1 Realizations

Disclaimers :Don't own em, I'm just a spoony bard

Warning: This contains some definite yaoi tones, and it has some foul language. Yeah, I know, big fat fucking deal right?

I am a sick, warped, demented little fuck. I get off on his pain. And I think he likes it. Fucking masochist. Not that I'm any better, but that's what you get when you kill people for a living.

It's the thrill of the moment, like the fact that he loves it when I seduce him in the oddest of places, I even gave him a fucking blowjob under his desk one day during an important meeting. It's the fact that we never know when our time together will be our last. I don't think he quite realizes this, but if it wasn't for the fact that I never know if he would be there the next night, I would never have come to him in the first place.

We were both fourteen when it happened. It'd just gotten the better of both of us, we were in a sense, suspended for fighting on the Garden grounds. But there was nothing I could have done about it now, I was already on a track going down real fast. I was the trouble maker, because I always started it, or so they thought. They never saw the looks that he gave me when they had their eyes turned the other way. Those silent 'I want you' eyes he would make me. And damn him all to hell, back then I wasn't about to let some beautiful, strong, decidedly MALE, turn me on like that. No matter what I did I couldn't'

shake the thought of him lying with me, naked in the sunlight.

But he got me good.

It was the first day of our suspension and since we weren't supposed to be on Garden grounds, I was in Balamb. I was sitting on the dock, it always has been my favorite place to go, and there he was. He had the habit, even then, to suddenly appear, looking like he had been there the whole time.

"What are you doing here Seifer? I thought you were gonna go spend your time playing in the Quad."

"You know what Leonheart, You talk too much."

He got quite then, sometimes I'm afraid that I'm the reason he keeps so quiet, I always told him that when we were cadets, but then, he never talked much then either.

"maybe, but I think you're the one who talks to much. That's the reason why we're both out here in the first place. Isn't it?'

Okay.,, so he had a point. I just didn't want to listen to it right now. "Fuck off."

"…" there he went again, talking without talking, I never understood how that was possible, even for him.

"I thought I told you to fuck off? Doesn't that usually mean that you go the hell away? Don't you have some practicing to do or something? Why don't you go study for the test that I'm sure Quistis has waiting for us to take. And while you're at it, you can lube up your cock so it's easier for you to fuck her." I don't know if he was, but that was the rumor going around, why else would he have the best grade in the class with the hardest instructor there was. And the hottest.

But even before his eyes narrowed at me and changed form steel gray to an icy periwinkle, I knew that they were all wrong. He wasn't sleeping with the teacher, he was just that fucking good.

"Okay, I'm sorry."

"What?'

"I said-"

"No,. I heard you, I just wanted to make sure I actually wasn't asleep or something. Did you just say you were sorry? Did the Great Seifer Almasy just say he was Sorry?"

I have no idea when I became the 'Great Seifer Almasy', but I kinda liked it.

But all this isn't getting you the picture is it?

It was there, out on that dock, hours later, neither of us saying a word until he gave me that look again. That 'I want you' look that made me turn hard at the thought.

"Fuck You Leonheart."

He looked up at me with complete surprise in his eyes. "what?"

"I said fuck you. You know, that term that the instructors find so vulgar that if they hear you using freely in speech you end up having to scrape gum off the Quad benches for an hour?"

"…"

damn but was he annoying, especially the way his brow furrowed when he was thinking, and he pursed his lips sort of.

And shit was it sexy.

I never let him finish whatever he was thinking, I shoved him down to the dock, not really thinking about what I was doing, and did to him what I'd wanted to since the first time I saw his face.

His mouth was sweet, warm and wet, inviting me to taste him. And I did.

To this day I don't know why he let me kiss him that first time. But I think maybe even them he wanted me. It was the thrill of knowing I wasn't supposed to be doing this to him that made me hard, that made me do the unthinkable.

I tore at his clothes, that leather jacket of his that he'd bought in Dollet, the furry collar of it ticking my neck and I dragged my lips across his neck. I almost broke the zipper to his pants when I had finally gotten those damn belts off him. I swear he wears them to be chaste for his whole life. But not while I was around. His skin was almost white in the pale early evening light. The last shreds of the day were pink n the sky.

I had him almost naked, he was only wearing his boxers, a bit of black cotton, smooth on my hands and begging to be taken off, when he realized what I was doing. He stilled underneath me, his roaming hands stopping dead in their tracks to rest on my ass.

"Seifer…" He was breathless.

I groaned. "What Leonheart. Do you want me to stop? Because I don't know if I can."

"I just wanted to know if you had any idea how long I've waited for this."

What? He was waiting for this? But the thoughts weren't coherent in my mind, just the fact that he was there with his beautiful body spread out beneath me.

His hands went into motion again, pulling off my coat and vest. I watched as he raised his head enough to dart his pink tongue out and capture a nipple in his mouth. The sensation sent fire into my blood and I pulled away briefly to take off my boots. His were still on and I have no idea now that I think about it how I managed to take off his pants over them. It's just another one of life's mysteries. But they had to go. I wanted him completely naked in my arms and heat meant those damn boots were going.

And all I knew that he was naked, and my flesh against his sent heat throughout my body and I had to have him. I don't remember too much about it now. But that was just the beginning of it all.



I can look back on that night with a smile now. How innocent we'd been then. We've discovered many ways to please each other since that night, and even though both our bodies are scares by battle, there are some scars that were inflicted in the name of pleasure. There is nothing Squall likes better than to be chained up. He's broken my bed once that way. I never knew he was that strong. And Hyne how I love to whip him. The thin slashes across his back make him moan in pleasure, the pure kinkiness of it turns him on. And it gets me so hard to watch the look on his face when the leather hits. The pain and pleasure, all confused into one feeling.

And Poor Dumb Rinoa, she'll never get it. He won't sleep with her because she isn't me. Although I think he told her it was because he wanted to wait. Wanted it be special. And I think tonight will be. I plan on it. Yeah, Seifer Almasy has a romantic streak. But fuck that. If I knew that we would have the rest of our lives to sort this out then I would be asking him to be exclusively mine tonight. I'm a selfish little bastard and I can't think of him sharing his bed with anyone else even on a non-sexual manner without being jealous. I think I love him. How great is that? SeeDs aren't given the time in their life to love. We aren't supposed to make permanent attachments. But there he is. The simple fact that he's always wanted me, since as long as I can remember, and the fact that for so long I denied him. I want to touch him. I don't give a shit how people feel about it. He's mine and I don't dare let him out of my grasp or someone else will take him. He's more vulnerable than people think. He cries at night, he fears things. And only I know. Because I'm there to hold him when he cries.

Maybe I'm not such a sick twisted fuck. Because I do love him. And I think I'll wait here in his office in the candlelight to tell him just that.

~fin~





A/N: I have no idea where this came from. Just sat down and here it is. I just wanted to see what Seifer was thinking about Squall. Please leave me a little review if ya read this… I'll give ya a cookie…