At Quantico, the instructors don't like to repeat, if you can't follow what they're saying, it's your problem. When you get shot, then maybe you'll have enough time to think about how you should have listened more carefully during lessons. There is one motto however that you can't miss while being trained there: "Never make it personal". That's right, whatever happens, no matter what a felon does to you, never make it personal. It's the key to survival. Feelings make criminals weak. A chased man will experience fear, anger, sadness, a range of emotions that will somehow lead him to make a mistake. Whether it's contacting a member of his family to soothe the pain, or trying to get to the chaser in hope of being left alone, the mistake is unfixable. That's why the FBI always has the upper hand. That's why the authorities always win. Agents have nothing to lose, hence they make no mistakes.
Agent Mahone always played by the rules. At least he used to. Now he had a corpse buried in his garden and some other skeletons in his closet. He had something to lose.
He remembers what they kept saying: "Never make it personal", "Never make it personal". And he used to yawn; he used to mutter sarcastically in his friend's ear: "They should say that more often, we might just forget". Maybe they should have because, somewhere along the line, Alexander Mahone had forgotten. He doesn't know when or where the words slipped his mind. Maybe it was the first time he'd seen the dead body of a child, maybe it was before that. He just knows that one day he woke up in the morning without remembering this warning.
He remembers now, he does. But if he'd remembered sooner, maybe, maybe he wouldn't be lying on his back in a pool of blood, maybe he wouldn't be on the brink of unconsciousness fighting to keep his eyes open, despite the pain, fighting to be sure he would wake up again.
He'd made one slip-up, only one. He had failed to remember, only once. He had killed a man, a man who deserved to die. He had made the streets of the country safer. His only mistake had been the reason why he had killed him. He hadn't done that for the country, he had done it for himself, so that he would be at peace with his own mind.
What they teach you at Quantico is that there is no such thing as one mistake. There is, however, a first mistake, followed by a first lie, then by a second mistake to cover the first one, and so on. No man can afford to lose his temper, especially when working for the federal bureau of investigation.
Agent Mahone was a good man, an honest man. He promised to himself that he wouldn't do it again. Then he got blackmailed and he broke his promise. He lost his control again. He killed a boy who had stolen a Baseball card and he wasn't planning to stop.
Lying on the cold floor, Alexander Mahone wonders who he hates the most, Scofield or himself? He can't answer that. He knows who he loves the most though. His wife. And maybe that's all that matters. Maybe, that's the only thing worth remembering.
He doesn't know if he can keep his eyes open much longer now.
