Yugi shook his shoulders, trying to dislodge the soft blanket of snow that had gathered in the creases of his coat.
Impatiently, he shoved the key into the door, roughly jaunting it around in the lock.
Stupid fucking thing.
They had been putting off replacing the lock for months.
Stupid Craig.
He silently cursed out his insane neighbour, who had decided recently that shoving something – the specifics of that something still up for debate - through the lock would be perfect revenge for their loud music, while glaring at his door.
"Douchebag." He muttered aloud, still shaking at the key impatiently.
Fuck, he hoped Jou was okay.
He could still hear his own words, cruel attacks that had risen through his throat like bubbles, forcing his mouth open and spilling out and slicing into Jounouchi. He remembered looking down on his best friend's unfocused eyes and gaunt cheekbones, while his head swelled and roared with his rage.
The worry had quickly become fear, the fear disgust, the disgust hatred.
Yugi had forgotten, in the heat of his blinding hostility, that he should be concerned for his friend, instead saw nothing but a shambling imitation of the person he used to trust with everything he had.
"What the fuck, Jounouchi? It's ten in the morning! If you think I'm going to call Mai and make an excuse for you again... Fuck . You said you were going to stop."
His voice cracked on that last sentence.
He cringed, hated himself for it.
"Yug', just leave me alone." His friend's voice was barely a whisper.
Yugi glared down in disgust at the shaking, shambles of a boy.
This wasn't his best friend.
He didn't recognize this person at all.
The deep love he usually felt for his housemate was shrouded by the ice-coated fist that had clenched tightly around his heart and squeezed unrelentingly.
"You're pathetic, you know that?" He could hear the venom seeping through his lips, spilling through the air, and felt no desire to stop them. The poison tasted good on his tongue, he felt the deadly reality of his words as he spoke them, the truth of them.
He wanted this imposter to know how unwelcome he was in their home, to know how deeply he disgusted Yugi.
"You're just like him." He intoned. "Your father? You look just like him."
Jou's eyes widened at that, his head snapping up too quickly.
Yugi heard his neck crack, almost saw Jounouchi's body hanging from the noose he had tied himself.
He felt the drumbeat build up in his chest, watched with some sick sense of power as the misery leaked into blurred, muddy eyes. "I don't even want to look at you, I'm going out."
The door clicked loudly and his wrist finally spun with the key, Yugi sighed in relief and hastily drove his knee against it while he shoved the top half with his hand.
The stupid thing still caught on the top frame, he groaned and shoved his entire body against it, shoulder-first.
Catching himself easily as his weight flew through the empty space once it finally relented, he started down the hall.
"Jou?" He called tentatively, flicking on warm yellow lights as he padded softly down the hallway.
The apartment was too quiet.
"Jou- Jounouchi? I'm coming in." He called, bracing one hand against the splintered, naked wood of his friend's bedroom door, silently pleading for a response, any indication that what was on the other side of the door wouldn't require an ambulance again.
He knew he should already be in there.
The door held the kind of history that would never be known, scars that ran deep, blemishes, unrecognisable stains.
There had been a large fragment of the wood missing, above the handle, that they had taped cardboard over to cover.
He should be in there, he thought again, as he traced his fingers along the deep incisions in the wood from days before they had lived here, studying them, buying time with minutes of his friend's life.
He knew he should open the door.
He swallowed, curling his fingers to bury nail in palm, he squeezed tightly as he pushed the door open.
"I was wondering when you'd come back." His best friend's voice was sharp, but Yugi ears acknowledged the dry scrape behind it.
For an addict, Jou really sucked at taking his actual medication. He knew his body couldn't handle winter, let alone a body that suddenly weighed 20 pounds less than it was accustomed to.
Yugi ran his eyes quickly down Jounouchi's body, hovering at his exposed wrists – pale pink and silver, but no red, no fresh attempts at pulling himself out of his own skin.
He sighed softly in relief. "Jou, I'm - I'm sorry." He took a deep breath, focusing on steadying his quivering hands and voice.
Control .
He studied the pale face of his best friend.
Jounouchi was angry. He looked almost murderous, but it was slightly diminished by the hand scratching absently – no, mechanically, automatically - at the pit of his elbow, where the skin was scabbed and littered with tiny white blemishes that Yugi knew were from his own nails, and the laboured breath from between his chapped, pale lips.
Yugi knew that what he'd said had crossed a line. He couldn't have inflicted more pain upon his friend.
It had been a low blow, even if it was technically true at the time.
Yugi had known it would burn deep in Jounouchi's chest, and worse, he'd wanted it to. He'd wanted his best friend to ache and hate himself.
Maybe he was becoming cruel.
Ha .
That'd show everyone who had called him a pushover in elementary school.
He would have smirked to himself at that if Jou's eyes weren't fixed on him. He could see the questions in them. The hint of buried worry hidden behind anger. (Of course he was worried, he's shooting up three times a day, and of course he's still concerned for Yugi.)
