Author's Note: Well…here I am, posting my very first Yami no Matsuei fic by myself…I hope that it doesn't suck as much as I think it does…feel free to flame me, or comment, or maybe even compliment…all of them would be greatly appreciated…and I'll take into account whatever you might say in the comments…
Also, in the beginning the blah is Tsuzuki's thoughts and the blah is Hisoka's thoughts…just for reference…
Disclaimer: I do not own any of Yami no Matsuei at all…it all belongs to Matsushita-sensei…also, the very first part up to the break is my interpretation of the Kyoto scene that takes place during the end of the Kyoto Arc…so if you don't want to spoil that part, don't read this fic. I used the translations that are supplied by theria.net , just so you know…I'm not good enough to translate this…they are, so for the best translations I have found online, go there… Yet another thing, I got the title from the Evanescence CD "Fallen"…from the song "Imaginary"…I strongly suggest that you listen to that song, it has some connections to this fic…
Of Paper Flowers and Purple SkiesHow many people up to now have died for no reason other than they have had connections with me? Everyone died hating me. I must be a person not needed in this world -------…
An existence that shouldn't exist.
A small smile worked its way to Tsuzuki's face, yet did not make it to his eyes. Flames surrounded him completely.
"I don't think I'll be forgiven, but…I'm sorry. It's better if I was gone…"
Correct the distortion…
Raising his hands towards the sky, Tsuzuki accepted his self appointed fate with open arms. "------burn me more, Tohda… Everything, reduce it to ashes…"
This eternal life--
Yet Tsuzuki's thoughts were cut short by a voice calling out to him over the roaring of the flames.
"Tsuzuki!!! What are you doing, you idiot!! Hurry up and come here!!!"
Tsuzuki looked up and could just barely make out the figure of a person making their way down towards him. His eyes widened.
Hisoka…!?
Hisoka looked down to see Tsuzuki where he was, kneeling on the ground in the midst of the self inflicted fiery hell around him, and a sense or urgency arose within the boy.
"Can't move? Wait! I'm coming…"
Tsuzuki could only watch in horror as Hisoka made his way closer to the intolerable flames.
"No, go back! You'll die too!!" he cried.
"Stop that! You idiot, are you saying that I came all of this way just to watch you die!!"
Tsuzuki turned his gaze away from the quickly approaching form of the young boy.
"I…just want to die now… It's enough, Hisoka-- …I've lived for far too long…" He said, looking down, a few tears escaping his eyes and falling to the floor.
In my head there's always the feelings of regret, guilt, and sorrow, just that…
Tsuzuki finally lifted his eyes back up to Hisoka, to show the boy that they're brimming with tears.
"I'm…tired…"
Hisoka looked down at Tsuzuki, and his eyes widened. In Tsuzuki's eyes, he found an emotion he had never experienced from anyone before, and it brought fear to his eyes. He felt the complete and utter desire to die. This isn't Tsuzuki…it can't be him. Tsuzuki is a completely stupid, happy, lazy idiot, not this person. It can't be Tsuzuki…but it is.
Hisoka finally got down to the ground, and as soon as his foot touched the floor, he threw himself down at Tsuzuki, flinging his arms around him.
Tsuzuki's tear filled eyes widened as he timidly returned Hisoka's embrace, gently putting his hands on his back. "Hisoka…"
Hisoka clung tight to Tsuzuki, as if he let go, he would never see Tsuzuki again. He could feel Tsuzuki's tears falling on his neck, but his main concern was focusing on the man in his arms.
"I'm not going back…!! I…don't want to be…alone…" he cried, his voice choked with tears and muffled as he buried his face in Tsuzuki's chest.
I don't want to lose…what's important to me…
"I decided a long time ago…that my place to return to is here… By your side only ----"
Tsuzuki's eyes slowly drifted shut, tears still streaming from them, as he pulled Hisoka closer to him, putting his head down on Hisoka's shoulder.
So now, I won't be separated from you. I won't let go of your hand a second time. The world you are going to…I will go with you as well…
Tsuzuki…
The two of them both sat there, in each other's arms, as the Tohda's flames slowly encroached upon them, licking at their clothes and skin before their world was enveloped by shadows and darkness.
Not once through this entire ordeal did Hisoka let go of Tsuzuki…clinging to him for as long as he remained conscious, before blacking out, still holding on tight.
Kurosaki Hisoka awoke with a pounding headache. The amount of worry that was floating around the room was enough to make him sick, and in fact, that's exactly what it was doing.
Slowly, he pried his eyes open and looked around. He was in the infirmary in Meifu, that much was certain. Watari was bound to be somewhere near, and it was only a matter of time before he would bounce in to check and see how his patient was doing.
Turning his head to the side, he made a correction in his thoughts. Patients. For there was Tsuzuki, asleep in the bed beside him.
Hisoka frowned, and tried to clear his head enough to sort through the emotions emanating from his partner.
