So…three Big Bang members walk into a restaurant for lunch. It turns out that Seungri is the head chef and Daesung is the waiter. They look at the menu and this is what they see:

Egg and Tuna

Egg Salad

Tuna Salad

Egg and Tuna Salad

Scrambled Egg

Scrambled Tuna

Egg and Tuna Special with Egg and Tuna

Egg and Tuna with Ketchup

Egg Casserole

Tuna Casserole

Egg Custard Pie with Tuna

Daesung comes to take their order and G-Dragon just asks for water. "Tae Yang," he adds, "we are going to finally get you a hot girl tonight!" Cue Jaejoong's entrance. "How about that hot chick?"

Tae Yang saunters over to Jaejoong. "Hey there, pretty lady, how would you like to hear a lovely ballad from yours truly?"

"I've got yoooooouuu…under my skin!" comes from outside. Jaejoong smiles. The famous U-know Yunho walks in and serenades the pretty lady away. "Hey, hands off my guy." Yunho glares.

TOP comes over to the crowd. "That's a guy. I'm more a guy than he is. I'm manlier than all of you." He begins to strike hip-hop poses.

Jaejoong retorts, "Well, I'm manlier than all of you down there." Anyway, Jaejoong sits down to dinner (with Yunho). "Wtf is this! Egg and tuna down the list! Nothing else? Egg and tuna don't go together, period! Get me the head chef! I'm gonna kill him!"

Daesung drops by and starts setting up the table with Doraemon chopsticks and plates. Oddly enough, he is also wearing a Doraemon suit. He explains, "I'm sorry, the head chef is having some complications in the kitchen right now. Apparently we got halibut and salmon tonight."

Jaejoong visibly relaxes. "Better than egg and tuna, at any rate. What kind of restaurant is this, anyway?" Yunho pales.

"Eh… Heechul suggested it?"

"And you trusted him!"

"Yeah, he really wanted us to come to this restaurant for some reason…"

Yoochun, as the ugly one of DBSK, walks in unnoticed. He sees Tae Yang sulking in the corner. "What happened to you?"

"All my life, I have yet to date a girl, and tonight, I just tried to pick up a dude. I'm supposed to be the romantic one of Big Bang."

"Oh, yeah? I'm the romantic one of DBSK, but—but I'm the ugly one!"

"Wait, you're from DBSK? … … OH! I didn't recognize you!" Yoochun looks on the verge of tears. Tae Yang coughs. "Sorry? Uh, uh, let's trade some tips! Yeah, yeah! I have to get a date!"

Yoochun starts crying. "But you know, every time I get a girl, Junsu gets really angry for some reason."

As Yoochun and Tae Yang start trading tips, Changmin walks out of the kitchen in the Doraemon waiter outfit. "How may I—what the hell are you doing here?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" shout both Jaejoong and Yunho. "Why the hell are you wearing that?"

Changmin looks away. "I wanted to get away from you guys any way that I could. But no, you guys are still ordering me around. After all the crap I went through to get this job, my contract changes."

Daesung pops up. "We still have the Hamtaro waiter outfit."

Changmin cries. "WHY ME!"

Daesung looks appalled. "But I washed it. Don't worry, it was really big on me, so I'm sure you'll fit just fine."

Smoke starts filtering out from the kitchen. It smells suspiciously like…tuna… Wait, there seems to be a lot more smoke now… "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Changmin rolls his eyes. "There goes the special of the day. And no, hyung, I didn't do it. THIS time."

TOP and G-Dragon sniff the smoke. G-Dragon bluntly comments, "It definitely smells like Seungri's cooking." TOP, on the other hand, mentions, "That's probably just the rice."

Seungri pops out of the kitchen and out the restaurant door. "FIRE!"

"What about your kitchen?" Jaejoong yells. "A true chef never leaves his home on fire!"

"Screw the kitchen! I don't own it!" Seungri grabs everybody (everybody?) and runs outside, where a Let's Go West bus is conveniently waiting for them. Why the hell is Junsu driving?

