Not my first fanfic, but my second english fanfic (so I'm sorry for ANY english mistakes, which btw must be many). Easy on me okey guys? 3
The characters do not belong to me.
Now I wasn't going to stop for anything, no matter how much I wanted to, no matter how selfish I was being in that moment, no matter how easy it would be to just switch the button and turn my heart into a stone, I wasn't going to stop.
I could taste her sweetness on my lips, pressing gently against hers and her oh god beautiful moaning filling my ears kept making my body ache of pleasure, over and over. My hands were stroking her smooth cheeks and our bodies drew towards each other like they were dancing, I wasn't letting her go.
But I knew I still didn't deserve her. She deserves a better man than me I kept telling to myself, but I didn't listen, I didn't want to listen. She deserves the good brother not you, I told myself again. But fuck, I love her so much, isn't that fucking enough?
My mind was drumming so loudly against my will that I couldn't even hear my own sarcastic thoughts now, all because of her. She was the one who made me feel like this, so human. Her hands ran helpless over my chest as she tried to unbutton my shirt, Elena you little minx, but then I felt something warm falling over my cheek.
"Elena" I pushed away and looked at her, she was fucking crying "you don't have to do this, Elena."
"No no no, I want this Damon" I realized something was off, "please, don't stop now…" she grabbed my shirt and pulled me to herself.
"Did something happen that I should know?" I asked, holding her back, I was afraid of what the answer might be though.
She started sobbing and breathing heavily, while the tears fell down her rosy cheeks "Elena..." she hugged me softly and buried her head in my chest "tell me, what happened…" I whispered in her ear while hugging her back. When it comes down to women crying, I'm so pathetic.
"Stefan, h-he...why the hell did he-I loved him-" her sobs didn't allow her to speak properly, but I understood everything she wanted to say. Stefan. It always came down to Stefan, always. She looked up at me with an empty look and leaned in, closer and closer, till her lips were brushing mine. Damn, I wanted to kiss her, make that awful pain go away and turn it into pleasure, make her feel alive again, make her mine, but it was always Stefan.
I pushed away, leaving the embrace we were in.
"So, mister saint Stefan "screwed" up hm?" I said with a bitter crooked smile in my face, not so saint after all dear brother, I thought.
"Da-Damon, please, I need you right now…" her sobs were steadier now but her eyes were so red "please-"
"You need me? Seriously Elena?" I cut her off "Now that dear brother Stefan decided to fuck with miss bitch Katherine and crush your heart into nothing, now, you fucking need me?" I was so frustrated and angry, always the second best, the second choice.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, I just, I just" her eyes still so red from the crying.
"What then? You wanted me as rebound fuck or for some twisted revenge plan-"
"No! Don't say those things, I didn't want that, Damon, I" she took a deep breath "I care about you" she said softly as a whisper.
I sighed, it would never be more than that; "care" and never "love".
"It's just, you were there and I was hurt," she grabbed my hand "I thought it would make the pain go away…" her eyes filled with brand new tears " but I never stopped to think about how selfish I was being, how I was hurting you…" I trusted her more than anything and I knew she felt awful about what had happened.
She squeezed my hand "I'm so sorry Damon" her eyes locked with mine, such beautiful eyes she has "I'm sorry for not loving enough" I couldn't help but smile a little, so ironic, just, never, fucking, enough.
"Don't worry Elena. I'm used to all of it. Classic tale of second brave knight, you know, silver castle, black horses instead of white ones, left over wine, never get's the princess." I joked with fake smile and looked away "Such a classic" the feeling of rejection was killing me, eating inside out. I wanted to snap my own neck in that moment just to end my agony. Fuck, now I sound like a freaking emo punk.
"Don't do that!" I returned to her brown eyes "Don't pretend you don't care! I know you care, I know you are not the psycho monster you try to make everyone believe you are!" she kept squeezing my hand harder and leaning closer to my body "I know you're a good person, a good man. I've seen that man and I know all he does, is done for love" she stares deeply into me, she knows "even if, sometimes, his decisions aren't the best, his reasons are good. I know that man is in there." her free hand pressed on my chest, over where my undead heart should beat "And I know he cares about me too".
"Too bad it isn't enough" she took a step back, still never letting my hand go, I saw raw pity in her eyes while I said what I said.
I didn't want her pity, I wanted her love, I wanted her, so fucking badly. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! She has me so whipped.
"I'm so sorry" so much pity, damn. Tears felt once again down her eyes as she sobbed silently.
I, unconsciously, raise my hand to her soft cheek and wiped off her sad warm tears "I'm sorry too" I leaned into her personal space and tenderly kissed her forehead, ignoring how much I wanted the kiss to be on the lips or how my hormones screamed inside my body to kiss every single inch of her body. You're a fool Salvatore, such a fool.
"I'm going to talk with Stefan, okay?" she gave me a sloppy nod "You'll be okay alone?" she hesitated, which made me sure she didn't want loneliness that moment.
"Please, stay." She answered with her eyes studying my face, waiting for any reaction. I smiled slightly and gently opened my arms to her. She smiled sadly and hugged me even harder than the first time.
How could I say no to that simply request? All she needed was someone to hold her, a friend. And despite my feelings for her being way stronger than just friendship, I would still be that friend, and I would hold her, only letting her go when she asked me too.
It might not be enough for me, but I was for her and that was enough for me, for now.
Please tell me what you think, I love reviews and honest critics :) I haven't wrote a fanfic for a whole year and I since I started watching TVD I wanted to write one, I finally did.
