A/N: Inspired by...

...and dedicated to...

...the one and only OGJozzy.

Synopsis: Be careful what you wish for!

Pairing: Carly/Sam

Disclaimer: If I owned iCarly, the Season Four scripts wouldn't suck...

Rated: "M"

Genre: Romance/Drama

Current Muse: This Is The Time (Billy Joel)

January 11th:

Leaning forward, I grabbed the remote from my coffee table and switched off the movie I'd just rented. Turning to Sam, I asked, "Well? What did you think?"

She smiled and replied, "Did you see the way Allison totally kicked that guy's ass when he tried to mug her in the park? Brilliant!"

I nodded. "Uh, okay."

Silence.

"Anything else?" I added hopefully.

She reflected for a moment. "Oh yeah, Carls...those pretzels were really salty...is there any more iced tea in the fridge?" she asked, hopping up off the couch.

Damn! She didn't mentioned the scene where Allison and Natalie kissed!

January 24th:

Leaning forward, I grabbed the remote from my coffee table and switched off the movie I'd just rented. Turning to Sam, I asked, "Well? What did you think?"

She smiled and replied, "That was great...I counted twenty-seven different, major explosions! Valerie sure knows how to blow up a building!"

I nodded. "Uh, okay."

Silence.

"Anything else?" I added hopefully.

She reflected for a moment. "Oh yeah, Carls...gotta pee...be right back, okay?" she asked, hopping up off the couch.

Damn! She didn't mentioned the scene where Amy and Valerie made out!

February 16th:

Leaning forward, I grabbed the remote from my coffee table and switched off the movie I'd just rented. Turning to Sam, I asked, "Well? What did you think?"

She smiled and replied, "Now that's what I call a horror movie! My only criticism is that it wasn't a snuff film...starring Freddie!"

I nodded. "Uh, okay."

Silence.

"Anything else?" I added hopefully.

She reflected for a moment. "Oh yeah, Carls...it's kinda cold in here...mind if I adjust the thermostat?" she asked, hopping up off the couch.

Damn! She didn't mentioned the scene where Rachel and Lisa took a bath together!

February 23rd:

Leaning forward, I grabbed the remote from my coffee table and switched off the movie I'd just rented. Turning to Sam, I asked, "Well? What did you think?"

She smiled and replied, "Did you see those desserts in the restaurant scene? Man, the French sure have a way with pastries!"

I nodded. "Uh, okay."

Silence.

"Anything else?" I added hopefully.

She reflected for a moment. "Oh, yeah, Carls...I'm going run out for some ice cream...want any?" she asked, hopping up off the couch.

Damn! She didn't mentioned the scene where Lydia and Kristen sensually massaged each other!

March 18th:

Leaning forward, I grabbed the remote from my coffee table and switched off the movie I'd just rented. Turning to Sam, I asked, "Well? What did you think?"

She smiled and replied, "That's one of the funniest comedies I've ever watched! Who knew you could do so many different things with a rubber chicken and a flame thrower!"

I nodded. "Uh, okay."

Silence.

"Anything else?" I added hopefully.

She reflected for a moment. "Oh yeah, Carls...my phone is dead...mind if I use yours?" she asked, hopping up off the couch.

Damn! She didn't mentioned the scene where Lauren and Heather shagged like crazed weasels! For three days straight!

What am I gonna do?

I wish I had the courage to just flat-out ask Sam if she's gay.

Unfortunately, I don't.

But how many more months is it gonna take...and how many more mainstream movies - with not-so-subtle, lesbian subplots - are we gonna have to watch...before she figures out that I'm gay...

...and that I'm madly in love with her?

This girl just can't take a hint!

April 5th:

I flipped the collar of my long, double-breasted, charcoal-gray overcoat up against the damp, unseasonably-cold wind that whipped off the sun-splashed Pacific Ocean; and, jamming my hands deeply into my pockets, I stood at the water's edge, staring in silence across the high, whitecap-crested waves that shifted and thundered before me...

...here at the picturesque resort of Ocean Shores...

...its own little kingdom by the sea...

...reveling in the fact that this was just the first day of our two week long, Spring Break vacation...

...and in the knowledge that being seventeen and having no other responsibilities whatsoever only made it that much more enjoyable.

My one regret was that, due to the late arrival of spring, the temperature hadn't yet risen above the low 50's, so this was only a day trip.

Oh well, I thought, that's easy enough to remedy; and just as I made a mental note to come back in the very near future, once the weather had grown warmer...

...and to stay for at least a week...

...and to bring her with me...

...a colorful blur over to my left caught my eye, and I turned rapidly in that direction...

...to see Sam running toward me, up the otherwise deserted beach...

...at break-neck speed...

...barefoot, despite the cold; with the bottoms of her khaki cargo pants rolled up almost to her knees, and with her unzipped, navy jacket billowing out behind her as it caught the wind...

...pink-cheeked, with the late afternoon sun weaving its way in and out of her tousled blonde curls...

...and swinging a long, twisted, branch-shaped piece of driftwood that had recently washed ashore.

She stopped short a mere two steps away from me and, with an exuberant laugh that was strangely reminiscent of church bells, she flung it aside; and then she bent over – with her hands on her knees – gasping heavily while she tried to catch her breath.

