited and updated. No major plot changes have been added, so if you have already read the first four chapters, there is no need to reread them again. Readers just starting: count yourself lucky, you are getting the new and improved version...It happens to be much shinier.
A huge thanks to Esther-Channah for her thorough and thoughtful beta!
Up and down; the Joker's gentle breathing caused his chest to rise and fall. It was a steady, comforting rhythm for Harley as she lay in the bed next to him, head across that very chest; her pale, slender legs sprawled amidst the sheets. Morning's faint rays were breaking through the messily boarded windows, illuminating the dusty room in which they had slept. Harley sensed that it was morning, but she feigned sleep, reluctant to leave the Joker's side. It was a rare and valued occasion on those few nights when he gave into his primal needs and invited her to bed with him. Some nights he kicked her out, literally, when he was done with her. But not this night.
Harley smiled despite herself. She was optimistic for the day.
The Joker stirred in his sleep, and suddenly bolted upright in bed, causing Harley's head to fall into his lap. He looked down at her, surprised, and held his hand to his chin in thought. His eyes went alight with the memory of the previous evening.
Harley pouted. Was she that forgettable in bed?
He smiled down at her. She sheepishly smiled back, waving.
He then grabbed a fistful of her blonde hair, painfully bringing her head up to eye level with him. He threw her off of him with a violent push. She lost balance at the edge of the bed and fell over. The Joker tilted his head back in laughter.
"Oh Harley, I'm so glad that you're awake! Be a dear and make me some breakfast. Hopefully you won't burn anything this time…And ugh! Get dressed while you're at it!" He finished cruelly, wincing at the image of her naked before him. Harley's face turned red, and she quickly slid on her signature skintight red and black-diamond outfit. She haphazardly put her jester hat on while running out of the room, which resulted in it being tilted ridiculously to one side. She paid it little mind; Puddin' was in need of some breakfast. She worked quickly, humming an upbeat song as she danced through the kitchen, cracking eggs and frying bacon. The Joker emerged magnificently from his abode moments later, his eyes closed and his head held high in a kingly demeanor. His wardrobe consisted of nothing more than a tattered blue bathrobe, boxers, and Joker-esque slippers that had bells that jingled at every step he made. He sat down at the table and swept his bathrobe behind him. Harley then placed his completed breakfast before him on a chipped plate.
"Made just like you like, Mistah J!" Harley said was a smile. She took a seat opposite him at the table, her hands on her cheeks, looking expectantly at the Joker, as she waited for him to take the first bite. He looked down at the meal; scrambled eggs, several strips of bacon, and a stack of pancakes with the one on top adorned with whipped cream and a bright red cherry in the caricature of a smiling clown.
"Oh, now, Harley, you've outdone yourself! He has a smile!," he said in reference to the pancake. "Now that makes me smile!" He gave her a toothy grin to prove it.
Harley gave a sigh of relief. This wouldn't have been the first time that her efforts were met with less than…enthusiastic results. She let out a girlish giggle.
"Oh, well thank ya MistahJ. You'd know I'd do anything for you." The Joker continued to give her his leering smile.
"What a relief to hear! Could you be a doll and get me some orange juice then? Can't have pancakes without the orange stuff!"
Harley's eyes opened wide as she realized the she'd forgotten.
"Oops, how silly of me!" she said as she got up. The Joker took the whipped cream covered pancake off his plate and began conversing with it. He held his ear close to its quickly melting mouth, as if listening to what it was saying.
"What's that you say? You think Harley's a swell girl? Do you hear that Harley, I think Bozzo the pancake clown likes ya! Well, I couldn't agree more Bozzo!"
He continued these antics until Harley passed him, giggling, on her way to the refrigerator. He then grasped the pancake in his hand and slapped it across her face, smearing her makeup and leaving a large sticky spot where it had hit her cheek.
"Oh, I think Bozzo likes you a little too much, Harley! Look at that kiss he planted on you! Now, listen here pancake, that's my girl you're lockin' lips with!" Harley smiled at being called his girl. She bent over to get the carton of orange juice out of the back of the fridge. The Joker seized this opportunity to slap the pancake onto her left buttocks, where it sloppily stuck.
"Bozzo! Makin' a move on Harley are you?" The Joker yelled angrily. His face then drooped into mock grievance. "And here I thought we were friends." He then peeled the pancake off of Harley and surprisingly crammed the whole thing into his mouth. His cheeks bulged disturbingly. He chewed viciously and swallowed Bozzo's remains. He got up, leaving the rest of the food untouched. He waved his hand in refusal when Harley offered him the glass of orange juice.
"No, Harley, I'm sorry, but the scandal of this morning has caused my hunger to desert me. Besides! Today is a big day for us!" he said, rubbing his hands together. "There are threats to be made, stiffs to whack, and authorities to annoy. We're off!" And on that conclusion, he stormed back into his bedroom, his slippers jingling loudly, and his fist thrust out in front of him. He emerged moments later, fully dressed, fixing his bowtie and bowing graciously at the doorway. He approached Harley, and bowed before her, hand outstretched.
"Harley, my dear."
Harley brought her hand to her mouth to suppress her giggle, although it was still audible, and walked arm and arm with the Joker down the deserted apartment hallway. It wasn't until they approached the doorway that he stuck his foot out to the side, and Harley painfully tripped and collapsed. The Joker had a fit of laughter. Harley gave a weak chuckle from where she was on the ground.
"Oh, Harls, you are always good for a laugh!" He then strode out of the building without her.
"Wait Mistah J!" She attempted to yell after him. Her plea went unanswered.
She got up and ran after him, like she always had. Like she probably always would. After all, he was all she had left.