As Junsu begins to drive off and as the flames begin to engulf the restaurant, they hear screaming. "But I want my Doraemon chopsticks!" Tae Yang and Yoochun come out dragging Daesung kicking and screaming. The flames burn up around the love-love aura of Yoochun and Tae Yang.

They throw Daesung in the bus. Tae Yang and Yoochun strike a pose on top of the bus as it drives away. Junsu purposely hits the brakes. Yoochun hangs on for dear life, flailing around as Tae Yang tries to save him and Junsu starts the bus again.

More screaming is heard, but this time…from, dear god, fangirls…

Apparently, the Let's Go West bus is not as discrete as anyone thought it would be. Tae Yang and Yoochun crawl inside the bus. TOP, freed from being duct taped by Junsu, overtakes HIS bus. TOP begins swerving all over the road with Junsu hanging on a fishing line in the back.

Changmin starts getting motion sickness. "TOP, YOU SUCK!" TOP laughs maniacally. Changmin goes green in the face. Jaejoong and Yunho stare outside, then at each other, and they both nod. Yunho grabs Changmin's head and sticks it out the window. The vomit ejected seems to keep the fangirls at bay for the moment.

Jaejoong throws out some pictures of a naked Changmin for good measure. Changmin glares weakly. "It's okay, sweetie," Jaejoong soothes. "They're all photoshopped. At least you don't have a thing this big." He sticks out and wiggles his pinky.

For the time being, Big Bang and DBSK leave the bus and find their pink Dairy Queen convertible. Junsu gets thrown into the trunk. TOP calls the wheel, G-Dragon shotgun. Daesung refuses to get into the car. "I'll walk."

"Me, too," says Seungri.

"Me, three," says Yoochun.

Changmin, not realizing how bad for his health it is to have that pair driving, puts on roller skates and yells "Pull me!" to Seungri and Yoochun.

"Like hell I'm dragging your fat ass!" Yoochun retorts.

Daesung, meanwhile, finds his beloved Doraemon chopsticks. "Okay, I'm ready now." Unfortunately, the back seat is already full. "Hey, how come I don't get a seat!"

The other three look at each other. "Rock, paper, scissors?" They all nod. Tae Yang wins. There is no second winner. Yunho has decided to accompany Omma in the trunk. Junsu gets thrown into the back seat along with Daesung.

Meanwhile in the trunk… "Your dick is in my face!"

"…You know you like it that way…"

Seungri and Yoochun grab rope and hog-tie Changmin and attach him to the top of the trunk. Yoochun finds a motorbike and Seungri hops on so that they can tail the pink convertible several miles behind.

Finally, with all seating arrangements settled, they get moving. First stop, the Purple Line Express.

As Changmin hangs on for his dear life this time, especially with G-Dragon distracting TOP like hell, Seungri and Yoochun manage to calculate that five and five make ten. Nobody gets left out! And well…they can always catch Changmin if he falls…

G-Dragon, who is somehow sitting on TOP's lap while the latter is driving, spots two female hitch-hikers. It is BoA and Kim Yuna. "Let's pick them up!" G-Dragon shouts.

Tae Yang nods his head as he leans almost all the way out of the car, making kissy faces at Kim Yuna... He kisses Daesung as the latter tries to pull him back in the car. Tae Yang faints.

G-Dragon goes back to lap dancing, and somehow their positions lock the steering wheel in place. The car starts turning in a giant donut shape. Poor Junsu goes flying out of the car since Tae Yang is out and Daesung is too interested in his recovered chopsticks to attempt to save Junsu.

Junsu somehow lands in Yoochun's lap. The motorbike bounces once.

Back to Changmin, who is again being neglected. He looks behind him. "WTF! WHY THE HELL IS THE CAR FOLLOWING ME NOW!"