Finally, she succeeded and, standing up straight once again, she lifted her face to mine...

...wearing a smile that lit up the entire shoreline more brightly than the sun ever could.

Smiling back warmly, I reached forward and messed up her already wind-swept hair even further...

...and then, without a word, I shyly turned my attention back to the sea...

...wondering as I did if anyone on the opposite side was looking back at me...

...at us.

Without hesitation, she followed suit, turning in that direction also; and stood almost shoulder to shoulder with me as we watched the sun invitingly blaze an illuminated path from our feet all the way to the horizon where it sat...

...heralding the fast-approaching end of a somewhat cold, but otherwise perfect day here in this secluded spot we'd found...

...under the deepening gold and rosy light of late afternoon that was brilliantly coloring the nearly cloudless sky.

Neither of us spoke...

...each of us busily lost in our own personal reflections...

...but finally, after nearly five minutes of total silence, curiosity got the better of me; so I looked over at her and asked, "What are you thinking?"

Without hesitation, she turned to face me and replied, "I was just wondering if you'd mind if I kissed you."

Stunned and speechless, my jaw dropped...

...and so did my gaze...

...and after nearly a minute spent staring at my liberally-sand-dusted shoes...in both shock and confusion...I recovered slightly...

...yet still found myself trembling uncontrollably as I raised my eyes to hers; and, staring back at me hopefully...

...she held out her arms.

Seconds later, I was in them and her lips were on mine...

...and it was more incredible than I had ever dreamed. Innocent yet intoxicating...gentle yet passionate...and so 100% Sam.

After about a minute (or maybe it was a week and a half...I honestly don't remember), she leaned back and looked searchingly into my eyes...

...without words...

...and I nodded. "Sam...of course I do."

At that moment, an ecstatic smile crossed her face, and she shivered slightly...

...but I'm not sure if that was from emotion, or from the way the wind was penetrating her too-light spring jacket.

Soon deciding that the reason didn't matter...

...but the solution did...

...I quickly unbuttoned my voluminous overcoat and, opening it wide, I took one and a half steps forward; and seconds later it was wrapped it around us both...

...and, as I pulled her close, enfolding her in both my coat and my arms...

...she snuggled up next to me and leaned forward and whispered, "I love you, too."

Tilting my head to the right, I caressed her surprisingly-warm cheek with my own as I replied, in a low and trembling voice, "I'm so glad."

She was silent for a moment but then said, in an unexpectedly shy tone of voice, "Cupcake, I'm sorry I...didn't tell you sooner. It's just that...I wanted to be sure."

I leaned back and looked directly into her eyes. "You can be very, very sure," I replied with utmost conviction...

...and suddenly, her lips found mine again...

...and I swear at that moment, that the sand under my feet began shifting rapidly...

...in all directions...

...and so I welcomed the sudden and steadying presence of her arms around my waist, inside my coat.

And then, her eyes closed and her lips parted...

...and so did mine...

...yet it was nearly a full minute before our tongues met...

...shyly and tentatively at first...

...but before long, they had become rather well-acquainted...

...and, as they began their first affectionate dance of courtship...

...I was suddenly very aware of her arms unwrapping themselves from my waist...

...and her hands sliding around to the front of my body; and even though I was well aware why they had...

...I still gasped softly as they slowly and gently moved up my chest, on the outside of my shirt...

...finally coming to rest - directly yet very politely - over my breasts.

Reaching inside my overcoat, I moved my palms to her upper back; and after sensually caressing her shoulders for several minutes, I slid my hands lower...

...slowly yet steadily...

...and I felt my body shake at the thrill that shot through me when my palms came to rest on the magnificent curves at the bottom of her khaki-covered butt...

...and suddenly, I felt a strong, swooping motion in the pit of my lower stomach; and in response (and with a gasp), I pulled her to me...

...pressing her pelvis tightly against my own.

Seconds later, my lips were on her neck. "Sam, I love you...so much. I have...for such a long time," I murmured.

She turned her face toward mine. "Carls...I want to make love to you...so badly. I have...for such a long time," she murmured.

And I froze.

Seconds later - instinctively - my arms released her, and I hastily took a step backward; and as my coat fell away from her body...

...and I stared at her silently and fearfully...

...she stared back at me...

...clearly horrified. "Oh, God! Oh, G-god, Carls! Did I s-say something wrong? If I did, I...I'd like to ap-pologize!"

Too flustered to think clearly, I shook my head vigorously in denial.

She wasn't convinced...

...and stood staring back at me, equally fearful...

...until I replied, in an unsteady voice, "You...I...it's j-just that...Sam, it's m-my first time."

She didn't answer...

...so I raised my eyebrows questioningly; and then, after a very long pause...

...she admitted, "Yeah...mine too."

For some reason, this calmed me slightly and I nodded. "Well then, can we please just wait for a little while?"

Almost instantly, her face fell...

...and she stared down at her feet in silence.

"Please, Sam?" I asked. "I...it's such a...big step for me. I...I just need a little t-time," I added, my voice faltering.

After thinking it over, for nearly a minute, she lifted her eyes to mine again...

...looking so disappointed...

...while trying (and failing) to keep it out of her voice as she answered, "Of course, Cupcake. As l-long as you want to. You're worth waiting for."

