Tauriel POV
"You cannot be her. She's far away. She's far, far away from me. She walks in starlight in another world. Do you think...could she have loved me?"
My chest constricts. I've been hoping so hard for him to live, I haven't let any other distraction in. The dragon burning the city to the ground over our heads might as well be a child's toy made of papier-mache, waving benevolently above the city on a windy early spring day. I pay it no mind. The whirlwind going on around me has gone unnoticed. It's an elf trait—to concentrate so completely. But now I feel as if that very whirlwind has been knocked out of me.
His dark eyes were glazed over with pain, I could see the world of the dead dancing in them... he was so very near to passing, I was so very near to losing him. Even my Captain and my Prince calling for me could not make me leave, and I have been trained to hear Legolas's voice in a hurricane. But I have confidence in myself, in the athelas. Kingsfoil was a weed, but in the hands of a king, or maybe an elf, it could be so much more. He's alive, and will surely recover...the spirits have faded from his eyes.
Could I have loved him? It could never ever ever be...we are not the same kind. He is a dwarf...elves couldn't even say the word without it dripping with sarcasm. "Dwarf" rolled off the tongue like "garbage." But I have known discrimination myself. Hatred just isn't in my veins. "Silvan elf" rolled off the tongue a lot like "dwarf", at least for the King. Could I have ever loved him? In another life maybe. In another world. And so I stand here lying to myself while everyone stares at me. I stand here, having done the unthinkable and ignored the call of my Captain, my Prince, my friend...I stand here after having healed this dwarf, pretending that maybe I could love him another life. When the truth is my stomach turns over every time he speaks, I forget where I am whenever he looks at me. I love him in this one. But I cannot let it show.
Kili's mouth gapes open, opening and closing like a fish thrown upon land. Now that he is recovering he's embarrassed by his admission.
"I can walk", he snipes at his brother. We have to get out of here. I have to catch up to my Captain. He could be hurt...or worse. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to Legolas. I don't return his feelings, not those feelings but...he's my leader, my prince, my friend...my brother, whether his father likes it or not. I have to catch up. But here I've taken on another responsibility I did not intend. The Bard's children will be burned alive...or killed by the orcs I've been following if they stay and now they are my responsibility along with the three remaining dwarves.
"Down the stairs, let's go!" I bark, and get everyone settled in a low boat. We have to move fast. "Stay down!" The dragon whirls overhead and the world ignites...the smell of burning wood and burning flesh mingle, the world crashes around us in burning hot orange embers. The dwarvish doctor and I use long poles to push the boat forward. We MUST escape this city.
The male child jumps. "Wait!" I scream, but he's gone and jumping fast one boat to another.
"It is too late, we cannot go back", I say. I will brook no nonsense on the matter, not from anyone. Sometimes all you can do is save whom you can.
I look down and meet Kili's eyes briefly, but he glances away. I am treating him, all three of them, like...well, like any elf would, lumping them in with the human children as creatures who are sentient but unable to make their own decisions, who need guidance from the smarter, the stronger.
"Do you know where the river lets out?" I ask the doctor. They do not deserve to be treated like children, but I cannot speak to him right now. I cannot face those warm brown eyes and that faith in their depths that says everything will be all right.
The doctor smiles. "One hundred feet up ahead, we're close now", he answers, and another breath of fire makes conversation impossible. I squeeze my eyes closed and duck, only to feel someone take my hand. In a dark cloud of smoke, right beneath their eyes but beyond their view, he tucks my hand inside his jacket and presses it against his heart. Beat, beat...beat, beat...different from an elf. So warm and comforting and cozy...so many things the Captain of the Guard of the Woodland Realm should not be thinking about. I fight for my King, I protect my people, the end. I'm not supposed to have...womanly desires...I chose a different life. But the way he holds my hand, as if he thinks I might be afraid, as if he wants me to know he's looking after me. It would be funny to every elf I know. But I am touched, even if I don't need looking after. Maybe he knows I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Maybe he doesn't care.
Kili POV
Her soft small white hand is pressed against my chest, and my stomach flip flops. She's so beautiful. Long and lean, but rounded in all the right places, places my hands ache to touch, with hair the color of the sunset, and eyes the same shade as the leaf cover above her woodland home. But as stunning as she is, what is inside of her is even more rare—she's kind, compassionate, thinks little of herself or her own well-being in saving others, and she's certainly saved me more than once.
From the first moment I saw her, I had to stop her from walking away—talk to her, entertain her, make her laugh, make her stay. "I might have anything down my trousers." When I remember what I said-stupid, offensive even, but it did get her attention. She even smiled a little. "Or nothing." She'd certainly got me back. But it was when we talked about the stars that she lit up as if she'd swallowed a bushel of them. That smile of hers...lit from within. It was when I mentioned the fire moon that she settled in and listened.
Her elven skin so soft and so creamy, so fair, the color of unblemished ivory. My calloused dirty hands are unworthy to touch her, but that didn't mean I didn't want to. Someday I would touch that skin without gloves, someday I would hold her hand against my bare chest and she could feel my heart slamming against my ribs in excitement. Now I could feel her press her hand against it and breathe a little easier. This was not the time for such thoughts. There was no guarantee either of us would survive this war. But mind and heart alike shouted "no!" at the thought of losing her to this grotesque darkness. It would not take her. Arzog could not snuff her out any more than he could snuff out the stars. I would not allow it.