Seungri tries to rescue Junsu off of Yoochun's lap for safety reasons. The pink convertible manages to run out of gas, meaning Changmin goes flying off in a straight line towards Seungri's face. Seungri and Changmin fall off the motorbike. Yoochun and Junsu fall off as well. The motorbike speeds off down the road.

G-Dragon has some difficulty dislodging himself from TOP. Seungri can't get up because there are three people on him. Daesung and Tae Yang the least injured and the most alert at the moment, unlock the trunk.

Jaejoong and Yunho come out all hot and sweaty. "Thanks for the penis-shaped bruise on my neck," Jaejoong complains.

"Better than the one on my face," Yunho retorts.

G-Dragon and TOP, in the meantime, manage to get out of the car with different kinds on bruises around their hip and groin area. "Like this won't be hard to explain to YG Entertainment," G-Dragon mutters.

"It's your fault that we ended up like this," TOP retorts.

"I meant the whole getting lost in the middle of nowhere. We got places to go, people to see, and rap battles to win, yo."

Seungri wails, "Get off me. You DBSK people are heavy."

"Are you calling me fat?" Changmin snaps. The other two DBSK members share a pointed look. Changmin IS the one on top…

Daesung walks up (still holding his chopsticks). "Hey, I'm kind of hungry."

"Food!" Changmin immediately jumps off the dogpile. The other three heave a giant sigh in unison. "Where!"

"He's up!" Yoochun yells, sprawling around to get himself up. Junsu follows suit but Seungri, looking too much like a skinny panda, remains laid down like a bear rug.

Tae Yang, with the help of Yoochun, put on their best smiles to try to hitch a ride somewhere out of here. The only ones that actually pull over are cute girls with over-sized gorilla boyfriends in the passenger seats. It is only until Lee Hyori and her Chitty Chitty Bang Bang truck come by that both DBSK and Big Bang manage to escape nowhere. All of them save for Tae Yang are stuffed into the cargo.

Unfortunately, when Hyori notices TOP, members of both DBSK and Big Bang are thrown out into the parking garage by the Purple Line Express. TOP is unusually injured for just being thrown out.

G-Dragon rushes over. "TOP, are you okay! Here, I'll make it all better." He smiles the Epically Blinding Ray of Smiles.

Yunho grins. "If I weren't dating Jaejoong, I wouldn't mind going after G-Dragon. I think I went blind for a moment there." Jaejoong looks troubled.

"We love you, Omma," Junsu pipes in, trying to hug Jaejoong but missing. "I'm thankful that I don't have to eat pet food everyday!"

"So… Now what?"

Everyone seems to have problems making their way around except for Tae Yang. That's what the shades are for. Looking cool in those shades, Tae Yang dances over to the nearest pretty lady he finds. "Hey, there, do you know where Club Last Farewell is? However, that is the last thing I would ever want to say to you."

However, her eyes are on Yunho. "I'll tell you where Last Farewell is." She giggles like a little school girl at Yunho's gay(?) charms. She tries to grab his arm, only to be stopped by Jaejoong.

"Sorry, little princess, this is my prince." Disgruntled, she tries to catch Tae Yang's attention. The latter is being fed Seungri's egg and tuna cooking by Yoochun with Daesung's Doraemon chopsticks, muttering, "She turned me down…"

Junsu sweeps in for the kill. "You can tell me where Last Farewell is, my little princess." Flirting with the pretty lady, Junsu hands her his number. She contemplates it before taking the offer, but she makes a last attempt, successfully sliding a piece of paper with her number into Yunho's pocket.

Perhaps unfortunately, without warning, Changmin runs her down. "Dude, guys, try this! It's so much fun!" He continues roller skating across the level, nearly running Tae Yang over. He manages to knock the Doraemon chopsticks out of Yoochun's hands and run them over, though… That can't be good…

Seungri helps the pretty lady up since everyone else is too busy, but she slaps his face. She stomps up to Jaejoong, screaming in his face, "At least I don't have a gay penis-shaped birthmark on my neck!"

