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Somewhere With You
Malcolm let out a sigh. His off again on again relationship with Dani was currently in the off position and it was depressing him. He knew she was going out with someone new – a rich politician type she'd told him about. As much as it hurt to hear it, he should have seen the whole situation as inevitable. The one relationship that he'd allowed to uncover most of his soul now seemed to be a tactical error on his part — if one's heart could be seen as tactical.
He considered that perhaps he should call Deborah, the nice girl he'd met when he'd arrived in San Francisco two years before, but decided against it. The woman, while pleasant to be around, often turned the topic of conversation to where their relationship might go. Instead, he decided to visit the 602 for a few drinks. Besides, Ruby would be there, and she was one of the few women – if not the only one - he could actually talk to. It had been that way since they gotten together a couple of months before during a lull in Dani's and his relationship. He wasn't worried about emotional entanglements with the 602 waitress. Early on, she had made it clear that the only man she'd be interested in for a long term relationship was one that could guess the names she'd picked out for eventual progeny. Malcolm had never even tried, and she never pushed him.
As he walked into the empty bar, Ruby called out her greeting. "Hi Malcolm. Your usual?" It was still early and the normal crowd hadn't started to fill in the tables and stools.
"Sure. A pint of bitter is just what I need." He slid onto a bar stool at the curved counter.
As she supplied said drink, she looked at him closely. "What's the matter, Mal? You look…upset." During the year since Malcolm first met her, she'd learned to read his moods like a book. Of course, the same could be said for many of the bar's customers. Ruby was a good waitress and occasional ear for the regulars.
Malcolm's grey eyes rose to meet hers. With a slight smile, nonexistent to an unobservant eye, he responded to her query. "Can't hide anything from you, can I?" He took a deep gulp of his beer.
" You space cowboys think that you're such complex characters but you're still just guys, you know?"
"Yeah." He paused, playing with his beer mug and lowering his defenses just a bit. He found that he needed to talk, a strange reality for him, but one he accepted for the present. "Dani and I have broken up again."
"I'm sorry. I knew you were trying to put that back together. When you two were last in here…" Her eyes went up and to the side, remembering. "What was it? Two Saturday's ago?" She shrugged. "I couldn't help but overhear about the fun you'd had at that traveling carnival. The Ferris wheel ride sounded nice. I don't think I've ever seen you so relaxed. You were even humming a few tunes. What happened?"
Malcolm frowned. He'd happened to them. During one of his introspective moments, he'd realized there was something off in his relationship with Dani and attempted to fix it. He figured now he might have overdone it. The carnival, the singing, driving her up to the rise above the town to see that lights laid out before them as they'd followed the long tradition of making out at the location, and booking that night at a romantic bed and breakfast. All of that he'd figured might show Dani that he was ready to take things to another level. It had seemed to work for about a week. None of it had really been him but he was trying his best to change for the better…to be the type of man she'd want to be with.
Then — that phone call. The one that had come in last weekend. When she'd called him at that ungodly hour, crying because she'd been in an argument with her mum. He'd, of course, told her it was ok and she could come pick him up. They could go to the little all night coffee shop and talk. He hadn't expected the conversation to go so…wrong.
"She met someone. She didn't tell me earlier but she'd been seeing him for a couple of months off and on. I don't think she was ready to tell me even then but…her mother told her it wasn't fair to keep both of us in the dark. I lost."
"Ahhh, Mal," Ruby said, her eyes filled with sadness. Malcolm squirmed a bit at that. He wasn't looking for pity...
He took another large gulp of the beer. "I don't know why I'm surprised." His words turned as bitter as the malt beverage in front of him. "I'm not going to pine for her you know." He'd considered driving by her house and watching it, but it wasn't seemly. Sure it hurt she'd broken up with him to be with another man but that didn't give him the right to watch her. He once more considered that he could give Deborah a call but again dismissed the idea. Crawling into bed with an ex-girlfriend wouldn't do anything for him…especially when he remembered the last night he'd spent with Dani.
"You shouldn't. You're a good man, Mal. I think Dani's a fool."
He shrugged and finished the beer. "Another?"
