The sun was slowly setting down behind the jungle, it let orange streak behind. Kate was sitting on the warm sand, her feet on the wet part of it, some times the ocean going up to her. She spent several hours sitting here, the sun burning her skin and the cool wind calming down the pain.
Months had spent since the "incident". She wasn't sure of what really happened after that. She was living there, getting used.
She had no choice. And she couldn't help but thinking… of her past, her present, and her life in general. Thinking of what she did, what she was not doing.
She was bored and missed something she had before: freedom. Fine she was a fugitive but she was free, she could be whoever she wanted to be, she could be wherever she wanted. Today, on this island, it was not the case. And she missed that.
She also missed being at home, cooking for Aaron, watching TV with him and looking at him when he slept. She missed eating peanut butter in her bed thinking she was happy –except she was missing Him at that time. The sun was gone now; she felt the cold traveling along her back. The sky became darker. She turned her head and saw Sayid, Sun, Jin and Hurley around the fire; further Rose and Bernard were preparing some meal with mangos and fishes. After so many years of marriage they still looked in love. Kate smiled faintly.
"What are you smiling at?" She turned on her left and saw Jack sitting next to her.
"Nothing… just…they look happy."
"Aren't you?"
"Not sure…"
They stayed silent a moment both looking at the horizon and the ocean.
"Kate?"
"Yep?"
"You know… I… I was thinking of us…"
Kate looked at him, her heart stopped.
"Do not begin with that, Jack."
"I messed up, I know."
"Jack…"
"I was so jealous…"
Kate frowned. "Jealous of what?"
"Sawyer."
Kate shook her head turning her gaze away.
"I thought you were still in love with him, but it has been months since Juliet died and you… you are not together. So…"
Kate was about standing up and leaving when he grabbed her arm obliging her to stay.
"You know I talked to Sawyer before the incident. I told him I had lost you and he said to me I should try to take you back…"
He carried on talking but Kate wasn't listening anymore. His words died in her brain, they were just noises, she could only see his lips moving. She wanted something but she couldn't point it out. She shook her head trying to think clearly.
"I still love you Kate, I still care about you."
Kate freed her arm and stood up.
"I also care about you Jack. But that's all. We tried. We were wrong. It was nice while it happened, but it's over. It wasn't true, we were lying to ourselves."
"No. Not me… Kate…"
"Jack… Just stop. You and I, it doesn't exist anymore and it won't happen again. I love you as a friend. I need you as a friend. I don't want to lose you Jack, so stop now and do not talk about this anymore. Please."
She sighed and walked to her tent. Her heart was pounding inside her chest. Why should he have to destroy her life that way? Couldn't he be just friend with her? Would they be able to be real friends one day? Without thinking about their common past? Without fighting? Without hurting each other?
"Well Freckles, going to sleep?"
She stopped seeing Sawyer walking towards her.
"Where were you?"
"Chopping… I didn't see the day went by."
Sawyer frowned and came closer. "Are you okay? You look… upset."
"Just… let it go. It's not important."
"Everything is important when it deals with you. Come on, just spit it."
"A conversation with Jack." He nodded.
"You see, nothing important."
"Okay… Good Night Sweet Cheeks."
"Thanks…"
Kate came in her tent. She sat and tried to breathe deeply. Jack's words and Sawyer's ones were mixing in her mind. So that was her life finally, two men, two unresolved relationships and she had to deal with that. Why was Sawyer so nice? So… protective with her? She liked this. And she couldn't. She crossed her fingers into her hair, sighing. He had always been here for her, and probably always will even if she try to get rid of him for her psychological health… She shook her head and stood up. She stormed out of her tent and walked to his.
He was about to sit a book in his hand.
"What took you so long?" He chuckled.
"Not funny."
"Oh calm down, I thought you would have caught me up on my way home… that's all."
"Why are you so nice with me?"
He frowned. "Why? Did you consider you don't deserve it?"
"No… I'm just saying. She's dead and I'm here. And you never talked about her. And I tried so hard to…"
"Avoid me." He finished.
"So visible, huh?"
"You're not really good at this, for sure. Kate… "
"You know what Jack asked me to try again… you know, together…"
Sawyer put the book avoiding a eye connection.
"What did you say?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because I don't love him."
Sawyer looked up at her. "Does Love is necessary?"
"Yes."
He nodded. "I think I know that too well…" He whispered.
"I said no because my life with him was a lie, these three years were a lie. My life is just going well now, back here, with people I care about, far from my past and now he's saying that, I realize my life can just turn into a disaster again. I need some reality, you know… Nothing that is faked, nothing that is a lie. I need truths. Just once."
His eyes were off of her again; he was shaking his head up and down like if he understood what she meant. Her heart was pounding faster than before. Her lips were dry. Her throat and breast were burning. Her hands were shaking. The back of her neck was wet and she had goose bumps all over her body.
They eyes met.
From there, everything happened faster. She didn't know how but a half of a second his hands were cupping her face and his lips had crashed on her, kissing her deeply now.
Her hands landed on his waist just resting there not pushing him away, not holding him closer. When air became a necessity for both of us, Sawyer parted, resting his forehead against hers.
"Need something else Freckles?"
She was dumb, not able to keep her eyes off of him.
"I guess it's not enough, huh? That was just a kiss, words are missing…"
She was holding her breath, lost in his blue eyes.
"Something's true here, Kate. And both of us know what it is…"
She was almost suffocating now, a tear rolling down along her cheek. He kissed her on the cheek to stop the tear.
"You know what it is… because you run to me."
She nodded, her arms wrapping around him. She put her head onto his chest and held him tightly as he did the same, resting his head above hers.
Yes she knew. Something was definitely true and for sure, it was t-Them.