Jaejoong looks ready to cry. "But Yunho has one on his face…"

"Screw you, bitch," G-Dragon starts off.

G-DRAGON:

We are

We are

B to the I to the G

DAESUNG AND SEUNGRI:

BANG BANG!

TOP:

Ladies are Ladies and Bitches are Bitches

We don't need you, so why don't you take your heels and leave

DAESUNG AND SEUNGRI:

Just leave

Just leave

TOP:

We got no time for fake smiles, yo

Move your mini-skirt and pretty little feet

Go walk the Walk of Shame, yo.

Insulted, she leaves as Tae Yang pulls a first aid kit out of his ass to fix the chopsticks and Seungri before anyone notices.

"I'm already a stupid fish caught in your net," Yunho attempts to join in the rap.

"That's my line!"

"Geez, what are you, a woman?"

Jaejoong bursts into tears for real this time. "I thought you loved me!"

G-Dragon stares. "He really isn't that manly after all." The rest of Big Bang nods in agreement.

Changmin runs over G-Dragon. "No one insults my Omma!" he screams, highly affronted. Big Bang isn't thinking about making friends with DBSK right now. Seungri's face is forgotten and Tae Yang throws the chopsticks to the ground in anger. Even Daesung doesn't notice. Yet.

Tae Yang prepares for a rap battle between DBSK and Big Bang. "Oh, yeah, do you know who we are?"

TAE YANG:

We are

We are

B to the I to the G

DAESUNG AND SEUNGRI:

BANG BANG!

TAE YANG:

'Cuz Big Bang is Back!

Stronger than ever, y'all.

Never backing down and always walking forward

TOP:

Brothers to the end

Shouting strong

Fightin' for what's worth fighting for

Don't you forget, we are

G-DRAGON:

BIG BANG, yo!

DAESUNG AND SEUNGRI:

BANG BANG!

As soon as their rap ends, Tae Yang immediately starts treating Seungri's swollen face. TOP and G-Dragon start picking up the pieces of the Doraemon chopsticks. In all this frenzy, how will DBSK react?

The other members of DBSK look on in horror as Jaejoong continues to cry his eyes out. So…

Yunho yells, "All right, guys, let's get it on! A one, a two, and a one, two—" He looks back. "Wait, what are you guys doing!"

Changmin has his arms lovingly wrapped around his omma. Somehow it also manages to look half-slutty, but that's Changmin for you. Junsu pats Jaejoong's hair prettily while Yoochun rubs Jaejoong's hand.

"How come I'm the only one rapping?"

"You made Omma cry," is the simple answer.

"Crap…"

U-KNOW:

Yo, check it, now

I cry under my skin

But tomorrow will certainly come

When the rain falls, we are the umbrella

When the wind blows, we are the wall

No matter how deep the darkness

Waiting for rising sun

Fighting spirit of the East

Come on, let's go, we share the music

Come on, let's go, we share the good times

I want to tell this to only you

"Cut!" Changmin screams. "How will that last line help us win!"

Yunho furrows his eyebrows. "I don't know."

G-Dragon, taking pity on DBSK between the fits of laughter, calls out to his beloved. "Oh, my god. TOP, forget the introduction, help U-know Yunho here. Mama's not letting up any time soon."

While G-Dragon continues to pick up the chopstick pieces, Daesung notices and begin crying. "Dorae—Doraemon!" Now G-Dragon gets to take care of him while figuring out how to reassemble a bunch of splinters back into eating utensils.

TOP pulls Yunho aside. "Repeat my words. Don't stray. Say it like you mean it or be a disgrace to the music industry. Remember, my smoky eyes see all."

Yunho, with the help of TOP:

U-KNOW:

Baby boy, you're so fine,

You're the shining star in my eye

Yes, I mean you, my Baby Boy, 'cuz I

Can't breathe without you,

Can't be without you,

Can't live without you,

My thoughts are nothing but you

Love me, hate me,

Whatever you do,

Just don't ever forget me

'Cuz Baby Boy, you're my world

G-Dragon nudges TOP from the side. "Didn't you try those lines on me once?"