Ruby nodded and went to fix another pint. As she walked away, another memory returned to him: Dani's and his trip to San Diego the summer before. Dani had packed a picnic basket and picked him up, telling him that she had a surprise for him. They'd driven down the coast — to Monterey specifically — and they'd parked by the pier. The day at the beach had started out nice until the rain clouds had rolled in. Taking cover in her car, they'd talked for a bit before Dani had made it clear exactly what she wanted from him. Malcolm, although hesitant at first responded to the whispered words of encouragement in his ear. The lovemaking, at turns frenzied and relaxed, had been nothing short of spectacular.
Malcolm sighed as his second beer was placed before him, and he picked it up and drank deeply. Ruby stood there as if expecting something more.
"I hate my life sometimes. Is it so much to want someone to hold? To want someone to hold me?" He figured the beer had loosened his tongue more than usual.
"No, Mal. I think that's about the most normal thing to want in this life." She looked up, seeing a couple of customers coming in and taking their seats at one of the tables. "Excuse me. I'll be right back."
As she walked across the room, Malcolm noticed a commander and a lieutenant sitting at the table close to the window. He watched as Ruby laughed with them as she took their orders. From the way they interacted, he figured they were regulars although he hadn't noticed them before. Course, he didn't really get that close with most of the people at the 602.
"Frederick?" he overheard the younger blond man asking to which Ruby shook her head. Ah, one of her active suitors, Malcolm surmised.
The suitor was wearing red striping, but Malcolm didn't recognize him as security. Probably an engineer. The other man, older and taller with a more serious expression was wearing gold piping. Gold smiled at the blonds' attempt but didn't offer a suggestion himself. He had a look about him that screamed hot shot pilot. The two were probably working on the Warp 5 project.
"Keep working at it, Trip. You might get lucky someday," gold responded before Ruby gave him a smile and walked off to get their drinks. The blond shot gold a look that at once was annoyed and happy. He figured the two must be good friends. Malcolm envied them that type of easiness.
Malcolm returned his focus to the beer in front of him. Once more his thoughts turned to Dani. She'd told him she was thinking of leaving San Francisco and moving down to Los Angeles. He considered whether to follow her. He could ask for a transfer. He could go to where he would be there for her if the new guy walked away from her. Go to where they could rekindle that relationship, if possible. Just go.
Another gulp of his drink brought Ruby around to him as she obtained the beers the two new guys had ordered. "You know, Dani's not the only fish in the sea."
"I know. A woman I met last night…Rochelle…gave me her phone number."
"You should call her."
"Yeah. Maybe," Malcolm answered noncommittally. "It just feels too early. I mean, it felt good when Rochelle asked me to call her but…"
"But you still want to be with Dani."
"Yeah." He took another drink.
She excused herself again and took the beers over to the other men and then came back. "Get you another?"
"Sure. I don't have any reason not to. I'm off duty until tomorrow morning."
She went to the tap and pulled down another pint. As she put it in front of him, she suggested, "Maybe you should just fake it 'til you make it."
"Excuse me?"
"Go out. Have a good time. Don't think about her. I'm off at six. We could go out dancing."
"What if I see her?"
Ruby laughed lightly, a look entering her eyes that said Malcolm would borrow trouble no matter what the situation. "Probably won't matter. I doubt either of you would be ready to talk."
He nodded knowing she made sense. Still, in his heart he would be with Dani. The last few weeks replayed in his head. If she called, he knew he'd go to her.
On the other hand, Ruby was right. He had to get out from under these emotions and spending some time with the waitress could ease his troubled soul. "Yeah. Ok. Pick you up at seven?"
"Yeah. Seven it is." She patted his hand. "It's going to be alright, Ensign Reed. I just don't think Dani's the right one for you."
"Yeah," he answered softly. "I guess not." The problem was he wanted her to be. Wanted to know there was someone that was the right one. Someone that he could hold and would hold him…if not forever then at least long enough to settle his soul. He wanted to be somewhere with her. Served him right for opening his heart. Wouldn't do that again.
He finished the third beer and got up to leave, a bit tipsy but maintaining his decorum. "See you at seven," he called out before walking out of the bar and onto the streets of San Francisco.
