I
will get over this. I will. I have absolutely no right to be thinking
this, because he's taken. Next time, before I even think of falling
head-over-heels in love with a guy, I'll make sure he can love me
back in return.
Pfft. As if that'll happen, seeing how I'm so
romantic.
I don't know when this obsession just to stare at him
began, but I can't stop it. I know that it'd never work out in
the end like fairy tales, but I'm an unrealistic person. I know
it's stupid, but I'm one of those really dreamy, idealistic
people who believe in True Love and happily-ever-afters, and that one
day my very own Prince Charming will come along, sweep me off my feet
and we'll canter off into the sunset on his beautiful true white
horse.
It hasn't happened yet, but it will.
It's pretty
stupid, though. I can admit that.
Remus Lupin is anything but
idealistic. He's practical and has a grip on reality. I don't. He
likes guys, too. Another way to be sure we'll end up together (note
sarcasm).
I know who he likes, though he hasn't told anyone but
that person yet, I don't think. James Potter and Peter Pettigrew
seem oblivious and with good reason; Remus and Sirius are very sneaky
about it.
The only reason I myself know is because, aside from
being a romantic person, I'm also observant. Not observant in the
way Remus is, in class when he's paying close attention to the
teachers, but on a social factor.
There's a good reason for
that. My mother and father used to host parties all the time. I'd
have to help mother out with the hosting by listening in on
conversations, finding out who shouldn't be seated next to who, and
why – basically, just prying, although I think that's a rather
harsh term.
And that is precisely why I know Sirius Black and
Remus Lupin are SiriusBlackandRemusLupin.
I – uh – I kind of
heard them while they were – um . . in the broom closet last
term.
It's actually all very obvious if you look for the signs.
Something's wrong with Remus. I don't know what, and I very much
doubt that I will find out, but I do know that once every month,
Remus looks peaky.
And just when Remus starts to look sick,
Sirius will become very protective. Like, extremely protective. So
protective, in fact, that he's almost aggressive.
Every month,
he and his friends start having renewed, reenergised conversation,
with more jokes and more laughter. And every month, Sirius will stand
or sit a little closer to Remus, and become just that much more
intimate. Publicly. I'm sure privately they have no problem with
intimacy.
I think Remus knows how I feel about him. I can tell
that he feels my eyes on the back of his head in class, or in the
Great Hall. I won't go up to him and tell him out loud, though.
Because he's with Sirius, and I can tell that no one can replace
Sirius in Remus' heart. Sirius doesn't know, but he is becoming
suspicious. He glares at me so – so violently.
But I don't
care. He's keeping Remus happy, that's all that matters.
I
won't tell them that I know. But when they finally come out of the
closet and tell everyone, I will personally go up, shake their hands
and tell them that I think it's great and that I really admire
them, without reservations.
Because I think that Remus will
appreciate someone besides his closest friends telling him that
there's nothing wrong with who and what he is and that he's a
great guy. And because I think, being the hopelessly romantic person
that I am, that them being together is like True Love or they're
life- or soul-bonded, and I wouldn't want to break something that
deep and meaningful.
There's just one thing that I really,
really regret.
That I never had a chance.