But still, she looked so sad...

...and so, with a reassuring smile, I walked back to her and wrapped my overcoat and my arms around her again.

"Don't worry," I whispered. "I love you. And we will. Someday...okay?"

No response.

I tilted my head back and looked directly into her eyes. "We will, Sam. I promise."

Without answering - and without looking entirely convinced - she leaned forward and rested her head against the front of my shoulder again...

...and reaching up, I tangled my hand in her hair as I whispered, "I promise...okay, Sammie?"

Apparently (and finally) assured, she nodded slightly...and I felt her relax in my arms a little as her own arms circled my waist inside my coat once again...

...and with a smile, I pulled her as close to me as I possibly could...

...doing my best to convey - without words - that I was absolutely going to honor my promise.

I don't remember how long we stood like that, but eventually the low angle of the sun in the sky persuaded me to look at my watch. "The last bus leaves in less than an hour," I announced.

"I know," she replied, "But this place is so great...even better than the brochure said it would be! I...I wish we could stay."

I leaned back and looked at her. "I know, Sweetheart...I was just thinking the same thing; after all, we haven't even had a chance to check out any of the shops or restaurants yet. Anyway, I was just about to ask you if you'd like to come back with me...maybe later in the summer, when the weather is nicer?"

Almost immediately, her eyes lit up. "Can we really?" she asked wistfully...

...in a tone so heart-breaking that it suggested she'd never visited the beach before...

...any beach...

...but I knew better than to ask her that, so instead I answered, "Of course. If you want to, then we're definitely coming back."

At this assurance, she nodded enthusiastically, and smiled widely...

...until I asked, "But in the meantime, aren't you forgetting something, Sam?"

Still wrapped inside my coat, she suddenly looked up at me in confusion as she asked, "What?"

"One for the road," I answered with an indulgent smile, while tilting my head forward...

...and then, in the solitude of our wind-swept stretch of paradise...

...my lips found hers once again.

The bus ride home promised to be long, uneventful, and boring; but at least there were very few other passengers here in the back...

...although not so few that the two of us could sneak in a little kissing...

...so instead, we sat quietly...

...Sam with her head resting on my shoulder...

...until suddenly, something under the seat in front of hers caught her eye.

Without warning, she dived forward and downward...

...but soon re-emerged, holding a recent copy of 'The Inner Self'.

I know that from the title, this sounds like a magazine devoted to transcendental meditation, but it's not...

...it's actually a men's underwear catalog.

Looking from it to me and smiling mischievously, Sam asked, "Hey, Carls, are you up for a round of 'Real or Stuffed'?'

And, since there was absolutely no other form of entertainment available, I replied, "Sure, why not?"

To the un-initiated (a/k/a the Rest of the World), 'Real or Stuffed?' is an amusing little game that Sam and I came up with one day, when we happened to pass through the Men's Underwear section of a huge department store. The rules are simple: When you see a picture of a male model wearing just underwear, you try to determine if it's 'all him' or if he's got any uh...anything else in his shorts for 'visual enhancement'.

Anyway, neither of us having had any first-hand experience with 'a real one', our answers were always pure speculation, and we always had a good laugh...

...and since this particular catalog was almost eighty pages long, we ended up laughing all the way home!

It was nearly ten pm when we got back to my apartment, so Sam eagerly accepted my invitation to stay the night. After we'd raided the fridge, I sent her off to shower first while I finished tidying the kitchen.

When I finally got upstairs the bathroom was empty, so I took a long, leisurely shower. After drying off, and picking up her dirty clothes...

...which she'd casually strewn all over the floor...

...I wrapped myself in a towel and headed into my bedroom; to find her already sprawled on my bed, with damp but neatly-brushed hair; dressed in a clean T-shirt and boxer shorts.

Walking over to my dresser, I sneaked a peek into my mirror...

...to see Sam's eyes riveted on me...

...and so I wasn't surprised to find myself blushing self-consciously as I removed my towel and put on a pair of white silk panties, and a light blue T-shirt with a huge cupcake on the front (my last birthday gift from her). I usually wear a nightshirt to bed and I'm pretty sure that she noticed this variation in my outfit, because when I sat down on the edge of the bed, she asked, "Aren't you cold?"...

...as she held out her arms...

...and moving into them I replied, "No. Not anymore."

At these words, she smiled warmly and pulled me close to her.

After settling into her embrace, I turned my face against her neck and began to nuzzle it; realizing as I did...

...that I love the smell of 'freshly-scrubbed Sam'...

...especially when she's just showered using my Seascape soap...

...which features a clean, zesty scent that's reminiscent of an ocean breeze...

...not too flowery, and not too girly...just like Sam.

Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply, and in an instant I was transported right back to to the seaside...

...standing on its wide beach...

...listening to the roar of the Pacific Ocean...

...watching the surf crash and cascade breathtakingly over the rocks of the North Jetty...

...while she squirmed underneath me and squealed in a very un-Sam-like way, "Hey! You're tickling me!"

"Sorry."

With an affectionate and forgiving smile, she leaned back...away from my inquiring nose...and placing a hand on my cheek, she gently maneuvered my head down onto her chest...

...and I lay there in complete contentment, listening to cute way that she was struggling to breathe evenly...