"Sorry isn't gonna fix this, Yugi. You should just move out."
"Shut up. You don't mean that."
"Well, how am I gonna stand to look at you? You're an asshole."
Yugi shrugged, "Tell me what to do and I'll do it." He slid his cold hands into his coat pockets, pulling it down so it stretched taut across his shoulders, "Jesus, Jou, you want me to trade rooms? Let you win at chess for once? Suck your dick?" He volunteered, working to retain his calm tone, ensuring he established a clear edge to it - sharp, cutting.
Jou's mouth curled up a little at that and Yugi could see him fighting to maintain his scowl, he'd never been able to control his smile, Jounouchi was a ride or die kind of person.
"You know I could beat you at chess if I tried." Yugi scoffed at that, it was too obviously a lie for him to even be offended. "And anyway, I don't want anything from you." There was a long pause, then, as Jounouchi stared at him, "You're a shitty friend sometimes, you know that?"
Jou stood, glowering down at Yugi, who just rolled his eyes.
He was always trying to use his height to intimidate people. It didn't work quite so well when that 5'8" frame was barely 100 pounds these days.
His friend had grown lankier than before, bones cutting through skin awkwardly, skin far too pale to be healthy, a hint of blue crawling beneath the surface.
Jounouchi was bluffing with the tough guy act.
He knew what he wanted from Yugi in order to forgive him. It was a matter of holding out until he was offered the solution – Yugi was accustomed to this game.
Yugi squared his shoulders, glaring up at Jou, "Like you can talk, junkie."
Jou laughed, once, a short bark from the base of his throat, Yugi would bet money that would have hurt, "You can do better than that, King of Games."
His hand appeared on Yugi's throat, pushing him backwards suddenly, his fingers jutting sharply against the soft flesh below his jaw, forcing Yugi's breath to shorten and rasp.
Yugi narrowed his eyes, grunted as he choked, and allowed himself be directed, his chin forced upwards by the pressure of Jounouchi's hand, while he wrapped his own fingers around the larger, bonier hand. The violence in their friendship had quickly become their best method of communication, of coping.
His back met the wall with a gentle thud, between the cold and his thick coat, Yugi barely felt it. Jounouchi's hand was supporting him, holding him so his feet were off the floor.
Bastard.
"Jounouchi, how about we skip the foreplay and get to the part where you're trying to punch me, while forgetting that I'm too quick for you?" He managed to quip, as he quickly evaluated his best plan for defence.
Jou's eyes glinted darkly, and Yugi could already see him clenching his free fist, "Too quick huh?"
Yugi almost rolled his eyes, but settled for slipping his thumb beneath Jou's, roughly twisting his hand around so he was released, his feet caught him easily and he drove elbow-first for Jounouchi's exposed ribs, watching as his furious expression dissolved instantly when the pain flared through him.
He gingerly rested his palm against protesting ribs.
Yugi knew he wouldn't retaliate, watching as he rested the flats of his hands against his own knees, fighting to catch his breath.
"I thought you were better than that, Yugi. What happened to being a pacifist?" he managed in barely a whisper.
Yugi had winded him.
It was Yugi's turn to laugh at that, "That philosophy walked out the door around the same time Valon did, with all my money and my phone." He said bluntly, watching the guilt flick through Jounouchi's eyes.
Oh yeah, I haven't forgotten that yet, Jerk.
"God you're an asshole, Yug'." Jou sat on the bed, panting softly, soft clouds forming around his breathe - Yugi made a mental note that the heater had obviously given up on them again - he looked at his hands. "Go buy me something and I won't kick you out." Jounouchi said carefully after allowing the silence between them to stretch unbearably, actually being picky with the words he chose for once.
That piqued Yugi's interest, it was very rare that Jounouchi behaved this way.
"...Buy you what, Jounouchi."
"Just grabbing something off a friend." He said.
Of course , Yugi thought bitterly. H e's sending me on a fucking drug run. Asshole .
"I've already made sure he's free. He'll meet you at the docks when you're ready."
That was about a three-minute walk from their apartment. Jounouchi could easily do it himself.
But, clearly Yugi was expected to pay for what he'd said- literally.
He could say no.
Tell Jounouchi to go fuck himself.
Grab his stuff and stay on someone's couch for a few weeks.
Whose couch? A voice in his head smirked.
He ignored that and gazed at his friend, who was still clearing his throat and trying to recover from having the wind torn from his lungs.
Jounouchi had grown weak.
There had been a time when he would get in fights far worse on an almost daily basis, relishing in the thrill of his own heartbeat.
But that boy was long gone, Yugi had come to realise.
Mentally drafting a list in his mind to prepare for his first ever drug deal, he sighed heavily, and watched his friend sit on the bed.
"How much money will I need."
