Disclaimer: I obvs don't own the rights to stuff, this is for entertainment purposes only, you know the drill.
A/n: OHMYGOSH, I DID IT. This was written for the Het Big Bang 2011 over on LJ, and I can't believe I made it, given a variety of harddrive crashes, real life projects and issues, plus being an artist AND beta on top of that for others in the Bang. But anyways! DONE and here it is. :) Though this is technically a crossover, very little knowledge of Lost is required. Thank you SO MUCH to morgieporgie and slumber over on LJ for being my betas and cheerleaders! I seriously would not have done this without you. This story takes place after season 3 of both shows, and heads off AU-ishly from there. Enjoy!
TRIGGER WARNING: I don't want to spoil you (so skip this if you don't have trigger issues), but just in case... this story does contain some triggery subject matter in later chapters as in non-graphic character death (suicide) and general more adult subject matter.
Hanging By A Gossamer Thread
Chapter 1
BANG.
The door opened with such force that it smashed into the wall, making the pictures on the wall rattle and sway ominously. Jack Shephard was putting on his jacket when it happened, startling him so severely that he stumbled backwards, knocking the vase off the end table in the hallway. It landed with a crash on the hardwood floor, shattering.
"Sorry," Kate Austen said breathlessly.
"Kate," he exhaled but stared at her in shock. "What are - did they let you go?" he asked, knowing it wasn't true but hoping anyways. He'd just been on his way to visit her at the courthouse.
She shook her head. "I had to get away. Look, I don't have much time."
"Kate - " he tried to protest, to maybe talk her down, but she swiftly overrode him.
"They're right behind me," she said and glanced over her shoulder as if expecting the police to already be driving into the yard. "I'm leaving, Jack, I can't stay there - here - I can't... I can't handle the trial, or j-jail..."
"Kate, wait - "
"I cannot go to jail!" she shouted, tears welling up in her hazel eyes. He was still stunned by her presence and faltered to respond. She didn't wait and continued, "After everything we've been through, I... I just have to disappear. It's too much and I will not go to jail." She shook her head defiantly.
His heart sunk uneasily. He'd seen that look far too many times before. Fleetingly, he thought of walking through the jungle to find the cockpit, of dynamite in backpacks, of yelling for her to run and never come back for him...
"You're running, aren't you?" he finally said.
She smiled a little. "It's what I do, right?"
He reached for her. "You can't do this - not now. There's still a chance you can get off."
"Come on Jack, be realistic. You and I both know there's no technicality or loophole that's going to get me out of life in prison," she stated flatly. "I've stolen identities, stolen cars, robbed banks - I murdered my step-father. There's no other way out."
He pressed his palm to his forehead, his mind reeling. But there has to be, he thought. "Kate, if you run, it will only make things worse. Give things a chance to work out, just – "
There were sirens in the distance, slowly growing louder. She grabbed his hands when he let them drop to his sides. "Please - come with me."
"What?" He snapped his gaze to her pleading one.
"Come with me."
"And live like a fugitive for the rest of my life? Always looking over my shoulder, moving from place to place like a criminal? Kate, I have a life here!"
"Do you?" her tone was suddenly cold and he knew she was aware of how painfully disconnected he'd felt lately. Some days it seemed like going to see Kate at the courthouse was the only thing he had to look forward to in his day, the only thing that kept him from going crazy. If she disappeared and left him behind, what would he do then?
For a few seconds he seriously entertained the idea of leaving with her. Of walking out the door, never looking back, leaving everything behind. He would be with her and that was something he wanted more than anything - the ring box was in his pocket even then, and he'd simply been waiting for the right moment, almost ever since they landed in LA after being rescued, more than four months ago.
"Jack?" she prompted with another nervous glance over her shoulder at the approaching sirens.
He couldn't. He knew he couldn't. He'd be a criminal for as long as they were running and hiding. And when they finally slipped up, finally made a mistake and got caught? Well then he'd have a cell in prison too. He wouldn't just be walking out the door with Kate - he'd be throwing his entire life away. So he shook his head, unable to trust his voice.