...while her rapidly-beating heart scandalously and completely betrayed her.

Presently, I felt her lips on my forehead and heard her ask, "What are you thinking about?"

I immediately decided against admitting that I'd almost asked her the same question, but had chickened out...

...already knowing full well what her answer would be(!)...

...so instead I replied, "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

I tilted my head back and looked at her. "Are you sure? I don't want you to be mad at me."

"I'm sure, Cupcake," she answered without hesitation. "And I promise not to get mad."

With a nod I began, "Um...remember our little game earlier...you know...Real of Stuffed?"

"Uh, yeah," she answered...

...slowly and uncertainly...

...and I took a deep, shaky breath.

I had to know.

"Well," I continued, "I know that you told me you've never, uh...been with anyone...and I was wondering, since you've dated guys before...if you're at all curious as to what it would be like to...to sleep with one."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Sleep with a guy? Me?"

Not trusting my voice to remain steady, I merely nodded...

...and she frowned. "I'm not bi...if that's what you're asking."

"Well, have you ever considered trying it?" I repeated, not really looking at her...

...as I very nervously awaited her answer.

"No...I haven't," she replied without hesitation. "I have no interest at all."

And at this assurance, I breathed more easily...

...until she asked, while sounding equally as nervous as I'd just been, "H-have you ever...w-wanted to?"

I didn't have to think about my answer. "No...I'm not bi either. I've made out with a few guys, but it just...it just doesn't feel right to me."

Visibly relaxing, she looked thoughtful for a long moment...

...and I relaxed too...

...until she asked, "Does this feel right?"

Before I could figure out what she was referring to...

...she suddenly leaned forward and made answering her question a physical impossibility for me...

...because my lips were suddenly and totally otherwise prioritized.

Conversation was completely out of the question for the next few minutes; but then, just as I was about to force myself to break away so I could assure her that it did indeed feel very, very right...

...she slid her hands under the front of my shoulders, and seconds later, I found myself lying on my back...

...with her body stretched out flat against mine...

...but when she saw the fearful way I was looking up at her...

...she shook her head. "Shh. It's okay. It's not what you think...I promise," she whispered...

...in a way that left no doubt in my mind that she was being completely truthful...

...and I relaxed a little...

...until her lips found my neck; and, as she kissed me there...

...slowly and repeatedly...

...I shivered, as my stomach made another deep, swooping motion...

...and as I felt a strange, new, and overwhelming sensation seize me...

...down between my legs...

...and even though I knew that I wanted to wait to be intimate with her...

...I also knew that I couldn't wait to experience that feeling again...

...but stealing a glance at my alarm clock and seeing the lateness of the hour, I realized that it was now time to call it a night; so before I began to second guess both myself and my decision, I reached up and over and turned the table lamp off.

Almost immediately, Sam lowered her head, resting her cheek against the front of my left shoulder. "Goodnight, Carls," she murmured...

...sounding more than a little disappointed.

Clearly, she had been hoping for more.

Reaching up, I tangled my hand in her hair andreplied, "Good night, Sammie. I love you...you do believe me...don't you?"

Almost immediately, she nodded...

...and I sighed silently in relief. "That's good, because I do...so very much," I replied, sliding my right hand up under her T-shirt...

...and then, as she lay there in unhappy silence...

...I began rubbing her back...

...in a slow, gentle, affectionate, consolatory way...

...until sleep overtook us both.

April 6th:

The bedroom was still pitch-black when I opened one eye a crack and looked - with sleep-blurred vision - at the dimly-lit display on my alarm clock.

5:53 A.M.

At that moment, Sam shifted restlessly in my arms, and smiling contentedly, I pulled her closer to me...

...and even though I realized that I had woken up for some specific reason, I soon forgot what that reason was...

...because suddenly, I felt the desperate necessity to not let go of Sam...

...and as she sleepily nuzzled my neck, I closed my eyes again.

Two hours later, I regretted not trying to remember what that reason was.

The moment I opened my eyes again, I felt it.

And when I hurriedly slid out from under Sam and off the bed, I really felt it...

...and stopping only to grab clean panties from my top dresser drawer, I hurried to the bathroom...

...trying to outrun the wetness that was steadily leaking out of me.

Less than a minute later, as I sat peeing, I looked downward...

...into my panties.

Damn! What a mess! And almost a week early...again!

With a sigh, I quickly got undressed and headed for the shower.

Just as I was drying off with a dark towel, the bathroom door burst open...

...and Sam ran inside, wild-eyed. "Help! Tampons! Advil! Now!" she yelled.

"Oh, no, Sam...not you too!" I moaned.

With only a curt nod of confirmation, she turned away from me and began ripping frantically through the vanity drawers, looking for the box of tampons that I always keep there for her. Finally, she located it...right next to my maxi pads. She pulled a tampon out of the box and, setting it on the edge of the vanity, she bent down again and plunged her hand into the package of pads.

"Here, need one of these?" she asked, tossing it in my general direction.

Leaning down and picking it up off the floor (I'd missed the catch), I replied, "Uh, thanks."

"God, this sucks"! she replied, stripping off right in front of me (no complaints here) and, once she was completely naked, tossing her stained boxers into the sink full of cold water, where my panties were already soaking.

