Author's Note: Hey Guys...This story may be...well, a lot OOC for Clare. But i hope you like it!
Disclamer: I don't own Degrassi, it's characters, or any form of pie(I'm so hungry right now!)
Constant arguing can drive anyone to do what I did. Even when you're not what the fights are about. Even when you have only one thing in common with the fight; the people who are fighting are your parents. How can they do this to me? I was convinced parents were supposed to be there for their children when they need them, but apparently I was wrong. So wrong. I guess this whole fighting thing started back when Darcy tried to kill herself, and then left for Kenya. They don't know why, but I do, and I'm pretty sure that their worrying has grown to anxiety. They've both been trying to find out why "perfect" Darcy Edwards would try and kill herself. They both beat themselves up about it. And this is what they fight about. One of them screams one situation, and the other yells out something else. The fighting has escalated over the past few weeks, and now, if I'm awake late at night or early in the morning I hear the crash of plates and glasses, and the screams of pain from my mother. I just keep praying he won't hurt me, and he hasn't. The one thing I hate…and I mean really hate, has got to be that they take no notice in me anymore. I used to be the smart one, the little one, the baby. Now I guess that's changed. Now I'm no longer their baby, I'm just plain Clare.
They didn't care when I brought my hearse driving, atheist boyfriend Eli to dinner. They didn't care when I got detention for violation of the school dress code. They just…don't care about me anymore.
Now I get it…the whole Darcy's suicide attempt. She was fed up. Couldn't take it. Like I can't take my parents. I wish I could escape to Kenya as easily as she did. Wish to be free from this fighting, this terror. Free from this feeling their fight will explode onto me any second now. Free from this unloved feeling. I want to be free to be a new me. A me who people will know as "Clare Edwards" not as "Darcy's little sister" or "Baby Edwards" or "Saint Clare". Those are names for the old me. I need a new me, kind of like my parents need a divorce.
But who am I to decide their fate? I can't even choose my own. I've been staring back and forth between my razor and my computer screen for an hour now, listening to the background noises of my parents fight. It may be five a.m. here, and I may have been up since three a.m. yesterday morning, but I have a decision to make now. I can either end my life here and now, with this red razor that's lying down on my desk, or I can leave here. But, which to choose?
With my eyes closed I think hard for a minute before opening them again. I click return on my keyboard and hear the printer buzzing on the other side of my room. When that's done I click send on the email I was sending before I made this choice and quickly write a new one. With a defiant sigh I grab my duffel bag from its place in my closet and put clothes I'll need in there. I grab some of my memories too. The most cherished ones. Bot Wars. Freshman Year. My first date with Eli. My dad, sister, and I on a skiing trip.
I pull out my laptop case and put my laptop safely in there. I walk over to my open window and drop down my duffel bag once I'm positive that neither of my parents are listening or near the window. I grab the plane ticket I've printed and reach out to the tree next to my balcony. I climb down and run with my bags.
I run until I can call a cab. One that will bring me to my safe place. Where I won't have to witness fighting. Where I can help others.
Later that morning as my plane lands in my new home I think to the last email I sent;
Dear Elijah,
I'm sorry. I could have come to tell you this in person, but the thought of doing that just didn't seem right. You'd beg me to change my mind; I'd beg you to understand. It just wouldn't work out. For now. Listen, look Eli, I know we haven't been going out for a while. Well, three months, but still not that long. I love you, more than I thought, and more than I expected. But, for now I'm gone and there's nothing you can do. Once I get to where I'm going I'll change my email, and IM screen name. The only way to contact me will be by phone, and from experience it doesn't work that well where I'm going. I do love you Eli, but for now delete this e-mail. For now pretend you know as much as everyone else. For now act normal, because I can't be normal.
See you someday soon.
But for now Kenya awaits.
Clare Diane Edwards.
Author's Note Take #2: Thanks for reading...REVIEWS are love...love makes me happy...happiness makes the world go round! so...if you want the world to keep spinning REVIEW! PLEASE!
3 3 Cat
