So this is my contribution to 'Where's Molly' one shot.

I have not written for a few months so i'm feeling a bit rusty. Thanx for reading.

I'm sulking I'm aching for a fight. I've provoked him beyond belief but, he's just smiled, nodded and ignored my comments. Tonight we are on countdown, tonight is our last night together because tomorrow he is leaving me to go on tour. I watch his face and he looks so happy packing his bergen. Despite him saying he'd rather be at home with me I know he cant wait to get out there. It hurts to think he is happy to be leaving me and I feel some sympathy for Rebecca his first wife. Not a lot of sympathy though she's a right cow.

It's always the same when one of us is going away it's like, I guess its sort of a tradition now I start a row he calms it and we make up. I'm making a memory I want to have lots of things to remember whilst he's gone. I'm not bleeding superstitious its all mumbo jumbo nonsense. But, if I didn't do it this once and some'it happened well, I'd never forgive meself. I don't think he knows I'm doing it deliberately he just thinks I'm losing the plot or something. I don't know how he stays so bleeding calm, I cant get a calmness in my nut at all. Every time I think about it well, I feel sick. I want to weep, I want to scream don't go, don't leave me. But, I know I cant this is the job, this is the deal. So i'll wait and tomorrow when I'm alone i'll scream and throw stuff around. Today well today I just want to take everything in. I want to sit and watch him pack but I know he finds it irritating he has a routine and I get in the way of it.

I shiver as I suddenly think back to that day on the bridge and he looks across the room at me. His brown eyes softening as he holds my gaze. How did I Molly Dawes end up with someone like him so out of my league. He loves me, adores me, says I'm brilliant, I am wanted, I am safe. I don't think I ever thought it would happen to me. But then if someone had told me i'd join the army I'd have laughed them out of the room. I pull his oversized shirt around me feeling a chill in the room. It smells of him I wont wash it until he gets home safe and sound. I'll wear it every day as I wait for him to come back to me.

He's crouching in front of me concern on his face. I reach out and touch his skin my fingers tracing the contours. His eyes search mine worry etched in them. Mine fill up and a lone tear trickles down my face. He reaches up and wipes it away leaning towards me to brush his lips over mine. I close my eyes and savour the moment. I need to remember this moment. Just in case….

He's asking if we should order a takeaway? I nod and try to smile. I'm a hopeless cook I tell him all the time my skills lay elsewhere. Thats when he normally bites his lip as he looks me up and down before saying something seductive. It always works he is my soulmate not in a mushy sentimental type of way. Its more than that we saw so much in Afghan, we went through so much to end up here where we are today.

He's talking to me asking if I'm okay. I'm not he's leaving me alone and he's going away with her for six months. I saw her walking around the base yesterday. She's like a supermodel only shorter but, taller than me. She walks with a cockiness of someone who knows she's shit hot at what she does and doesn't care who knows it. I saw Fingers and Mansfield laughing and joking with her and I felt jealous. Jealous that my boys like her and jealous that I've been replaced.

I speak quietly as I respond to him it seems to appease him and he stands up going back to his packing. There is so much I want to say, so much I need to tell him. But, I hold back because my sulk needs to end I know that. So I stand and walk across the room my arms slinking around his taut body. I feel him relax and lean into me as I breathe him in. I want to remember it all, I need to remember it. Just in case….

xxxx xxxx

And now I'm dropping him off at Brize watching him unload the car. I drive now he made me take driving lessons. He'd tried to teach me but bloody hell he shouted at me so much I couldn't take it. So I got some bloke locally and I'd passed me test first time. He was so proud of me when I came home he'd made a banner an everything.

I look around the car park watching the lads unloading bags. Brains spots us and comes over hugging me tightly. He can see it in my eyes he says nothing but, whispers something comforting in my ear. I nod and plaster a bright smile on me face. I'm trying hard to keep it together this time its harder, this time there is more at stake.

Oh bleeding hell I spot her and she's walking towards us. 'Morning Bossman.' My head jerks up as I hear the words I once used and I gasp in shock. He is oblivious to my discomfort as he smiles down at her. His face lighting up as he speaks back. He is happy to be going on tour, I sense that need in him to get back out there and do something useful. He hates being sat behind a desk. 'Lane good morning everything ship shape?' She nods and I feel her eyes turn towards me. She smiles and stretches a hand towards me. 'You must be the famous Molly.' I laugh nervously and wish I'd put some more slap on. 'Hello.' I feel tongue tied its not often it happens to me. A hand reaches for mine and I look up gratefully as he clasps it tightly. 'You've a lot to live up to Lane. Molly Dawes is a legend around 2 section.' She nods as she absorbs his words watching us as we watch her.