"Well, misery loves company," I replied, as I hurriedly and shyly wrapped the towel around me.

"That's easy for you to say, Carls," she scoffed. "You only have your period for two days...I have mine for five!"

"Yeah, well that makes you the lucky one," I informed her.

She stared back at me in stunned disbelief. "How the hell do you figure that?"

"Think about it, Sam...instead of five days, it comes gushing out in only two."

She stopped to ponder this. "Oh, well yeah. I...guess I never looked at it that way." She was silent for a moment. "Is that why you never use tampons?"

I nodded. "I wish I could...but it's too risky."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," she agreed.

Nakedly(!) rummaging around in the medicine chest, Sam soon found the Advil. After chowing two down, she held the bottle out to me. "Interested?"

"No, thanks," I declined politely. "I'll probably need them later though."

Blushing furiously, but realizing that I absolutely couldn't put it off any longer, I dropped my towel into the hamper, unwrapped the pad I was holding, attached it to my clean panties and pulled them up; noticing in the reflection of the bathroom mirror that Sam had been watching me...

...the entire time.

I couldn't be mad at her though...

...since she's never seen me completely naked before...

...so, who could blame her for wanting to look?

With a smile, I walked over to where she was standing and wrapped my arms around her...

...focusing on memorizing the thrilling new sensation of her body against mine...

...until seconds later, I was completely distracted by more swooping in the pit of my stomach...

...and several more, powerfully-overwhelming contractions down between my legs.

Judging by the way she suddenly shivered and tightened her arms around me, she didn't seem to mind the way we were pressed together either...

...not in the least...

...and so, I decided that it was time for a little sales pitch. With a smile I began, "Sam, I know you love my white silk panties...

"Argh!"

"...just as much as I do."

Flinching sharply, she immediately looked away, so I gently turned her face back to mine, while adding, "Admit it, Sam."

Realizing that she was trapped (in more ways than one), she squirmed in my arms; but finally, after nearly a minute had passed, she nodded grudgingly in acknowledgment.

At this, I felt a jolt of excited anticipation pass through me and encouraged by her admission I continued, "Well then, since you like them so much, will you...wear them sometime?"

"NO!" she immediately yelled...

...loudly and decisively...

...but I wasn't about to give up easily. "Please, Honey? For me? I'll bet you'd look so hot!"

She cringed at the thought and stood her ground. "There's no way I'm going to do that," she declared.

Struggling to keep the disappointment out of my voice I asked, "Why not?"

"You know I hate wearing girls' underpants," she reminded me.

I ignored her.

"Please...just this once?" I begged. " I have a couple of new pairs that I haven't even worn yet. The tags are still attached."

"No. Sorry, Carls, but it's never gonna happen," she stated flatly.

With a sigh and while doing my best to hide my disappointment, I turned away, walked over to the bathtub, and turned the shower on. As I approached Sam again, I forced myself to look directly into her eyes...

...instead of at her invitingly-naked body...

...and then I advised, "Take a shower...before you drip on the floor. I'll go get some clean clothes for you."

Instead of obeying, she just stood there looking at me...and sulking...

...so I smiled at her sympathetically. "I know. Periods and cramps are a real drag."

She didn't respond...

...but at least she didn't resist either as I took her arm and led her over to - and then into - the tub.

"Come on, get cleaned up and then we can be miserable...together!" I offered, while closing the curtain.

My prophecy soon came true...

...when, finally cleaned and dressed, we headed downstairs for breakfast...

...to find Freddie sitting at the kitchen table.

At the sound of our approaching footsteps, he looked up from his half-eaten bowl of cereal and smiled at me...

...both adoringly and idiotically...

... but before he could even say 'hello'...

...Sam bellowed, "No way! Not today! I'm in no mood!"

His smile evaporated at once, and he turned to her in disgust. "What's wrong, Sam?" he asked. "Did your mom pass out drunk and totally naked in front of your friends...again?"

"At least I have friends! And don't you dare talk about my mother that way!" she yelled indignantly.

"Why not? Everybody else does-ohmyGod!" he exclaimed, jumping up and running for his life...

...as Sam began chasing him in circles around the table, at break-neck speed.

On her fifth trip past me, my hand shot out and grabbed her arm; and then, with effort, I managed to maneuver her into her seat...

...at the opposite end of the table from Freddie was sitting.

She continued to struggle valiantly, even after her butt hit the chair.

"Let Me At Him!"

"Come on, Sam...drop it! The last thing we want to deal with today is more bloodshed," I replied, while tightening my grip and giving her a Very Pointed Look.

With a horrified gasp, she whipped her head round in Freddie's direction; clearly worried that he'd caught the meaning behind my thinly-veiled statement...

...but his eyes were now back on his cereal...

...his mind however, was still on verbal abuse. "Sam, it's Sunday. It's God's day. Why don't you try reading the Bible...for once in your life?" he suggested, more than a little condescendingly.

She wasted no time in replying, "Hey, Fred-freak, speaking of the Bible, I saw your name mentioned in there recently...something about the Jawbone of an Ass!"

His head snapped upward. "You're an ass!" he exclaimed, shooting her a filthy look.

"Kiss my ass!" she countered.

He flung his spoon down. "You're All Ass...I wouldn't know where to start-OW!" he yelled...

