Please forgive me this story, this is my first attempt at a Supernatural story, please, Please, PLEASE review!
1
"What do you want from me!?"
Sam stood facing his brother, his heart in his throat. The look on Dean's face was one of horror and disgust. Sam would have given anything to erase the past few hours, anything to turn back time, to take back the things he had done, the things Dean had seen. But he couldn't, he wasn't that powerful. Instead he was left standing in front of Dean, his eyes pleading for his older brother to understand.
Dean couldn't respond. He wanted to yell at Sam, to beat the living shit out of him, to destroy the strong Sam and bring back his innocent, naïve younger brother. But he couldn't. He couldn't bring that Sam back any more than he could bring his father back from the dead.
"Dean… come on man" Sam forced a smile, which looked more like a grimace. "Say something…I need you to say something."
"Need…..need? What you need is a…" Thinking the better of what he was about to say Dean stopped short. The anger which had filled his countenance vanished. His shoulders sagged and he hung his head. "What do you want me to say Sammy?"
Sam could take anything. He could take being hurt, tortured, mangled. He could even deal with killing things, creatures, people, small puppies. But he couldn't take his brothers disappointment, not that, anything but his disappointment. His brother had sacrificed so much for him, as much as he didn't want to admit it. He protected him when they were younger, he had allowed him freedom to leave, he had sacrificed his own life to bring Sam back. There was nothing Dean wouldn't do for him, and Sam knew it. He couldn't stand to let him down, which was why he had held back from telling him initially.
"Anything, tell me what you are thinking. I can't read your mind Dean. I know you are mad at me, but I don't know what to say….what I can do"
Dean looked up at him from where he sat on the bed. His face displayed the strangest emotion. "I'm not mad at you Sammy."
"Yes you are, I know you are. I know you Dean, you are mad."
"No I'm not Sam, I am disappointed…."
"Don't say that Dean."
"You didn't let me finish….I am disappointed that I didn't do better. There has to be something I could have done better, to keep you from this."
Sam's heart twisted in his chest. The look of anguish on Dean's face was more than Sammy could bear. "This is nothing you did Dean, nothing you didn't do. This is just me. There is nothing you can do about it."
Dean just looked at him. His appearance was tortured, as though he couldn't understand anything, as though he couldn't comprehend Sam. Though Sam stood in front of Dean, his brother looked at him as though he was a stranger.
"What can I do to keep you from looking at me like that."
"You could clean yourself up" Dean whispered hoarsely.
Sam looked down at himself, and was shocked to find he was still shirtless, Ruby's blood trickling down his torso.
