Author's Note:
Psycho Rikku: I'm sorry! I put this up 7 months ago, then never touched it again.. x.x But now it's all re-uploaded (with a few tiny changes.. nothing major) and there's a second chapter coming very soon, too! I'm working on it already! ^_^
Miranda: Anybody else have a bad feeling about this?
Other Dragoons: *nod*
Psycho: *glares at all of them* *clears throat* ANYWAYS, narration is in italics. Anything like //this\\ is a thought. These are just the random characters I felt like adding (including the ones that had to be brought back from the dead ^_^;; WHY DID THEY HAVE TO DIE?! WHYY?!) Legend of Dragoon doesn't belong to me, I'm just borrowing the characters to see if I can destroy their fragile little minds.
Dragoons: ...
Rose: You really ARE insane, aren't you?
Psycho: Yup! *nods happily*

Adventures in SFPAE

Chapter One: Death, Destruction (of a fragile mind), and Stolen Dragoon Spirits

Everyone is sitting around in a mansion in Psycho's little pocket dimension, SFPAE (I'd tell you what it stands for, but then I'd have to kill you..). Psycho, Meru, and Damia are playing Mario Kart 64 on a Nintendo 64, Haschel is raiding the fridge, Dart is using his sword to chop vegetables (this won't end well..), Lenus and Rose are fighting over Lloyd, Lloyd is watching them fight and eating a bag of popcorn, Albert and Syuveil are reading, Lavitz is attempting to steal the Jade Dragoon Spirit back from Albert, Zieg is having a fit over Rose dumping him, Miranda is watching TV in another room, and Shana is dead. Don't ask how, don't ask why. Let's just say it invovlved poisoned, man-eating tomatoes. Besides the poisoned, man-eating tomato incident, it's a normal day in SFPAE. (Normal. Right. The.. "inhabitants" of this place don't know the meaning of the word 'normal..')

Meru: I win again!
Psycho: No way! You're cheating somehow!
Meru: You can't cheat in this game! It's just because I'm the amazing, beautiful dancer Meru! ^_^ And I'm getting tired of beating you so bad.. *hears fridge opening* FOOD! *runs towards kitchen*
Psycho: OooKAY.. time to go annoy somebody else! ^_^ *grabs Damia and runs towards Lavitz* Hiii Lavitz! ^_^
Lavitz: *eyes Psycho suspiciousily* What are you planning now?
Psycho: *pouts* Can't I even say "hi" without people being thinking I'm planning something evil?
Damia: *finally getting to talk* No..
Psycho: Hey, you're supposed to be on my side! T_T They're all against me! And I even let you all LIVE in this nice, tiny little pocket dimension too!
Lavitz: That's more like "keeping us here against our will."
Psycho: Okay then! *biig fake time-to-go-plot-revenge smile* *skips away*
Albert: *finally looks up from book* I think it's a good time to be worried if she's mad at you.. scary fanfic magic and all..
Lavitz: Oh crap.. O__O So, can I have the Jade Dragoon Spirit to defend myself now?
Albert: No.
Lavitz: I had it first!
Albert: But then you died, and now it's mine. If I were you I'd be hiding somewhere instead of arguing with me..
Lavitz: Damn.. -_-;; *wanders off to kitchen*

Let's see what our other little FRIENDS *evil cackle* are up to, shall we?
Lenus: MINE!
Rose: MINE!
Er.. poor Lloyd. They both have each of his arms and they're starting to pull.. I'd help him but I'm only paid to narrate (not even GOOD pay at that! 90 cents an hour! THAT IS CRUEL! I SHOULD BE WORSHIPPED FOR ALL I GO THROUGH! *Narrator notices he's being stared at and shuts up*) and I could care less about the characters ^_^
Lloyd: You really ARE heartless, aren't you?!
Yup! ^_^
Lloyd: -_-;;
Let's just.. leave them alone.. maybe they'll manage to pull him in two and we'll never hear them fight again.
Lloyd: NO! WAIT! I don't want to lose my arms!
o_O! Maybe after Psycho finishes getting revenge on Lavitz she'll help. Bye now! ^_^

After that little bit of Wingly torture, let's go see how the group in the kitchen is doing..
Dart: AHH! MY ARM! I CUT MY ARM!!
Haschel: That's what HAPPENS when you try to cut CELERY with a freaking SWORD!
Meru: Wow, Haschel sounds pissed!
Haschel: HE GOT BLOOD ON MY SANDWICH!
Meru: OH MY GOD! Dart! How could you ruin food like that?
Dart: Hello?! I'm bleeding to death and you're worrying about a sandwich?!
Meru and Haschel: YES!
Lavitz: *hiding in corner* Horrible torture, horrible torture, horrible torture.. O_O
Meru: *stares at Lavitz* What DID Psycho do to you?
Lavitz: Nothing, yet, but she's plotting it now..