...as Sam threw half an orange right into his face.

Partially blinded by the juice, he immediately stumbled out of his chair, while raising his balled-up hands to rub his eyes...

...and Sam (believing that she was being challenged to a fight) jumped to her feet at once, while doubling up her fists to blacken his eyes...

...and I sprang from my chair, grabbed her shoulders, and (after a brief scuffle) managed to push her back down into her seat.

As I stood behind the chair, restraining her/doing my best to avoid her wildly-flailing arms, Freddie yanked his shirttail up and used it to wipe his citrus-blurred eyes...

...and then, while muttering something about Sam's mom copulating with numerous, assorted farm animals...

...and Sam being the result...

...and that this was 'Far From Over'...

...he stomped out the front door.

Upon hearing this last insult, Sam tripled her efforts to rise from her chair; but I leaned down and grabbed both her upper arms. "Sam. Let. Him. Go."

"But...but-" she began...

...and, eager to end this altercation without investing further time and/or effort, I quickly turned her around in the chair and shot her 'The Look'.

She let him go.

As soon as we'd finished eating, I stacked the breakfast dishes neatly in the sink, took Sam by the hand, and led her straight back upstairs...

...and into my room.

She put up no struggle as I led her over onto the bed, laid her on her back, and sat down next to her on the mattress; but when I unzipped the front of her shorts and pushed them, along with her boxers, way down past her hips, she laid both of her hands over mine and asked, "Carls, what are you doing?"

"Stretch out your legs for me," I directed...

...but instead of complying, she tried to sit up. "No, I'll be okay...rea-"

"Shh," I answered, reaching forward and resting my hands against the front of her shoulders.

"But I don't wan-" she continued.

"Shh...let me," I insisted, gently pushing her onto her back again and reaching down to her lower abdomen.

With a resigned sigh she closed her eyes tightly and, seconds later, she was moaning softly as I began to rub her swollen stomach.

After several minutes of allowing me to gently caress her in complete silence, she asked, eyes still closed, "What...no four hour-long lecture on the evils of Fred-dunce abuse?"

I shook my head. "Shh. I know you're hurting...it's the reason why you're so cranky today," I answered in a low, calm voice. "So just try to relax for me."

At these words, she opened her eyes; and, as I saw the way they were looking up at me...

...and the silent question they were asking...

...I smiled despite myself, and then inquired, with utmost goodwill, "Would you like something else to focus on...besides your cramps?"

After a moment's hesitation, she nodded...

...and moving my hands from her stomach, I gently took her face between my palms as I leaned forward and kissed her.

Less than a minute later, she reached up and, sliding her hands behind my shoulders, she pulled my body down...

...directly on top of her own.

"Aren't I squishing you?" I immediately asked with concern.

She shook her head. "No. Believe it or not, the pressure actually feels good."

Relieved and with a nod, I relaxed my body, allowing its full weight to rest against her; and as the two of us sank down lower into the mattress, I closed my eyes and turned my full attention back to her lips.

It was time well spent.

Some time later, I came up for air and opened my eyes again to find her looking up at me; and I was surprised to see regret (of all things(!) reflected in her own.

I was even more surprised when she said slowly, "Carls, I know that I...well...I shouldn't have hit him in the face with that orange."

I merely nodded. She was still in way too much pain for me to criticize her.

I was expecting her follow-up comment to be something along the lines of how tragic it was that she'd wasted perfectly good food on Freddie; so imagine my astonishment when she said instead, "When I see him again, I'm going to to...you know-"

She paused...

...for a very long time...

...until finally, she was able to make herself admit, "You know...the...the 'A' word."

And suddenly, I felt all warm and gooey inside.

"Aw...Sam! You will? Really? That's so...so...I love you...so much!" I exclaimed...

...and, with a highly-embarrassed smile, she pulled me closer to her...

...and buried her blushing cheeks deeply in my hair as we both closed our eyes again.

Almost nine hours later (menstruation drains you...in more ways than one), we both awoke ravenous; and having slept through lunch, we were both naturally looking forward to dinner. After knocking off most of a huge barbecued chicken that Spencer had thoughtfully roasted for us (before heading over to Socko's), Sam looked up from her caramel custard and asked, "So, what do you wanna do tonight?"

I frowned. "Well, it's not what I want to do...it's what I have to do."

"Okay," she replied agreeably. "What's that?"

Glancing down at my watch I replied, "Well, the pharmacy is still open for another hour...and I really need to buy more pads."

She clearly wasn't interested in the evenings 'entertainment' I'd planned, because she replied (sulking again), "Aw, Carls...can't it just wait until morning?"

"No, it can't," I assured her. "I just put my last one on...and you know I can't use tampons."

She still looked far-from-sold on a trip to the pharmacy, so after glancing over at the calender on my kitchen wall, I turned back to her and announced, "You know, I'm pretty sure that by now GVS has set up their entire display of gourmet Easter cand-

Without waiting to hear the rest of the sentence, she tore out of the kitchen...

...and less than fifteen seconds later, she was back, holding both of our jackets...

...and less than five minutes after that, she was practically dragging me down the street...through the slight drizzle of falling rain...toward Kensington Place...

...and the GVS mega-store.