Pain. He knew that much. Not just physical pain, but in his heart, Tsuzuki had a deep hurt ripping him apart. Had this feeling always been there? Hisoka wasn't sure. He'd never felt any of the darker emotions from his partner that he was feeling from him now. How much have you hidden from the world, Tsuzuki…how much have you hidden from me…?
Aside from that, there was a deep emptiness. As if even now, when he is unconscious, he still has emotions that are carefully guarded behind strong walls.
"Bon! You're awake!" Watari exclaimed as he bounded into the room. "Are you alright? Is there anything I can get you? Anything I can do for you?"
Hisoka pulled himself into a sitting position, and almost immediately regretted it, his face paling as his head pounded.
Watari looked concerned, slowing down and calming as he reached Hisoka's bed. "Oi, is something wrong, Bon? You don't look that well…"
Hisoka finally regained his bearings enough to reply. "Watari-san, do you have any aspirin? I have another headache…"
Watari nodded, taking note of the dark circles under the boy's eyes, before leaving to get the aspirin that he kept in the other room. He always knew to keep some on hand, especially since the boy had been working there. Sometimes everyone's emotions were too strong for him, knocking him out, leaving him exhausted, and giving him an enormous migraine before departing from the empath's system.
Regaining his composure, Hisoka tried to focus on something, any one of the emotions floating around his head. Pain. Tsuzuki.
He turned to look at Tsuzuki again. Sometime during the ordeal he must have hurt his head pretty badly, because he had a bandage wrapped around his forehead. Still, that wasn't the only pain that Hisoka was feeling from him. His soul hurt…Tsuzuki was dying inside, hiding it behind a carefree demeanor and genki smile. How long had he been like this? thought Hisoka. Just for the case in Kyoto…or maybe before. The only other time he could remember Tsuzuki being like this was back before anything had really happened, after the Saagatanasu case. Or…has he always been like this…and it's just that nobody has noticed…?
Hisoka was pulled out of his reverie by the sound of Watari's voice. "Strange, isn't it?" the scientist said quietly.
"What is…?" Hisoka asked. Slowly he pulled his gaze off of Tsuzuki's face, only to see that Watari was looking at Tsuzuki as well.
"That he has hidden so much from all of us…and never once have we even glimpsed the fact that he was…like this…" Watari's eyes saddened, and a feeling of regret came from him to Hisoka. Yet that attitude left as quickly as it came. "Ma…I'm being too serious, eh? In the end, everything is fine, and we can return to work as normal. Here," he said, handing Hisoka some pills and a glass of water.
"Aa…thanks…" Hisoka said, on automatic. Everything is fine. Everything will return to normal. He really wanted to believe Watari's words, he wanted everything to be fine and normal, but everything that he could read from Tsuzuki (which wasn't much) told him otherwise. Nothing is ever that easy with Tsuzuki, he thought.
Accepting the pills and water from Watari, he was immensely grateful for it, ever since he had woken up, his headache having gradually progressed.
Giving the glass back to Watari, he sat back, leaning against the headboard of the bed. Watari took the glass, and set it down on a nearby table, before turning to tend to Tsuzuki.
Carefully removing the bandage from around his head, Watari frowned at the slight trickle of blood still coming from Tsuzuki's forehead. It should have healed by now, he thought. Watching from where he sat, Hisoka reached the same thought. Or…maybe Tsuzuki wasn't letting himself heal quickly…was that even possible? He hoped not.
"…Watari-san?" Hisoka asked timidly, not really wanting to pry, but becoming concerned for his partner. "Is…I mean…should he really still be bleeding like that? Will he be alright?"
Watari smiled at the question, and the amount of emotion hidden deep within the normally emotionless boy's voice, and turned back to look at Hisoka.
"Yes, bon, he'll be alright. You just wait and see…he'll be fine."
Turning back to Tsuzuki, he carefully rebandaged his head, gently making sure that he wouldn't be waking him up, if that were even possible. Tsuzuki seemed pretty much unconscious, and that he would remain so for a while.
Hisoka sat there for a while, his mind fading out, and his eyes seeming to keep going in and out of focus. It was obvious to him that he had been drugged. Fighting to stay conscious for just a little while longer, he forced his eyes to stay open with some difficulty, and lay back down on the bed, his efforts to stay awake failing.
"Watari-san, you did something to that water, or those pills, didn't you?" Hisoka mumbled.
Smiling, Watari turned back to Hisoka. Apparently his half aspirin, half sleeping pill formula had worked. "Whatever gave you that idea, bon?" he replied, smiling still.
Hisoka mumbled something incoherently before finally losing the battle with his conscious, falling into a much needed, deep sleep.
Watari walked over and felt the boy's forehead. It was warmer than he would like it to be. Shaking his head at both of the shinigami there, Watari quietly left the wrecked infirmary.
And Tsuzuki slept on, oblivious to all…
TBC…
Authors note again: Well…now that you've read this far…tell me what you think…
If enough people like it, than I'll continue it…and if not, than this will just be another failure of a fanfic that I have started but never will finish…
(Murasaki: You know…you should really have a lot more confidence in your writing than you do at the moment…)
(::glares at her:: Keep quiet, you…)