"Did it work?"

Jaejoong stops crying for a moment. "Did you really mean it? I'm your Baby Boy? You're nothing without me?"

As Yunho stumbles around to answer, the rest of DBSK stand behind Jaejoong. They egg Yunho on to respond properly for the sake of Jaejoong's tears.

By the way, Daesung is also with DBSK with his taped-up chopsticks. Grinning like the dork he is, he mouths, "Try smiling." Like hell Yunho knows what this idiot is trying to say. Yunho just shoots Jaejoong a smile. He holds out his arms in true appa fashion.

Jaejoong sniffles loudly as he runs into Yunho's waiting embrace. They look like they won't be letting go for a while. The other three of DBSK yell in triumph and dogpile the couple like the dysfunctional family that they are.

Meanwhile, Big Bang's main rapper is rolling around on the floor whimpering with tears leaking from his eyes. "My eyes, my eyes!"

"What the hell happened?" G-Dragon demands. "My Toppy-Poppy is in pain!"

Seungri reasons, "Well, no one is immune to your Epically Blinding Ray of Smiles, including TOP, so that's why he has the shades. But then Tae Yang stole them, so I guess Yunho's special smile for Jaejoong rivals—" He gets knocked over.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," G-Dragon roars. "Why the hell was TOP looking at that wimp, anyway? No one else was! And I don't make my boyfriend cry!"

"Boyfriend?" Daesung questions. "I thought he was your brother?"

"Of course, you're all my brothers, but he's been my boyfriend since for-wever. All the rap battles in elementary school weren't for nothing!"

"Oh…kay." Daesung turns to the rest of the Ugly Club, which consists of Yoochun, Seungri, and currently Junsu. He shakes his head. "All lies. They were rapping since they were born. They were brothers from another mother."

Seungri nods in agreement. "With the amount of bonding time they spend together, you would think so."

Tae Yang, packing up the first aid kit, shouts to them, "Yo, we gotta get to Last Farewell soon. Anyone know where it might be?"

"No, but I know someone that might," Junsu responds. He creeps over to Yunho, still embracing Jaejoong. Junsu goes fishing for the pretty lady's phone number and flips out his cell phone.

Beep...beep...beep... I'm sorry, this number cannot be reached. Please try again.

"No way," Junsu cries out, "I got the wrong number."

Tae Yang crouches down to join the Ugly Club. "Well, any other ideas?"

"I got transportation, at least." Changmin suddenly reappears with a shopping cart and several pairs of roller skates. "Let's follow that pretty man. He must know. Tae Yang, go ask him."

Tae Yang makes to move, but Jaejoong suddenly shoves him out of the way (with Yunho close behind), yelling, "Yesung!"

Yesung turns around, a wide grin cracking onto his face as he recognizes Jaejoong. "Jaejoong, my man, what is shakin'?" He slaps Yunho on the back. "And Yunho, my man, T to the V to the X to the Q!" Tae Yang raises an eyebrow.

Yoochun walks up. "We need to know where Club Last Farewell is being held."

Yesung stares. "Who are you?"

Junsu smacks Yesung. "Micky Yoochun of DBSK, of course." Yoochun looks happy.

"Oh, Yoochun! I've always wanted to meet you! Jaejoong's told me so much!" Yesung hugs Junsu. Yoochun looks sad.

Seungri and Daesung make a motion for Tae Yang to keep going. "Come on, we really need to get to Last Farewell."

G-Dragon pushes Tae Yang towards Yesung. Tae Yang starts cursing his Big Bang brothers. "Hey there, cutie," he starts out with.

"Who? Me?" Yesung turns around, fluttering his eyelashes. "You're pretty cute yourself. How you doin'?"