No sooner had we stepped through the pharmacy's front door, then Sam began walking rapidly toward the Candy aisle...but I grabbed her arm.

"No. Business before pleasure," I stated flatly...

...while ignoring her frantic efforts to pull free. "Aw...come on!" she protested.

"No, Sam...you come on. This will only take a couple of minutes," I insisted...

...and despite exhaling huffily (and repeatedly), she allowed me to drag her into the Feminine Hygiene Products aisle.

About halfway down the aisle, I suddenly stopped short, and turning to her I asked, "While we're here, do you need more tampons?"

She shook her head. "No. I'm good...for at least another month."

With a nod, I turned back to the massive display, which filled both sides of the ridiculously-long aisle and, after a bit of searching, I found what I wanted...

...an economy-sized package of Scarefree Colossal Extra-Long, Super Plus, Heavy-Flow, Maximum Protection, Overnight Absorbency, Unscented Maxi-Pads (without wings).

Just as I had lifted it off the shelf I heard Sam moan and, looking up, I followed her line of sight...

...to see Freddie standing at the far end of the aisle, with an unopened bottle of lemonade in one hand and a new tube of Crust toothpaste in the other.

Of course, his eyes immediately clamped onto what I was holding...

...and like an embarrassed little girl, I immediately hid the package behind my back...

...but it was too late...

...he had seen it.

Yes, I know what you're thinking, and even though I've been buying my own pads since I was twelve, and now it's normally not that big of a deal...it suddenly becomes one when a boy you know sees you doing it...

...especially when that boy is madly in love/lust with you (even though he's vehemently and repeatedly denied the fact)...

...and when you've caught him in the past (on more than one occasion) prowling obsessively through your garbage.

Blushing profusely, I glanced over at Sam, who was looking at Freddie with grim determination as she psyched herself up to apologize.

Finally, she sighed audibly. "Oh well, I'm gonna go get this over with," she muttered in my general direction, before heading toward him; but before she had taken three steps forward...

...Freddie came hurtling up the aisle; coming to a full stop less than two paces from where Sam stood.

Planting his feet firmly on the floor in front of her, he said, entirely too loudly, "Look at this...Sam Puckett in the Feminine Hygiene aisle! Well, now I know exactly why your little outburst this morning was so much more obnoxious than usual...it's because Sam's On The Rag!" he finished...

...at least forty decibels louder than when he had started.

Clearly and completely stunned, Sam's jaw dropped; and within nanoseconds, every last shred of her uncharacteristically-noble intent to apologize to him was completely forgotten...

...and it was, once again, business as usual.

"Shut up Benson, or I'll kick your balls all the way up into your nostrils!" she snarled.

"See there you go again!" he sneered. "While you're in here, why don't you chow down several bottles of Mydol, you hormonal, bloated, crazy, cramped-up bitch!"

I spun around to face him. "Freddie! Don't talk to Sam that way!"

With his eyes still fixed on her in a death glare, he shot out of the side of his mouth. "Why not? She abuses me a lot worse than this...every day!"

"I don't care," I insisted. "Making fun of any girl's period is still uncalled for; so stop it."

He whipped his head around to face me. "What? I don't believe this! She started it...and now you're taking her side?"

Obviously livid, Sam's hands flew to her hips as she shouted, "I said shut it, Benson...or I'll beat your sorry ass to shreds!" She immediately reached behind me and snatched my huge package of huge pads from my hand; and then...

...as I looked on in horror...

...she brandished it in front of his face while yelling, "And we can use these to mop up the blood!"

Suddenly remembering what he had just seen me holding, Freddie took a long look at the pads and then turned back in my direction and announced (to me and to the entire store), "Oh, now I see why you're taking her side, Carly...it's because You're On The Rag, Too!"

He looked from me to Sam and then back at me, and announced, "Great. Now I have 'Stupid in Stereo'!"

"Did you just call Carly Stupid?" Sam demanded, taking a menacing step forward.

He shot her a look of badly-concealed disgust. "News flash, Stupid...I also called you stupid...you're just Too Stupid to realize it!" he snapped.

"Shove it, Loser!" she snapped back.

The right corner of his mouth curled into a sneer as he replied, "Sam, while we're on the subject of shoving things, I'd advise you to save one of those oversized pads to shove into your fat mouth to silence you...preferably forever...but unfortunately, even if you used the whole box, it wouldn't be nearly enough!"

As an all-too-familiar expression of murderous rage crossed her face, Sam whipped her head around in both directions...

...to see the seventeen people who were currently staring at us...

...from both ends of the aisle...

...and (wisely) realizing that there were way too many witnesses...

...she flung my package of pads back toward me, furiously jammed her hands into her pockets, and spent the next two minutes staring at Freddie in homicidal silence.

"Finally!" he exclaimed with a smug smile "It's about time you finally shut up!"

Apparently, this was too much for Sam...

...Way Too Much...

...and her hands were two blurs as she yanked them back out of her pockets. "If you don't like what I have to say, then stuff a couple of these into your ears...Jerkwad!" she yelled...

...snatching a box of Sometimes Super Plus Tampons off the nearest shelf and hurling them at his head...

...as hard as she could.

He ducked, and the box sailed harmlessly over his shoulder...