Suddenly, Psycho walks into the kitchen smiling brightly.. Uh-oh, I don't think I wanna be here anymore..
Psycho: Lavitz! Here you are! ^__^ *notices Dart bleeding to death* What happened to you?
*Lavitz sneaks out while Dart is explaining/dying slowly*
Dart: Cutting.. vegetables.. sword.. arm.. cut.. dying.. help.. x.x
Psycho: If you die, can I have the Divine Dragoon Spirit? ^_^
Dart: DAMMIT, DOES NO ONE CARE THAT I'M BLEEDING TO DEATH HERE?!
Meru: Didn't you make a Hyperness Dragoon Spirit?
Psycho: Yeah, but I was gonna give the Divine Dragoon Spirit back to Lloyd 'cuz I like him better than Dart..
Haschel: Go figure..
And Dart finally dies from blood loss..

10 minutes later..
Meru, Haschel, and Psycho finally notice that Dart is dead.
Meru: Uh.. oops.. guess I should've used Rainbow Breath on him ^_^;;
Psycho: What should we do now? o_o
Meru: Let's see if we can get Zieg to burn the evidence with a Final Burst..
Psycho: I know he's not possessed by Melbu Frahma anymore, but he SCARES me! And he's pissed 'cuz Rose dumped him, too!
Meru: Try to talk Lloyd into it then.. He can use magic too!
Psycho: Good idea! You and Haschel can drag the body outside or something.. *wanders off to find Lloyd*
Haschel: What about my FOOD?! He got blood all over my sandwich! I can't eat it now! What if he had some kind of horrible disease or something?!
Meru: Feed it to that vicious attack cat of Psycho's.. he IS part vampire according to her..
*The Vicious Attack Cat (from now on known as Vac) sticks his head out from under table and glares at the bloody sandwich*
Meru: AHHH! I KNOW cats are NOT supposed to have glowing red eyes! Just give him the sandwich!
Haschel: Nice kitty.. nice kitty.. *picks up the plate with the sandwich on it*
*Vac growls and lunges*
Haschel: AHHH! *drops the plate and jumps back*
*Vac grabs the sandwich in his teeth and runs off*
Meru: That cat has to be THE scariest thing in this mansion..
Haschel: *nods* O_O
Lavitz: *sneaks back in* Did that psychopath forget about her revenge already?
Meru: Yup! We were busy talking and Dart ended up bleeding to death so now she's trying to find Lloyd to get him to burn the evidence with a fireball.
Lavitz: O_O Oh my dear God, you people are sick..
I agree, Lavitz.. um, anyways, on to the Lloyd-hunt (if Rose and Lenus haven't torn him apart by now, that is..)

Psycho is attempting to stay at least 10 feet away from Zieg, and she's bothering Miranda.. I'll be laughing my ass off when she gets hit with Star Children ^_^
Psycho: That was meaan T_T
I try ^_^ Just get back to the point instead of arguing with me, hm?
Psycho: Yeah yeah yeah.. -_-;; *pokes Miranda* Have you seen Lloyd anywhere?
Miranda: Ask the narrator. He knows ALL! *evil laugh*
Psycho: o_O OKAY..That makes ONE Dragoon who's fragile little mind has been destroyed because of me... Oh Mr. All-Knowing Narrator! ^_^
Yes, I already know what you're asking. They were playing tug-of-war with him and I think he may be in two pieces by now..
Psycho: WHAT?! O_O And you LET them do that?! Poor Lloyd could be dead! And it's all your fault!
I don't get PAID enough to save anyone who gets injured! And you just let that moron in the red armor bleed to death so you shouldn't be yelling at me!
Psycho: -_-;; Yeah whatever.. anyways.. thanks Miranda.. *backs out of the room slowly*
Miranda: Oooh.. pretty flying pink forks! ^_^

She's really snapped now.. umm.. let's just go see how our favorite Wingly is doing ^_^;;
They're STILL playing tug-of-war.. it's surprising his arms haven't ripped off yet..

Lloyd: WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE JUST KILL ME AND GET IT OVER WITH?
Psycho: o_O I think another one's snapped.. I was gonna ask for his help but I think it's safer to ask Zieg..
Psycho: WAIT! I'll do whatever you want! Just make them stop!
Lenus: NOO! *clings to Lloyd* Just get this psychotic bitch away!
Rose: I AM NOT A PSYCHOTIC BITCH!
Zieg: *suddenly appearing out of nowhere* No, she's not!
Psycho: AHH! *hides behind Lloyd*
*Lenus and Rose both glare daggers at Psycho*
Psycho: Eeep.. you can have him, just let me kidnap him so he can help burn some evidence..
Rose: Evidence? What did you do now?
Psycho: *deep breath* Dart-was-kinda-bleeding-to-death-and-we-were-too-busy-talking-to-help-and-he-died-and-we-have-to-get-rid-of-the-evidence-and-if-Lloyd-helps-he-can-have-the-Divine-Dragoon-Spirit!
*they all stare at her for a second until they realize what she just said*
Lloyd: I'll help!
Psycho: YAY!
Rose: Wait.. "we.." are you hearing voices now?
Psycho: No.. Haschel and Meru were there too.. anyways.. bye now! *grabs Lloyd and drags him off to kitchen*
Zieg: //Now that HE'S gone..\\ Hey Rose..
Rose: Not a chance. *walks away*
Zieg: I'm so unloved. T_T

