My first attempt at a "crack-fic" I really hope I'm using the term right. It's a real comedy. Enjoy!

I wish that nobody is offended.


Sonic walked into the room, his feet patting briskly on the floor, but not quite into a run. The room was small, strange, yet completely familiar because it was his own room. As he took off his shoes, then took off his socks with steady concentration, he eyes the bed at his side, seeing that there was someone there.

"Huh?" Sonic cocks his head to one side, blinking as if the bulge in his sheets was going to disappear if he believed hard enough it would. Suddenly, the sheets shift, and Sonic, forgetting that they moved, climbed into bed. Kisiko the Hedgehog was there and Sonic had almost forgotten about him from the time they had stopped Robo-Eggman's giant Snake Robot powered by the Chaos Emeralds and Sol Emeralds and the army of Metal Sonics from destroying the whole Galaxy.

Sonic snuggled under the sheets and hugged Kisiko, leaning in for a kiss…

"Ok! STOP! Stop. Just Stop." Sonic jumps out of bed and stares off page at the writer, looking at them with a gaze that just screams…. 'really bro?' He crosses his arms and taps his foot, leering his eyes at the writer with annoyed disbelief.

"What?!" The writer replies, not seeing anything the matter. "It makes sense."

"No!" Sonic replies, hands on hips and eyes completely dumfounded. "This doesn't make ANY sense! Who the frick is this guy?" Sonic motions to Kisiko, who is still in the bed, shrugging his shoulders to the writer.

"He's my OC. A half-wolf, half-hedgehog from another dimension, and he's stronger than Chaos and can turn super without the emeralds." Sonic's eye twitches. He simply cannot believe what he is hearing.

"I don't know him!" Sonic points to the OC again, livid. "And I trained for years to get where I am now! You can't just slap powers on a character and expect everyone to like him immediately because of this!" He lets out an exasperated breath, continuing only to scold the writer further. "I mean, what ever happened to quality backstory?"

"You guys fought Eggman together!"

"No, we didn't!" Sonic points his finger at the writer, and then scoffs. "You literally just gave a half-effort intro to explain how we 'know each other' even though, clearly, he is a complete stranger me, and to the entire audience!"

"Sonic, that's a forth wall break…"

"This whole fanfiction is a forth wall break!" Sonic reasons, raising his arms to the sky and spinning around slightly, to emphasize the point that his world was just words on a screen.

"But you have to do what I write!"

"Really Bro?" Sonic spreads his arms wide, then gives the writer a proud and smartass look. "I'm SONIC the FRICKIN' HEDGEHOG! I don't have to do ANYTHING anyone tells me." Sonic stands up straight, then reels around to see Kisiko.

"You. Bro. What are you doing with your life?" Sonic shakes his head at the guy, and he shrugs in return.

"Hey bro, I was just come up with on a Burger King napkin in about five minutes. I don't know what to do other than what the writer tells me."

"Hey, first come up with on a napkin. Something we have in common!" With that, Sonic sarcastically rubs his hands together and shakes them in Kisiko's face, making cheap twinkling noises with his mouth.

"Poof. You have your own life now. Enjoy." Sonic deadpans, turning his back on the OC.

"Hey! You can't do that!"

"The hell I can't!" Sonic retorts, turning back to the OC. "Hey bro, are you even gay?" Kisiko just shrugs.

"I've been alive for about ten minutes, maybe? Probably…. Probably not. No. Yes?I don't know for sure." Sonic feels kind of bad for him… After all, his writer is obviously watching all the wrong kinds of shows.

"Do you even like your own name?" Sonic questions in dumfounded tone.

"Not really, it's hard to say. But I don't know any other names." Kisiko answers honestly. He's nice, in a … totally oblivious way.

"Ugh…" Sonic puts his left hand on his face impatiently and taps his foot on the floor a couple times, snapping his fingers with his other hand.

"Charlie." Sonic starts upon. "Your new name is Charlie.''

"Well Ok." Charlie agrees nonchalantly. Sonic stares up the page and looks at his writer.

"Well F You writer! I just gave him another name! What are you gonna do now Huh?!" Sonic approaches the door to his bedroom and sneers at the writer again. "What are you gonna do?"

"I'll…I-I'll report this to SEGA, they'll copyright this fanfiction! All the Sonic fanfictions! You'll ruin everyone else's ambitions!"

"Ha! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Sonic taunts. "Sega LOVES fanfictions! They don't have the power to stop them as much as they have the power to stop FANART!" Sonic turns to Charlie, who is still sitting on the edge of the bed patiently. "Hey Charlie." Sonic addresses.

"Yep?" Charlie responds.

"Wanna grab a beer?" He suggests.

"Sure." Charlie stands up and starts to follow Sonic out of the room, much to the dismay and franticness of the writer.

"YOU GET BACK HERE CHARLIE! DUR. UH… KISIKO! COME ON! You guys were going to have a great future! A half-demon kid! Everything! Oh come on! I'll write a longer backstory! COME BACK HERE!"

Sonic and Charlie walk out of the fanfiction, and the writer raises their arms to the sky.

"BUT I HAVE TOTAL CREATIVE FREEDOM! NOOOOOOOO!"

"Honey! No yelling in the house!" The kid's mom yells upstairs. The kid stops, whispering to the keyboard.

"nooo….."

The End.


Let me know what you think in the comments! I really hope I didn't offend anyone. I don't mean most of what I say in this, it's purely for comedic purposes.