"I would really like to take you to Last Farewell. It's a great place to dance. Unfortunately, I've lost my way? Help me out and I would hope you let me dance with you for a bit."

"Oh, of course, anything for you, baby?" Yesung makes kissy face. Tae Yang tries to back off, but the other already has him by the arm. He tries to keep his head out of range of the kissy face as they walk out of the parking structure.

"All right! Let's get to stepping!" G-Dragon shouts. Yunho and Jaejoong ungracefully dump TOP into the shopping cart as the other members put on the roller skates. Changmin, who apparently can't count, finds himself two pairs of skates short for everyone.

G-Dragon throws his skates at Seungri's head. "What's the big deal?" Seungri yells.

"Somebody push. I'll be riding on TOP!"

Daesung reluctantly starts pushing the cart with TOP already in it, but as soon as G-Dragon jumps on, the extra weight makes Daesung tip forward and faceplant into the floor.

In the meantime, the newly made up Yunho and Jaejoong happily skate hand in hand with one skate each.

Changmin grabs some more rope and attaches it to the cart. "Okay, everyone, pull!"

"I thought we were pushing!"

Whatever the case, the shopping cart is set in motion with G-Dragon and TOP happily flailing their tangled limbs about. "Wai~!"

Waiting outside of the parking structure is the long-forgotten motorbike for Yesung and Tae Yang. "Hop on, I'll drive, my dear." Yesung lovingly pats the back seat of the bike. Tae Yang hesitates for a moment. It isn't until he sees the messed-up version of the Santa Claus sled with its DBSK and Big Bang reindeer that Tae Yang willingly hops on.

Poor Seungri looks like he's going to collapse any moment.

Now here we have the Santa Claus sled trailing the sputtering motorbike with the Mama-Papa couple trailing behind. The absurdity of the line leaves most of the traffic in such a confounded state that they have very few problems reaching Club Last Farewell. No one knows what the hell is going on.

Except for the traffic stop. A police officer stops Jaejoong and Yunho for not wearing helmets. The reindeer pulling the shopping cart are counted as reindeer, not as actual people.

Yesung speeds off at the green light, leaving Tae Yang paling at the sight of the rest of Big Bang and DBSK being left behind. Great.

"We are here, my sweet honey!" Yesung cries joyfully. "On the cruise, we are!"

"But I don't wanna be your friend!" Tae Yang mutters to himself.

Regardless, Yesung drags Tae Yang inside the club. "Aaagh!" Tae Yang shields his eyes. Oh, wait, he has TOP's shades. Well, they must not have been protection enough. There are so, so many hot girls! Girls? Right?

Yesung drags Tae Yang further inside. "Here, meet Donghae!" To Tae Yang's surprise, Donghae looks like a completely normal guy for knowing someone like Yesung.

"Oh, hey," Donghae comments in a bored manner. "You got caught by Yesung, too? Welcome to the party. He's the host."

"Oh, really? Does he know who the owners are?" Tae Yang responds.

"I don't think so. They've been gone for a while, and Yesung just took over."

"We'll just see about that." Tae Yang regains his confidence. He keeps to his promise and dances a bit with Yesung. Yesung, however, gets friskier than he expects. No one touches Tae Yang's no-no zone. At least, not a male.

Donghae turns out to be one of the DJ's at Last Farewell. In order to save Tae Yang from being molested through his clothes, he puts on a break dance song. And then…

G-DRAGON:

We are

We are

B to the I to the G

DAESUNG AND SEUNGRI:

BANG BANG!

The others have finally arrived. TOP has apparently regained his eyesight because he is now on stage with G-Dragon overtaking the DJ position. Joining TOP are the members of DBSK. Jaejoong and Yunho are still hand in hand, but Yoochun is moving with the beat alongside TOP. Who are the backup singers? Daesung, Junsu, Seungri, and Changmin.

Tae Yang uses this glamorous entrance to escape Yesung and join the others.

TAE YANG:

Yeah, Yeah!

'Cuz Big Bang is back!