Her eyes were shining but she nodded. She'd been hoping, but she wasn't surprised. She leaned forward and kissed him softly before running out the door without another word.
The police were not far behind her. As expected, they questioned him extensively. He told them the truth, and there wasn't much to tell. He agreed to inform them if she made contact with him again, and once they'd left, Jack was fairly certain they put him under surveillance. He'd watched enough cop shows to assume so, in any event.
He retrieved a six-pack from the fridge and set it down on the coffee table beside the ring box. He'd called in sick to work four days in a row, and on the fifth day, the head surgeon at St. Sebastian's had recommended Jack just take as much time as he needed to get better.
Get better.
Jack snorted and tossed back the last of the beer in his can. This wasn't like the flu, something he could get over in a week by just resting. This... this was something he could barely articulate to himself, let alone anyone else.
Before Oceanic 815 had gone down on that damn island, he'd been a certain man with a certain life. A spinal surgeon, a man who'd just lost his father and was torn somewhere between regret and relief about it. Then the crash had happened. And the island happened. Kate, Locke, Boone, the hatch, the monster, the Others, Charlie...
Rescue - the freighter - had happened. And now he was a different man. He didn't know how exactly, what was different or why, he just was. He felt out of place and uneasy in his own life. The job he used to love, the job he used to excel at, felt almost foreign. He couldn't connect with old friends or family, his own home felt wrong. Everything had changed and yet nothing had changed.
Then she'd left. And that was really the icing on the cake, wasn't it? The one reason to stay in LA, the one thing holding him tethered to reality, the one person he was undeniably, deeply connected to in a way he couldn't explain, and she disappeared.
The booze was helping to blur everything and numb the emotion that continued to pound through him, to drown out the memories but it wasn't helping his feelings of disconnection and listlessness. But right now it was all he had, so he poured himself some scotch and knocked it back too.
It was an awkward walk to their vehicles from the church. No one knew what to say, herself included. Addison Montgomery had never been to a wedding that was called off seconds before the bride came down the aisle. She doubted many people had.
Following Meredith's declaration that it was over, Addison had exchanged quick glances with the others sitting around her then turned to watch Meredith head back down the aisle and out of the sanctuary. She wanted to know why Burke and Cristina had called it off, why now, why after Burke had shared his touching and confident vows in a full OR just that morning. She knew she wasn't the only one left confused and wondering.
Karev came hurrying across the parking lot towards her at that moment.
"That was quick," he said. "I was gone, what, 20 minutes?"
Addison sighed, not wanting to be the one to deliver the news.
"What?"
"They… they called it off."
Karev blinked and seemed to be trying to determine whether she was pulling his leg or not. Addison moved past him and unlocked her car.
"Oh," she turned back to him. "How'd it go with Ava?"
He shook his head. "She was already gone."
She winced. "Sorry."
"Yeah…" he brushed her off in typical Karev style. "So, wait. They didn't get married? Seriously? What the hell happened?"
Addison shrugged. "Good question."
She climbed into her car and left Karev standing there stunned and at a loss. She felt bad for him for more reasons than one, but there was nothing she could do to help him. Yang was one of his good friends, so surely he had a better idea than she did of why the wedding had halted.
Then again, she had thought she was fairly good friends with Burke, and she certainly had felt no indication from him about nagging doubts or cold feet. Not with those vows she'd heard in the OR. Now feeling at a loss with what to do with the rest of her day off, Addison sighed heavily and headed for home.
Jack wasn't going to answer the phone – it had rang several times over the past few days and each time he had ignored it and let the machine get it. This time, however, for no particular reason, he leaned over and picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Jack? Is everything ok?" asked Sun. "Hurley told me he tried to call you but you never answered."
Jack sighed. "I'm fine." He swiftly dodged the rest of her statement and asked, "What about you?"
"Things are good. We went for an ultrasound today and the baby is healthy."
"That's good to hear," he replied. "Jin must be getting excited."
"He is," he heard the smile in her voice. "He can't decide whether he wants to know what it is or not. He changes his mind almost every day about it."