I gaze at her and see nothing but a friendly face. There is no scoping me out, sizing me up she seems genuine, friendly no agenda. 'Look after my boys Corporal Lane they mean a lot to me. And if this one starts walking across a bridge don't bleeding follow him.' We all laugh and he drops my hand to pull my body close. My hand snakes around his waist and although I cant feel his skin I feel the warmth of his body radiating though his shirt. 'I'll do my best Molly. You take care of yourself and maybe when we are all back we can meet up. I'll have plenty of stories about that lot.' She nods over her shoulder and we look as the lads are greeting each other. 'They never change do they?' I laugh as I watch them playing around before they look over and give us a wave as they walk into the building.

She disappears after them and suddenly its just us two. I cant go in so I will stay out here and wait for the plane to take off. I will watch until its out of sight my eyes will squint in the sunshine to keep track of it. I need to watch it I need to make a memory of that. Just in case….

He's watching me and I know its coming that moment when he will leave me. I bury my face into his chest. 'I love you.' My voice is muffled as I speak because I'm crying openly now and he knows it. I don't want to cry I'm s'posed to be hard but I'm out of sorts. Its different I'm different.

He starts running through a list of jobs to do in the house. He's trying to detach so we can let go of each other. Don't forget the chimney needs sweeping the number is on the fridge. Fuck the chimney I think. I nod sadly the moment is seconds away now. Yesterday it was hours and as we parked the car it was minutes and now….

His lips touch mine softly as he says goodbye. He stands up straight and looks around before leaning back down to kiss me again. His hands are gripping my waist and his fingers dig into my skin it hurts as he holds me so tightly but I don't wince or moan. He's going any second I can bear this.

He steps back and looks down at me. His eyes are watery as they hold mine and I notice the gold flecks in them, his face is sad as he gets ready to go. His voice is shaky as he speaks. 'I'll email as soon as we get into the base and I'll call you tomorrow night okay?' I nod through the tears and his fingers touch my face to wipe them away. 'Six months Molly and I'll be home.' I nod slowly and try to smile my hand brushing across my face to wipe the tears that wont stop falling. 'I know it'll be fine, I'm fine.' He knows I'm lying but right now it's the best thing for both of us. He needs to go thinking i'll be okay and I need to get home and smash dishes, scream, cry and blame the bloody British Army for taking my husband to bleeding Kenya.

His forehead touches mine briefly and then he's lifting his bags and with a final squeeze of my hand and a whispered 'I love you.' He walks away. He stops briefly at the entrance door and waves he gives a quick nod and smiles, I smile and wave back and then he's gone. I lean against the car and try to catch my breath as I take in the enormity of what is happening. He's gone and although he's only a building away from me I cant get to him. I wait, I know it will be at least two hours before they take off.

I sit in the car crying I'm not normally this pathetic I look down at my flat stomach. This time its different I didn't tell him. How could I? 'Charles before you go I'm pregnant see you in six months.'

'I'd wanted to I really wanted to see his face when I told him. I should be so happy, we should be so happy. But, I knew he'd worry about me too much and I need him home in one piece. I need him to stay focused and alert out there. I need him to stay alive and come back to me, to us. So I said nothing and thats what I'm blaming this over the top emotional behaviour on. They say your hormones go doo-lally when you're pregnant so that must be it.

I watch the clock on the dashboard and wait. I'm good at waiting out it's an occupational hazard you learn to be patient whether it's siting in the car waiting for a plane to take off or sitting in a ditch waiting for the Taliban. I think about him right this minute getting the platoon ready for departure; the stock take of all the kit, the briefing and the obligatory platoon photo. I smile as I think back to that day when we flew out to Afghan never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine any of this.

I'm leaning against the car as I hear the engines and any minute now I'll see the plane. I watch as it lumbers along the runway and takes off into the blue skies above. I don't take my eyes off the plane as it soars higher and my hand is across my eyes to shield them from the sun. But, I don't stop watching. After ten minutes I cant see anything but sky. He's gone…