Disclaimer: I own only my OC(s)
AN: This is my first published fanfic so I'm still working out the kinks and how this sight works so i apologize for any mess-ups in the publishing. Slow Updates. Hopefully the next chapter will be longer.
While this is my first published fanfiction I have dabbled in it before, and I would very much appreciate it if readers would leave reviews and constructive criticism, thank you~
If you are here to put down inspiring authors or do not like this story at any time please leave and do not flame, if there is a specific reason why you dislike something then leave an explanation as to why in a hopefully non flaming way, and ill do my best to ether explain why it is the way it is or, if I find good reasoning in your argument, may change it, maybe.
Not beta'd
"Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to die before you die- and find that there is no death." -Eckhart Tolle
In truth I could not tell you what happened the exact moment in which I died. I remember being awake, but in the minutes it took for my heart to stop everything seemed to blur together; I don't know if I was shot, hit by a car, or even had a heart attack. All I know is that in that moment, in that haze of memory, I died. In the moments afterwards though, I can recall with great clarity.
Darkness, as far as the eye can see, cloaked me in its murky mist; its ghostly vapors twisting around me in a mock embrace. I didn't know if I was standing or sitting, or even just dangling there without knowing what was up or what was down; everything seemingly blending together in the shadows. Perhaps it was there that I lost the memory of my death, yet somehow knowing that I was indeed dead. I don't know how long I was there, merely existing in that gloom without thought or action. Nor how long I continued within that reverie of near insanity until I slowly became aware of my surroundings, or lack thereof.
Strangely I did not panic nor did I feel fear of realizing that I had died, instead I felt mere curiosity. I could only wonder what would happen next, if I would go to heaven, or maybe become a ghost; if I would be reincarnated or continue to exist as I was then, just resting in that dark abyss. Eventually, naturally, I grew bored and began to desperately search my mind for something to entertain myself with, only to find my memories fading with time. Feeling a sudden terror, a fear of losing myself along with my memories, I examined my mind vigorously only to sense a faded pain through my initial panic.
I did not deter and continued to search my mind for even a flicker of an image or a ghost of a sound, but only to, once again, find nothing. It frightened me, not because I was losing my memories, but because I knew I was losing them and could do nothing to stop it. It was like trying to remember an old friend's name, one that you have not spoken to for a decade or two, and you have the feeling the you know what it is, but can't remember it; it's there, at the very tip of your tongue, and yet it flees your mind as to what it truly is. And it won't stop bothering you until you remember because you know that somewhere in your mind you know what it is.
It was near maddening as time once again began to fade with whether days or years I could not tell, and still, my mind would yield nothing more than a passing migraine.
Annoyed at my apparent lack of findings I delved deeper into my mind than I ever had before, deeper than I thought even possible, pushing past the wall of migraines that always seemed to greet me, and concentrated on simply finding my own name. My headache continued to increase in pressure the farther I searched until the pain was nigh unbearable yet I endeavored to endure, determined not to allow the throbbing pain to prevent me from reaching my goal, from reaching my very being. I kept digging into my own mind with metaphorical claws even when I felt like I was going to faint, even when my head felt like it would melt from the intense heat of pain. I was determined to find myself even if it ruined me. Even if it caused me to stay there in that void forever.
Because if I couldn't remember who i was, who I am, then what was the point? What was the point of moving forward if you lose yourself along the way?
That was when something strange happened, something so unexpected that it nearly ceased my efforts through sheer shock. I saw something. I was able to see something after so long of being blind, but it wasn't just anything. No, what I saw was a fire.
Transparent flames danced and curled around my translucent body, warming and solidifying my body as they merrily swarmed around me, and suddenly everything was clear.
Memories from a distant life came back startlingly vivid, as if a cover was removed and suddenly you could read and see what was beneath. Everything was there, from the clearest day to the most obscure dream. Things that I didn't even realize I could remember. Such as the many times I had eaten that horrid substance people dare call baby food.
And the more I remembered, the more I realized who i am, the flames began to change. They became more solid, more real , and deepened into color. The dim glow of the flames grew into a soft illumination, and I began to feel their warmth coiling into my very soul.
It was all too strange and yet it felt so right.
Then the void around me shifted and everything changed.
An: Please Review on your way out~ :)