That was.. interesting.. screwed up.. I really need a new job..
*in the kitchen*
Meru: *poking Dart's body with Lavitz's spear* .. There's NO way I'm touching THAT to bring it outside!
*Haschel is too busy eating to notice*
Lavitz: Hey, did anybody think of using an Angels Prayer to bring him back instead of setting fire to the body?
Meru & Haschel: .. No..
Lavitz: Have any?
Psycho: At least let poor Lloyd have his Dragoon Spirit back first.. //note to self: must plan revenge on Lavitz when this is all over...\\
Lavitz: Fine.. *picks up Dragoon Spirit and throws it at Lloyd's head* *mutters* That's for killing me, you bastard..
Lloyd: *catches Dragoon Spirit* That wasn't nice! And I HEARD that.. *glares evilly at Lavitz*
*Lavitz glares back*
Psycho: Enough already! Lavitz, wait till everybody besides you is outta the room, THEN use the Angels Prayer.. I don't wanna be around 'cuz he's gonna be mad about us letting him bleed to death.. And don't tell him we were planning to bury the body, either!
*Meru, Lloyd, and Psycho run out of the room.. Haschel is too busy eating his 5th sandwich today to escape. Lavitz shrugs and uses an Angels Prayer on Dart.*
Dart: I'M ALIVE! THANK YOU GOD! *sees Lavitz* AHH! GHOST! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD! *hides under the table*
Lavitz: Psycho used her freaky fanfic magic to bring me back to life to bring me to this pocket dimension to torture me along with the rest of you, remember?
*Dart thinks*
10 minutes later.. (Yes, it is me, the all-knowing narrator again! Missed me, didnt'cha?)
Dart: Oh yeah! I remember now! *Lavitz and Haschel slap their heads* And her and Meru and Haschel sat here talking about Dragoon Spirits while I was bleeding to dea- HEY! What happened to the Divine Dragoon Spirit?!
Lavitz: Psycho gave it back to Lloyd because she likes him more.
Dart: NOO! I want my Dragoon Spirit back! Where'd they all go?!
Haschel: Well.. Miranda stole Meru's hammer and is beating herself with it, Meru is trying to get her hammer back, Albert escaped to get back to Serdio to check on things, your father is sulking in a corner again, Shana came back to life somehow, Psycho is plotting against Lavitz and Shana, Damia is stuck being her partner in crime, Rose and Lenus are fighting again, Syuveil is studying life and death using something-or-other in the backyard, and you know where we are. And within about 15 minutes Shana'll probably be dead again. Any questions?
*Lavitz and Dart stare*
Dart: You know, I just wanted know about where Lloyd and Psycho were, so I could get the Dragoon Spirit back.. not everybody else.. how did you KNOW all that?
Haschel: Friends with the narrator ^_^;;
He's trying to take over my job, I say! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! IT'S MINE! ALL MIIINE!! *hugs his job protectively*
Lavitz, Dart, Haschel: O__O
Sorry about that little outburst ^_^;; Little pay and Psycho's demented ranting is effecting my sanity.. Please hold, I have to go have a serious talk with the demented author.. PSYCHO, TALK. HERE. NOW. No, you can't do anything to me, for I AM THE ALL-KNOWING ALL-POWERFUL NARRATOR! MUHAHAHAHA!!
Lavitz, Dart, Haschel: O__O *all quietly sneak out while they still can*
Psycho: Whaat?
Don't you think you've endangered the readers' (who I pity, by the way) sanity enough now?
Psycho: .. I guess.. fine fine.. -_-;;

To be continued..

Psycho: Whatcha think? Bad? Good? Funny? Boring? Stupid? C&C people, and expect revenge and random Shana death soon. =D
Rose: Now we all know why she calls HERSELF a psycho..
Psycho: Hush Rose.. must devise new way to kill Shana.. (yes, I hate Shana. I hate her voice, I hate her battle stance, and she just annoys me.. -_-;; Miranda is the better White Silver Dragoon IMO.) Yes, I think Zieg is scary. He IS! O_O (See, this is all because the first time I got to the end of LoD and fought him he went all crazy beating my poor, unsuspecting party into the ground. It was horrible. But I still won, so hah! Take that Scary Dude! But then Melbu Frahma showed up, and he's even worse, but that's a whole different story..)
Rose: Zieg's not scary!
Psycho: o_O Whatever you say.. anyways, C&C! ^_^ Don't flame, but you can feel free to point out anything wrong.. even if it's a tiny stupid little thing, I wanna know about it! Oh, and I'll be nicer to Dart in the next chapter, I promise. ^_^;; He's just an easy target to be picked on..
Dart: -_-