Jack chuckled. A few moments of silence passed before he asked, "What time is it there?" They both knew he was really asking "Why are you calling?"
"We heard about Kate."
"Yeah, well." He shook his head though she couldn't see. Perhaps it was because she was the first person he'd really talked to since it happened, perhaps it was because she'd been there on the island and she knew Kate too, but after a shuddering breath, he confessed, "I don't know what to do."
She waited patiently on the other end for him to continue. She'd always been good at listening.
"It's not just Kate. It's everything. I… I can't remember how I used to be, how I used to… just get up in the morning and function." He rose to his feet and began pacing the living room as he spoke. "I can't stop thinking about everything that happened to us and everything we lost – I can't… I can't move forward." He stopped and swallowed, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. "How do you go back to normal?"
Sun hesitated. "I didn't. We didn't."
"What do you mean? You went back to Korea, you – "
"Going back to normal would mean being miserable all over again. We went back to Korea because that is our home. But Jin quit working for my father and I stood up to him, too. He's no longer in a position where he can control our lives like he used to. I… am not on speaking terms with him right now, to be honest. But I know it is for the best, and we will work things out eventually, I think."
He slowed his pacing as he listened to her. He'd known bits and pieces from previous conversations with her, or from talking to others, but he hadn't known she was completely on the outs with her father.
Sun continued, "Jin and I communicate now. We live in a new house, and he's reconnected with his father. When we were rescued, we knew we had to change everything if we wanted to move forward. There's no going back to our old lives, even if we wanted to. We were gone for more than three months, after all."
She waited a moment while he processed her words.
"That makes sense," he replied finally.
"Jack, is the problem that you can't get back to the life you had before the crash or that you don't want to, but you're trying anyways?"
"When did you become a psychologist?" he chuckled to lighten the mood.
She laughed softly but added in a more serious tone, "When you started drinking yourself to sleep and refusing to answer your phone."
He settled with a sigh back down on the couch, pointedly not looking at the cans and bottles littering the floor. He didn't know how she knew, but it didn't matter because she was right.
"Jack, what you need is a fresh start. We all got one when we were rescued – the chance to start over and do things differently. We all changed on the island – it's time you changed your life to reflect that."
"Kate – "
"Kate is Kate," Sun said. "She's someone who didn't change." Her tone was a bit flat and cold and Jack felt surprised. Then again, Sun had known about the ring Jack had bought.
"Thanks," he finally said after a good minute. "Thank you, Sun."
"I have to go, but it was good to talk to you, Jack."
"You too."
After they'd chatted idly a few moments more, he bid her goodbye. He looked down at the cans and bottles on the floor, Sun's words resonating within him. She and Jin had made changes to their lives in order to move forward. There was no going back, not after everything, not after all this time. And did he really want to? When he actually thought about it, was the life he had before one that he wanted back?
He'd been trying to get back to it and maybe that's why he felt so lost and disconnected: it was a life he didn't really want to return to. His father was recently gone, he was divorced and dealing with serious jealousy and paranoia, his mother guilt-tripping him about how he'd let things end with his father…
Then of course there was his job at St. Sebastian's which had always been good, but he'd always been in his father's shadow. Even after the incident, after his father lost his licence, somehow Jack was always being forced to prove he was good enough to be there, good enough to be a doctor and not just hired because he was the Chief's son.
No, he didn't want that life back, he finally realized. He didn't want that at all.
A pang of sadness hit him as he thought, I want Kate.
But she was long gone. He'd let her walk out the door. For good reason, and one he still stood by – he could not be a criminal and a fugitive, on the run, whether it meant being with her or not. But even so, it made his heart ache to know she was gone and probably never coming back. Someday she'd be caught and sent to jail. It was over for them.
His eyes moved to the ring box on the coffee table. A fresh start. We all got one when we were rescued – the chance to start over and do things differently...
He closed the box and suddenly feeling inexplicably lighter, he grabbed a garbage bag from the kitchen and proceeded to clean up the living room. Sun was right – all he needed was a fresh start.
A/n: Thanks for reading! Reviews immensely appreciated. :D