...and so - Now Way Beyond Furious - she immediately reached for another box...

...but thinking quickly, I dropped my package of pads, grabbed both of her arms, and wrestled them down to her sides.

Freddie responded to this turn of events with a cocky and triumphant smirk; and then, turning on his heel, he sauntered arrogantly to the end of the aisle. As the crowd parted, he stopped for a moment and addressed them all.

"You might want to stay out of Aisle Twelve for a few minutes," he advised. "Those two bitches are on the rag!"

Ignoring the resulting, stunned gasps of every single woman (and most of the men) in the group he continued, "You've heard of PMS? Well, in their case...the 'p' stands for Perpetual...and Permanent!"

And then he was gone.

"Walk! Walk with me, Sam! Walk it off!" I urged, as I dragged her through the pharmacy's front door and out into the night.

"I'm going to kill him! I'm going to kill him for calling you a bitch!"she vowed at the top of her lungs, while turning abruptly on her heel and storming back toward the entrance.

Immediately and instinctively, I threw my body between her and the glass doors and, grabbing her shoulders, I spun her around again, and then (with Herculean effort), I managed to push her back away from the building.

"Walk, Sam! Come on! Walk it off!" I repeated, listening to her breathing heavily with unbridled rage as I hurried her up the street as quickly as I could; in a dedicated attempt to raise her heart rate to an acceptable level congruent with her current high adrenaline output.

The instant Freddie had made that last remark, I knew that my shopping expedition with Sam was officially and indisputably over...

...and that I had to get her away from him...

...as fast and as far as I could...

...for his own safety.

We had stopped only long enough to pay for my pads.

By the time we got outside the rain had stopped, and the colorful street lamps and traffic lights glistened on the wet pavement as I quick-stepped her across the street. "Come on, we'll take a shortcut through Meridian Park," I suggested.

Once we were inside the park gates, I noticed that her fury seemed to have finally subsided, and so I allowed her to slow her pace slightly. A minute or two later, she reached over and, politely taking my GVS shopping bag from me, she stuffed it into her backpack.

"Thanks, Sammie," I said with an appreciative smile, "but I don't think any mugger is going to want those."

"This is Seattle...at night...so you can't be too careful," she replied in an almost comically-serious tone of voice, as she laid a hand on my arm and steered me into the right-hand path...

...the one which ended only four blocks from Bushwell Plaza.

After we'd walked in silence for several minutes, she stopped abruptly and, squinting through the heavy mist that hung around us she asked, "What's that glow over there?"

"Over where?" I asked turning in the general direction she was looking.

"Over there...where the new expansion is going to be," she answered. "What is it?"

"No idea," I replied, "but it's getting kind of la-"

"Come on, let's check it out. It'll only take a minute, " she interrupted, grabbing my arm and immediately changing direction...

...and, with a resigned sigh, I allowed her to drag me toward the park's North-West corner.

The two of us hadn't been over this way in ages, mainly because there's nothing to see on this long-abandoned and neglected tract of land that the city's public works department had recently acquired; intending to make it an extension of Meridian Park.

Less than two minutes later, we'd reached the spot; fully expecting to be greeted by the familiar sight of urban blight, overgrown with weeds and strewn with trash...

...but instead, we found the area to be neatly landscaped, and criss-crossed by several newly-laid cement paths...

...but what really caught our eyes was the half-dozen or so brightly-striped, half-erected tents on the now-well-illuminated grounds...

...and as we looked up, the colorful, arched banner that stretched high over our heads, above the open, wrought-iron entrance gates.

*OSWELL'S ODDITIES*

Sam lowered her gaze from the banner and turned to me. "What's this supposed to be...a circus?"

I shrugged. "I don't know...it looks like one."

She smiled excitedly. "I've always wanted to go to a circus, but my mom would never take me."

I knew better than to ask why.

Her mother barely feeds her...so I'm well aware that she'd never bother spending money to take Sam out for any kind of entertainment.

So instead, I nodded and asked, "Okay then, would you like to go to this one...with me?"

"Yes, Carls...I'd love to!" she exclaimed...

...and I couldn't help but smile at her wide-eyed, child-like enthusiasm.

"Well then, it's settled," I replied. "You and I are going to the circus." I paused. "But...I haven't seen any promotional posters around the neighborhood yet, saying when it's supposed to open."

Sam craned her neck and looked inside the unlocked gates. "They're definitely not open yet; and I don't see any employees we could ask."

"Well," I began tentatively, "there is a light inside that big tent over there on the right...the one that's completely set up. Maybe there's someone inside who could hel-"

Without waiting for further encouragement, Sam immediately grabbed my hand and rushed me through the arch, and over toward the pink-and-blue striped tent. We were no more than four steps from it when she turned to me and remarked, "This seems to be the biggest tent of the bunch, but it's still kind of small for a main tent...so maybe this isn't a circus after al-"

She was interrupted by a loud, booming voice, and we both jumped back in surprise as it heralded, "Welcome! Step in! I have many treasures of antiquity that may strike your fancy!"

Suddenly apprehensive, I turned to Sam, but her curiosity (which I swear will be the death of her someday) won out.

She laid a reassuring hand on my arm...

...and before I could protest...

...she eagerly pulled me forward, through the tent's front entrance...